Bad mommy or cultural difference?

Or do I just have a weird 18 month old??? All this time I thought she
was perfectly normal.

Recently we were in MediaMarkt in Switzerland (kind of the equivalent
of Best Buy in the US), just after Christmas. Place is packed.

My 18 month old was going nuts. Not whining or crying, but she
couldn't stay still. She wouldn't stay in my arms, she had to go
everywhere, pick everything up, etc. I moved her away from the CD
section (where DH was trying to find some cds), to the TV section.
Now, she's not one to be very interested in TV anyway, but she was
enthralled. Alas, it wasn't in such a way that she sat quietly staring
at the big screens. Now, she wanted to touch every one of them, crawl
up the stands, etc.

Now, I didn't let her. I spent what seemed like ages (probably 10
mins) chasing her, pulling her back, telling her no a bazillion times,
adding an 'explanation' about why we don't touch that, etc etc. Until
I finally told DH we were going outside, no matter than it's -4C,
until he finished (I should add that I loathe these stores anyway).

However, I looked around and saw all these other kids, all within +/-
6 months of DD's age, either sitting quietly in their parents arms, or
sitting calmly staring at the TVs. And of course they all kept glaring
at me (yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again) I felt
like a horrible mom who can't control her toddler and wondered what it
was about these Swiss kids that makes them all so calm?!

DD blends right in with all our friends' kids at homes and parties,
but I've never seen their kids at stores.

cjra wrote:
Or do I just have a weird 18 month old??? All this time I thought she
was perfectly normal.

snip

However, I looked around and saw all these other kids, all within +/-
6 months of DD's age, either sitting quietly in their parents arms, or
sitting calmly staring at the TVs. And of course they all kept glaring
at me (yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again) I felt
like a horrible mom who can't control her toddler and wondered what it
was about these Swiss kids that makes them all so calm?!

DD blends right in with all our friends' kids at homes and parties,
but I've never seen their kids at stores.

You can't base much of anything on just one situation.
It could be her temperament. It could be that she was just
overstimulated. It could have been that all the other kids
comprised all the calm Swiss toddlers to be found anywhere.
It could be any number of things. I've had one kid who likely
would have hung out calmly with me in that situation at around
18 months, and another who would have done just as your daughter
did. In my case, it was largely just the way those two kids
are. The calmer one is still calm at almost 13 years old, and
the crazy one is still hyper at 4 years old. That doesn't
necessarily mean that you will find that your child is still
crazed years down the road, though ;-)

It's not really worth it to worry or compare too much.
Regardless, you just handle the situations as they arise and
do what you can to teach appropriate behavior.

It is possible that there are cultural differences as
well. In the US, children seem to range a bit more freely
than in some other places. We tend not to expect them to sit
for long periods of time and we encourage activity. People
raise eyebrows when they see little kids strapped into strollers
for too long (why do they keep the child chained up like that?!?).
So, there is a possibility that some cultural expectations are
at work as well. Or maybe all the Swiss toddlers were sleepy
at that time of day ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Jan 5, 11:21*pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
cjra wrote:
Or do I just have a weird 18 month old??? All this time I thought she
was perfectly normal.

snip

However, I looked around and saw all these other kids, all within +/-
6 months of DD's age, either sitting quietly in their parents arms, or
sitting calmly staring at the TVs. And of course they all kept glaring
at me (yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again) I felt
like a horrible mom who can't control her toddler and wondered what it
was about these Swiss kids that makes them all so calm?!

DD blends right in with all our friends' kids at homes and parties,
but I've never seen their kids at stores.

* * * * You can't base much of anything on just one situation.
It could be her temperament. *It could be that she was just
overstimulated. *It could have been that all the other kids
comprised all the calm Swiss toddlers to be found anywhere.
It could be any number of things. *I've had one kid who likely
would have hung out calmly with me in that situation at around
18 months, and another who would have done just as your daughter
did. *In my case, it was largely just the way those two kids
are. *The calmer one is still calm at almost 13 years old, and
the crazy one is still hyper at 4 years old. *That doesn't
necessarily mean that you will find that your child is still
crazed years down the road, though ;-)

* * * * It's not really worth it to worry or compare too much.
Regardless, you just handle the situations as they arise and
do what you can to teach appropriate behavior.

* * * * It is possible that there are cultural differences as
well. *In the US, children seem to range a bit more freely
than in some other places. *We tend not to expect them to sit
for long periods of time and we encourage activity. *People
raise eyebrows when they see little kids strapped into strollers
for too long (why do they keep the child chained up like that?!?).
So, there is a possibility that some cultural expectations are
at work as well. *Or maybe all the Swiss toddlers were sleepy
at that time of day ;-)

Or maybe it was the crash after the chocolate high? They all seem to
give their kids chocolate starting at 6 months....DD hasn't had *any*
chocolate. Well, that was true until we went to CH - everyone was
giving it to her despite my protests, along with other sweets. She's
really not used to sugar - the only sugar she gets regularly is from
fruit (we do very little, if any, processed kids food). She never got
that crash after the sugar rush though...

