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Offering choices to multiples



 
 
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  #1  
Old April 20th 04, 10:01 PM
Marty Billingsley
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Default Offering choices to multiples

Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.

Thanks,
- marty
(mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls)
  #2  
Old April 20th 04, 10:04 PM
toypup
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Default Offering choices to multiples


"Marty Billingsley" wrote in message
...
Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.


One kid makes those choices on odd days, the other kid gets to make choices
on even days. I'd say that's fair.


  #3  
Old April 20th 04, 11:39 PM
Sophie
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Default Offering choices to multiples


"toypup" wrote in message
news:Wfghc.357$gO3.31510@attbi_s51...
One kid makes those choices on odd days, the other kid gets to make

choices
on even days. I'd say that's fair.



That's kind of what I do. My kids are 5, 4, and 2. They take turns
choosing. If she chose a video last time, he gets to next time, etc...


  #4  
Old April 20th 04, 11:47 PM
dragonlady
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Default Offering choices to multiples

In article ,
(Marty Billingsley) wrote:

Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.

Thanks,
- marty
(mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls)


This is an issue whenever you have more than one child, not just with
twins, but it IS a bigger issue for those of us with multiples!

As my kids got older, there were times when they had to come to an
agreement: as in, I'll take you out to dinner if you can agree on a
place; otherwise, we're having PBJ's at home.

However, when they were younger, I would do one of several things: I
might ask them for their input, then make the decision myself (and I was
always clear about that: I might say, we're going either to the park or
to the beach, and I'm going to decide where we're going, but I'd like to
know what you think. If all my kids agreed that they wanted the same
thing, it wasn't a problem.) If it was something I KNEW they'd disagree
on, I didn't always offer them a choice -- I just told them what we were
doing. And for some things, they took turns choosing. We actually kept
a notebook for a while, listing who had decided what for various things,
because otherwise I lost track. Being able to take it out and show them
that, yes, indeed, last time we went out to lunch A decided where to go,
so this time it's B's turn, helped a lot.

Since I have 3 kids, we COULD do a "majority rules" choice, but I didn't
like to do that very often -- especially if one of them would ALWAYS be
the minority! Taking turns choosing worked better.

I can't imagine being a single mother of twins, though I know you aren't
the only one!

Good luck!
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #5  
Old April 21st 04, 12:22 AM
Sue
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Default Offering choices to multiples

Hi Marty,

I don't have twins, but my kids are so close in age that it seems that they
are triplets at times. Really what should be done is to alternate who gets
to make the decision and take turns. Also, another thing we do (and this may
sound hokey to some of you), but we place the decision in a hat and whatever
is picked out, gets done, eaten or watched or whatever the decision needs to
be made is made up in a fair way. And sometimes, I make the decision.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Marty Billingsley wrote in message
...
Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.

Thanks,
- marty
(mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls)



  #6  
Old April 21st 04, 01:01 AM
Marty Billingsley
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Offering choices to multiples

In article Wfghc.357$gO3.31510@attbi_s51,
toypup wrote:

"Marty Billingsley" wrote in message
...
Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.


One kid makes those choices on odd days, the other kid gets to make choices
on even days. I'd say that's fair.


I'd agree....if they had the concept of days. They are one month past
their third birthday. Anything in the past happened "yesterday", anything
we're going to do later will happen "tomorrow". If I announced "today is
Andie's turn to make choices", Alex would dissolve in tears -- and vice
versa.

Taking turns will work later on. My kids aren't yet good at delayed
gratification......

- marty
(mom to andie & alex, 3-year-old girls)
  #7  
Old April 21st 04, 01:54 AM
Circe
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Default Offering choices to multiples

Marty Billingsley wrote:
I'd agree....if they had the concept of days. They are one month
past their third birthday. Anything in the past happened
"yesterday", anything we're going to do later will happen
"tomorrow". If I announced "today is Andie's turn to make
choices", Alex would dissolve in tears -- and vice versa.

Taking turns will work later on. My kids aren't yet good at delayed
gratification......


Try taking the turns at shorter intervals, as Sophie suggested. Andie gets
to decide the first time there's a choice, Alex gets to decide the second,
etc. At the age of 3, they really ought to be able to grasp the concept
pretty readily.
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [2] mom)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #8  
Old April 21st 04, 02:29 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: n/a
Default Offering choices to multiples

Marty Billingsley wrote:

Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.


Choices are overrated. It makes sense to let
them chooose when they really can choose. When you
need them to both choose the same thing (like where
to go next), that's not about making choices, that's
about negotiating/compromise. Different skills.
Work specifically on negotiating and compromise and
taking turns when you have teachable moments for
those. When you can't deal with a split decision, don't
offer the choice ;-) They can learn to make choices
in many other areas. My two boys do the same thing
(they're not twins--I think this is just a regular old
sibling issue more than a multiples issue). Eventually
they will learn. They've got great choice-making
skills. What they don't have are negotiating/
compromising skills, but they'll learn those eventually.
Splitting them up would, in my mind, be crazy even
if you could do it (unless we're talking the odd
special occasion).

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #9  
Old April 21st 04, 05:21 AM
animzmirot
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Posts: n/a
Default Offering choices to multiples

Odds and evens. Saved my life about a million times over. Assign one as an
odd, the other as an even. Because your kids are too young to use a
calendar, color all the odd days one color, the evens the other color.
Assign them a color. Then, on the odd day, the odd kid can make the choice.
On the even day, the even kid makes the choice.

My twins are almost 12 and we STILL used odds and evens. Now they look at
the calendar the second they wake up, because they want to know who has the
power plays that day.

Marjorie

"Marty Billingsley" wrote in message
...
Hi --

I'm seeking advice from those who have twins (or more), or who
have worked with twins. How do you offer them lots of choices?
When I pick my two up from daycare and say, "Would you like to
go home or go to the playground", invariably one wants to go
home and one wants to go to the playground. Same with getting
a takeout dinner, "Do you want pizza or pad tai?" It's always
a split decision.

Now, obviously, I could do all the decision-making, but that
wouldn't help my kids learn to make choices. They *do* each
decide what to wear and what to drink with dinner, but that's
about it. When it comes to choosing a video to watch, reading
books, planning an outing, etc., they don't really get to do
much choosing.

Any suggestions? BTW, splitting them up so that each gets
their own choice isn't an option; I'm a single mom.

Thanks,
- marty
(mom to alex & andie, 3-year-old girls)



 




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