If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge
Just a reminder to all NCPs--Your child's custodial mother, her parents,
sisters, etc. do not determine family law matters. *Do not let them intimidate you.* These issues are resolved by a court. You do not need your ex's permission to take your case to court. You need the filing fee and the proper forms and procedures (if you do not have an atty.) Many states now have these forms online as well as instructions on how to file them. Granted, it is not easy to get a custody change, but if you have a child in danger or at risk, you have a responsibility to that child to try every possible avenue to help him or her. I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. If he didn't, shame on him; if he did, shame on the courts and states and they should be held accountable for the injuries or deaths of these children. ==== -- There may not be much difference between Marilyn Monroe and Lenny Bruce. If we check their coffins. --John Lennon |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge
"gini52" wrote in message ... Just a reminder to all NCPs--Your child's custodial mother, her parents, sisters, etc. do not determine family law matters. *Do not let them intimidate you.* These issues are resolved by a court. You do not need your ex's permission to take your case to court. You need the filing fee and the proper forms and procedures (if you do not have an atty.) Many states now have these forms online as well as instructions on how to file them. Granted, it is not easy to get a custody change, but if you have a child in danger or at risk, you have a responsibility to that child to try every possible avenue to help him or her. I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. If he didn't, shame on him; if he did, shame on the courts and states and they should be held accountable for the injuries or deaths of these children. ==== I think this assessment of how fathers should act is not realistic. The problem fathers face is no-fault divorce laws do not allow any of the "dirt" from the relationship to be heard and considered by the court. Although not specified in the law that means the no-fault process of ending a marriage carries over into no-fault child custody. My personal experience is a judge will not listen to the parties when the laws in the state mandate custody mediation. Even after the divorce is final, any subsequent attempts to seek a change of custody are forced back into the same state mandated custody mediation process, with the same evaluators who made the original decision. The real problem fathers face is getting the custody evaluators who made the original decision to admit they made a mistake and reverse their previous decision. The only way I know for a father to get around this Pandora's box is to be patient, pray something bad doesn't happen, and hope the mother finally gives up custody. I went so far as to tell the judge I thought the county custody evaluators were professionally incompetent and biased in favor of the mother, and I wanted an independent evaluation done by a private evaluator. The judge told me she would not order an outside evaluator and crossed the custody change off my motion to modify saying she wouldn't hear the case. |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge
"gini52" wrote in message ... I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. Why does the whereabouts of the father have anything to do with a woman's mental issues? Since 70% of black children are born out of wedlock, the twins father was where other black fathers are today - excluded from their children's lives so the mother can qualify for welfare benefits. Would anyone consider a mother sane who names her twins Supreme Knowledge Allah and Sincere Understanding Allah and then claims she went to the July 4th celebration looking for other black single moms and when she found none decided to jump off the bridge because she felt alone? Our welfare system gives these types of mothers money to raise children and the system doesn't ever seem to take children away from dangerous situations until after something bad has happened. And that is not the father's fault. |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge/Violent Moms
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message rthlink.net... "gini52" wrote in message ... Just a reminder to all NCPs--Your child's custodial mother, her parents, sisters, etc. do not determine family law matters. *Do not let them intimidate you.* These issues are resolved by a court. You do not need your ex's permission to take your case to court. You need the filing fee and the proper forms and procedures (if you do not have an atty.) Many states now have these forms online as well as instructions on how to file them. Granted, it is not easy to get a custody change, but if you have a child in danger or at risk, you have a responsibility to that child to try every possible avenue to help him or her. I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. If he didn't, shame on him; if he did, shame on the courts and states and they should be held accountable for the injuries or deaths of these children. ==== I think this assessment of how fathers should act is not realistic. The problem fathers face is no-fault divorce laws do not allow any of the "dirt" from the relationship to be heard and considered by the court. Although not specified in the law that means the no-fault process of ending a marriage carries over into no-fault child custody. My personal experience is a judge will not listen to the parties when the laws in the state mandate custody mediation. Even after the divorce is final, any subsequent attempts to seek a change of custody are forced back into the same state mandated custody mediation process, with the same evaluators who made the original decision. The real problem fathers face is getting the custody evaluators who made the original decision to admit they made a mistake and reverse their previous decision. == Not necessarily (in theory, anyway). Most family law modifications are based on "change of circumstance" which can be argued if a CP's mental condition and/or lifestyle