teens and work...

Don't always go hand in hand I have found... How do I get my 17 yr old
interested in working? Over the last 3 months I have watched him slowly
sink into the computer (it's possible TRUST ME)... He's not doing porn or
anything "negative", he is actually chatting with his school chums, playing
a computer game or learning to do HTML... That being said from the time he
gets home from school 3pm until he goes to bed 11pm he is on the computer...
IF you mention getting out and doing something else (like volunteering at
the Y, joining militia or God forbid, getting a part time job) he FLIPS...

How can I after all these years convince the boy that he needs to slowly
start making his way in the world with baby steps? I think at his age a
part time job would do him no harm whatsoever except that it would take time
away from the computer... Many of the kids he hangs out with all have part
time jobs... Last night after a loud discussion he informs me that they have
jobs because they WANT jobs not because their parent told them they should
get a job...

So on that note how does one get a teenager to WANT a job? (covered the
basics -- more pocket money, choosing own cloths, saving up for big purchase
*car*, independence, experience) So any other ideas?

Simple....at 17, your son is old enough to start earning his own money for any extras he may want. While you are obligated to provide his food, shelter...etc...if he wants to see a movie, go out for fast food...buy that cool new pair of tennis shoes...he should earn the money for that himself. Also, you pay for the internet connection...take it away. Your doing him no favors by letting him waste his life away in front of the computer monitor...it's up to you to teach him to be independant.

Simple........ do what my mom did..... don't give him any more money...
period!
once I hit high school I got a job, only time after that my mom gave me
money was for things I needed for school, even then if it was an optional
expense I had to pay at leat half (including my class ring and senior
pictures)

"Kim" wrote in message
...
Don't always go hand in hand I have found... How do I get my 17 yr old
interested in working? Over the last 3 months I have watched him slowly
sink into the computer (it's possible TRUST ME)... He's not doing porn or
anything "negative", he is actually chatting with his school chums,
playing
a computer game or learning to do HTML... That being said from the time he
gets home from school 3pm until he goes to bed 11pm he is on the
computer...
IF you mention getting out and doing something else (like volunteering at
the Y, joining militia or God forbid, getting a part time job) he FLIPS...

How can I after all these years convince the boy that he needs to slowly
start making his way in the world with baby steps? I think at his age a
part time job would do him no harm whatsoever except that it would take
time
away from the computer... Many of the kids he hangs out with all have part
time jobs... Last night after a loud discussion he informs me that they
have
jobs because they WANT jobs not because their parent told them they should
get a job...

So on that note how does one get a teenager to WANT a job? (covered the
basics -- more pocket money, choosing own cloths, saving up for big
purchase
*car*, independence, experience) So any other ideas?

"scrombie" wrote in message
news:xk%1c.10194$m4.3731@okepread03...
Simple........ do what my mom did..... don't give him any more money...
period!
once I hit high school I got a job, only time after that my mom gave me
money was for things I needed for school, even then if it was an optional
expense I had to pay at leat half (including my class ring and senior
pictures)

I don't give him money... Haven't since he was 15... If he wants to go to a
school dance or whatever he has to do chores and EARN the money whether it
be from me or mowing a nieghbors lawn and he has to pay FULL price LOL I'm
mean *grin*






"Kim" wrote in message
...
Don't always go hand in hand I have found... How do I get my 17 yr old
interested in working? Over the last 3 months I have watched him slowly
sink into the computer (it's possible TRUST ME)... He's not doing porn
or
anything "negative", he is actually chatting with his school chums,
playing
a computer game or learning to do HTML... That being said from the time
he
gets home from school 3pm until he goes to bed 11pm he is on the
computer...
IF you mention getting out and doing something else (like volunteering
at
the Y, joining militia or God forbid, getting a part time job) he
FLIPS...

How can I after all these years convince the boy that he needs to slowly
start making his way in the world with baby steps? I think at his age a
part time job would do him no harm whatsoever except that it would take
time
away from the computer... Many of the kids he hangs out with all have
part
time jobs... Last night after a loud discussion he informs me that they
have
jobs because they WANT jobs not because their parent told them they
should
get a job...

So on that note how does one get a teenager to WANT a job? (covered the
basics -- more pocket money, choosing own cloths, saving up for big
purchase
*car*, independence, experience) So any other ideas?

"LipGloss" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
Simple....at 17, your son is old enough to start earning his own money for
any extras he may want. While you are obligated to provide his food,
shelter...etc...if he wants to see a movie, go out for fast food...buy that
cool new pair of tennis shoes...he should earn the money for that himself.
Also, you pay for the internet connection...take it away. Your doing him no
favors by letting him waste his life away in front of the computer
monitor...it's up to you to teach him to be independant.


