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Opposites don't always attract...
"Kristi Carney" wrote in message Dennis, NO! I'm not taking the moral high ground. I take just as much responsibility for my pregnancy and the birth and raising of my daughter as I've ever had. I think you missed my point. IMO you have spent too much time slagging off the fathers lifestyle when only a few years ago anyone could say the same about you. It makes you sound like a hypocrite. You know what? I hate it when it feels as though 'support' is more or less like attack. Touch a nerve did I? You may be a single parent, but you will NEVER be a single mother. Good for me. It means I never get to play the femme fatale. You didn't go through nine months (40 weeks is technically 10 months) of pregnancy. I shifted to auto-pilot... so part of me wants to say "screw you"... the other part of me wants to clarify. Go on, screw me :-p Age 21-22.... who knows what the hell they are doing?! I sure didn't. I am admitting that.. here at age 28. YES... I have grown up... 5 years later.. NO... my daughter's father HASN'T grown up. He was never supportive during the pregnancy... and he was never an involved father, period... and when I finally got tired of being someone's douche bag by all respects... I kicked him out... and for that... I got a year of harassment and threats and panic and anxiety attacks. So.. if you think that's fair... whatever. I don't have to explain or justify anything to you... because you don't live this. And five years later you are still revelling in it. When are you going to drop all this negative stuff, it is taking up far too much energy that should be used for more positive thoughts. It's easy to say I'm on some moral high horse... but you don't know me well enough to say that... and that's not a fair statement, period. It's sometimes rough in these group discussion board settings to intimate everything that I'm thinking and feeling... and even more difficult to put in the necessary emphasis and voice inflections... Quite right. So I say it as I read it and I did not like what I read. but... in no way have I hampered anything that's gone on in his life... I tried to work things out amicably...even took my daughter up to see him every other weekend for the first year... and when I was still getting abused... Well is that a bold generalisation or are you some kind of masochist? I said screw this and went to court... to have visitation set up and child support ordered.. does he follow the court order? Not at all. He doesn't visit his daughter. He doesn't call to see about her... [[[Yawn]]]] and me... I've been given the lovely task of being civil... being accommodating.. of "being the bigger person" all the time... and get what? I get flack from someone like you who just sees black and white... not grey... and the fact that I AM being a parent... and the fact that HE isn't... period... end of story. So your the custodial parent doing the job the court gave you. So what? That is what most of us here do and without playing the martyr about it. Do I think people can change? Yes.. I hope that they do and will change as they mature... but has it happened in 5 years? Not yet. Stick with it. It took my sons mother three years to get around to an overnight and five years to manage a week's holiday with her son. Part of my job of being a cusdodial parent was to facilite it and do you know what? I was delighted for both of them and am continually thankfull that I never wrote her off. And believe me, I could have done so many times as the regulars here all know. So.. if I'm on moral high ground... I have a right to sound that way... when I'm being both mother and father. Then stop, you will fail anyway. By trying to be both you are setting yourself up for major disapointment when you realise you never can be. You may not see it that way because you HAVE stepped up to the plate... but I see it that way when he has not. Like I said before, stop judging from where you are now. In fact stop judging, stop whinging, stop playing the martyr and channel all the energy into something more positive. Dennis |
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