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differing parenting style issue



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 11th 03, 06:58 PM
Stephanie and Tim
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has
even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't
reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can
understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a
2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too
rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens
fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he
begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a
fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an
accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think
this is rotten on a couple of levels:

- He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact
that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH)

- It does not communicate with DS's head that he needs to listen. What I
would do in this situation is walk over to him and put out my hand as if to
hold hands. He will usually accept this as the inevitable and come with me.
If that does not work I will ask him if he wants to come by himself or does
he want to carry him. That usually works. If it does not, I pick him up by
the armpits like a normal carry. The thing is, I rarely have to do any of
these more aggressive tactics. He is accustomed to doing as I ask. By
hauling him off, DH is teaching him he really does not have to listen.

- I think it is an assault on the little guy's body and self control. If
someon just up and hauled me to my feet or beyond, I would be ****ed. And it
just looks evil. When he does it out and about I think Damned it looks like
we are child abusers. And I think it is just laziness that causes him to not
want to reach down and pick him up by the armpits and speak to him in the
face.


Anyway - I guess that this is really more of a marital problem than a
parenting one. And mostly vent too for that matter. But any words of wisdom
are appreciated. I find that THE most challenging thing about parenting is
getting on the same page with DH. ARGH. The other day he CHEERED DS on for
climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope slap
him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a
stiff breeze.

Anyway, let me know if you have words of wisdom.

S



  #2  
Old August 11th 03, 07:06 PM
Sara
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue


"Stephanie and Tim" wrote in message
...
Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He

has
even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't
reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can
understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is

a
2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too
rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house.

DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the

acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens
fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and

he
begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a
fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an
accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows

and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He

gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as

I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by

the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I

think
this is rotten on a couple of levels:

- He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact
that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH)

This isnt a different parenting style, this is ABUSE. The is no way on earth
I would let ANYONE treat my child that way. Tell him his behaviour is
abusive and if he doesn't stop you will be reporting him to the authorities.

Why women put up with this kind of crap I`ll never know. We are talking
about a CHILD. It is your job to protect that child from harm and he is
being HARMED.


  #3  
Old August 11th 03, 07:34 PM
dragonlady
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

In article ,
"Stephanie and Tim" wrote:

Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has
even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't
reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can
understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a
2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too
rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens
fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he
begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a
fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an
accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.


I suspect this is a fairly common difference of opinion between moms and
dads: IN GENERAL, I think men are more willing to accept a certain
amount of risk of injury in exchange for play that is enjoyable than
women are willing to accept. That's why it is common for there to be a
male/female split on whether or not to encourage their children
(generally, but not always, boys) to engage in team sports that have a
higher degree of bodily contact (hockey, American football). It has
less to do with "being careful" than with accepting potential injury as
the price you pay to play.

(Please note that I know this isn't universal, I am not commenting on
whether this is inborn or cultural, and I am not holding either position
up as "correct" -- only recognizing that there is a difference on this
particular issue that TENDS to split along gender lines.)

With that as a potential issue -- that is, that there is a genuine
difference of opinion about what level of injury risk is acceptable in
exchange for having a good time -- I'd also want to know a couple of
other things:

Does DH also spend time playing with DS in a way that is NOT rough
housing, or is this the only way in which he interacts? (DH may not
really know another way to play with a little boy -- that is, there may
be a need for some education here.)

Does the rough housing ALWAYS go on until DS starts to cry, or does it
usually end before that point? (If it ALWAYS ends in tears, there may
be some hidden hostility; I know in my family many of the men "enjoyed"
tickling me until I was reduced to tears; since I started out laughing,
that seemed to make it OK -- it was years before I understood that this
had really been a form of abuse.)

How does DH deal with the injury and the crying on the part of DS? That
is, is he dismissive ("oh, stop crying, it didn't hurt that bad") or
does he comfort DS? (He may not realize that he's trying to teach DS to
be "manly" and not cry -- in which case you have a deeper discussion
about parenting that has to take place.)

Does DS often initiate this play, or does DH always initiate it. (I ask
this question last deliberately: if this is the ONLY way DH plays with
DS, DS is likely to initiate it whether he genuinely enjoys it or not,
just to have the interaction with his Dad. On the other hand, if he
really likes it, he, too, may be willing to risk getting hurt in
exchange for spending time doing something that is more physically
rambuctious.)




The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think
this is rotten on a couple of levels:

- He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact
that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH)


This is the issue I'd focus on, rather than the difference in parenting
style when DS doesn't listen. Dislocations do happen. About all I can
think of is to ask the doctor to talk to DH about it -- he may need
someone with more credibility than a worried wife to convince him that
this is NOT OK.

