Oh lord, panic attacks again...

This is just bizarre to me, WHY I suffer from panic attacks! It has been a
problem for years. I don't get them THAT often, but after about 10 years of
having them occasionally- usually no more than a few a month and sometimes
months go by without one..it's driving me nuts. I did not have any more in
pregnancy, in my last month, after upping my Paxil. I hate even being ON
Paxil! It doesn't completely take care of the problem. Sometimes it even
seem to not matter that I am on it! I am not depressed and I feel okay- in
fact I feel very calm since I had my baby, the best I have ever felt, and
not too stressed, everything seemed to resolve and fall into place with
family problems and other past worries.

TWO times in the past week, I have had panic attacks. I don't even think
panic or anxiety is the right word but that's the medical term used. It just
happened this morning. It always seems to be that I wake up and feel like I
have stopped breathing and it leaves me offkilter. I know I have posted
several times about this. It just won't go away! This morning it happened- I
cosleep with the baby since I am b/f-ing. I can't describe it- my pulse
didn't get too rapid and I wasn't hyperventilating but I felt like I had
been choked and had a hard time staying calm until the feeling blew over- I
wasn't freaking out or getting hyper or anything, I was sleepy and actually
kind of not fully awake. I realized what was happening and tried to breathe
slowly and deep, long breaths. So I wasn't gasping for air or
hyperventilating or having bad heart palpitations like I do sometimes. I
didn't know what to do-- when I see that I AM breathing rapidly it's easier
to talk myself down out of it, and do breathing exercises. But it was just
this feeling of the walls closing in on me, the feeling that I wasn't
getting enough oxygen and had just been choked etc. It was SUCH a feeling of
dread, pending doom, and helplessness to make it better. The feeling alone
was driving me nuts and wouldn't go away. I tried to get my mind on other
things. For one I had to get up out of bed, I couldn't lie there feeling
like that. I tried to get bust doing something but the feeling just
persisted and it felt so bad. I ended up taking 1/4 of a klonopin. That
helps cut it-- since I am not pregnant I can take one rarely if needed but I
have to be careful about breastfeeding. The dr says it's ok but to cut the
dose and only take it once to get it under control and watch the baby for
signs of sleepiness-- I have done this 2 times and neither seemed to make
the baby sleepy or any other problem. (Dr also said I probably shouldn't
breastfeed if I end up needing to take klonopin more than just occasionally,
and if I ever do need a full dose or more than one I should be prepared to
pump and dump, and use stored milk).

I'm so frustrated. I am not depressed and really want OFF the Paxil. I don't
even want to depend on Klonopin but it's better than taking something daily
that doesn't even work. I ahve a really great internal med/primary care
physician. But this problem is not understood by a lot of doctors, it caused
problems for me with the midwives because they comletely misunderstood the
condition and I lost trust in them. (They attributed my complaints of
Pitocin-induced labor pains when the epidural wore off, to anxiety etc, and
generally dismissed all my concerns as "your anxiety".) My p-doc is REALLY
great- she understands and can generally help a lot.

But I am so frustrated. Therapy doesn't help this---it seems to be a feeling
that I can't breathe and it seems like I really do have constricted airways
sometimes. It could be allergy related. But rather than just "panic", it
always is associated with not being able to breathe- and not
hyperventilating or asthma, but just frozen in dread and feeling like I will
choke. It very well could be sleep apnea. I had a sleep study and was
diagnosed with something I don't understand "severe hypnotic" something or
other, saying I get in a state of being paralyzed awake or something, but
sleep apnea was ruled out. There is defintely something going on here...it's
really bizarre to me, and I am so frustrated that it keeps happening and I
feel like I am losing my mind (when I know I'm not!!)

I just wanted to vent. I hate these occurences. It has happened twice in the
past week- and it was really brief. When I take a small klonopin dose, it
goes away within 30 minutes and then I am ok for days/weeks/months until it
happens again. But the feeling when it's here is so bad, it fills me with
dread of having it keep happening!

