Parent Directed Feeding vs. AP/Feed on Demand?

Jenrose, that was an awesome post.
I hope I can develop the same easygoing relationship with my baby when
he/she turns up in May.


Nothing about a schedule excites me ... I have no schedule, so why would
a newborn or child??

Thanks for putting into words exactly why I won't be schedulising my
newborn or child

Jo (RM)

I just don't get where they get the idea that attachment parenting in
the early years equals no boundaries, children rule the family, no
manners, etc.

I've been watching Doctor Phil with some fascination recently as he
continues to focus on some out of control families with major
discipline and behaviour problems, and I wouldn't say ANY of them
appear to have been AP practicers. If anything, most seem to have been
quite traditional families along the lines that Ezzo appears to love
(i.e. the authoritarian father, the mother who stays home or at least
looks after almost everything herself on the kid and domestic scene).
The common theme among these families appears to be lack of
communication and respect between the parents, and lack of respect
towards the kids (i.e. a lot of belittling, screaming, hitting). Also,
families who are complete spineless wonders when faced with difficult
behaviours (i.e. caving in easily, letting things escalate, not
following through and being consistent, basically dealing with really
crummy behaviour with screaming and spanking...two strategies many of
us have resorted to in desperate moments of frustrations, but that
just never work).

Mary G.
(mom of three - 6,10 and 13)

emily@xxxxxx wrote:

All that aside, I'm wondering about the overall philosophy of putting your
baby on a consistent schedule very early -- they suggest after 1 week.

Here's something I wrote a while back: "There's a heck of a lot of middle
ground between Ezzo and Sears. You can
believe in a certain amount of scheduling without being *anywhere* near to
Ezzo's philosophy. I mean, heck, if you sent a kid to military school, chances
are, he'd learn to make his bed, but it's not the only way to accomplish that
goal, ya know?"

--Helen

Ezzo appears to be a fruitcake, and he has never felt a burning pain in his
nipples while his baby cried from hunger. IME, babies quickly form their own
routines, and it is unhelpful and possibly harmful to try to force them into
a routine before they are ready. Newborns *need* to feed often - they are
growing incredibly fast, their suck is not strong enough to get a lot at a
time, breastmilk is digested in 2 hours, and their suckling is important to
build your supply.
We never stuck DD to any routine, there were occasions when she had to wait
a little - for example she decided she was hungry being put into her carseat
on route to an appointment - but otherwise I just fed her on cue. She fed
every 1.5-2 hours to begin with, then three hours, then four, then five, now
at 3 and a half months she will sleep between 7-9 hours at night. Babies
aren't stupid, and they work out night from day quickly and usually adjust
fairly soon to the routines of the household *without* interference from
anyone.
Do it your way, thank MIL politely for her help and if she continues to put
her piece in, explain you are the parent and you will choose how to feed
your child.

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04



"emilymr" emily@xxxxxx wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
Hi, everyone -- I've got a question about parenting/breastfeeding styles.


My MIL just gave us Ezzos' book

Just to clarify -- my MIL wouldn't dream of lecturing us how to feed or
raise our baby; she's just been impressed at how "well-behaved" the kids
in her church are, and thought the book might give some useful suggestions
(she hasn't read it, and AFAIK she didn't raise her kids on a strict
schedule either). I didn't want to give the impression that she's
overbearing or anything!

Thanks for your story about your baby -- sounds like she did it herself
without any parental coercion.

Em
baby boy, due Nov. 18

"emilymr" emily@xxxxxx wrote
I wasn't sure about the hind milk claim, though. And I have to admit, I
am very tempted by the prospect of being able to sleep (that's what scares
me the most about this new gig!!), and as much as I want to co-sleep, esp.
after your nursing at night stories, I know my husband won't sleep in the
same bed as me and a baby -- he has a hard enough time sleeping with me!!

But realize that you don't have to co-sleep to nurse and to do most AP
things. When we moved E (at three months, which was too long for everyone)
into her own room and her crib, she started sleeping better and we started
sleeping better. I nursed her until she weaned herself at 11.5 months. I
nursed on demand and held her, most of the time, when she needed it. She was
a horribly collicky baby (7-8 hours of crying/day until she was six months
old), very stubborn and wouldn't eat solids until we figured out that she
wanted finger food instead of baby food. However, she's now a great kid.
She's full of beans and is very stubborn, but she's also a ton of fun.

