Punishment for 8 yr old

Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just went to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

She is usually a very good girl, so I have never grounded her or taken away
her privileges. She has asked before to take it to a friends and I have
always said no so she knows its wrong.

I don't want to be too harsh, but I want her to realise that her things are
to be looked after, especially expensive items that "Santa" had to save for.

Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just went
to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going
to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken
it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a
week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

She is usually a very good girl, so I have never grounded her or taken
away
her privileges. She has asked before to take it to a friends and I have
always said no so she knows its wrong.

I don't want to be too harsh, but I want her to realise that her things
are
to be looked after, especially expensive items that "Santa" had to save
for.

Is it possible that the friend who likes playing with it took it with her
without your DD knowing??

Another one, is it possible she pressured your DD to take it with her.. ie.
if you don't bring it we wont be friends anymore?

"Sandy" wrote in message
...


When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a
week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. If she took the toy where it was not
supposed to go, then I would think that losing the toy for a period of time,
would be a natural punishment. I don't see the link between grounding, and
the rule-breaking, myself. If *she* wasn't to go to the friend's house,
then grounding might be the perfect response. But for this, I'd think that
just losing the toy for X days would be the best thing to do. Particularly
when you say she's generally a good kid.

Free advice, probably worth what you paid for it.

Donna

"Leanne" wrote in message
...

Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except
of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend
the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just
went
to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going
to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken
it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to
pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a
week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

She is usually a very good girl, so I have never grounded her or taken
away
her privileges. She has asked before to take it to a friends and I have
always said no so she knows its wrong.

I don't want to be too harsh, but I want her to realise that her things
are
to be looked after, especially expensive items that "Santa" had to save
for.

Is it possible that the friend who likes playing with it took it with her
without your DD knowing??

They will both be returning here, so I will just send DD to her room to get
it and I will soon find out. If the friend did take it without asking, she
will be banned from the house.

Another one, is it possible she pressured your DD to take it with her..
ie.
if you don't bring it we wont be friends anymore?

Maybe, but that kind of excuse doesnt wash with me. As the old saying goes
"if a freind tells you to jump off a bridge, would you?"

Sandy wrote:

If she has taken it to the friends house
what is a suitable punishment? She is 8 years old.

I personally would either put the game boy away for some amount of time...or
say that the gameboy could not be used when friends were about for some
length of time. I wouldn't add anything (restricting other items or
grounding) to it.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 20 Feb 2004 14:18:09 -0000, "Sandy"
wrote:

Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend
the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just went
to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going
to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken
it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to
pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a
week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

She is usually a very good girl, so I have never grounded her or taken
away
her privileges. She has asked before to take it to a friends and I have
always said no so she knows its wrong.

I don't want to be too harsh, but I want her to realise that her things
are
to be looked after, especially expensive items that "Santa" had to save
for.

I would think a consequence that fits would be that the Gameboy be put
away for a specific time period. Anything more, like grounding, etc
seems too excessive, considering it's not usual for her to do this.

Nan

I thought of that too, but I don't want this to be the start of a slippery
slope if you know what I mean. I doubt she will be too bothered by the
gameboy being taken away. Its the sneakiness that bothers me. She has never
done anything like this before. I suppose she is getting to that age, and I
don't want a hell raising teenager on my hands if I am too lenient now.

Sandy wrote:

Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just went to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

She is usually a very good girl, so I have never grounded her or taken away
her privileges. She has asked before to take it to a friends and I have
always said no so she knows its wrong.

I don't want to be too harsh, but I want her to realise that her things are
to be looked after, especially expensive items that "Santa" had to save for.


