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#31
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Jamie Clark wrote: But it's not any more difficult to explain to a teenage boy what breastfeeding is all about, whether he is yours by birth or not. Perhaps this is obvious, but sit and think about how you'd explain it to him/them if they were yours by birth. How would you do it, and what words would you use. Think about what tone you'd take, and how you would explain it, then pretend that they are all biologically yours, and sit them down and explain it to them. It's pretty straight forrward. I'd have you and your husband and all the boys sit down together, and be very straightforward. "Breasts are a sexual thing in our society, but they are also, first and formost, for feeding babies. Breasts make milk, and babies feed from them. I'm going to be breastfeeding the new baby, and you might be uncomfortable with the idea at first, but you will get used to it, because it is a natural thing. I will make an effort to be discrete, but at some point you may catch a glimpse of my skin, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have any questions or want to talk about it in more detail, I'd be happy to talk to you some more. In the meantime, here are some books that talk about breastfeeding and show some photos. Feel free to look at them. I'm here if you want to talk." It's really not that difficult or complicated. I agree fully with what you said, but I do see a small complication: if the birthmother is involved in their lives, and doesn't view breastfeeding in this light, and DOES see it as a sexual thing from which her boys should be shielded, the step mom discussing this with HER kids may cause significant problems with her. That may not be a big deal, but perhaps they wish to avoid complicating further what could already be a delicate relationship. (I've no idea about the birth mom here, just offering a possibility). This is further complicated by a father who is also not on board. First things first - get dad on board. I agree with others who stated just do it and let them ask questions then respond. But if you do feel a discussion is warranted, get dad involved and have him explain to his sons. I see that as a good learning lesson for them - coming from the father's perspective, helping them to see how they can be as fathers. |
#32
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
OK, so far there's been a lot of good advice. Thank you all! I didn't
realize I was starting such a "popular" thread. With that said, Of course, I will TRY to be discrete NO MATTER where I am BF'ing... that is just my nature and personality. Like some have suggested, no matter how we approach the issue I'm sure there will at least be a quick moment of awkwardness (even for myself) at first - which, as everyone gets use to the idea will quickly subside. Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel" or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky, that's my step mom" and not because of anything else. I guess I will probably talk more about it with my husband to help him see where I am coming from in my desire to BF and why it IS so important. As for the boys, we'll figure it out I guess... I'm thinking that I will probably talk, kind of informally, to the 16 yo first and get him "on board" first and then I will talk to his younger brothers. I'm not really looking for their approval, just want to give them a "heads-up" and keep them informed and give them a chance to voice any questions they may have.. or at least let them know that they can ask me if they have a legitimate question. Thanks again all! Ericka Kammerer wrote: FrisbeeŽ wrote: I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people, or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible. If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first. Is that any clearer? I think so. If you're saying that it would be a good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that. I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private" at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense. As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life, which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll cope. Best wishes, Ericka |
#33
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Very good point... well said! I would expect them to deal with it if
they ran into it in public... Ericka Kammerer wrote: FrisbeeŽ wrote: I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation. Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little confused about that. Why the difference? Best wishes, Ericka |
#34
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Banty" wrote in message
... In article ews.net, FrisbeeŽ says... They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying that's right, I am saying it's natural, however. Yeah right - Ericka (or I, by implication) would not have any clue what having raging hormones would feel like, it just never came up for people like us... :-/ I basically agree with you that simple discretion is called for, similar to pulling on a bathrobe to go from the shower to get a cup of coffee in the kitchen, but you seem unable to make your point without inserting a lower extremity into your facial orifice. If'n I could do that, I'd be way too busy to post here :-) (I knew what you meant) |
#35
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
... FrisbeeŽ wrote: I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people, or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible. If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first. Is that any clearer? I think so. If you're saying that it would be a good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that. I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private" at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense. As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life, which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll cope. I think we're much closer to being on the same page now, thanks. |
#36
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"cjra" wrote in message