has changed/worsened in a way that puts the child at risk. These changes are rarely easy and shouldn't be--but when well documented circumstances are in front of the judge, he/she should be compelled to act. I don't know whether there has been a recent increase in violence against children by mothers, but it is happening *a lot*--epidemic, perhaps. This needs to get the notice of society/courts/legislatures so that mother custody is *not* default and serious and equal consideration must be given to both parents as well as enforcing shared physical custody so neither parent is carrying the entire emotional/psychological load of "single parent." Otherwise, let the accountibility fall into the laps of those who refuse to act to protect these kids. This needs to be a forefront issue for fathers as it is one that is critically needed and one society will sympathize with. The judge *will* listen when society demands it. This is not an issue that can accomodate excuses from fathers as to why they didn't try to get custody. They must be compelled to try--and not give up on these kids at risk. Don't forget--Drew did it and he is not alone. == == |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message rthlink.net... "gini52" wrote in message ... I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. Why does the whereabouts of the father have anything to do with a woman's mental issues? Since 70% of black children are born out of wedlock, the twins father was where other black fathers are today - excluded from their children's lives so the mother can qualify for welfare benefits. Would anyone consider a mother sane who names her twins Supreme Knowledge Allah and Sincere Understanding Allah and then claims she went to the July 4th celebration looking for other black single moms and when she found none decided to jump off the bridge because she felt alone? Our welfare system gives these types of mothers money to raise children and the system doesn't ever seem to take children away from dangerous situations until after something bad has happened. And that is not the father's fault. == It is *not* the father's fault if he doesn't succeed. It *is* the father's fault if he doesn't try. == == |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge/Violent Moms
"gini52" wrote in message ... == Not necessarily (in theory, anyway). Most family law modifications are based on "change of circumstance" which can be argued if a CP's mental condition and/or lifestyle has changed/worsened in a way that puts the child at risk. These changes are rarely easy and shouldn't be--but when well documented circumstances are in front of the judge, he/she should be compelled to act. So let's say a woman has multiple drug convictions, has never been married, quit school in the 9th grade, had her first child at age 15, has had three children with three different men, she collects welfare benefits, and has never been able to hold down a steady job. How can a father prove "change of circumstances" under this very common scenario unless something far worse occurs in her life like a felony conviction? Or let's say a married woman divorces. She shacks up with a drug pusher who is an ex-con, starts doing lots of coke, drives while intoxicated, gets tattoed and pierced, and generally goes through a second childhood. How can a father prove "change of circumstances" when it comes down to his word against hers? Aren't these lifestyle changes freely made and not an issue unless she gets arrested, prosecuted, and convicted of a crime? What if the first offense only results in a suspended sentence with probation and a lecture to clean up her act? How many offenses does it take to prove a "changes of circumstances"? I don't know whether there has been a recent increase in violence against children by mothers, but it is happening *a lot*--epidemic, perhaps. This needs to get the notice of society/courts/legislatures so that mother custody is *not* default and serious and equal consideration must be given to both parents as well as enforcing shared physical custody so neither parent is carrying the entire emotional/psychological load of "single parent." Mothers have always been more violent against their children than fathers. But it's not just the violence. Children from mother headed households are far more apt to be in prison, have drug problems, drop out of school, create teenage pregnancies, commit suicide, etc. and the courts still don't act on these statistics. These very real statistics get ignored because they don't fit the decision-making template that mothers make better, nurturing parents. Otherwise, let the accountibility fall into the laps of those who refuse to act to protect these kids. This needs to be a forefront issue for fathers as it is one that is critically needed and one society will sympathize with. The judge *will* listen when society demands it. This is not an issue that can accomodate excuses from fathers as to why they didn't try to get custody. They must be compelled to try--and not give up on these kids at risk. Don't forget--Drew did it and he is not alone. == == Judges and state workers are protected from accountability for their misdeeds through sovereign immunity granted to public officials. As long as they can claim immunity they will never be accountable for their mistakes. |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message rthlink.net... "gini52" wrote in message ... Just a reminder to all NCPs--Your child's custodial mother, her parents, sisters, etc. do not determine family law matters. *Do not let them intimidate you.