He doesn't wear cool cloths... He wears basic cloths (nothing name brand) If
he wants more than what I provide he has to do chores and earn the money for
the 'whatever'... I have taken the internet away... actually I've recently
locked the whole system down... He has no access to it at the moment unless
it's for school work... I know what my role in his life is... I have done a
darned good job up to this point even his DBD agrees with that I've just
run out of idea's on how to get him to 'want' to work rather than making it
sound like I'm "making" him (which I am -- but only because I think he needs
the experience it will provide for his future well being)

If you have any other idea's they would be welcome

Thanks

teens and work...

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Fri, Mar 5, 2004, 7:20am (EST+1)
From: (Kim)

Don't always go hand in hand I have found... How do I get my 17 yr old
interested in working? Over the last 3 months I have watched him slowly
sink into the computer (it's possible TRUST ME)... He's not doing porn
or anything "negative", he is actually chatting with his school chums,
playing a computer game or learning to do HTML...


Bev wrote:
this is a problem for anyone.....There is a whole big world out there to
discover!


Kim wrote:
That being said from the time he gets home from school 3pm until he
goes to bed 11pm he is on the computer...

Bev Wrote:
Doesn't he have chores or household responsibilities, or homework, to
do?


Kim Wrote:
IF you mention getting out and doing something else (like volunteering
at the Y, joining militia or God forbid, getting a part time job) he
FLIPS...

Bev wrote:

What do you do when he "FLIPS" ?


Kim wrote:
How can I after all these years convince the boy that he needs to slowly
start making his way in the world with baby steps? I think at his age a
part time job would do him no harm whatsoever except that it would take
time away from the computer... Many of the kids he hangs out with all
have part time jobs... Last night after a loud discussion he informs me
that they have jobs because they WANT jobs not because their parent told
them they should get a job...

Bev wrote:
HMMMMMM I would agree at 17 a part time job is something teenagers
should WANT to do......they WANT so much ya know LOL! Unless we stop
with the handouts though, why should they ? I know ! I have one, she is
16 , she has talked abut a part time job this summer and to do a work
release program at school next year! I am soooooo hopeful LOL!

Kim wrote:
So on that note how does one get a teenager to WANT a job? (covered the
basics -- more pocket money, choosing own cloths, saving up for big
purchase *car*, independence, experience) So any other ideas?

Bev wrote:
Make a doctors appt. and have him checked for possible depression? Or ,
maybe a possible medical reason he has no "want to".......just some
ideas that many people overlook...... My oldest daughter went through a
rough time her junior year of high school there was just no "want to"
she ended up needing anti depressant meds and we found she has a
sluggish thyroid and needs to take meds for that. She is now in college
studying to be a computer animator ! There is always the possibility he
could just be one of those very laid back teenagers that need a rude
awakening ! Have you tried a swift kick in the butt ! Just kidding
Kids!!!!
Bev

"Bebe lestrnge" wrote in message
...

teens and work...

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Fri, Mar 5, 2004, 7:20am (EST+1)
From: (Kim)

Don't always go hand in hand I have found... How do I get my 17 yr old
interested in working? Over the last 3 months I have watched him slowly
sink into the computer (it's possible TRUST ME)... He's not doing porn
or anything "negative", he is actually chatting with his school chums,
playing a computer game or learning to do HTML...


Bev wrote:
this is a problem for anyone.....There is a whole big world out there to
discover!

Kim Inserted:

I agree... That's the point... I want him to play in the real world



Kim wrote:
That being said from the time he gets home from school 3pm until he
goes to bed 11pm he is on the computer...

Bev Wrote:
Doesn't he have chores or household responsibilities, or homework, to
do?

Kim Inserted:

Yes he has household responsibliities (which I am told are not enough), he
has homework but he is 17 years old and if he doesn't want to do it then he
wont... He knows the repercussions from withint the school circle as well as
here at home...


Kim Wrote:
IF you mention getting out and doing something else (like volunteering
at the Y, joining militia or God forbid, getting a part time job) he
FLIPS...

Bev wrote:

What do you do when he "FLIPS" ?

Kim Inserted:
I ummmmm very unoriginally tell him he can take it to his room and when he
wants to settle down he can come on down and w'll try the discussion again
not very original I know... In general I go about my business (it's likea
3 year old having a hissy fit *grin* I used to ignore it then too -- when he
calmed down I'd always turn my full attention on him with praise) only I'm
not so obvious about it at this point... BUT he does get my attention when
he comes back for another round... If the voice gets raised I just go back
to whatever it was I was doing brefore he came back... Sounds silly but it's
working so far...