ps.com... FrisbeeŽ wrote: "Stephanie" wrote in message news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03... "FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message reenews.net... One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should their faulty impression be corrected? Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become aroused by seeing your breasts? on't teenaged boys get aroused by *everything*? That's basically what :most men willing to admit it claim... Yes, in fact that pretty much carries thoughout our lives. In fact, I'm strangely turned-on by your reply! (j/k of course) I seriously doubt that this will reverse the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic to them. :I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic. I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones :right now) The act of nursing itself, yes. Probably is to a majority of teens, and most men. The exposure of nekkid boobs? No, that's not gross unless they have an alternative sexual preference. I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts? :Not at all. Why should they? They should control their responses to :those urges, but urges themselves? they're natural. Well put, thanks. :I just don't think :it's very likely they're turned on by the site of their step mom :breastfeeding. In fact, it will probably turn them off boobs for awhile. Well, if step-mom is (or looks like) Nichole Kidman, Terri Hatcher, or some other hawt person, the opposite might happen. Yeah, seeing my step-mom (who I didn't live with) in this situation might have scarred me for life, heh. |
#37
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
... FrisbeeŽ wrote: I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation. Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little confused about that. Why the difference? I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose. I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should. In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended). Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole even deeper? |
#38
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote in message
ups.com... Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel" or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky, that's my step mom" and not because of anything else. Whew, I am SO GLAD that you, the OP, did not take any offense at my reply as it would seem some did. I assure you all that I am not trolling, and have been sincere, although apparently inept at expressing my thoughts and ideas... |
#39
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
FrisbeeŽ wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message ... FrisbeeŽ wrote: I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation. Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little confused about that. Why the difference? I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose. I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should. In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended). Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole even deeper? Hey, far be it from me to try to send anyone packing ;-) For myself, I wasn't any more or less discreet at home than in public when it came to breastfeeding, so I suppose I didn't think of someone being discreet in public and baring it all at home. To me, it wasn't any less convenient to be discreet, so I'm not sure why I would have. So, any teenagers around the house wouldn't have been exposed to anything more than passers by in public would have been exposed to, hence my confusion. Also, speaking as a mother of sons, I think part of my job is to send my sons into the world capable of dealing with things like women breastfeeding. Despite the issues you raise, I really do think that the nursing would become old hat fairly quickly. Babies have a way of making that happen ;-) As an aside, while I don't think indiscreet public breastfeeding is a good idea (particularly since it gets some people too riled up and anti-breastfeeding), there was a woman at my son's dance studio years ago who had absolutely no inhibitions about breastfeeding (she wasn't US-born). She'd be wearing a little sundress and would just drop the whole top of the dress to nurse, and hardly noticed if her babe pulled off and left her exposed for some time before she noticed. While most of the folks around were women (usually moms waiting while dance class was going on), there were also men and boys around. As far as I could tell, while some folks raised an eyebrow, not a single person wigged out over it. Folks just went about their business. I didn't think her actions were appropriate, but I am heartened to see that others' reactions weren't over the top. Best wishes, Ericka |
#40
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message reenews.net... "Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message ... FrisbeeŽ wrote: I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation. Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little confused about that. Why the difference? I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose. I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should. In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended). Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole even deeper? I have to say that even when I was breast-feeding completely alone and in private, there was generally very little to see. I would pull up my t-shirt (never bothered with maternity shirts) just enough to allow access, and because of the way I was holding the baby, it would have been difficult to see any skin at all. I wasn't doing this on purpose or for reasons of modesty, it's just what was easiest and most convenient for me. More is likely exposed with buttoned shirts, but I must not have been wearing many of those..... What I'm getting at is that the mom can nurse relatively privately with no extra effort required. I really think this is going to turn out to be a non-issue in the long run. Most likely everybody will feel a little awkward for the first week or so, and then they'll all get over it. Bizby |
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