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#1
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No Wrap Shower
We are expecting 100+ guests at our baby shower. Is their a
polite, acceptable way to ask that gifts not be wrapped? We we thinking a gift table to display the gifts, so people can view as they please throughout the shower. We would also spend a half hour or so to officially recognize the gifts. We just want to avoid a 2 hour gift opening session. It won't be fun for the guests or us!! |
#2
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No Wrap Shower
HELP!! wrote:
We are expecting 100+ guests at our baby shower. Is their a polite, acceptable way to ask that gifts not be wrapped? No. Who planned this monstrosity of a shower anyway? At some point, you've made your bed and you lie in it. I just don't see any way that you can politely say to people, "All those gifts you spent your hard earned time and money on are just too much trouble for us to open, so please don't bother to wrap them." No matter how you phrase it, that's how it's likely to come across. We we thinking a gift table to display the gifts, so people can view as they please throughout the shower. We would also spend a half hour or so to officially recognize the gifts. We just want to avoid a 2 hour gift opening session. It won't be fun for the guests or us!! Because a shower is the only type of adult party where guests are required to bring gifts, it confers special obligations on the guests of honor and on the people who plan the shower to avoid looking like a greedy gift-grub. That's why people are not allowed to throw themselves or close relatives showers, shower guests are supposed to be very close friends, and the gifts are supposed to be small, almost token gifts. You've stretched things by having a shower this big, but you still have to act as if this the gathering of intimate friends it ought to be. One possibility for the shower is that you plan a set of activities for the guests so that they're enjoying themselves, and you gather small groups of guests together throughout the party and open their gifts. You will be kept busy with the gift opening, but at least your guests won't be tied down to it and you'll be able to provide some of that more personal attention to each guest and the gift they chose for you. Best wishes, Ericka |
#3
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No Wrap Shower
Thanks for the reply Ericka. I know it sounds funny, but this
monstrosity is intimate. We are both from large families and have 20 aunts & uncles and 60+ first cousins. Include a very trimmed down list of close friends and you get a 100+ guest shower, all of which expect to be invited. On Jun 19, 8:32 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote: HELP!! wrote: We are expecting 100+ guests at our baby shower. Is their a polite, acceptable way to ask that gifts not be wrapped? No. Who planned this monstrosity of a shower anyway? At some point, you've made your bed and you lie in it. I just don't see any way that you can politely say to people, "All those gifts you spent your hard earned time and money on are just too much trouble for us to open, so please don't bother to wrap them." No matter how you phrase it, that's how it's likely to come across. We we thinking a gift table to display the gifts, so people can view as they please throughout the shower. We would also spend a half hour or so to officially recognize the gifts. We just want to avoid a 2 hour gift opening session. It won't be fun for the guests or us!! Because a shower is the only type of adult party where guests are required to bring gifts, it confers special obligations on the guests of honor and on the people who plan the shower to avoid looking like a greedy gift-grub. That's why people are not allowed to throw themselves or close relatives showers, shower guests are supposed to be very close friends, and the gifts are supposed to be small, almost token gifts. You've stretched things by having a shower this big, but you still have to act as if this the gathering of intimate friends it ought to be. One possibility for the shower is that you plan a set of activities for the guests so that they're enjoying themselves, and you gather small groups of guests together throughout the party and open their gifts. You will be kept busy with the gift opening, but at least your guests won't be tied down to it and you'll be able to provide some of that more personal attention to each guest and the gift they chose for you. Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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No Wrap Shower
On Jun 19, 5:48 am, HELP!! wrote:
Thanks for the reply Ericka. I know it sounds funny, but this monstrosity is intimate. We are both from large families and have 20 aunts & uncles and 60+ first cousins. Include a very trimmed down list of close friends and you get a 100+ guest shower, all of which expect to be invited. It may be too late for this, but with a shower this large, you are likely to end up with way too much baby stuff. Could it be turned into a baby advice shower? Each guest writes a baby tip on a 3x5 notecard. Guests who wanted to could also bring gifts. --Betsy |
#5
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No Wrap Shower
HELP!! wrote:
Thanks for the reply Ericka. I know it sounds funny, but this monstrosity is intimate. We are both from large families and have 20 aunts & uncles and 60+ first cousins. Include a very trimmed down list of close friends and you get a 100+ guest shower, all of which expect to be invited. I realise this is of no actual help to you, but... good heavens, how many close friends do you have? 20 aunts and uncles and 60+ first cousins still adds up to 20 short of 100+, so, if my arithmetic is correct, that means your very trimmed-down list of close friends still includes an average of 10 people each! All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#6
