DS and eating

"Amanda" wrote in message
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"xkatx" wrote in message
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"Stephanie" wrote in message
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"xkatx" wrote in message
news:NDX4i.43563$g63.37505@edtnps82...
Alright, this is driving me absolutely bonkers. I really don't know
what to do with this one, so I'm hoping someone has some ideas!
I'm x-posting (alt.mothers & misc.kids) - hope no one minds.

DS is now 6. He seems to be a fairly fussy eater, and has been for
some time. He doesn't like mushrooms. He doesn't like much for
vegetables. Not crazy about too many fruits, other than a rare banana,
watermelon, apples. Doesn't like yogurt, etc. I tend to 'sneak' these
foods into his diet, though, so it's not too big of a concern at times.

The problem is, though, I am getting sick and tired of certain things
he does. When eating, if he doesn't like it (and I know he doesn't)
rather than fight about it, I tell him to just pick it out and put it
on the side of his plate. Example, eating spaghetti and I put
mushrooms in it. Just put it on the side of his plate, and let it be.
The problem is, he seems to 'hide' food he doesn't like or want. I
find the toast crust shoved in the corner of his chair at the table -
same with the green beans or lima beans or whatever out of his meals.
He'll discreetly 'drop' the stuff he doesn't like under the table,
under his chair or on his chair.



If it were me, I would keep my eye on him during meals. Presumably you
are sitting there too? Watch him. As his hand goes down to his chair,
with food in it, you tell him that there is no purpose whatsoever to be
moving food off the table to anywhere other than his mouth. If it
persists, as with any other table manner problem, the meal is done.

Watching him the whole time, or even most of the time, is fairly hard. I
often have to deal with DD1, as she's 22 months. Feeds herself, but
still have to watch her like a hawk or food goes into her ears, hair,
lap, whatever. I also have to spend a bit of time cutting up and getting
her food ready for her to eat. I also often have to deal with DD2, who
doesn't eat, but sits with us in her chair or in her exersaucer while we
eat. I always have to turn to her and make sure I know she's there (and
let her see me) or she has a clingy-freakout session.

Also with a 6yo, probably preceeding the aforementioned, you might sit
down and talk about it non-mealtime. Does he have a problem pushing it
to the side of the plate? What is the problem? Can you think of any ways
to solve this problem that don't involve stuffing the food into the
chair? This is, of course, assuming this is a table manners issue you
are willing to move on. My son prefers to have a separate small plate
off his plate to move the stuff he can't stand. I don't really
understand his reasoning. But I guess I don't have to.



It makes a huge mess, and quite frankly, doing a full vacuum of the
table area EVERY meal, 3x a day, shouldn't be necessary, I don't
believe. But I have to because there's a huge mess.



I would not accept a 6yo pitching food on the floor, at least as much
for the sake of said 6yo who is learning how to get along in the world
and in a family. I would let him know that his presence at the table is
contingent on his using table manners of a human being. If he cannot do
that, he is not welcome at the table. Food will resume when he can eat
it without strewning it all over the floor. (If he was 2 this would be a
completely different matter.)


It isn't always stuff he doesn't like. To me, it almost seems like
he's gone back to the toddler stage of when he just doesn't want
anymore, he'll drop it.



One quesion comes to mind... does he do this at school? If so, then my
advice will be completely different.



His cereal at breakfast - if he doesn't want to finish it, he will do
the same dropping or hiding thing. I don't know why. I have never
forced him to eat anything more when he claims to be full, nor have I
ever forced him to eat anything he doesn't like. He knows the rules
are that if you try it once and don't like it, fine. He also knows the
rules are that if he serves himself food (and he is definitely at that
age where he likes to serve himself) then he must eat all he takes - he
knows to start small and have seconds and is usually real good with
this, with the exception of the 'dropping' and 'hiding'. If someone
else serves him, he needs to eat an acceptable amount and if he says
he's full before the plate is done, then there are no snacks until next
meal (although he is more than welcome to snack on the previous meal he
filled up on)
I'm just wondering why he is dropping and hiding this food.


He's 6. You can ask him.