* These issues are resolved by a court. You do not need your ex's permission to take your case to court. You need the filing fee and the proper forms and procedures (if you do not have an atty.) Many states now have these forms online as well as instructions on how to file them. Granted, it is not easy to get a custody change, but if you have a child in danger or at risk, you have a responsibility to that child to try every possible avenue to help him or her. I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. If he didn't, shame on him; if he did, shame on the courts and states and they should be held accountable for the injuries or deaths of these children. ==== I think this assessment of how fathers should act is not realistic. The problem fathers face is no-fault divorce laws do not allow any of the "dirt" from the relationship to be heard and considered by the court. Although not specified in the law that means the no-fault process of ending a marriage carries over into no-fault child custody. My personal experience is a judge will not listen to the parties when the laws in the state mandate custody mediation. Even after the divorce is final, any subsequent attempts to seek a change of custody are forced back into the same state mandated custody mediation process, with the same evaluators who made the original decision. The real problem fathers face is getting the custody evaluators who made the original decision to admit they made a mistake and reverse their previous decision. The only way I know for a father to get around this Pandora's box is to be patient, pray something bad doesn't happen, and hope the mother finally gives up custody. I went so far as to tell the judge I thought the county custody evaluators were professionally incompetent and biased in favor of the mother, and I wanted an independent evaluation done by a private evaluator. The judge told me she would not order an outside evaluator and crossed the custody change off my motion to modify saying she wouldn't hear the case. I'm SHOCKED! |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge
"Father Drew" wrote in message news:0kmOa.2396$7e.1696@fed1read07... Never give up, never say die. It's a hard road, but this is for your kids. Any parent that is willing to give up on their kids probably wouldn't be much of a parent anyway in my book. If a father loses after exhausting every avenue, he can live his life knowing he did his best, but I'm willing to bet many give up before using all their options. One word, "APPEAL". Appeal to WHO, the other enemy? I do commend you though for your persistency. -Drew "Bob Whiteside" wrote in message rthlink.net... "gini52" wrote in message ... Just a reminder to all NCPs--Your child's custodial mother, her parents, sisters, etc. do not determine family law matters. *Do not let them intimidate you.* These issues are resolved by a court. You do not need your ex's permission to take your case to court. You need the filing fee and the proper forms and procedures (if you do not have an atty.) Many states now have these forms online as well as instructions on how to file them. Granted, it is not easy to get a custody change, but if you have a child in danger or at risk, you have a responsibility to that child to try every possible avenue to help him or her. I'm sure most of you have heard about the mother who threw her 1 year old twins off a Mississippi River bridge and then jumped in herself intending murder/suicide. The public needs to ask where the fathers were in every one of these cases and whether the father attempted to get a custody change prior to the violent acts. If he didn't, shame on him; if he did, shame on the courts and states and they should be held accountable for the injuries or deaths of these children. ==== I think this assessment of how fathers should act is not realistic. The problem fathers face is no-fault divorce laws do not allow any of the "dirt" from the relationship to be heard and considered by the court. Although not specified in the law that means the no-fault process of ending a marriage carries over into no-fault child custody. My personal experience is a judge will not listen to the parties when the laws in the state mandate custody mediation. Even after the divorce is final, any subsequent attempts to seek a change of custody are forced back into the same state mandated custody mediation process, with the same evaluators who made the original decision. The real problem fathers face is getting the custody evaluators who made the original decision to admit they made a mistake and reverse their previous decision. The only way I know for a father to get around this Pandora's box is to be patient, pray something bad doesn't happen, and hope the mother finally gives up custody. I went so far as to tell the judge I thought the county custody evaluators were professionally incompetent and biased in favor of the mother, and I wanted an independent evaluation done by a private evaluator. The judge told me she would not order an outside evaluator and crossed the custody change off my motion to modify saying she wouldn't hear the case. |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge/Violent Moms
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message thlink.net... "gini52" wrote in message ... == Not necessarily (in theory, anyway). Most family law modifications are based on "change of circumstance" which can be argued if a CP's mental condition and/or lifestyle has changed/worsened in a way that puts the child at risk. These changes are rarely easy and shouldn't be--but when well documented circumstances are in front of the judge, he/she should be compelled to act. So let's say a woman has multiple drug convictions, has never been married, quit school in the 9th grade, had her first child at age 15, has had three children with three different men, she collects welfare benefits, and has never been able to hold down a steady job. How can a father prove "change of circumstances" under this very common scenario unless something far worse occurs in her life like a felony conviction? === You are missing the point, Bob. I'm not going to attempt to rationalize every detail of every case, real or hypothetical. My point is that fathers *must* do everything they can to get their children out of an abusive or neglectful environment. What is your suggestion--that we let the state "rescue" these children at risk? Parents should be the first responders to their childrens' needs. I don't care what odds he faces--A father has a duty to act quickly and aggressively to retrieve his children from a dangerous living environment. If you feel otherwise or wish to make excuses for his inaction, fine. I just hope that fathers reading this thread who have children in dangerous households do not use