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No Wrap Shower
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote
Because a shower is the only type of adult party where guests are required to bring gifts, it confers special obligations on the guests of honor and on the people who plan the shower to avoid looking like a greedy gift-grub. That's why people are not allowed to throw themselves or close relatives showers, shower guests are supposed to be very close friends, and the gifts are supposed to be small, almost token gifts. You've stretched things by having a shower this big, but you still have to act as if this the gathering of intimate friends it ought to be. One possibility for the shower is that you plan a set of activities for the guests so that they're enjoying themselves, and you gather small groups of guests together throughout the party and open their gifts. You will be kept busy with the gift opening, but at least your guests won't be tied down to it and you'll be able to provide some of that more personal attention to each guest and the gift they chose for you. I agree. I wish more people used some etiquette and manners in the execution of their baby showers. The ONLY way I know of to have a "no wrap" shower is for the *people who are throwing it and totally not related to the parents to be* to throw it as that type of shower, and I've never heard of that. But I suppose it's possible if it's thrown as a No Wrap Shower, similar to other themed showers people have like Lingerie Showers for weddings. Personally, I think it's tacky even if it's friends who do all the throwing, for someone to have extremely huge showers OR mulitple showers. I mean, it's one thing to have a shower in each "circle" such as shower thrown by coworkers and then another thrown by friends which family will attend. But let me introduce you to my sister in law. She had 5, count them, 5 showers for her FIRST baby and some people were invited to 3 or 4 of those showers. SOOOO tacky to invite the same person to several showers to where they feel obligated to bring gift after gift after gift! My SIL planned her showers and put friends up to throwing them for her. Not only that but she dictated themes and this is how people got invited to 3-4 showers- she decided to have a "Baby Gear Shower", then a separate "Clothing Shower" and then a "DIaper Shower" and a "Toy Shower"! She might as well just have sent cards to everyone and said "Hey, you have to buy me an outfit, a toy, a baby gear item, and a bag of diapers- not just one gift, but one of each". SOme people grudgingly attended one or two but a lot of people did not. In addition, she had someone throw her a shower at a large church where she didn't know half the people but they were invited due to her being a member's friend. She received all-themed gifts at this shower and I remember her counting her outfits and she had something like 80 baby outfits from just this one shower. The whole family talked about her, like "Oink oink!!" Because she had shower, after shower, after shower until she reached everyone she knew- not friends, jyst acquaintances. It was the tackiest thing I have ever seen. To this day. And she DID put little stipulations on the guests, no No Wrap specifically, but she did do a lot of dictating as to exactly what she wanted. Oink indeed. This isn't the same thing at all, but a girl I used to work with is pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, through in vitro. Her sister is throwing her a shower at work. She has already had one shower and the work one is going to be just as huge. She went to a store to register, and she filled up the memory card on the scanner- she had to go back to the service desk and get an additional scanner because she registered for so much stuff, the scanner wouldn't take any more. People think this is sort of tacky, too. Her registry is unbelievable. Everything on the shelf it seems. I know she's having twins but her sister has kids and has given her a lot of hand me downs too. Also, when you have twins, you don't need to register for 2 of everything but she seems to think (well this was SAID) "Why not, since others are buying it??" So she registered for 2 high chairs ($120 each), 2 bouncy seats, 2 cribs, 2 swings. I told my husband you'd need 2 car seats. and maybe 2 high chairs would be handy. But you can surely do with one bouncer and one swing- but one baby in the swing and one in the bouncer, then swap them later. Etc. I don't know, it just seems like people get tacky with the showers and this is IMHO. I know it causes a lot of people to avoid attending more than one showr and I know some people who didn't attend one, they thought it was "safer" just to send a gift. Sad.. On the shower note...the girl w/ twins' sister had 2 babies a couple of years apart and had showers at work. Some people at work thought it was tacky for her to have a shower for a second kid when it had only been 1-2 years since they went in and bought the stroller, carseat, high chair, etc- she got almost everything she needed from the work shower. People felt like they had just bought all that stuff, she could have used it again. But I noticed that she didn't register for the big baby gear, she registered for diapers, baby wash, wipes, and things like that.Now that I am pregnant with #2, someone wants to throw me