It's really starting to drive me insane. I've always thought that the
food thing wasn't an issue. He has been doing this for quite some
time - I'd say he started about 2 years ago, but lately it seems to be
getting worse. We had to put DD1 back into her high chair to remove
her booster seat partly because he was hiding food under her booster
seat. (other reason is this booster has no straps to tie her in, so she
stands or gets up) He definitely makes more of a mess at any given
meal than DD1 does, and she is only 22 months.

Sorry this is so long. Tried to offer as much info as possible!
Any ideas?





This may or may not make a lick of sense here we go. . .
He is 6 as said b-4 not 2, well explain this too him and explain that his
sister may do this but it is NOT acceptable for him to do this, then as
far as watching him ,have everyone's plate ready then call the to the
table, i have 4 children that i watch as well as 2 babies at meal times
when i baby-sit, i prepare the food that need cut up in the kitchen the
set the items they can get themselves on the table then call them for
eating all the same while eating with them and having to feed one of the
babies as well as (Same as you) comforting and making sure the 4 mo is
happy and yes she is very clingy also so i have too be insight at all
times, now these are all 3 yo's not 6, but after they all go home i still
have my 2 7 yo's my 6 yo and my 3 yo too feed and I continue to do this
also.. just try to experiment around with "different- new" foods, that he
has never had and he may open his eyes to something that is awesomely
nutritious and delicious... as also noted easy and fun to make, another
suggestion is having him help you prepare the food and washing the dishes,
maybe when he see's how long it takes he will value your time cooking and
realize this a bit... like i said just my .02,, Ok back to the regular
scheduled programs. . .and ohh a good sight for good fun and fast meals is
craftfoods .com give it a whirl. . . and by all means good luck!!
Amanda

do you mean kraftfoods . com? or is there a different site you were
referencing?
Teri

xkatx wrote:
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
news
I think he is old enough to clean everything up himself. Before he
can leave the dining area, he has to clean all the areas where he
hides food.

Alternatively, have him eat in the kitchen or somewhere that there is
no hiding place for the food.


The only place we eat is at the table in the kitchen (we don't have any sort
of dining room or anything) and food, right from the start, has not been
allowed in bedrooms, living room, etc., mainly because I am not crazy about
the greater possibility of bugs and running around looking for missing
dishes doesn't appeal to me.
I like the idea of him cleaning up, but we've had some issues with temper
tantrums, which we are working on and it is getting far better. Maybe that
will be the deal, and he can sit there all night if he refuses? I'm sure
he'd eventually do it!
[snip]

I know you don't want to change this on a permanent basis, but could you
have a two-pronged approach.

You could start having meals in a different place, and also make him
clean up after himself. If it has been going on as long as you say,
then it is engrained behaviour, and will be much harder to stop then
the new rules when eating in a different place. After a week or two,
you could move back to the kitchen.

Sometimes you just have to put up with the tantrums!

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

"xkatx" wrote:


"Banty" wrote in message
...

I used to take out a portion for my picky eater and then do the rest
of the cooking for the family. For instance she didn't want any sauce
at all on her spaghetti, so I would take some out before I put the
sauce on. What with microwaves etc now, you can even do this in
advance and just reheat.

And of course talk with him about what the food-dropping is doing and why
it's
bad. And make him clean it up.

So you both work on this together.

Banty

Cleaning it up himself is definitely a very good and simple idea.
Sometimes, though, I don't check and he's already bolted from the table and
gone. Calling him back often causes him to be defiant and just stand there,
refusing, and pout. Often I will just do it myself because it's easier than
having a toddler track it about everywhere. I think talking would help, but
for this, I will have to find a way that works for HIM to talk, as he can
get difficult (as some do at this age, it seems!)

Bolting from the table is not acceptable table manners. Work on that
first (while you continue to do the cleaning up for him). We always
had to ask if we could be excused from the table, and sometimes the
answer was No.

Once you get that under control, then you can work on the food issue.

Pouting is also not acceptable. Do not cave in and do it yourself. If
you have a SO, then maybe he can take some responsibility for
supervising the cleanup.

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:S0_4i.51448$Xh3.51004@edtnps90...