If he isn't yanking, but lifting fairly gently, the risk is less -- most
of the time the dislocations from this come from jerking a child up, or
from a child flinging themself away while an adult is holding thier arm.
After all, people hang by their hands all the time without injury --
it's the jerking, or having it done when they have no control, that is
more likely to result in injury.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #4  
Old August 11th 03, 07:38 PM
Wendy Marsden
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

Stephanie and Tim wrote:
They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring.


I'd stay out of this one. One of the things fathers do differently than
mothers is rough house. They'll work this one out on their own.

That said, it sounded a lot like what goes on between my older son and his
six-years-younger brother. I can see the crying coming from a mile off
and I'll stop by the older boy and say, "this game always ends in your
brother crying and you getting yelled at for being too rough. Is this
really the game you meant to play?"

In your case I'm not sure you need to patronize your husband like that,
but you could do some form of reminding him to be self-aware if you can
think of a way that isn't demeaning to him as an adult. :-)

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way!


Again, this one will solve itself in time, but I think this is the battle
I'd pick to fight. You are right on both your points - that it's
dangerous and it teaches your son not to listen to his father. I think
you can model good behavior and talk to your husband about it calmly when
your son isn't in the room, but I also think you are going to have to let
the father of your son learn how to father in his own way and own time.

The fact is, he's going to make mistakes. The best you can do is respect
him as an adult, respect the relationship he has with his son and allow
him to feel like an accomplished father for what he does well, rather than
as a failure of a man for what he does wrong.

You'd kind of like the same treatment, too, wouldn't you?

Wendy
  #5  
Old August 11th 03, 07:42 PM
kiss9
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

Hello Stephanie, I agree with you on both issue. It must be very difficult
to deal this and try to be supportive of your husband (present a united
front for the kids) when he does thing like that. About the arm thing, you
are definitely right! It happened to my son three years ago. Altought the
situation was not the same: My then one-year old had to get a diaper change
(real bad!), we were in the backyard and he was refusing to come in the
house for the change. My DH tried to get him in the house by making him
laugh. He took him by the hand and Whee! made DS climb the stairs one by one
by holding him by one hand. It worked and DS was giggling in the stairs. But
as soon as he arrived on top, he started to scream and cry. After probing
gently and putting ice on his arm, he was still crying so I took him to the
ER. Turns out his arm was pulled out of its socket. It was a matter of
seconds to put it back and as soon as it was done, the pain disapeared.

Still, you can be sure that the lesson was not forgotten. My DH cried when
he saw that he hurt his son, even if not intentionally. To this day, he has
not it to any kid and we warn everyone we see pull a child by the arm, even
playfully how dangerous it could be.

N.
"Stephanie and Tim" a écrit dans le
message de news: ...
Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He

has
even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't
reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can
understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is

a
2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too
rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house.

DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the

acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens
fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and

he
begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a
fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an
accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows

and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He

gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as

I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by

the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I

think
this is rotten on a couple of levels:

- He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact
that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH)

- It does not communicate with DS's head that he needs to listen. What I
would do in this situation is walk over to him and put out my hand as if

to
hold hands. He will usually accept this as the inevitable and come with

me.
If that does not work I will ask him if he wants to come by himself or

does
he want to carry him. That usually works. If it does not, I pick him up by
the armpits like a normal carry. The thing is, I rarely have to do any of
these more aggressive tactics. He is accustomed to doing as I ask. By
hauling him off, DH is teaching him he really does not have to listen.

- I think it is an assault on the little guy's body and self control. If
someon just up and hauled me to my feet or beyond, I would be ****ed. And

it
just looks evil. When he does it out and about I think Damned it looks

like
we are child abusers. And I think it is just laziness that causes him to

not
want to reach down and pick him up by the armpits and speak to him in the
face.


Anyway - I guess that this is really more of a marital problem than a
parenting one. And mostly vent too for that matter. But any words of

wisdom
are appreciated. I find that THE most challenging thing about parenting is
getting on the same page with DH. ARGH. The other day he CHEERED DS on for
climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope

slap
him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a
stiff breeze.

Anyway, let me know if you have words of wisdom.

S





  #6  
Old August 11th 03, 08:35 PM
Rosalie B.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

x-no-archive:yes
Wendy Marsden wrote:

Stephanie and Tim wrote:
They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring.


I'd stay out of this one. One of the things fathers do differently than
mothers is rough house. They'll work this one out on their own.


I agree with this. I'd stay out of it unless he's getting so rough
before bedtime that ds is having a hard time going to sleep.

