DNA TEST IS DONE...

A couple of weeks ago I posted a question about what I could do
legally regarding my ex-wife signing a Stipulation To Paternity a
couple years ago...I appreciate all of your input.

I am adopted. I was adopted at 2 weeks of age. I spent my entire life
looking at parents that bore no physical resemblance to me whatsoever.
If you are a son or daughter and were raised by a biological family
you never think twice about this. If you are adopted, at a certain
age, you pick up on the fact that you, in most cases, do not look like
your adoptive parents. One of the things I looked forward to in having
children was the facet of parenting that allows you to see yourself in
another human being.

In May 2003, when my first son was born, I noticed almost immediately,
that he looked nothing like me. Over the course of the next 3 years,
as he grew up, I have continued to notice no resemblance to me
whatsoever. Our second son was born in October 2004 - he is a spittin'
image of me. My ex wife claims the old adage, "One kids looks like the
mom and one like the dad...it rotates".

When our first son was born, we had recently, only about 3 months
prior, got back together again. We were rarely out of each other's
presence...carpooling to work etc...yet I cannot shake that my first
son looks nothing like me.

As I stated before, I love my son. The DNA test, regardless of the
outcome, will not change my love for him.

I have the right to be told the truth. Not only that, my son has the
right not to be lied to for perhaps his whole life about his
biological father. Being adopted, only furthers my passion for my son
to know who is biological father is.

The test result will be available in about a week and a half. I am
nervous, and I am scared about the possibility.

The mother has claimed, all along, with a calm and reassuring tenor,
that he is mine. She has had to say this over and over again because
everyone that sees our two sons together have a hard time believing
they are brothers.

Thank you again to everyone in this group that has provided advice and
support. I live in a small town in Southwestern Minnesota and have a
very small network of friends and family (I left them all to be a
closer father to these 2 boys).

I will post the results here when I have them...

Mark

"b8tovene" wrote in message
...
A couple of weeks ago I posted a question about what I could do
legally regarding my ex-wife signing a Stipulation To Paternity a
couple years ago...I appreciate all of your input.

I am adopted. I was adopted at 2 weeks of age. I spent my entire life
looking at parents that bore no physical resemblance to me whatsoever.
If you are a son or daughter and were raised by a biological family
you never think twice about this. If you are adopted, at a certain
age, you pick up on the fact that you, in most cases, do not look like
your adoptive parents. One of the things I looked forward to in having
children was the facet of parenting that allows you to see yourself in
another human being.

In May 2003, when my first son was born, I noticed almost immediately,
that he looked nothing like me. Over the course of the next 3 years,
as he grew up, I have continued to notice no resemblance to me
whatsoever. Our second son was born in October 2004 - he is a spittin'
image of me. My ex wife claims the old adage, "One kids looks like the
mom and one like the dad...it rotates".

When our first son was born, we had recently, only about 3 months
prior, got back together again. We were rarely out of each other's
presence...carpooling to work etc...yet I cannot shake that my first
son looks nothing like me.

As I stated before, I love my son. The DNA test, regardless of the
outcome, will not change my love for him.

I have the right to be told the truth. Not only that, my son has the
right not to be lied to for perhaps his whole life about his
biological father. Being adopted, only furthers my passion for my son
to know who is biological father is.

The test result will be available in about a week and a half. I am
nervous, and I am scared about the possibility.

The mother has claimed, all along, with a calm and reassuring tenor,
that he is mine. She has had to say this over and over again because
everyone that sees our two sons together have a hard time believing
they are brothers.

Thank you again to everyone in this group that has provided advice and
support. I live in a small town in Southwestern Minnesota and have a
very small network of friends and family (I left them all to be a
closer father to these 2 boys).

I will post the results here when I have them...

I really hope it works out well for you. My brother and his wife have 6
children. 3 boys, 3 girls. One of the boys and 2 of the girls look exactly
like their mother. The other 3 look exactly like my brother. When the kids
are together, it looks like *2* families sitting together. You would not
begin to believe that they are siblings. So it does happen--and I certainly
hope it does for you!

In article , b8tovene says...
...................

The mother has claimed, all along, with a calm and reassuring tenor,
that he is mine. She has had to say this over and over again because
everyone that sees our two sons together have a hard time believing
they are brothers.
====
This I do not understand....there are many bio siblings who do not resemble each
other. My third born does not look like any of my other kids and my oldest born
is adopted and, in his baby pictures, he and my second born look like
twins--even though they have no common blood.
====

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"b8tovene" wrote in message
...
A couple of weeks ago I posted a question about what I could do
legally regarding my ex-wife signing a Stipulation To Paternity a
couple years ago...I appreciate all of your input.

I am adopted. I was adopted at 2 weeks of age. I spent my entire life
looking at parents that bore no physical resemblance to me whatsoever.
If you are a son or daughter and were raised by a biological family
you never think twice about this. If you are adopted, at a certain
age, you pick up on the fact that you, in most cases, do not look like
your adoptive parents. One of the things I looked forward to in having
children was the facet of parenting that allows you to see yourself in
another human being.