a shower. With #1 I only had ONE shower, and it was small. I received a lot of helpful things but we also bought a lot of what we needed ourselves. I saved **everything**- clothes, swing, bouncer, crib, car seat, stroller. Toys etc. This person really wants to throw me a little shower again, it would be the same people as last time. It's been just over 4 years. I am debating if it's rude to "turn down" a shower, and I am debating if it's rude to let her throw the shower but have her somehow let people know that we saved everything and will only need some basics and mostly diapers and wipes. I don't want to dictate my shower, you know? I thought maybe it's better etiquette to put up a small registry that she can enclose on the invitations and if people go look, they'll SEE that it's small, and contains mostly necessities such as diapers.?? Or just let her throw the shower and say nothing at all and maybe people will get things like that anyway? My husband still works with these people and he doesn't want to have another shower thrown for us, he doesn't want for anyone to be able to comment that it's our 2nd shower. Are 2nd baby showers (meaning showers for Baby #2) tacky in general? Money is a LOT tighter this time so if someone did throw us a diaper shower that would help out tons. But I just don't want to seem like I am trying to GET people to. I don't care if they don't, so I have also just felt like we can just let people get us gifts if they want to without them feeling like they have to because of a shower. |
#7
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No Wrap Shower
Instead of a single shower that you invited a 100 people to, you could have
had 3 showers -- one for dh's side of the family, one for your side of the family, and one for close friends. That way you would have had about 30 people at each shower, which is still a large number but much more reasonable. I agree with Ericka. There is no way to dictate that people not wrap their presents because it would be more convenient for you. It's like asking them to self address their own Thank You cards. Heck, why not ask them to write them too. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03 Addison Grace -- 09/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password "HELP!!" wrote in message oups.com... Thanks for the reply Ericka. I know it sounds funny, but this monstrosity is intimate. We are both from large families and have 20 aunts & uncles and 60+ first cousins. Include a very trimmed down list of close friends and you get a 100+ guest shower, all of which expect to be invited. On Jun 19, 8:32 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote: HELP!! wrote: We are expecting 100+ guests at our baby shower. Is their a polite, acceptable way to ask that gifts not be wrapped? No. Who planned this monstrosity of a shower anyway? At some point, you've made your bed and you lie in it. I just don't see any way that you can politely say to people, "All those gifts you spent your hard earned time and money on are just too much trouble for us to open, so please don't bother to wrap them." No matter how you phrase it, that's how it's likely to come across. We we thinking a gift table to display the gifts, so people can view as they please throughout the shower. We would also spend a half hour or so to officially recognize the gifts. We just want to avoid a 2 hour gift opening session. It won't be fun for the guests or us!! Because a shower is the only type of adult party where guests are required to bring gifts, it confers special obligations on the guests of honor and on the people who plan the shower to avoid looking like a greedy gift-grub. That's why people are not allowed to throw themselves or close relatives showers, shower guests are supposed to be very close friends, and the gifts are supposed to be small, almost token gifts. You've stretched things by having a shower this big, but you still have to act as if this the gathering of intimate friends it ought to be. One possibility for the shower is that you plan a set of activities for the guests so that they're enjoying themselves, and you gather small groups of guests together throughout the party and open their gifts. You will be kept busy with the gift opening, but at least your guests won't be tied down to it and you'll be able to provide some of that more personal attention to each guest and the gift they chose for you. Best wishes, Ericka |
#8
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
It's been just over 4 years. I am debating if it's rude to "turn down" a shower, and I am debating if it's rude to let her throw the shower but have her somehow let people know that we saved everything and will only need some basics and mostly diapers and wipes. I don't want to dictate my shower, you know? It's not rude to turn down an offer to throw a shower. Just say, "You are so kind to think of me, but I would just be too embarrassed to put people through that trouble after they'd already been kind enough to throw a shower for my first. My mother would have my head on a platter if I accepted your kind offer." Then, if she continues to press it because she wants to have some sort of celebration, you can say, "If you really want to do something, maybe we could just have a little tea or something after the baby's born so that folks can meet him/her--but please, not a shower where people feel like they need to bring a gift." Even if you do some other kind of party, people may still bring gifts, but at least the gift-giving is not required. What they choose to do is their own business, so you accept it graciously. If people ask what you need/want, you can