Okay, it's indisputable that if she took it to her friend's
house, she's broken a rule and there probably needs to be a
consequence for that. I'd probably just tell her she couldn't
take the Gameboy to Grandma's house. I think your proposal is
probably too harsh.
That said, I also find the not-leaving-the-house rule
pretty harsh. My boys both have Gameboys, and have for several
years now. One of the things they enjoy most is taking their
Gameboys to friends' homes and linking them together to play.
Now, I limit the amount of time they spend playing video games
with their friends because I don't think that's the only thing
they should be doing with their friends, but I don't really see
that keeping it at home is the only way to look after it. My
older son (just turned 9) is hopelessly forgetful. He'd forget
his head if it wasn't screwed on. He's only lost one Gameboy,
and that was when he took it somewhere *along with his parents*
where there were hundreds of kids. It was sitting right next
to him, he turned for a moment (so did Dad) and someone stole
it. Neither of us blamed him for that--whoever stole it was
extremely bold. He has, however, taken it to many friends'
homes and has never failed to return with it. I don't think
it's unreasonable for an 8yo to be able to take a Gameboy
to a friend's home. If your DD is as forgetful as my DS1,
I'd probably check to verify it came home, but other than
that I'd be fine with it (I do check most of the time, but
I don't think that DS1 has ever failed to bring it home from
anyone's home except his grandparents, which isn't a problem
as they live next door and the toys float freely between our
houses). I'm sure things are somewhat different with girls, but
among boys, not being able to bring your Gameboy to a friend's
house would make one a bit of a laughingstock.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article ,
Sandy wrote:
Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just went to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

I would take away the gameboy for a period of time but not otherwise
ground her. I would do it for a week the first time, letting her know
that she will lose it for longer if it happens again.

I would also be open to discussing the gameboy rule with her. Perhaps
she will have a suggestion for a more lenient rule about the gameboy
that will still satisfy your concerns and objectives.

Good luck,
--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01)

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Sandy wrote:
Hi,

DD got a gameboy for Christmas. Her friends like to come and play on the
gameboy, but DD has been told that it must not leave the house (except of
course when we go on a car journey or something) and she must not lend
the
games out.

DD is at a friends house and due back in an hour. The friend was playing
here earlier and then they went to the friends house to play. I just went
to
look for the gameboy as she is going to grandmas tonight and I was going
to
put it in her bag. It is no where to be found. I suspect they have taken
it
to the friends house.

When DD returns I will just casually ask her where it is as I want to
pack
it for grandmas.. If it is somewhere I hadn't thought of looking, fine,
panic over. If she has taken it to the friends house what is a suitable
punishment? She is 8 years old. I was thinking of grounding her for a
week,
and also no playstaion, gameboy or TV for that week either. Is that too
harsh or too lenient?

I would take away the gameboy for a period of time but not otherwise
ground her. I would do it for a week the first time, letting her know
that she will lose it for longer if it happens again.

I would also be open to discussing the gameboy rule with her. Perhaps
she will have a suggestion for a more lenient rule about the gameboy
that will still satisfy your concerns and objectives.

Do people really discuss rules with kids this age? As far as I am concerned
I make the rules not her. My rules are not for negotiation! It is not for
her to question why or how I make the decisions I do. I really feel this is
why I have had so few problems with her so far. My friend is one of these
open discussion types. She feels its perfectly fine for her kids to raise
their voices to her or shout "I hate you" (they are 6 and 8) I am sorry, but
I expect respect from my DD. And that means I make the rules. If DD raised
her voice to me, boy there would be trouble!!

Hi -

Yes, many of us enlist our kids' help in setting SOME rules. Not all
rules, of course. But as the kids get older (mine are 6 and 8), they
need to start learning how to set their OWN limits. So when I make
rules by myself, I usually explain why we have that rule. When we
notice an ongoing problem (such as the younger child distracting the
older one from his homework) then we work together to come up with a
workable solution, and rules are usually a part of the solution. And
sometimes the kids will come to me out of the blue with a suggestion for
a rule. Some we use, some we've been using but the child didn't realize
it :-), and some we discuss and then discard.

My goal is to have teens who will make good decisions even when I'm not
around. I also want teens who'll tell me the truth about what they've
done when they make poor decisions.

I'll tell you in about 20 years whether what I'm doing worked :-)

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.