your comments as an excuse to not try to get their children to safety. (More) === ...................... I don't know whether there has been a recent increase in violence against children by mothers, but it is happening *a lot*--epidemic, perhaps. This needs to get the notice of society/courts/legislatures so that mother custody is *not* default and serious and equal consideration must be given to both parents as well as enforcing shared physical custody so neither parent is carrying the entire emotional/psychological load of "single parent." Mothers have always been more violent against their children than fathers. But it's not just the violence. Children from mother headed households are far more apt to be in prison, have drug problems, drop out of school, create teenage pregnancies, commit suicide, etc. and the courts still don't act on these statistics. These very real statistics get ignored because they don't fit the decision-making template that mothers make better, nurturing parents. === I know kids are more at risk without an involved father but I would like to see recent data on mothers' violence toward their children. I will search for it. (More) === Otherwise, let the accountibility fall into the laps of those who refuse to act to protect these kids. This needs to be a forefront issue for fathers as it is one that is critically needed and one society will sympathize with. The judge *will* listen when society demands it. This is not an issue that can accomodate excuses from fathers as to why they didn't try to get custody. They must be compelled to try--and not give up on these kids at risk. Don't forget--Drew did it and he is not alone. == == Judges and state workers are protected from accountability for their misdeeds through sovereign immunity granted to public officials. As long as they can claim immunity they will never be accountable for their mistakes. == Not true in Florida. Several case workers have faced criminal prosecution for neglect of their duties that resulted in harm to children. === === |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Rant--The CP is Not the Judge/Violent Moms
"Tiffany" wrote in message ... Bob Whiteside wrote in message rthlink.net... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... Could be the reason it is that way (the abuse) is because more women have the kids, not the fathers. So of course there will be more abuse by single mothers. Duh. Exactly. Mothers are around the children more so they get more opportunities to beat up the kids. Therefore, mothers should be around their children less and the amount of abuse will go down. What better reason to reduce the 85% mother primary custody rate to protect the children from mother abuse? You miss my point. You NCP's rant about the large percentage of CP's are women. So oviously the stats for abuse will be higher for the women. Are you saying men don't abuse kids.... because I know alot of adults who will tell you otherwise. Men abuse kids. The men who abuse kids are most frequently the men women invite into their children's lives. The bad choices women make in men are highly repsonsible for male child abuser statistics. It is rarely the bio-father who abuses his own children. The mother's boyfriend is the most likely male abuser followed by a step-father. Bio-fathers are way down the list of child abusers. Could be part of the reason that so many kids from single mother households are that way because the father up and left...... can you imagine what it does to a child when one parent isn't interested in them? The statistics show women initiate the breakup of the relationship 70% of the time by deciding they want to leave. Regardless who initiates..... I initiated a breakup with a boyfriend.... he was abusive. Was that abuse child abuse or spousal abuse? I thought this thread was about child abuse. Sadly, women also believe they can raise their children as effectively as a single parent as a two parent family can raise them. and this latter statistic tracts by race very close to the single parent households. As examples 38% of white women, 64% of black women, 61% of hispanic women, and 58% of indian/Alaskan women they can raise children as effectively as single parents. Well, I agree that is wrong. It takes 2 parents. Not one... wether it be father or mother. Fathers actually recognize the value of two parent households more than mothers. 26% of men think they can raise a child without a woman's help versus 42% of women. But you know, I have been meeting more and more single fathers who are raising the kids, sometimes totally on their own. So we will see, as more fathers become the CP, how the stats might change. Mothers currently commit 55% of child murders. Because more mothers have their kids. Its hard for bio-fathers to commit crimes to the kids when they are not around. Now don't twist this.... I am going on the stats that are ALWAYS being posted here that mothers always get the kids. I am NOT saying that is right. I beleive in equal custody. I don't believe in posting stats that are misleading. Okay, let's forget the stats. Fathers have psychological advantages they bring to parenting. Fathers teach children how to keep their emotions under control in crisis situations. Fathers teach ego strength to conduct self-evaluation. Fathers show children alternative ways to express anger without grudges. Fathers teach responsibilty. Fathers show how they can be flexible to changes and shifting priorities. Fathers are more stable emotionally because testosterone has been proven to be the calming hormone rather than a cause of aggression. |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Judge: Child's Removal Was Unnecessary | wexwimpy | Foster Parents | 2 | August 6th 04 09:20 PM |
DCF wrkrs & perjury Judge writes DCF wrong. U trust them? | Fern5827 | Spanking | 0 | August 6th 04 03:04 PM |
Judge in GA will take LONG LEAVE-investigation continues | Kane | General | 0 | January 12th 04 05:02 AM |
Judge in GA will take LONG LEAVE-investigation continues | Kane | Spanking | 0 | January 12th 04 05:02 AM |
Judge in GA will take LONG LEAVE-investigation continues | Kane | Foster Parents | 0 | January 12th 04 05:02 AM |