I guess I'm saying that co-sleeping, although it can be part of AP
parenting, doesn't have to be if it doesn't work for you. The most important
thing is that you find systems/techniques/schedules that work for you, the
baby and your husband (and other kids when that time comes).
--
Melissa (in Los Angeles)
Mum to Elizabeth 4/13/03
and ??? due early 3/05

"Irrational Number" wrote
And, newborns do not
play. They nurse, sleep, nurse, sleep. They
nurse for a very long time in the beginning,
but they get into their own groove after
awhile.

E never nursed for very long. At first she nursed for 10 minutes per side.
As she got better at it (and we switched to one side per nursing because of
over-active letdown and she had a favorite breast) she got down to 5 minutes
per side. I know that's unusual, but I wanted to have it there as a data
point so others didn't worry if their new babies didn't nurse for a long
time.
--
Melissa (in Los Angeles)
Mum to Elizabeth 4/13/03
and ??? due early 3/05

"emilymr" emily@xxxxxx wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
Just to clarify -- my MIL wouldn't dream of lecturing us how to feed or
raise our baby; she's just been impressed at how "well-behaved" the kids
in her church are, and thought the book might give some useful suggestions
(she hasn't read it, and AFAIK she didn't raise her kids on a strict
schedule either). I didn't want to give the impression that she's
overbearing or anything!

Ah, that's great!

Thanks for your story about your baby -- sounds like she did it herself
without any parental coercion.

I think they generally do, some just take longer than others.

--
Amy,
Mum to Carlos born sleeping 20/11/02,
& Ana born screaming 30/06/04

I'm a firm believer in feeding on demand, even when formula or bottle
feeding. I let Addie, 16 days old, eat as much as she wants, when she
wants. At this point, she seems to be cluster feeding -- eating an ounce,
burping, napping for 20 minutes, repeat, repeat, and sometimes repeat, then
sleeping about 4 hours straight. Works for me. Sometimes she'll do a power
feed of a good 3.5 ounces at once, burp and fall asleep. And, so far, the
majority of those awake cluster feeds are during the day, thank goodness.

Without any help from me, Taylor learned how to organize her sleeps and
feeds, and slept through the night at 3 months. I followed her lead. And I
plan to do the same with Addie. I hope the results are the same, but her
mileage may vary... : )
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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"emilymr" emily@xxxxxx wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
Hi, everyone -- I've got a question about parenting/breastfeeding styles.


My MIL just gave us Ezzos' book which lays out a pretty rigorous
parent-directed feeding regime and promises a baby that will sleep through
the night by about 2 months. I know there are some pretty serious
objections to their method, especially failure to thrive babies, but it
seems like this new edition, while not addressing that specifically, does
give appropriate emphasis to adopting a sensible feeding plan that is not
governed by the clock (I think they've revised their earlier editions
after all the criticism). Their *attitude* in the books drives me up the
wall -- they're full of self-righteous stories about all the wonderfully
behaved babies whose intelligent parents have used their method and all of
the maladjusted babies who are fed on demand and who will grow up to have
no self-motivation, no study skills, no ability to concentrate, and will
probably end up in juvie. :P I also don't agree with most of their
underlying theological reasoning, but that's beside the point.

All that aside, I'm wondering about the overall philosophy of putting your
baby on a consistent schedule very early -- they suggest after 1 week.
They also claim that allowing your baby to feed on demand results in
'snacking' and the baby doesn't get the hind milk and all the nutrients.


I am planning on using a more AP style of parenting, and mostly just
winging it and seeing what works for me/DH/baby. But some of their
suggestions do seem to make sense, even though I was very prejudiced
against them before I began reading the book. So do any of you
experienced mommies have any input on this?? Esp. the snacking vs.
feeding, and the establishment of a regular feeding/playing/sleeping
schedule.

Em
baby boy, due Nov. 18

I am planning on using a more AP style of parenting, and mostly just
winging it and seeing what works for me/DH/baby.

Sounds like a great plan to me. :-)

The more kids I have, the less I have worried about schedules of any kind, and
the easier life has been for everyone in the house. Really. I look back on
all that owrrying about when they were going to sleep through the night, and
trying to get them into their own beds, and being upset that they were nursing
every hour, and wonder what the big deal was.


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth