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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's



 
 
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  #31  
Old September 19th 06, 06:29 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


Jamie Clark wrote:


But it's not any more difficult to explain to a teenage boy what
breastfeeding is all about, whether he is yours by birth or not. Perhaps
this is obvious, but sit and think about how you'd explain it to him/them if
they were yours by birth. How would you do it, and what words would you
use. Think about what tone you'd take, and how you would explain it, then
pretend that they are all biologically yours, and sit them down and explain
it to them. It's pretty straight forrward. I'd have you and your husband
and all the boys sit down together, and be very straightforward. "Breasts
are a sexual thing in our society, but they are also, first and formost, for
feeding babies. Breasts make milk, and babies feed from them. I'm going to
be breastfeeding the new baby, and you might be uncomfortable with the idea
at first, but you will get used to it, because it is a natural thing. I
will make an effort to be discrete, but at some point you may catch a
glimpse of my skin, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have any
questions or want to talk about it in more detail, I'd be happy to talk to
you some more. In the meantime, here are some books that talk about
breastfeeding and show some photos. Feel free to look at them. I'm here if
you want to talk."

It's really not that difficult or complicated.


I agree fully with what you said, but I do see a small complication: if
the birthmother is involved in their lives, and doesn't view
breastfeeding in this light, and DOES see it as a sexual thing from
which her boys should be shielded, the step mom discussing this with
HER kids may cause significant problems with her. That may not be a big
deal, but perhaps they wish to avoid complicating further what could
already be a delicate relationship. (I've no idea about the birth mom
here, just offering a possibility). This is further complicated by a
father who is also not on board.

First things first - get dad on board. I agree with others who stated
just do it and let them ask questions then respond. But if you do feel
a discussion is warranted, get dad involved and have him explain to his
sons. I see that as a good learning lesson for them - coming from the
father's perspective, helping them to see how they can be as fathers.

  #32  
Old September 19th 06, 06:30 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
2drinksbehind
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Posts: 12
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

OK, so far there's been a lot of good advice. Thank you all! I didn't
realize I was starting such a "popular" thread.

With that said, Of course, I will TRY to be discrete NO MATTER where I
am BF'ing... that is just my nature and personality. Like some have
suggested, no matter how we approach the issue I'm sure there will at
least be a quick moment of awkwardness (even for myself) at first -
which, as everyone gets use to the idea will quickly subside.

Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys
are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel"
or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just
going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky,
that's my step mom" and not because of anything else.

I guess I will probably talk more about it with my husband to help him
see where I am coming from in my desire to BF and why it IS so
important. As for the boys, we'll figure it out I guess... I'm
thinking that I will probably talk, kind of informally, to the 16 yo
first and get him "on board" first and then I will talk to his younger
brothers. I'm not really looking for their approval, just want to give
them a "heads-up" and keep them informed and give them a chance to
voice any questions they may have.. or at least let them know that they
can ask me if they have a legitimate question.

Thanks again all!


Ericka Kammerer wrote:
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the
importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're
implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help
avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a
teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her
step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly
some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the
children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people,
or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible.
If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?


I think so. If you're saying that it would be a
good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at
home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that.
I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private"
at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front
of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme
and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not
strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense.
As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is
whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately
provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to
avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm
pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching
halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become
capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life,
which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some
reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll
cope.

Best wishes,
Ericka


  #33  
Old September 19th 06, 06:33 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
2drinksbehind
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Posts: 12
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Very good point... well said! I would expect them to deal with it if
they ran into it in public...

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as
BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to
be directly applied to this particular home situation.


Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

Best wishes,
Ericka


  #34  
Old September 19th 06, 06:41 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
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Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article ews.net,
FrisbeeŽ
says...


They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced
the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd
understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying
that's right, I am saying it's natural, however.


Yeah right - Ericka (or I, by implication) would not have any clue what
having
raging hormones would feel like, it just never came up for people like
us...
:-/

I basically agree with you that simple discretion is called for, similar
to
pulling on a bathrobe to go from the shower to get a cup of coffee in the
kitchen, but you seem unable to make your point without inserting a lower
extremity into your facial orifice.


If'n I could do that, I'd be way too busy to post here :-) (I knew what you
meant)


  #35  
Old September 19th 06, 06:48 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
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Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the
mother be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing
the importance only at home and only because of her special situation.
You're implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion
to help avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having
once been a teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most
likely be of her step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many
reasons, admitedly some of them even selfish, but most importantly for
the health of the children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can-
avoid offending people, or in this case, arousing people, one should
strive to do so if possible. If it's not possible, then forget about it.
Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?


I think so. If you're saying that it would be a
good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at
home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that.
I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private"
at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front
of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme
and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not
strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense.
As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is
whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately
provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to
avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm
pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching
halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become
capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life,
which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some
reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll
cope.