I did manage to stop the chocolate when she developed an anal rash,
which I attributed to a chocolate allergy, at least for now.

Thanks for the reassurances. She is just learning to walk (Finally!),
so that may have been part of it.

I do fully expect her to be a crazed 4 year old though ;-)

I think next child you need to request one of those calm children.
Otherwise it's luck of the draw. My girls were the calm children, and I'm
sure it wasn't my superior parenting skills. They were big babies, and
walked late. And by the time they could walk they had been talking for 6
months, and understood "no." So by the time they could get into trouble
they seemed to know better. Oh, and at that age they were really easily
distracted. So I didn't have to say "no" much, mostly stuff like "oooh,
look over here..." It wasn't until mid twos that they learned the crazed
thing.

The one cultural thing about Switzerland, or other parts of Europe, is they
do take children out to play in all kinds of weather, they just bundle them
up if it's cold. So perhaps all these children had just been to the park,
and now were mellowed out by the warm store.

In article ,
cjra says...

Or do I just have a weird 18 month old??? All this time I thought she
was perfectly normal.

Recently we were in MediaMarkt in Switzerland (kind of the equivalent
of Best Buy in the US), just after Christmas. Place is packed.

My 18 month old was going nuts. Not whining or crying, but she
couldn't stay still. She wouldn't stay in my arms, she had to go
everywhere, pick everything up, etc. I moved her away from the CD
section (where DH was trying to find some cds), to the TV section.
Now, she's not one to be very interested in TV anyway, but she was
enthralled. Alas, it wasn't in such a way that she sat quietly staring
at the big screens. Now, she wanted to touch every one of them, crawl
up the stands, etc.

Now, I didn't let her. I spent what seemed like ages (probably 10
mins) chasing her, pulling her back, telling her no a bazillion times,
adding an 'explanation' about why we don't touch that, etc etc. Until
I finally told DH we were going outside, no matter than it's -4C,
until he finished (I should add that I loathe these stores anyway).

However, I looked around and saw all these other kids, all within +/-
6 months of DD's age, either sitting quietly in their parents arms, or
sitting calmly staring at the TVs. And of course they all kept glaring
at me (yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again) I felt
like a horrible mom who can't control her toddler and wondered what it
was about these Swiss kids that makes them all so calm?!

DD blends right in with all our friends' kids at homes and parties,
but I've never seen their kids at stores.

OK, shoot me, but I've noticed that American moms just plain won't, just won't
won't won't, for some unexaplainable reason - - -

*pick the toddler up and just plain hold them so they don't get into trouble*.
American moms call, European moms go and get the kid. (I also note northern
Europeans are quieter than Americans about public behavior, maybe that's a
factor.)

You too! Why chase? Why *explain*? What's *with* all that stuff?

Now, maybe yours would struggle about it, but, if she were used to this, likely
she wouldn't.

So, yeah, I think it's cultural (doesn't make you a 'bad mommy').

Banty

"cjra" wrote in message
...
Or do I just have a weird 18 month old??? All this time I thought she
was perfectly normal.

Recently we were in MediaMarkt in Switzerland (kind of the equivalent
of Best Buy in the US), just after Christmas. Place is packed.

My 18 month old was going nuts. Not whining or crying, but she
couldn't stay still. She wouldn't stay in my arms, she had to go
everywhere, pick everything up, etc. I moved her away from the CD
section (where DH was trying to find some cds), to the TV section.
Now, she's not one to be very interested in TV anyway, but she was
enthralled. Alas, it wasn't in such a way that she sat quietly staring
at the big screens. Now, she wanted to touch every one of them, crawl
up the stands, etc.

Now, I didn't let her. I spent what seemed like ages (probably 10
mins) chasing her, pulling her back, telling her no a bazillion times,
adding an 'explanation' about why we don't touch that, etc etc. Until
I finally told DH we were going outside, no matter than it's -4C,
until he finished (I should add that I loathe these stores anyway).

However, I looked around and saw all these other kids, all within +/-
6 months of DD's age, either sitting quietly in their parents arms, or
sitting calmly staring at the TVs. And of course they all kept glaring
at me (yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again) I felt
like a horrible mom who can't control her toddler and wondered what it
was about these Swiss kids that makes them all so calm?!

DD blends right in with all our friends' kids at homes and parties,
but I've never seen their kids at stores.