I suspect that Marie (I think it was Marie) who said this is one of
the things that usually is different between men and women. So men
will sometimes be in favor of the rougher sports. I myself think it
is pretty silly that two of my three BILs think that riding horses is
too dangerous, but will allow their children to play lacrosse (one of
the girls had a lacrosse scholarship and one of the boys or another
family played intramural lacrosse in college).


That said, it sounded a lot like what goes on between my older son and his
six-years-younger brother. I can see the crying coming from a mile off
and I'll stop by the older boy and say, "this game always ends in your
brother crying and you getting yelled at for being too rough. Is this
really the game you meant to play?"

In your case I'm not sure you need to patronize your husband like that,
but you could do some form of reminding him to be self-aware if you can
think of a way that isn't demeaning to him as an adult. :-)

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way!


Again, this one will solve itself in time, but I think this is the battle
I'd pick to fight. You are right on both your points - that it's
dangerous and it teaches your son not to listen to his father. I think
you can model good behavior and talk to your husband about it calmly when
your son isn't in the room, but I also think you are going to have to let
the father of your son learn how to father in his own way and own time.


I'm sure about the first point - the arm dislocation, but keep in mind
that it can happen even when people have the best intentions- it can
happen when a child who is holding someone's hand goes limp on purpose
to be obstructive, and in that case it is the child that dislocates
his own arm, in a way.

I'm not sure that the bit about teaching ds not to listen to his
father is a real problem. This is something that often occurs - a
child will wilfully disobey or be concentrating on something else and
must be physically restrained or moved. I think the only reason is
hasn't happened to you is that it hasn't come up YET. It may not
ever occur with this child. That doesn't mean that it won't ever be
necessary.

In any case, you are more concerned it seems to me with the way it
looks and the possibility of injury than with the actual act of
physically moving your ds to go to bed.



The fact is, he's going to make mistakes. The best you can do is respect
him as an adult, respect the relationship he has with his son and allow
him to feel like an accomplished father for what he does well, rather than
as a failure of a man for what he does wrong.

You'd kind of like the same treatment, too, wouldn't you?

Wendy


grandma Rosalie
  #7  
Old August 11th 03, 09:43 PM
Ilse Witch
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

Stephanie and Tim wrote:
The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.


DH and I have issues like this all the time. We talk about it a lot, and
in general his response will be 'my parents did it and I am fine', which
he knows is not good enough for me. He came to insight when DS accidentally
fell and hurt his head while they were in a playground. DH felt so guilty,
and then I pointed out: "DS will be fine, he's hurt, but nothing serious.
At least now you can see the injury and feel guilty. But if you do something
to hurt him mentally, you won't know until it's too late." That remark hit,
since it was exactly the way his dad treated him, and he swore never to be
mean like that.

Now we are both aware that we are setting an example for DH. If particular
behaviour is OK, then it will always be OK, no matter who's involved. But if
it's not, we never want to see it, not from DS, nor from us. Of course things
are not always that black and white. E.g. playing rough is fine at times, but
we are very clear when it is unwanted, and will try not to do anything to
trigger DS into it. It's not always easy, but we're getting there.

... But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think
this is rotten on a couple of levels:

snips levels

That sounds pretty rough to me. Would your DH like to be treated this
way if he doesn't do what someone wants? I guess not. So he should not
do it to your son either. IMO children are very aware of the example
the parents set, and I go by the rule: don't do to others what you
wouldn't want them to do to you. Old-fashioned, but it works.

Anyway - I guess that this is really more of a marital problem than a
parenting one. And mostly vent too for that matter. But any words of wisdom
are appreciated. I find that THE most challenging thing about parenting is
getting on the same page with DH. ARGH. The other day he CHEERED DS on for
climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope slap
him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a
stiff breeze.


Sounds like your DH is still mostly a child himself and projects his
own child-behaviour onto your son. He should realize that he's the
parent now. Doing crazy things and exposing your inner child are
fine, but he's the one that has to keep an eye out for the dangers.

HTH!

--
-- I
mommy to DS (13m)
guardian of DH
TTC #2
War doesn't decide who's right - only who's left

  #8  
Old August 12th 03, 12:21 AM
toto
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote:

He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too
rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS
loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently
involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over.
Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable
level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens
fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he
begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a
fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an
accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for
"not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the
time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and
whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just
says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me.


As others have said, I would stay out of this one. Rough house play
that is fun for both ds and dh is ok and accidents will happen. DS
may actually hurt him accidentally too if he kicks in the wrong place.

But children *need* this kind of rough play and dads are good at it.
The only issue would be if it gets out of hand right before bed, it
can make for sleep problems so I might talk about keeping it to a
minimum at that time of the night.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits
  #9  
Old August 12th 03, 12:35 AM
toto
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote:

The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an
example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives
him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS
does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I
would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the
hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think
this is rotten on a couple of levels:

- He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact
that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH)



I would put my foot down on this one.