Kim wrote:
How can I after all these years convince the boy that he needs to slowly
start making his way in the world with baby steps? I think at his age a
part time job would do him no harm whatsoever except that it would take
time away from the computer... Many of the kids he hangs out with all
have part time jobs... Last night after a loud discussion he informs me
that they have jobs because they WANT jobs not because their parent told
them they should get a job...

Bev wrote:
HMMMMMM I would agree at 17 a part time job is something teenagers
should WANT to do......they WANT so much ya know LOL! Unless we stop
with the handouts though, why should they ? I know ! I have one, she is
16 , she has talked abut a part time job this summer and to do a work
release program at school next year! I am soooooo hopeful LOL!

Kim wrote:
So on that note how does one get a teenager to WANT a job? (covered the
basics -- more pocket money, choosing own cloths, saving up for big
purchase *car*, independence, experience) So any other ideas?

Bev wrote:
Make a doctors appt. and have him checked for possible depression? Or ,
maybe a possible medical reason he has no "want to".......just some
ideas that many people overlook...... My oldest daughter went through a
rough time her junior year of high school there was just no "want to"
she ended up needing anti depressant meds and we found she has a
sluggish thyroid and needs to take meds for that. She is now in college
studying to be a computer animator ! There is always the possibility he
could just be one of those very laid back teenagers that need a rude
awakening ! Have you tried a swift kick in the butt ! Just kidding
Kids!!!!
Bev


LOL actually he's such a cheerful little heathen any other time... He has a
fantastic sense of humor and is an all round great guy unless you mention
the 4 letter word... He has been to the doctor recently and had a complete
work up... (I'm one of those odd ducks that has them checked every year --
my daughter has a medical condition and it just got to the point where I had
them both checked on the same day etc) Anyways he came through with a clean
bill of health so I know it's a mental thing with him...

My biggest fear is that he will become as slovenly as his DBD and I just
can't have that happen... I would like him to have just a little ambition...
I'm so worried... my daughter has oodles of it she works for free... I'm
wondering if she didn't take it all? LOL just kidding... But then she
thinks working is FUN still (she only turned 13 yesterday so she's not a
full fledged lazy teenager yet )

Seriously no there isn't a medical reason he doesn't 'want to' I almost wish
there was

On Mon, 8 Mar 2004 01:28:32 -0400, "Kim"
wrote:


Seriously no there isn't a medical reason he doesn't 'want to' I almost wish
there was


Honestly Kim, it sounds to me like just a little bit of immaturity. He
sounds like a great kid otherwise, we can't make them like the things
we like, and he'll come 'round to it eventually. He'll probably hate
his first couple of jobs (which he'll take out of necessity rather
than choice), and after it dawns on him that he's going to "have to"
work, *that* will be the point you can get him thinking about the kind
of work he might *want* to do.

lm

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Mon, 8 Mar 2004 13:50:14 -0400, "Kim"

"lm" wrote in message
.. .
On Mon, 8 Mar 2004 01:28:32 -0400, "Kim"
wrote:


Seriously no there isn't a medical reason he doesn't 'want to' I
almost
wish
there was


Honestly Kim, it sounds to me like just a little bit of immaturity. He
sounds like a great kid otherwise, we can't make them like the things
we like, and he'll come 'round to it eventually. He'll probably hate
his first couple of jobs (which he'll take out of necessity rather
than choice), and after it dawns on him that he's going to "have to"
work, *that* will be the point you can get him thinking about the kind
of work he might *want* to do.

lm

He is a great kid which is why this is so hard LOL I hate scuffling with
him...

Can you reason with him? For example, if he was hiring and he had a
choice between two people, one with experience and training and one
without, who would he hire? Who would he pay more?

Then ask him what he thinks is a good salary. Show him the classifieds
and ask him to budget on that salary.

Then ask him to budget living expenses on minimum wage.

Sometimes a practical, concrete exercise helps.

'Kate

Yup and I was informed that if he only rented a room, lived close enough to
his job that he could walk to work, and ate mister noodles every day he'd
survive... A couple of years back we did that when we started doing
allowances we actually used monopoly money... The idea came from the group
if I remember correctly...

He needs to realize he's almost an adult...most people don't WANT to work...we have to in order to survive. If you don't get this point across, he'll be one of those 30 year old men that still lives with Mom. And a good idea when he turns 18, is to charge a little rent, to give him a feel of what the real world is like.