"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:rYY4i.9904$xP.2162@trndny04...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:NDX4i.43563$g63.37505@edtnps82...
Alright, this is driving me absolutely bonkers. I really don't know
what to do with this one, so I'm hoping someone has some ideas!
I'm x-posting (alt.mothers & misc.kids) - hope no one minds.

DS is now 6. He seems to be a fairly fussy eater, and has been for some
time. He doesn't like mushrooms. He doesn't like much for vegetables.
Not crazy about too many fruits, other than a rare banana, watermelon,
apples. Doesn't like yogurt, etc. I tend to 'sneak' these foods into
his diet, though, so it's not too big of a concern at times.

The problem is, though, I am getting sick and tired of certain things he
does. When eating, if he doesn't like it (and I know he doesn't) rather
than fight about it, I tell him to just pick it out and put it on the
side of his plate. Example, eating spaghetti and I put mushrooms in it.
Just put it on the side of his plate, and let it be. The problem is, he
seems to 'hide' food he doesn't like or want. I find the toast crust
shoved in the corner of his chair at the table - same with the green
beans or lima beans or whatever out of his meals. He'll discreetly
'drop' the stuff he doesn't like under the table, under his chair or on
his chair.



If it were me, I would keep my eye on him during meals. Presumably you
are sitting there too? Watch him. As his hand goes down to his chair,
with food in it, you tell him that there is no purpose whatsoever to be
moving food off the table to anywhere other than his mouth. If it
persists, as with any other table manner problem, the meal is done.

Watching him the whole time, or even most of the time, is fairly hard. I
often have to deal with DD1, as she's 22 months. Feeds herself, but still
have to watch her like a hawk or food goes into her ears, hair, lap,
whatever.



That's almost 2. I would broach this at the same time! You fiddle with your
food, your tray goes and you are DONE. She will maybe understand the words.
But she won't get it until she experiments a few times. If she throws a
tantrum, do not cave in. 1. If she was really, really hungry she would have
been more motivated to eat 2. she is not going to starve before the next
regularly scheduled snack or meal.




I also have to spend a bit of time cutting up and getting her food ready
for her to eat. I also often have to deal with DD2, who doesn't eat, but
sits with us in her chair or in her exersaucer while we eat. I always
have to turn to her and make sure I know she's there (and let her see me)
or she has a clingy-freakout session.



You have to always be looking at the 2 year old?


Also with a 6yo, probably preceeding the aforementioned, you might sit
down and talk about it non-mealtime. Does he have a problem pushing it to
the side of the plate? What is the problem? Can you think of any ways to
solve this problem that don't involve stuffing the food into the chair?
This is, of course, assuming this is a table manners issue you are
willing to move on. My son prefers to have a separate small plate off his
plate to move the stuff he can't stand. I don't really understand his
reasoning. But I guess I don't have to.



It makes a huge mess, and quite frankly, doing a full vacuum of the
table area EVERY meal, 3x a day, shouldn't be necessary, I don't
believe. But I have to because there's a huge mess.



I would not accept a 6yo pitching food on the floor, at least as much for
the sake of said 6yo who is learning how to get along in the world and in
a family. I would let him know that his presence at the table is
contingent on his using table manners of a human being. If he cannot do
that, he is not welcome at the table. Food will resume when he can eat it
without strewning it all over the floor. (If he was 2 this would be a
completely different matter.)


It isn't always stuff he doesn't like. To me, it almost seems like he's
gone back to the toddler stage of when he just doesn't want anymore,
he'll drop it.



One quesion comes to mind... does he do this at school? If so, then my
advice will be completely different.



His cereal at breakfast - if he doesn't want to finish it, he will do
the same dropping or hiding thing. I don't know why. I have never
forced him to eat anything more when he claims to be full, nor have I
ever forced him to eat anything he doesn't like. He knows the rules are
that if you try it once and don't like it, fine. He also knows the
rules are that if he serves himself food (and he is definitely at that
age where he likes to serve himself) then he must eat all he takes - he
knows to start small and have seconds and is usually real good with
this, with the exception of the 'dropping' and 'hiding'. If someone
else serves him, he needs to eat an acceptable amount and if he says
he's full before the plate is done, then there are no snacks until next
meal (although he is more than welcome to snack on the previous meal he
filled up on)
I'm just wondering why he is dropping and hiding this food.