In May 2003, when my first son was born, I noticed almost immediately,
that he looked nothing like me. Over the course of the next 3 years,
as he grew up, I have continued to notice no resemblance to me
whatsoever. Our second son was born in October 2004 - he is a spittin'
image of me. My ex wife claims the old adage, "One kids looks like the
mom and one like the dad...it rotates".

When our first son was born, we had recently, only about 3 months
prior, got back together again. We were rarely out of each other's
presence...carpooling to work etc...yet I cannot shake that my first
son looks nothing like me.

As I stated before, I love my son. The DNA test, regardless of the
outcome, will not change my love for him.

I have the right to be told the truth. Not only that, my son has the
right not to be lied to for perhaps his whole life about his
biological father. Being adopted, only furthers my passion for my son
to know who is biological father is.

The test result will be available in about a week and a half. I am
nervous, and I am scared about the possibility.

The mother has claimed, all along, with a calm and reassuring tenor,
that he is mine. She has had to say this over and over again because
everyone that sees our two sons together have a hard time believing
they are brothers.

Thank you again to everyone in this group that has provided advice and
support. I live in a small town in Southwestern Minnesota and have a
very small network of friends and family (I left them all to be a
closer father to these 2 boys).

I will post the results here when I have them...

I really hope it works out well for you. My brother and his wife have 6
children. 3 boys, 3 girls. One of the boys and 2 of the girls look
exactly
like their mother. The other 3 look exactly like my brother. When the
kids
are together, it looks like *2* families sitting together. You would
not
begin to believe that they are siblings. So it does happen--and I
certainly
hope it does for you!

My dad was 5'4, 130 lbs, all five of us boys ended up over 6 and over 200
lb.

It was a generational skip

On Thu, 31 Mar 2005 17:55:18 -0600, b8tovene wrote:

One of the things I looked forward to in having children was the facet
of parenting that allows you to see yourself in another human being.

Sometimes children look nothing like either parent and sometimes it
takes some more aging to resemble a parent physically. However, as a
parent of three, I can tell you it is even more exciting to "see
yourself" in them when you realize that they are doing something as
you would do it.

In May 2003, when my first son was born, I noticed almost immediately,
that he looked nothing like me. Over the course of the next 3 years,
as he grew up, I have continued to notice no resemblance to me
whatsoever. Our second son was born in October 2004 - he is a spittin'
image of me. My ex wife claims the old adage, "One kids looks like the
mom and one like the dad...it rotates".

When my ex's and my first child was born, he looked so little like my
ex that my ex's parents tried to convince him that his son wasn't his.
Then, 14 months later, we had another son who was, and is to this day,
the spitting image of his father. Amazingly, however, strangers have
asked if they were twins their entire lives. It took my neighbor
(since the boys were ages 4 and 5) years to distinguish one from the
other but they have always looked quite different to me. The older
son, I am told, favors me yet I can see his father's mother's family's
nose on his face. His younger brother has that nose, too, although it
is more pronounced. The "family nose" wasn't apparent until he was
reaching puberty, though.

As I stated before, I love my son. The DNA test, regardless of the
outcome, will not change my love for him.

But it has the possibility of changing things forever regardless of
the outcome. If the tests come back stating he is not yours, then you
face the possibility of never being allowed to see him again
(depending on your state's rules of paternity from a child born within
a marriage) legally. Even if child support and visitation continue,
your ex can use this information against your ability to ever have a
good relationship with him. Even worse would be her ability to use
this information (that you didn't believe he was yours) to taint a
relationship even if the DNA tests confirm you are his father.

I have the right to be told the truth. Not only that, my son has the
right not to be lied to for perhaps his whole life about his
biological father. Being adopted, only furthers my passion for my son
to know who is biological father is.

I am adopted as well and understand your passion, believing that it is
easier for a child to know from the beginning (as I knew I was adopted
my entire life) than to find out later (one of my high school friends
did and it devastated her). Regardless of what I said above, I think
you did the right thing if it was for the reasons you state... and I
have no reason to disbelieve you. I just hope that if your ex does
try to manipulate the relationship because of this that your son can
come to an understanding as to why you felt this was a necessary thing
to do.

May I suggest something? Write down how you feel about being adopted
and not knowing your biological parents. Write down how confused you
felt when he was born looking nothing like you and your concerns about
his welfare in the certaintly of biological parentage. Mail this to
yourself (to get a postmark date) and put it away unopened in a safe
place when it arrives. Ten or twenty years down the road, it can
serve as a time capsule for your son to know that you have always
loved him but had special concerns given that you did not know your
biological parents yourself. Regardless of what your ex may do to
manipulate the relationship, you will have something to show him "how
it really was back in 2005" when he is mature enough for it to make a
difference. Hopefully, you'll never have to give him that unopened
letter, but should you need to... it is important you do it now,
before you know the results.

I will post the results here when I have them...

I wish you all the best.