You can show him some of the literature or have you pediatrician talk
to him about it. It's the elbow that goes more frequently than the
shoulder, btw. And long term damage does make it more likely that
he will have problems with his joints as an adult if this continues.


http://www.lpch.org/DiseaseHealthInf...s/nmelbow.html


What is nursemaid's elbow?
Nursemaid's elbow occurs when the radius (one of the bones in the
forearm) slips out of place from where it normally attaches to the
elbow joint. It is a common condition in children younger than 4 years
of age. It is also called pulled elbow, slipped elbow, or toddler
elbow. The medical term for nursemaid's elbow is radial head
subluxation.

What causes nursemaid's elbow?
A sudden pulling or traction on the hand or forearm causes nursemaid's
elbow. This causes the radius to slip out of the ligament holding it
into the elbow. It can occur when an infant rolls himself or herself
over, from a fall or from pulling, or swinging a young child by the
hand.

What are the symptoms of nursemaid's elbow?
The following are the most common symptoms of nursemaid's elbow.
However, each child may experience symptoms differently. Symptoms may
include:

* immediate pain in the injured arm
* refusal or inability to move the injured arm
* anxiety

The symptoms of nursemaid's elbow may resemble other conditions or
medical problems. Always consult your child's physician for a
diagnosis.

How is nursemaid's elbow diagnosed?
The diagnosis of nursemaid's elbow is made with a physical examination
by your child's physician.

It is important to call your child's physician immediately, or
promptly take your child to the emergency department, if you suspect
an injury.

Treatment for nursemaid's elbow:
Specific treatment for nursemaid's elbow will be determined by your
child's physician based on the following:

* your child's age, overall health, and medical history
* the extent of the condition
* your child's tolerance for specific medications, procedures, or
therapies
* expectations for the course of the condition
* your opinion or preference

Treatment may include:

* acetaminophen (for pain), as directed by your child's physician
* prompt medical treatment while providing reassurance for your
child

The injury can usually be reduced (fixed) by your child's physician
with ease and often without the need for x-rays (unless other type of
injury or fracture is suspected).

Once the elbow has sustained this type of injury, it is more likely to
recur. If this happens again, call your child's physician or return to
the emergency department for further evaluation and treatment. Most
children outgrow the tendency for nursemaid's elbow by the age of 4.

Prevention of nursemaid's elbow:

* Avoid pulling or swinging your child by the arms or hands.
* Avoid lifting your child up by his/her arms or hands.

Consult your child's physician for more information.




--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits
  #10  
Old August 12th 03, 06:47 PM
Stephanie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default differing parenting style issue

"P. Tierney" wrote in message news:lkRZa.121833$Ho3.15553@sccrnsc03...
"Stephanie and Tim" wrote:

- He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact
that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH)


The pediatricians in my family communicated to me the dangers
of excessive arm-pulling -- not just the immediate out-of-socket
type injuries, but more long term ones. Frequency and force matter,



He does not yank or anything. I was a little blown away by the poster
above hollering abuse. I think it is really ****ty. But it is not
negatively received by DS at ALL. He thinks it is funny as all get
out.

as does of the age of you child (I didn't catch the age of your DS),



2.5

but ramifications of doing that to a young child can be serious.
Since it's an unnecessary action, it doesn't make any sense to do.


Seems to me.

- It does not communicate with DS's head that he needs to listen.


I agree. The more effective things tend to take more time, and
some people do not wish to give that time, or are too impatient to
give it. So it is a parenting style issue. However, the styles are most
certainly not equal in effectiveness.



I definitely do not think that to say that parenting styles are
DIFFERENT are to say that they are EQUAL. So I hear and agree.

The other day he CHEERED DS on for
climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope

slap
him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a
stiff breeze.


I let my child climb on all sorts of things, but I'm there to support
or spot her when needed, so I can't quite jump on your boat on this one.
But the others, I agree.



Yeah - that's funny. I kinda chilled on that one soon after I wrote
this.

Anyway, let me know if you have words of wisdom.


Not really, as I've never had any major or lingering parenting style
conflicts with my spouse. But I hope it works out and that your
more effective style wins out, as I do think it will benefit the child
more, both physically (no arm injuries) and developmentally
(learning to understand "why" instead of just being told to do
everything). Good luck.


P.
Tierney



Thanks. We discussed it again last night. It truly is a recurring
marital problem to get DH to listen in a way that translates into a
change in behavior. I am not sure how to get through. Thanks for the
positive thoughts.

S
 




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