I would say it is a matter of exposure and what she is used to. If you don't
go into these stores often, she is unaccustomed.

Cjra wrote:
yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again

Sorry, I would try to ignore you, but I might glare at you too.
Yelling "NO!" over and over not only is annoying for everyone else in
hearing range, but also teaches the child that "NO! means "You are
making me crazy, you have my number, go ahead, do it some more! Push
my buttons! Be a brat!" It is at *best* nagging. I would hold the
child and if that did not suffice I would take the child outside,
perhaps even to the car (if we came in one) and buckle the child into
the child's car seat.

On the other hand, I let my children touch and examine items on
display in stores, that are intended to be touched and examined. They
are allowed to touch in a non-destructive manner. So no pulling knobs
off, unless it is something like a kitchen range where the knobs are
supposed to come off for cleaning or safety. No finger prints on TV
and computer screens, no fingers stuck inside anywhere. But they can
push buttons and turn dials to their hearts' content.

Both my children are very high energy but they also respect the word
"no". Ditto re my animals. Many dog owners have discipline problems
along the same lines, endlessly nagging their dogs to no good effect.

It isn't a Swiss vs American thing, it is a more vs less experienced
parent thing.

Pologirl
2004 Monkey Boy
2006 Hungry Girl

Don't worry about what the Swiss think -- they're a bit intolerant
anyway. When I was living there, an american friend used to take
her baby to church, and was glared at by the congregation every
time the baby even whimpered.

At 18 months, the child isn't going to comprehend "no" in a general
sense; in other words, "no" to touching one thing doesn't mean "no"
to touching something else. Might as well not try to teach her
in that crowded situation -- just distract her.

As someone else who responded to this said, all kids are different.
I've got twins, and at that age one would sit calmly, and the
other would be all over the place. The only way to cope was to
play games with her while we waited (in line, at the airport, etc).
The games ranged from peek-a-boo at a young age, to acting along while
singing the "Ralph's World" song about "marching, marching,
marching, marching, hop, hop, hop...etc.", to I Spy when she
was older. It takes up all your attention, so it's impossible
to shop at the same time, though.

Hang in there. And be glad you don't have a kid who stares
blankly at the TV. :-)



In article ,
cjra wrote:
Or do I just have a weird 18 month old??? All this time I thought she
was perfectly normal.

Recently we were in MediaMarkt in Switzerland (kind of the equivalent
of Best Buy in the US), just after Christmas. Place is packed.

My 18 month old was going nuts. Not whining or crying, but she
couldn't stay still. She wouldn't stay in my arms, she had to go
everywhere, pick everything up, etc. I moved her away from the CD
section (where DH was trying to find some cds), to the TV section.
Now, she's not one to be very interested in TV anyway, but she was
enthralled. Alas, it wasn't in such a way that she sat quietly staring
at the big screens. Now, she wanted to touch every one of them, crawl
up the stands, etc.

Now, I didn't let her. I spent what seemed like ages (probably 10
mins) chasing her, pulling her back, telling her no a bazillion times,
adding an 'explanation' about why we don't touch that, etc etc. Until
I finally told DH we were going outside, no matter than it's -4C,
until he finished (I should add that I loathe these stores anyway).

However, I looked around and saw all these other kids, all within +/-
6 months of DD's age, either sitting quietly in their parents arms, or
sitting calmly staring at the TVs. And of course they all kept glaring
at me (yelling in my American accent "NO!" over and over again) I felt
like a horrible mom who can't control her toddler and wondered what it
was about these Swiss kids that makes them all so calm?!

DD blends right in with all our friends' kids at homes and parties,
but I've never seen their kids at stores.

"cjra" wrote in message
Now, I didn't let her. I spent what seemed like ages (probably 10
mins) chasing her, pulling her back, telling her no a bazillion times,
adding an 'explanation' about why we don't touch that, etc etc. Until
I finally told DH we were going outside, no matter than it's -4C,
until he finished (I should add that I loathe these stores anyway).

You would only be a bad mommy if you left her to destroy the store. You
probably went too long in trying to tell her no and explaining (why would
you bother at 18 months??). She is too little to be not be in a cart or
stroller, so taking her out of that envoirnment is definitely what you
should have done. Also, if she doesn't have much exposure to that kind of
stuff, then yes she is going to want to explore.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

In article , Marty Billingsley says...

Don't worry about what the Swiss think -- they're a bit intolerant
anyway. When I was living there, an american friend used to take
her baby to church, and was glared at by the congregation every
time the baby even whimpered.


Or, it could be stated - that they're *more* tolerant of making adjustments out
of consideration for others.

Two sides of the same coin...

Banty