always say that you have everything from the first time around, so you don't need anything big and really it's just the consumables that you're saving up for this time. I thought maybe it's better etiquette to put up a small registry that she can enclose on the invitations and if people go look, they'll SEE that it's small, and contains mostly necessities such as diapers.?? Even with a shower, it's not really proper to enclose registry information with the invitation. Or just let her throw the shower and say nothing at all and maybe people will get things like that anyway? My husband still works with these people and he doesn't want to have another shower thrown for us, he doesn't want for anyone to be able to comment that it's our 2nd shower. Are 2nd baby showers (meaning showers for Baby #2) tacky in general? They are not properly done. You can have any other sort of party to celebrate the arrival of this baby (and guests may well choose to bring gifts to it), but not properly a shower. People get all confused because they think that showers are about celebrating the baby. In fact, they're not. Showers are a party where the *woman* is "showered" with gifts of small, practical things she will need as a result of a change in her position (e.g., things to set up housekeeping as she moves from being single to married, or things to take care of a baby as she moves from not having children to having children). If the goal is to celebrate the baby, you can have a breakfast, brunch, luncheon, dinner, tea, Christening party, naming party, welcome home party, pool party, picnic, meet-the- baby party, or whatever other party you can dream up. Not only that, but anyone (including the parents) can throw the party, and they can invite anyone they want and as many or few guests as they want. None of those parties require folks to bring gifts, so all you're asking is for them to share your hospitality, and you can do that anytime you please. Best wishes, Ericka |
#9
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No Wrap Shower
"beyond the pale" wrote in message
... On the shower note...the girl w/ twins' sister had 2 babies a couple of years apart and had showers at work. Some people at work thought it was tacky for her to have a shower for a second kid when it had only been 1-2 years since they went in and bought the stroller, carseat, high chair, etc- she got almost everything she needed from the work shower. People felt like they had just bought all that stuff, she could have used it again. But I noticed that she didn't register for the big baby gear, she registered for diapers, baby wash, wipes, and things like that.Now that I am pregnant with #2, someone wants to throw me a shower. With #1 I only had ONE shower, and it was small. I received a lot of helpful things but we also bought a lot of what we needed ourselves. I saved **everything**- clothes, swing, bouncer, crib, car seat, stroller. Toys etc. This person really wants to throw me a little shower again, it would be the same people as last time. It's been just over 4 years. I am debating if it's rude to "turn down" a shower, and I am debating if it's rude to let her throw the shower but have her somehow let people know that we saved everything and will only need some basics and mostly diapers and wipes. I don't want to dictate my shower, you know? I thought maybe it's better etiquette to put up a small registry that she can enclose on the invitations and if people go look, they'll SEE that it's small, and contains mostly necessities such as diapers.?? Or just let her throw the shower and say nothing at all and maybe people will get things like that anyway? My husband still works with these people and he doesn't want to have another shower thrown for us, he doesn't want for anyone to be able to comment that it's our 2nd shower. Are 2nd baby showers (meaning showers for Baby #2) tacky in general? Money is a LOT tighter this time so if someone did throw us a diaper shower that would help out tons. But I just don't want to seem like I am trying to GET people to. I don't care if they don't, so I have also just felt like we can just let people get us gifts if they want to without them feeling like they have to because of a shower. If your friend wants to throw you a shower, and it would be helpful to you, then let her do it. Tell her that you have all the big stuff you need, but would love diapers. She can pass the information on to people who ask, without it officially being a DIAPER SHOWER. Atlhough even if it was "advertised" as a diaper shower, to me, that sort of takes the "greedy greedy greedy" taint off it. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03 Addison Grace -- 09/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#10
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
This person really wants to throw me a little shower again, it would be the same people as last time. It's been just over 4 years. I am debating if it's rude to "turn down" a shower, and I am debating if it's rude to let her throw the shower but have her somehow let people know that we saved everything and will only need some basics and mostly diapers and wipes. I don't want to dictate my shower, you know? It's not a choice between having a shower or having nothing. Seems to me it would be perfectly reasonable to say to her "That's so kind of you! I don't feel it would be appropriate to have a *shower* again, since these people brought me gifts for my last shower, but why don't we have a celebration party for the baby? I would love you to host that." All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
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