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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver |
#2
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one thing to remember is that it varies from child to child. depending if
you are from US/Canada or the UK you might want to try www.parentcenter.com (US) or www.parentcentre.com (uk) They have a lot of information that is quite useful. Also might want to check www.babycenter.com and www.babycentre.com Hope these helps... Caroline "Jim Beaver" wrote in message . com... What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver |
#3
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"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..] I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting. I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot, but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind, neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion. I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved. On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are. We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for every year old. Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded, respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son. Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my initial statement. just my 2 peneth Les |
#4
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In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote: in2minds wrote: "What do the "terrible twos" look like?" [..] I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting. While I think parenting certainly has something to do with it, I don't think it's at all true that there's no such thing as the "terrible twos" (depending on how you define that, of course). Twos (or threes) can sometimes be very trying ages for children. Indeed, I see "terrible twos" more in parents who set limits for their children than those who don't -- at around 2yo a child is forming specific ideas of what s/he wants, and learning that s/he won't always get it is infuriating. They're learning to do many things, and some get very frustrated wanting to do things they're not yet physically (or cognitively, or emotionally) able to do. Yes, this is the other piece of it. IME, the "terrible twos" last from about 18 months until almost 3yo, and I would describe it as the frustration a toddler shows as s/he learns to deal with both the limits imposed by his/her parents and those imposed by his/her own limited physical/cognitive/emotional development. --Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01, winding up my third round of "terrible twos" with my very spirited boys) |
#5
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in2minds wrote:
"What do the "terrible twos" look like?" [..] I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting. While I think parenting certainly has something to do with it, I don't think it's at all true that there's no such thing as the "terrible twos" (depending on how you define that, of course). Twos (or threes) can sometimes be very trying ages for children. They're learning to do many things, and some get very frustrated wanting to do things they're not yet physically (or cognitively, or emotionally) able to do. Depending on their temperment, this kind of frustration can be really hard to deal with and can lead to challenging behaviors even when parents do all the right things. You may just have gotten lucky and had children with more laid back or accepting temperments. Or perhaps you had children with all those frustrations and you just didn't label the resulting behaviors as "terrible" even though some other parents might have. Best wishes, Ericka |
#6
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I disagree... I am now in a chapter of an infant and child development class
which talks about the terrible twos. Chidlren/infants are classified as "easy babies" and "difficult babies" we've all seen these children. Sure some behavior of a child is from poor parenting but terible twos is part of the child finding their independance. Perhaps your children are still attatched and never found that indenpendance. Some children are easy going and never feel the need to disobey their parents. Others challenge each step of the day from putting their socks on in the morning, to what is for lunch to picking out pj's for bedtime. It is part of their individual personality. It is normal for a child to challenge a parent. It is then up to the parent to tell the child No and follow thru. Normal "terrible twos " sometimes comes with tantrums, throwing fits, screaming, it is a way of gaining control, it is a way of getting attention, and it is a way for them to get out frustrations. For a two year old there is so much going on in their heads and they often can't verbalize what they want or need and so they will throw a fit instead of tying to tell you. If the child does not grow out of the terrible twos by age 4 then I'd say theres a problem there. -- Joanie "You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you believe." ~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh "in2minds" wrote in message ... "What do the "terrible twos" look like?" [..] I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting. I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot, but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind, neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion. I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved. On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are. We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for every year old. Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded, respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son. Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my initial statement. just my 2 peneth Les |
#7
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I disagree that there is no such thing as the "terrible two's" and that you
think it is an excuse for poor parenting. Children at two lack the language skills that older children have to express themselves, they lack the ability to work a lot of things out for themselves as their cognitive skills are still developing and these are usually the reasons that contribute to the terrible two's that can lead on till about 3.5 - 4 years of age, depending on the individual child. The child is developing in all areas and it is a very frustrating time for them and not uncommon for them to "fall to pieces" if things don't work out for them. They are not able to say 'oh well, that did not work out for me, I might keep practising and try again later', what happens is that there frustrations come out in the form of tantrums, screaming, crying, biting, hurting etc. Poor parenting can be blamed on not guiding or assisting the child in an acceptable manner once they have had an outburst but not on the outburst itself. You are lucky that you had such an easy going child. Try and remember that the "terrible two's" is a normal stage of development for children around the world, it may be hard to deal with but perfectly normal. Debbie "in2minds" wrote in message ... "What do the "terrible twos" look like?" [..] I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting. I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot, but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind, neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion. I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved. On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are. We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for every year old. Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded, respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son. Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my initial statement. just my 2 peneth Les |
#8
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In article ,
"Jim Beaver" wrote: What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors that emerge at this age that can be problematic: 1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any other hitting or scratching of other kids. 2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to do what they WANT to do. 3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most kids start saying "NO!" far more often. 4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so they may throw temper tantrums instead. meh -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#9
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In article , dragonlady
says... In article , "Jim Beaver" wrote: What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors that emerge at this age that can be problematic: 1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any other hitting or scratching of other kids. 2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to do what they WANT to do. 3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most kids start saying "NO!" far more often. 4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so they may throw temper tantrums instead. 5 - any such behaviors ennumerated in parts 1 through 4, if not manifest at age two, will surely manifest at age three! :-) Banty |
#10
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In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote: Ignoramus15011 wrote: Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just more thinking. Of course. Were you thinking that "terrible twos" actually meant that kids really "went bad" at two years old? It's simply a difficult stage for many children and parents because of the developmental issues involved. Some children or parents may have other issues as well, of course, but that could happen at any time, not just two or three years old. Best wishes, Ericka a kid who is not troublesome at this stage is not developing well -- it is about differentiating self from Mom -- which means for the immature kidlet, oppositional behavior and asserting self. |
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