He's 6. You can ask him.


It's really starting to drive me insane. I've always thought that the
food thing wasn't an issue. He has been doing this for quite some
time - I'd say he started about 2 years ago, but lately it seems to be
getting worse. We had to put DD1 back into her high chair to remove her
booster seat partly because he was hiding food under her booster seat.
(other reason is this booster has no straps to tie her in, so she stands
or gets up) He definitely makes more of a mess at any given meal than
DD1 does, and she is only 22 months.

Sorry this is so long. Tried to offer as much info as possible!
Any ideas?

xkatx wrote:

Hahaha I actually tried that with him once. It worked. I actually didn't
think to try it for this, though.
He didn't want to clean up his room, and I told him I understood (come to
think of it, I don't ever want to clean my room, the bathroom, the laundry,
dishes, floors...)
So I asked him if he wanted me to help him. He said yes, so I took his hand
and picked up each toy one by one, using HIS hand. It took about 3 or 4
toys to be picked up like this and put away before he swung his arm away
from me and told me he'd do it himself. Ever since that time, if I ask him
if he wants help with picking up his room, he says no.

Uhhhhhhhh good one! I set a timer and tell him everything that's not
picked up by the time the timer goes off will be tossed.... He does
panic for about a minute and then picks up and put his stuff away. Ok,
sometimes he tries to cheat by putting stuff on his bed (I toss
everything on the floor) but then I just set the timer again for a
shorter time and tell him he needs to put his "junk" away propperly.

But I second the "Clean up your own mess" idea. I think it'll probably
have the best effect. We started cleaning up the kitchen table together
now and it worls really well, apparently putting things into the
dishwasher is fun if you pretend it's the boot/trunk of a car.


cu
nicole

"xkatx" wrote in message
newsZZ4i.51447$Xh3.21534@edtnps90...
. The cereal for breakfast? He even gets to pick that out almost every
time. I do have a say (I don't buy those chocolate Lucky Charms which is
full of nothing but sugar) but he normally will pick something like Frosted
Flakes or Honeycombs, which I can handle. I find THAT all over and around
the tables and chairs as well, and it's normally in an isolated area each
time, which makes me know it's not just him being a sloppy eater
I make a lot of things just 'special' for his liking - fried rice, I make
with mushrooms, I make a special bit for him with no mushrooms. Eggs - I
know he likes them poached, I like them over easy, N likes them basted. I
do basted for N and I, poached for him, or just poach them all. I will
make a single small pot of soup he likes for lunch, and the rest of us
will eat another kind as well. I do try and make it easier for him, but
sometimes it's just not possible to do it all the way only he likes it, as
then we'd be eating next to nothing.


If he does this with foods he likes, foods he picks out, then this is not
solely, or perhaps not at all, an issue of hiding/disposing incorrectly of
items not wanted/preferred. It is a behavioral issue that needs to be
addressed as such. After doing this for as long as he has been it is a
habit, perhaps one he is unaware he is engaging in a lot of the time. He
needs to have the behavior brought to his attention so he is aware of it.
He also needs to clearly hear that it is unacceptable and what the
acceptable alternatives are. A discussion at the time of discovery of the
first mess would be appropriate [even a mess of one bean], including the
clear statement of what can be done instead. Involved in that discussion
could be a question about what the reason he is doing it but don't allow
lots of discussion with excuses because you will get side tracked enough
that he will loose the main point of the whole discussion. Asking him for
solutions is appropriate for his age, although you may have to veto some or
all of them as either too drastic [common offering of kids] or otherwise
inappropriate. Guided suggestions such as offering choices A and B might be
helpful, depending on him and how receptive he is during the conversation.
Cleaning up his mess every single time he makes one is part of such a
solution. Limiting or banning eating out at friends/restaurants might be
another component because you have no guarantees he won't exhibit the
behavior there since he does it at home [your explanation to him].
Resumption of eating away from home could be earned by successfully
following the proper practices for a week might be a good reward, if he sees
it as one, for compliance with house rules. Don't make him work longer than
he is capable of sustaining the behavior or he and you are set up for a
failure you don't want to deal with. Do your best to set him up for success
without making it a gimme; make him realize he did have to do something to
earn the desired event/item. Make sure you give positive feedback to him
[express that you have noticed] every time he complies with the rule, in the
beginning stages. After he's made it through a week, say, change your
complements, which should be genuine not gushy, to intermittent. An
intermittent reinforcement schedule is the strongest one there is because
the person has no idea when they will receive the reinforcer [the
compliment/praise] and want it enough that they will continue the behavior
until they get it. Fade out the frequency of the praise as he gets better
at doing what is expected without reminders.