I want to find something to take to prevent this. I don't want to take
klonopin daily again, breastfeeding is much more important to me. SSRI's
don't work. The best things so far seem to be allergy meds and cortosteroid
nasal sprays to keep my breathing as free as possible.

Is this totally weird? It is embarassing and a lot of doctors just don't
understand it. My p-doc does and thinks my airways are constricted and it
also is very related to my sleep study diagnosis. WTF is "hypnotic" sleep
anyway???

Other than that things are excellent. The baby is eating well and is so
sweet, and I have really taken up with her and my husband is being a doll
(most of the time). No problems whatsoever.

Jill

Jill,
I'm wondering if this is just something you are going to have to accept in
your life at this point. Since you are nursing, you can't really take
anything long term. Your doctors don't seem to know what is causing it, or
how to reliably stop it, without meds. Even with meds, it wasn't reliably
stopped. So, this may just be something that you are going to have to live
with, and accept. You have panic attacks. You are going to have them at
random times, mostly when waking up. You are not going to die from them --
although unpleasant, they will not kill you. They will pass. They suck,
but they are here to stay for a while. Just accept them. When you have
weaned Rachel, you can take a medication as a prophylactic, but until then,
you can't.

Sometimes there aren't answers.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6

"Jill" wrote in message
om...
This is just bizarre to me, WHY I suffer from panic attacks! It has been a
problem for years. I don't get them THAT often, but after about 10 years
of
having them occasionally- usually no more than a few a month and sometimes
months go by without one..it's driving me nuts. I did not have any more in
pregnancy, in my last month, after upping my Paxil. I hate even being ON
Paxil! It doesn't completely take care of the problem. Sometimes it even
seem to not matter that I am on it! I am not depressed and I feel okay- in
fact I feel very calm since I had my baby, the best I have ever felt, and
not too stressed, everything seemed to resolve and fall into place with
family problems and other past worries.

TWO times in the past week, I have had panic attacks. I don't even think
panic or anxiety is the right word but that's the medical term used. It
just
happened this morning. It always seems to be that I wake up and feel like
I
have stopped breathing and it leaves me offkilter. I know I have posted
several times about this. It just won't go away! This morning it happened-
I
cosleep with the baby since I am b/f-ing. I can't describe it- my pulse
didn't get too rapid and I wasn't hyperventilating but I felt like I had
been choked and had a hard time staying calm until the feeling blew over-
I
wasn't freaking out or getting hyper or anything, I was sleepy and
actually
kind of not fully awake. I realized what was happening and tried to
breathe
slowly and deep, long breaths. So I wasn't gasping for air or
hyperventilating or having bad heart palpitations like I do sometimes. I
didn't know what to do-- when I see that I AM breathing rapidly it's
easier
to talk myself down out of it, and do breathing exercises. But it was just
this feeling of the walls closing in on me, the feeling that I wasn't
getting enough oxygen and had just been choked etc. It was SUCH a feeling
of
dread, pending doom, and helplessness to make it better. The feeling alone
was driving me nuts and wouldn't go away. I tried to get my mind on other
things. For one I had to get up out of bed, I couldn't lie there feeling
like that. I tried to get bust doing something but the feeling just
persisted and it felt so bad. I ended up taking 1/4 of a klonopin. That
helps cut it-- since I am not pregnant I can take one rarely if needed but
I
have to be careful about breastfeeding. The dr says it's ok but to cut the
dose and only take it once to get it under control and watch the baby for
signs of sleepiness-- I have done this 2 times and neither seemed to make
the baby sleepy or any other problem. (Dr also said I probably shouldn't
breastfeed if I end up needing to take klonopin more than just
occasionally,
and if I ever do need a full dose or more than one I should be prepared to
pump and dump, and use stored milk).

