Should I warn him?

Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

If he was paying enough for the kid(s), then you never should have
turned it into the AG's office in the first place. They take a cut of money
that could have been spent on your kid. As for notifying him, doesn't
really matter at this point, because if he was paying the entire time and
you are now forcing him into the system intended for NCPs that don't pay,
you have already screwed him, so who cares at this point.

On the other hand, if his payments were few and far between and he has
refused to pay his fair share, then just let the AG's office handle it.

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

If he has been paying you directly, then what is the problem and why are you
getting the state involved? If you are really unable to support the child
on the amount you are currently receiving did your provide him a breakdown
of how CS is currently being used and what things the child needs that you
are unable to cover on your own?

It also sounds like he is not spending an equal amount of time with the
child. Was this his decision or yours? Considering by nature you are both
equal parents to the child, if it was your decision then you should be
working with your ex to ensure he is equally in your childs life. Doing so
will also off load some of the support costs.

By the way no one likes getting hit with something like that out of the
clear blue. By not giving a heads up naturally this will upset most people,
it may make relations difficult and may even cause him to escalate it in the
courts. Perhaps if you give him advance notice he might be more willing to
work with you directly to keep it out of the courts.

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

Didn't you post the two of you work together and are peers in the workplace?

Why don't you warn your HR Director you are pulling a Saturday Night
Surprise on your ex and you are afraid he might come to work and create a
hostile work environment or worse harm you? That way you can get the CS
increased, get him fired from his job, push him further out of your life,
use the firing as a reason to stop vistiation, and make his life really
miserable.

I'd say examine your motives and what it is your are trying to accomplish
and stop hiding behind the excuse we have heard here many times, i.e. the
state AG or local DA is doing all the dirty work and you are an innocent
bystander. You called out the dogs, and only you can call them off.

My other post titled Child Support modification in Texas explains why
I have involved the AG's office. I asked him in a very civil manner
to increase the child support leaving it still well below the state
guidelines. He refused, even though he has paid well below the state
guidelines for the past 10 years.

It is his choice completely and 100% that he does not see his children
more. I have always had an open door policy. At one time when he was
looking to purchase I house, and I had just purchased a house within 5
minutes of the place that my EX and I both work, I told him that if he
wanted to try to purchase a home within the same school district that
the kids and I were living in, that I would consider changing to joint
custody and allow the kids to spend equal amounts of time at our
houses, and work out that no child support would be exchanged, but we
would split the cost of things like school clothes, school supplies,
medical costs, etc. There were several area subdivisions that had
homes that were the size he was looking for, at lower prices.
Granted, he is free to purchase a home where ever he likes, but I
thought it would be a great opportunity for us to have joint
parenting. He refused to consider that, and instead bought a home
that was much more expensive, lower quality, and 35 minute commute
from his job and kids. So, go figure. He has had plenty of chances
in the past 10 years to see his kids more often. He has always
declined or refused. I cannot force him to want to spend more time
with his kids, and I have NEVER refused him more time with his kids.
He doesn't use the amount of time that he could already, by his OWN
choice.

I won't bother warning him. He can just deal with it when it happens.

"Dave" dave@freedoms-door wrote in message ...
If he has been paying you directly, then what is the problem and why are you
getting the state involved? If you are really unable to support the child
on the amount you are currently receiving did your provide him a breakdown
of how CS is currently being used and what things the child needs that you
are unable to cover on your own?

It also sounds like he is not spending an equal amount of time with the
child. Was this his decision or yours? Considering by nature you are both
equal parents to the child, if it was your decision then you should be
working with your ex to ensure he is equally in your childs life. Doing so
will also off load some of the support costs.

By the way no one likes getting hit with something like that out of the
clear blue. By not giving a heads up naturally this will upset most people,
it may make relations difficult and may even cause him to escalate it in the
courts. Perhaps if you give him advance notice he might be more willing to
work with you directly to keep it out of the courts.

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to

he is your X - that is, you have already told him (see above) so as a
previous poster stated - what's the point except to inflame the issue? once
you divorce someone, there's no commitment to work out any issues anymore -
you can no longer consider whatever communication you have with your X as
open discussion. by divorcing, you've agreed that you cannot agree ...

you have done what you felt you needed to do and calling him to "warn" him
sounds like a ploy to aggravate him even further - granted, you may not even
realize what you're doing on a conscious level - maybe on some level you
feel guilty about this action you have taken but it surely won't make things
"all better" (assuage your guilt) by "warning" him. it's best to unplug
emotionally because it's obvious you're still entangled --- you may want to
consider finding some kind of support group in your area to actually get
live feedback from.

dC

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
thlink.net...

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

Didn't you post the two of you work together and are peers in the
workplace?

Why don't you warn your HR Director you are pulling a Saturday Night
Surprise on your ex and you are afraid he might come to work and create a
hostile work environment or worse harm you? That way you can get the CS
increased, get him fired from his job, push him further out of your life,
use the firing as a reason to stop vistiation, and make his life really
miserable.