I hope those thoughts are helpful and good luck!

-Aula

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:NDX4i.43563$g63.37505@edtnps82...
DS is now 6. He seems to be a fairly fussy eater, and has been for some
time.

Sounds like my 6yo! Not only does he get fussier by the day but his
appetite has really gone down as well.

The problem is, though, I am getting sick and tired of certain things he
does. When eating, if he doesn't like it (and I know he doesn't) rather
than fight about it, I tell him to just pick it out and put it on the side
of his plate.

I do that a little bit too. Luke hates it. He's totally offended by it.
He mostly has to live with it but I do try to have options available so he
can choose. For example I'll have plain corn as well as the mixed veggie.
He also needs the food off his plate and away from his area, different forks
etc. I can live with this as long as he keeps a lid on the verbal tirade.

The problem is, he seems to
'hide' food he doesn't like or want. I find the toast crust shoved in
the corner of his chair at the table - same with the green beans or lima
beans or whatever out of his meals. He'll discreetly 'drop' the stuff he
doesn't like under the table, under his chair or on his chair.

I'd try ....
1) Give him a bowl or something for items he picks out.
2) Quit making him eat a certain amount (even if he dished it up), dish up
things he doesn't like, etc.
3) See if you can replace the action of throwing it on the floor with taking
his whole plate to the sink. That will only work if he's allowed complete
control of when he is done. I know not all parents agree with that.

If none of that works you can try a couple different things.
1) Get him to clean it up. If this is a huge fight that might be a little
draining or difficult with two babies to look after. You'll only have so
much time. I know it would be damn near impossible for me to spend 30
minutes trying to get mine to clean something up. He'd be on a massive
power trip and could probably last for 2 hours, I'd be popping a vessel,
the littles would be fussing and crying, the 8yo wouldn't be doing his
thing...total nightmare, lol.
2) Explain that cleaning up the mess is not working for you and he'll have
to sit by you throughout his whole meal until he is able to sit without
making a mess. Then watch him so he doesn't do it. That means he'll have
to wait to start eating until you are ready to sit down and if you have to
get up after 15 minutes, then I guess his meal is done too. You'd have to
organize yourself to be able to sit for at least 10-15minutes and set it up
so you can watch him and the babes (so perhaps he has to sit in a less
desirable spot) but the easier part is that you control the time. You are
done when *you* say done, not when he relents and does something (like in
the above case).

He also knows the rules are that
if he serves himself food (and he is definitely at that age where he likes
to serve himself) then he must eat all he takes - he knows to start small
and have seconds and is usually real good with this, with the exception of
the 'dropping' and 'hiding'. If someone else serves him, he needs to eat
an acceptable amount and if he says he's full before the plate is done,
then there are no snacks until next meal (although he is more than welcome
to snack on the previous meal he filled up on)

You say you are allowing him to stop when he is full, or not eat things he
doesn't want etc - but IMO you aren't really doing that. You choose the
exceptable amount, not him. If he dishes up more then he wants maybe it
would be better to not allow him to dish things up himself next time. That
is a privealge for kids that can do it responsibly. I don't think you can
win the rule that he eats everything he dishes up because you can't *make* a
kid eat. They'll sit there all night, hide food in their pockets, under
boosters, in the chair, etc

My 6yo regularly wants more then he knows he can eat. One way we drove the
point home was with breakfast. He loves pancakes for breakfast and I make
them ahead of time and freeze them. I started making only 7 pancakes (one
for each day). He always wanted two, but only ever ate one. When he ran
out of pancakes because we through them in the sink he realized why it might
be wise to start small. He's now obsessed that I might run out of syrup but
it did help with the over dishing. He still does it but not nearly as bad.
Is there anything like that you might try?