I think we're much closer to being on the same page now, thanks.


  #36  
Old September 19th 06, 06:53 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
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Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"cjra" wrote in message
ps.com...

FrisbeeŽ wrote:
"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03...
"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message
reenews.net...
One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.


Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should
their faulty impression be corrected?


Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become
aroused by seeing your breasts?


on't teenaged boys get aroused by *everything*? That's basically what
:most men willing to admit it claim...

Yes, in fact that pretty much carries thoughout our lives. In fact, I'm
strangely turned-on by your reply! (j/k of course)

I seriously doubt that this will reverse
the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's
what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's
erotic
to them.


:I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic.
I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones
:right now)

The act of nursing itself, yes. Probably is to a majority of teens, and
most men. The exposure of nekkid boobs? No, that's not gross unless they
have an alternative sexual preference.

I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all
of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to
control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts?


:Not at all. Why should they? They should control their responses to
:those urges, but urges themselves? they're natural.

Well put, thanks.


:I just don't think
:it's very likely they're turned on by the site of their step mom
:breastfeeding. In fact, it will probably turn them off boobs for awhile.


Well, if step-mom is (or looks like) Nichole Kidman, Terri Hatcher, or some
other hawt person, the opposite might happen. Yeah, seeing my step-mom (who
I didn't live with) in this situation might have scarred me for life, heh.


  #37  
Old September 19th 06, 06:57 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
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Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far
as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is
meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation.


Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?


I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself
clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most
BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be
as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the
situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should.
In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he
is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's
going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole
even deeper?


  #38  
Old September 19th 06, 06:59 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
FrisbeeŽ
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 45
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

wrote in message
ups.com...
Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys
are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel"
or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just
going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky,
that's my step mom" and not because of anything else.

Whew, I am SO GLAD that you, the OP, did not take any offense at my reply as
it would seem some did. I assure you all that I am not trolling, and have
been sincere, although apparently inept at expressing my thoughts and
ideas...


  #39  
Old September 19th 06, 07:28 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: 2,293
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

FrisbeeŽ wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far
as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is
meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation.

Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?


I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself
clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most
BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be
as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the
situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should.
In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he
is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's
going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole
even deeper?


Hey, far be it from me to try to send anyone packing ;-)
For myself, I wasn't any more or less discreet at home than
in public when it came to breastfeeding, so I suppose I
didn't think of someone being discreet in public and baring
it all at home. To me, it wasn't any less convenient to
be discreet, so I'm not sure why I would have. So, any
teenagers around the house wouldn't have been exposed to
anything more than passers by in public would have been
exposed to, hence my confusion.
Also, speaking as a mother of sons, I think part
of my job is to send my sons into the world capable of
dealing with things like women breastfeeding. Despite
the issues you raise, I really do think that the nursing
would become old hat fairly quickly. Babies have a way
of making that happen ;-)
As an aside, while I don't think indiscreet public
breastfeeding is a good idea (particularly since it gets
some people too riled up and anti-breastfeeding), there
was a woman at my son's dance studio years ago who had
absolutely no inhibitions about breastfeeding (she wasn't
US-born). She'd be wearing a little sundress and would
just drop the whole top of the dress to nurse, and
hardly noticed if her babe pulled off and left her
exposed for some time before she noticed. While most
of the folks around were women (usually moms waiting
while dance class was going on), there were also men
and boys around. As far as I could tell, while some
folks raised an eyebrow, not a single person wigged
out over it. Folks just went about their business.
I didn't think her actions were appropriate, but I
am heartened to see that others' reactions weren't
over the top.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #40  
Old September 19th 06, 07:33 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
bizby40
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Posts: 404
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message
reenews.net...
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
FrisbeeŽ wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home.
As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that.
My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home
situation.


Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?


I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express
myself clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think
most BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might
not try to be as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the
KIDS should treat the situations differently, but that perhaps the
mother (in this case) should. In public, the child might see some
"skin" of a total stranger, someone he is not likely to see again.
At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's going to be seeing a
lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my
hole even deeper?


I have to say that even when I was breast-feeding completely alone and
in private, there was generally very little to see. I would pull up
my t-shirt (never bothered with maternity shirts) just enough to allow
access, and because of the way I was holding the baby, it would have
been difficult to see any skin at all. I wasn't doing this on purpose
or for reasons of modesty, it's just what was easiest and most
convenient for me. More is likely exposed with buttoned shirts, but I
must not have been wearing many of those.....

What I'm getting at is that the mom can nurse relatively privately
with no extra effort required. I really think this is going to turn
out to be a non-issue in the long run. Most likely everybody will
feel a little awkward for the first week or so, and then they'll all
get over it.

Bizby


 




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