I'd say examine your motives and what it is your are trying to accomplish
and stop hiding behind the excuse we have heard here many times, i.e. the
state AG or local DA is doing all the dirty work and you are an innocent
bystander. You called out the dogs, and only you can call them off.
==
Only until the judge makes a ruling. Then not even she can call them off.
That's a big gotcha for $150. a month.
==
==

"Freedom" wrote in message
...
you must realize that this group is comprised mostly of the "other side"
of
the child support issue.

Most here are on the "right side" of the issue. Those who favor the
system
are those on the "other side".
===
C'mon Freedom, I spent all that time on this long post and you pick this to
comment on?
OK--"Other" denotes two sides--either side is the "other" side. "Right side"
is the opposite of "wrong side" not "other side." If you wanna argue
semantics, check the dictionary first.
===
===

I missed your original post. But if this is the case, then yea, go get him.

-Drew

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
My other post titled Child Support modification in Texas explains why
I have involved the AG's office. I asked him in a very civil manner
to increase the child support leaving it still well below the state
guidelines. He refused, even though he has paid well below the state
guidelines for the past 10 years.

It is his choice completely and 100% that he does not see his children
more. I have always had an open door policy. At one time when he was
looking to purchase I house, and I had just purchased a house within 5
minutes of the place that my EX and I both work, I told him that if he
wanted to try to purchase a home within the same school district that
the kids and I were living in, that I would consider changing to joint
custody and allow the kids to spend equal amounts of time at our
houses, and work out that no child support would be exchanged, but we
would split the cost of things like school clothes, school supplies,
medical costs, etc. There were several area subdivisions that had
homes that were the size he was looking for, at lower prices.
Granted, he is free to purchase a home where ever he likes, but I
thought it would be a great opportunity for us to have joint
parenting. He refused to consider that, and instead bought a home
that was much more expensive, lower quality, and 35 minute commute
from his job and kids. So, go figure. He has had plenty of chances
in the past 10 years to see his kids more often. He has always
declined or refused. I cannot force him to want to spend more time
with his kids, and I have NEVER refused him more time with his kids.
He doesn't use the amount of time that he could already, by his OWN
choice.

I won't bother warning him. He can just deal with it when it happens.

"Dave" dave@freedoms-door wrote in message
...
If he has been paying you directly, then what is the problem and why are
you
getting the state involved? If you are really unable to support the
child
on the amount you are currently receiving did your provide him a
breakdown
of how CS is currently being used and what things the child needs that
you
are unable to cover on your own?

It also sounds like he is not spending an equal amount of time with the
child. Was this his decision or yours? Considering by nature you are
both
equal parents to the child, if it was your decision then you should be
working with your ex to ensure he is equally in your childs life. Doing
so
will also off load some of the support costs.

By the way no one likes getting hit with something like that out of the
clear blue. By not giving a heads up naturally this will upset most
people,
it may make relations difficult and may even cause him to escalate it in
the
courts. Perhaps if you give him advance notice he might be more willing
to
work with you directly to keep it out of the courts.

"Leslie" wrote in message
om...
Since I have requested a review for child support (explained in my
other thread) through the Attorney General's office in Texas, I was
wondering whether I should let my EX know that I have opened a case.
This is the first time I've dealt with the AG's office. My EX has
always paid me the child support directly for the past 10 years, never
through the child support system. As part of the review process I
have been sending the AG's office signed affidavit's stating amounts
of direct payments I have received. I know that at some point my EX
will be required to start making the payments through the states
system, but I don't know if that will happen before the modification
is court ordered or at that time. I've read other posts that talk
about NCP's suddenly receiving coupons from the AG's requesting child
support payments.

Would it be better for me to alert him that I have indeed opened a
case and let him know what the process will be? I did tell him that I
would be doing this a couple of months ago when he refused to
voluntarily modify support, but I think he feels that I wouldn't go
through with it. I'm not that worried that he will try to dodge the
notice of hearing date, because I have since found the Texas Family
Law which states that if he doesn't respond or provide income proof,
the state will issue an administrative subpoena to his employer to get
income information.

So, if you were facing an upcoming child support hearing, would you
want to be warned, or would that just make things worse? Or should I
just wait until he calls wanting to know why he's getting payment
coupons?

I thought the right side was the opposite of the left.

-Drew

"gini52" wrote in message
...

"Freedom" wrote in message
...
you must realize that this group is comprised mostly of the "other
side"
of
the child support issue.

Most here are on the "right side" of the issue. Those who favor the
system
are those on the "other side".
===
C'mon Freedom, I spent all that time on this long post and you pick this
to
comment on?
OK--"Other" denotes two sides--either side is the "other" side. "Right
side"
is the opposite of "wrong side" not "other side." If you wanna argue
semantics, check the dictionary first.
===
===