Good luck!!


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

"Cindi - HappyMamatoThree" wrote in message
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"enigma" wrote in message
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"xkatx" wrote in
news:mNZ4i.51445$Xh3.19049@edtnps90:


"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:SYY4i.9905$xP.7120@trndny04...


I don't know about the picky eater thing but as for the
vacuuming thing, maybe put a sheet or something under his
seat so that if he drops food you can just pick up the
sheet and toss the food, then use the sheet again for
later meals. Other than that, kids go through phases
where they don't like anything. Hopefully it'll pass
soon. --


If he was 2, I would agree with the sheet idea. But he is
6.

Yes, I agree with this...

well, you can use a splat mat or you can keep
mopping/vacuuming the floor...
OR, you can make him clean up his own mess. don't allow him
to leave the table until he has swept around his chair &
picked all the food off it. he *can* do this. my kid was
taught to pick up his mess & put his dishes in the sink (after
scraping leftovers into either the garbage or the dog's dish)
when he was 3. it's part of his chores.
as far as him being a picky eater, we have a rule that you
must try one bite of an unfamiliar food. if you dislike it,
you don't have to eat it, but you also *cannot* say "yuck!" or
any variation thereof, you may not whine about it being on
your plate & you may not remove it from your plate.
personally, i don't serve Boo things he doesn't like. if i'm
making lasagna for us, i'll boil some bowtie noodles for him
at the same time. he doesn't like the mouth feel of lasagne &
i understand that. i will offer him a bite, in case his tastes
have changed, but it's not an issue if he chooses not to. i
don't make his father eat beets or lima beans either, although
Boo & i love them (with beets, daddy gets the greens, which
Boo doesn't care for & we get the beets sorry Barb! g).
mushrooms have a very distictive mouth feel too, which i
dislike, although i like the taste. cream of mushroom is ok.
chunks of mushroom are icky.
lee

Lee,

We have so found that it is often the texture and not the taste in so many
instances. Artichokes are the thing that comes to mind first. Our children
all love spinach and artichoke dip, but not artichokes steamed or
artichoke hearts in a salad. Green beans cooked to death are a no, but
slightly firm are a winner. Frozen or fresh peas are a yes, canned is
nasty.

I find I'm a very texture person. My mom is as well. I'm also a big
'smeller' - like my dad. I only noticed it when someone pointed it out to
me. I smell everything before eating/drinking/tasting it, even if I know
what it is and know already if I like it/don't like it.
Both my mom and I don't like watermelon simply because of the strange
texture. DS seems to dislike things based on visual only.
It's definitely not the taste - I have tossed stuff like onions and
mushrooms in the processor and mushed it up to almost noting, and DS eats it
fine. Green beans, another one I know he's not one for, I have put a jar of
baby food pureed green beans in something like a spaghetti sauce and he
doesn't notice (no one does, actually!)

With five of us I frequently cook something that has incredients others
don't like. The kids know to simply ignore what they don'e like and scoot
it over to the side. After one bite if they don't like it it's okay just
leave it.

And each child's mess is his own to clean up. Floor, chair, table around
their plate. Trash in the garbage, meat scraps to the dogs, etcetera.

Xkatx

You might try an idea my sister used with her sets of twins. She has 2
sets and all of them seem to have different food likes and dislikes, and
texture tolerances. So she used the tapas method of serving. Purchase some
custard cups or salsa bowls (small not pretty, the ones at the dollar
store are perfect) and allow them to have each food in a separate small
bowl. Yes it makes for a bit more washing, I know that. But if it means
there is no huge mess to clean up, and no tantrums at the table, etcetera
then it might be worth it. You might add that he rinses and puts his
dishes in the dishwasher when he is done. One of my nieces has such a
texture aversion that if foods were touching it would make her gag. Not
tantrum acting out, just the way she is, some odors do the same thing for
her.

