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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we got married in 2003). Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual type issues. I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real way to balance the issue. Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience with a similar situation, is appreciated. |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote: I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we got married in 2003). Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual type issues. I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real way to balance the issue. Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience with a similar situation, is appreciated. I think the best thing you can do for them is to breastfeed your new baby and let them see it! Let them know it's the most natural thing in the world, that it's what breasts are *for*. |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
You might ask him what exactly, is inconvenient about breastfeeding, in his mind? After all, it's not as if he's going to have to do it ;-) Point out to him just how *convenient* it will be. No bottles to fiddle with, no boiling water or mixing formula, no *buying* formula which is pretty expensive, no toting bottles on outings or worrying that the formula stays fresh, etc. absolutely there is no way that a bloke can consider breastfeeding inconvenient, it's definitely more convenient for them! He may be saying it out of concern for the women and he does have a point, breastfeeding can be very tieing, but it's all about attitude, heck, I'm the child's mother I'm going to have to look after them whatever way I feed them, breastfeeding infants are fairly portable anyway and there is aways pumping and bottles for special occasions (though if you want to do that, you do usually need to get them started on bottles in a timely fashion, usually about 4-6 weeks). To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that that is how mammals feed there young. I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I would totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some) and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to! Cheers Anne |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Anne Rogers wrote: ). To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that that is how mammals feed there young. I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I don't think this approach would be a great one for most 13 and 16 year olds. They KNOW where babies come from. They also know, on an intellectual level, that women produce milk in their breasts. I would totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some) and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to! This is the one that makes the most sense to me. Maybe I'm wrong here (having a teen-age daughter, and a teenage daughter who has ALWAYS known what breasts are for!), but I think the best approach to to say something much about it. Just as you are unlikely to be discussing the details of whether or not you have an epidural, or use cloth/disposible diapers, how you feed the baby is, on most levels, not really their concern. If they ask about it (why haven't you bought bottles yet? What kind of formula do you need?) you say, "Oh, I'll be breastfeeding the new baby. Otherwise, you just do it. (I think it makes sense to be a bit discreet about it initially, just as you might be with any other non-intimate family member, but there's certainly no reason to hide.) Naomi Cheers Anne |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote about breastfeeding with older
children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. I'm afraid I just don't see what is inconvenient about BF. Bottles to clean, fill, store, warm, etc. Now that is inconvenient. Covering yourself discreetly and breast feeding your baby almost anytime, almost anywhere. What could be more convenient? Sandie |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything. I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding your child is what breasts are really for... But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo boy. I think you are underestimating them, truly. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children. Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren. Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia. Absolutely. That will be key. But truly, I think you will find that this is no nearly as big a deal as you imagine. If you need some resources explaining why breastfeeding is a good idea, this might help: http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/bab...feed/8910.html http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug01p124.html http://www.hbns.org/getDocument.cfm?documentID=1300 http://www.chw.org/display/PPF/DocID/35498/router.asp http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding#Benefits I'm sure there are many more--that's just a quick search. Also, given that you are hoping to breastfeed in what may be a less than ideally supportive situation, you should probably take extra care to become as educated as you can. There are so very many misconceptions about breastfeeding, and they lead many women to incorrectly believe that they're not producing enough milk or even to take actions that sabotage the success of breastfeeding. Sadly, all too many people in healthcare are also underinformed about breastfeeding, so you can't always count on them to give you accurate information. Having good information and finding some friends who have successfully breastfed (and hanging around on m.k.b and m.k.p) will give you a much better likelihood of success. Best wishes, Ericka |
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