I'm so frustrated. I am not depressed and really want OFF the Paxil. I
don't
even want to depend on Klonopin but it's better than taking something
daily
that doesn't even work. I ahve a really great internal med/primary care
physician. But this problem is not understood by a lot of doctors, it
caused
problems for me with the midwives because they comletely misunderstood the
condition and I lost trust in them. (They attributed my complaints of
Pitocin-induced labor pains when the epidural wore off, to anxiety etc,
and
generally dismissed all my concerns as "your anxiety".) My p-doc is REALLY
great- she understands and can generally help a lot.

But I am so frustrated. Therapy doesn't help this---it seems to be a
feeling
that I can't breathe and it seems like I really do have constricted
airways
sometimes. It could be allergy related. But rather than just "panic", it
always is associated with not being able to breathe- and not
hyperventilating or asthma, but just frozen in dread and feeling like I wi
ll
choke. It very well could be sleep apnea. I had a sleep study and was
diagnosed with something I don't understand "severe hypnotic" something or
other, saying I get in a state of being paralyzed awake or something, but
sleep apnea was ruled out. There is defintely something going on
here...it's
really bizarre to me, and I am so frustrated that it keeps happening and I
feel like I am losing my mind (when I know I'm not!!)

I just wanted to vent. I hate these occurences. It has happened twice in
the
past week- and it was really brief. When I take a small klonopin dose, it
goes away within 30 minutes and then I am ok for days/weeks/months until
it
happens again. But the feeling when it's here is so bad, it fills me with
dread of having it keep happening!

I want to find something to take to prevent this. I don't want to take
klonopin daily again, breastfeeding is much more important to me. SSRI's
don't work. The best things so far seem to be allergy meds and
cortosteroid
nasal sprays to keep my breathing as free as possible.

Is this totally weird? It is embarassing and a lot of doctors just don't
understand it. My p-doc does and thinks my airways are constricted and it
also is very related to my sleep study diagnosis. WTF is "hypnotic" sleep
anyway???

Other than that things are excellent. The baby is eating well and is so
sweet, and I have really taken up with her and my husband is being a doll
(most of the time). No problems whatsoever.

Jill

Have any of your doctors suggested that you are having seizures? A friend
had similar episodes w/ no stress to point to. She was finally diagnosed
properly as an epileptic. She takes the right meds now and no probs.


Sabine

Jill wrote:
choke. It very well could be sleep apnea. I had a sleep study and was
diagnosed with something I don't understand "severe hypnotic" something or

Hypnogogic? (aka hypnagogic) Or hypnopompic? Probably hypnopompic
since that refers to the state of sleep just upon awakening (and
hypnogogic is the state just before falling asleep). Anyway, you can
look those things up. Maybe you'll find something useful.

BTW, I've had hypnogogic and hypnopompic hallucinations before, coupled
with the crushing chest / inability to breathe thing (which I think they
call sleep paralysis). The inability to breathe thing only happened
once and it was pretty freaky (would have been less freaky if I had not
been hallucinating in a big way right along with it - maybe this is what
it's like to have a bad trip, but I wouldn't know since I have never
done nor will I ever do drugs). All the other stuff was just plain
funny (part of me was always aware that I was not functioning properly,
so I never got freaked, and besides I almost always snapped out of it
immediately, and with no lasting effects, if someone simply spoke to
me). Haven't had an episode in a long while, though. Happened more to
me as a kid. I've also had some sleep walking (these are the only
things I couldn't snap out of quickly if someone spoke to me), which was
also always pretty funny. I sincerely hope that my kiddo doesn't
inherit any of this, though. I imagine that it will be tougher to watch
someone else go through it than it was to go through it myself.

Anyway, since you always have trouble with breathing whenever you have
an episode, I can see why this is affecting you so much.

Oh, and before you ask, no, I don't know anything about possible
treatments. It has never been a problem for me, so I never sought
treatment. My father had it much worse and he never sought treatment,
either, but then he also never really had the crushing chest problem (he
just had stronger hallucinations that he couldn't snap out of, and which
were also longer lasting, oh and he sleep walked a lot more and unlike
me he never grew out of it).