Hm... I never knew about this, but I also know that to this day, I do NOT
like my food touching the other food. Until I moved away from home, I had
used a divided plate lol It was a plastic plate divided in 3 sections. I
believe my mom bought these when I was about 5, maybe. Just out of habit, I
always used them, even though they were plastic and very neon color (which
was, I might add, VERY popular back when I was about 5!)
I do find my stomach does a few flip-flops if N is eating. Certain things
make me almost lose my appetite if I see him do it. Steak, potatos, corn,
sour cream and cottage cheese. He will smear his meat right across the sour
cream AND cottage cheese and add a scoop of corn and a piece of potato on
his fork before he shoves it in his mouth. Me? I'll eat all the potatos
first. When those are done, I'll eat the meat. When that's done, I'll eat
the corn. At the end, I'll plop a bit of cottage cheese on the plate and
eat that. Again, I didn't even notice I did this until someone pointed it
out that I eat each item one at a time.
Now, abut the dishes being put in the dishwasher... Would be a lot easier if
I still had my dish washer... It broke and I got rid of it a while back, so
putting dirty dishes in me is not an idea - but DS is expected to take his
plate to the sink and scrape it in the garbage first (I HATE floating things
in the dish water...It's gross, and he knows that lol)
He doesn't seem to care if things mix - he often mixes things, like his dad.

I hope you find a good solution that works for all of you and doesn't turn
dinner into a battle ground

Cindi

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"xkatx" wrote:


"Banty" wrote in message
...

I used to take out a portion for my picky eater and then do the rest
of the cooking for the family. For instance she didn't want any sauce
at all on her spaghetti, so I would take some out before I put the
sauce on. What with microwaves etc now, you can even do this in
advance and just reheat.

And of course talk with him about what the food-dropping is doing and
why
it's
bad. And make him clean it up.

So you both work on this together.

Banty

Cleaning it up himself is definitely a very good and simple idea.
Sometimes, though, I don't check and he's already bolted from the table
and
gone. Calling him back often causes him to be defiant and just stand
there,
refusing, and pout. Often I will just do it myself because it's easier
than
having a toddler track it about everywhere. I think talking would help,
but
for this, I will have to find a way that works for HIM to talk, as he can
get difficult (as some do at this age, it seems!)

Bolting from the table is not acceptable table manners. Work on that
first (while you continue to do the cleaning up for him). We always
had to ask if we could be excused from the table, and sometimes the
answer was No.

Once you get that under control, then you can work on the food issue.

That sounds good.

Pouting is also not acceptable. Do not cave in and do it yourself. If
you have a SO, then maybe he can take some responsibility for
supervising the cleanup.

Ugh. This is one thing that, actually, drives me crazy. N will remind DS
to take his plate to the sink when he's done, but guess who leaves their
dirty plate on the table??? The one who told the kid to remember his plate!
Nothing drives me up a wall faster than when you (or he or she, whatever)
tells the child to do something but cannot do it themselves. N does this
all the time. DS will take his plate every time if reminded, most of the
time if not reminded, and it's often N that reminds. It's also me that has
to remind N to do the same. I do believe there are some things an adult can
do or not do that a child can or can't do, but for something like this, I do
believe that if you tell the kid to pick up his plate, you better do it as
well. I have, many times, called N back to the table to put his plate in
the sink. N has an issue with authority, and always has, and I simply get
an, "Alright, I'll do it in a bit." and I'll say, no, now please, as it
should have been done already. He'll sit there doing whatever he was doing
and I have left the plate and the next meal (usually breakfast for DS before
school) the dirty plate is still sitting there if I haven't picked it up.

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:Rm95i.51300$V75.44029@edtnps89...
Ugh. This is one thing that, actually, drives me crazy. N will
remind DS to take his plate to the sink when he's done, but guess
who leaves their dirty plate on the table???

I had this problem with my husband. When I pressed him, he said that
he worked hard all day and shouldn't *have* to take his own plate!
Maybe your husband subconsciously feels the same way. I did point out
that if he wants the kids to learn to take theirs, then he needs to
lead by example, and he got better. Not perfect, but better. And he
generally helps with the rest of the cleanup -- will even do it
himself if I'm busy or being lazy, so I can't complain.

Zorra