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#1
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differing parenting style issue
Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has
even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a 2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for "not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me. The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think this is rotten on a couple of levels: - He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH) - It does not communicate with DS's head that he needs to listen. What I would do in this situation is walk over to him and put out my hand as if to hold hands. He will usually accept this as the inevitable and come with me. If that does not work I will ask him if he wants to come by himself or does he want to carry him. That usually works. If it does not, I pick him up by the armpits like a normal carry. The thing is, I rarely have to do any of these more aggressive tactics. He is accustomed to doing as I ask. By hauling him off, DH is teaching him he really does not have to listen. - I think it is an assault on the little guy's body and self control. If someon just up and hauled me to my feet or beyond, I would be ****ed. And it just looks evil. When he does it out and about I think Damned it looks like we are child abusers. And I think it is just laziness that causes him to not want to reach down and pick him up by the armpits and speak to him in the face. Anyway - I guess that this is really more of a marital problem than a parenting one. And mostly vent too for that matter. But any words of wisdom are appreciated. I find that THE most challenging thing about parenting is getting on the same page with DH. ARGH. The other day he CHEERED DS on for climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope slap him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a stiff breeze. Anyway, let me know if you have words of wisdom. S |
#2
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differing parenting style issue
"Stephanie and Tim" wrote in message ... Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a 2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for "not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me. The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think this is rotten on a couple of levels: - He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH) This isnt a different parenting style, this is ABUSE. The is no way on earth I would let ANYONE treat my child that way. Tell him his behaviour is abusive and if he doesn't stop you will be reporting him to the authorities. Why women put up with this kind of crap I`ll never know. We are talking about a CHILD. It is your job to protect that child from harm and he is being HARMED. |
#3
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differing parenting style issue
In article ,
"Stephanie and Tim" wrote: Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a 2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for "not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me. I suspect this is a fairly common difference of opinion between moms and dads: IN GENERAL, I think men are more willing to accept a certain amount of risk of injury in exchange for play that is enjoyable than women are willing to accept. That's why it is common for there to be a male/female split on whether or not to encourage their children (generally, but not always, boys) to engage in team sports that have a higher degree of bodily contact (hockey, American football). It has less to do with "being careful" than with accepting potential injury as the price you pay to play. (Please note that I know this isn't universal, I am not commenting on whether this is inborn or cultural, and I am not holding either position up as "correct" -- only recognizing that there is a difference on this particular issue that TENDS to split along gender lines.) With that as a potential issue -- that is, that there is a genuine difference of opinion about what level of injury risk is acceptable in exchange for having a good time -- I'd also want to know a couple of other things: Does DH also spend time playing with DS in a way that is NOT rough housing, or is this the only way in which he interacts? (DH may not really know another way to play with a little boy -- that is, there may be a need for some education here.) Does the rough housing ALWAYS go on until DS starts to cry, or does it usually end before that point? (If it ALWAYS ends in tears, there may be some hidden hostility; I know in my family many of the men "enjoyed" tickling me until I was reduced to tears; since I started out laughing, that seemed to make it OK -- it was years before I understood that this had really been a form of abuse.) How does DH deal with the injury and the crying on the part of DS? That is, is he dismissive ("oh, stop crying, it didn't hurt that bad") or does he comfort DS? (He may not realize that he's trying to teach DS to be "manly" and not cry -- in which case you have a deeper discussion about parenting that has to take place.) Does DS often initiate this play, or does DH always initiate it. (I ask this question last deliberately: if this is the ONLY way DH plays with DS, DS is likely to initiate it whether he genuinely enjoys it or not, just to have the interaction with his Dad. On the other hand, if he really likes it, he, too, may be willing to risk getting hurt in exchange for spending time doing something that is more physically rambuctious.) The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think this is rotten on a couple of levels: - He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH) This is the issue I'd focus on, rather than the difference in parenting style when DS doesn't listen. Dislocations do happen. About all I can think of is to ask the doctor to talk to DH about it -- he may need someone with more credibility than a worried wife to convince him that this is NOT OK. If he isn't yanking, but lifting fairly gently, the risk is less -- most of the time the dislocations from this come from jerking a child up, or from a child flinging themself away while an adult is holding thier arm. After all, people hang by their hands all the time without injury -- it's the jerking, or having it done when they have no control, that is more likely to result in injury. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#4
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differing parenting style issue
Stephanie and Tim wrote:
They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. I'd stay out of this one. One of the things fathers do differently than mothers is rough house. They'll work this one out on their own. That said, it sounded a lot like what goes on between my older son and his six-years-younger brother. I can see the crying coming from a mile off and I'll stop by the older boy and say, "this game always ends in your brother crying and you getting yelled at for being too rough. Is this really the game you meant to play?" In your case I'm not sure you need to patronize your husband like that, but you could do some form of reminding him to be self-aware if you can think of a way that isn't demeaning to him as an adult. :-) The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! Again, this one will solve itself in time, but I think this is the battle I'd pick to fight. You are right on both your points - that it's dangerous and it teaches your son not to listen to his father. I think you can model good behavior and talk to your husband about it calmly when your son isn't in the room, but I also think you are going to have to let the father of your son learn how to father in his own way and own time. The fact is, he's going to make mistakes. The best you can do is respect him as an adult, respect the relationship he has with his son and allow him to feel like an accomplished father for what he does well, rather than as a failure of a man for what he does wrong. You'd kind of like the same treatment, too, wouldn't you? Wendy |
#5
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differing parenting style issue
Hello Stephanie, I agree with you on both issue. It must be very difficult
to deal this and try to be supportive of your husband (present a united front for the kids) when he does thing like that. About the arm thing, you are definitely right! It happened to my son three years ago. Altought the situation was not the same: My then one-year old had to get a diaper change (real bad!), we were in the backyard and he was refusing to come in the house for the change. My DH tried to get him in the house by making him laugh. He took him by the hand and Whee! made DS climb the stairs one by one by holding him by one hand. It worked and DS was giggling in the stairs. But as soon as he arrived on top, he started to scream and cry. After probing gently and putting ice on his arm, he was still crying so I took him to the ER. Turns out his arm was pulled out of its socket. It was a matter of seconds to put it back and as soon as it was done, the pain disapeared. Still, you can be sure that the lesson was not forgotten. My DH cried when he saw that he hurt his son, even if not intentionally. To this day, he has not it to any kid and we warn everyone we see pull a child by the arm, even playfully how dangerous it could be. N. "Stephanie and Tim" a écrit dans le message de news: ... Hi. I have an issue with something my DH does. We have discussed it. He has even agreed to stop the offense. But he hasn't. The thing is, he doesn't reaaly "see" or understand what, exactly, I am talking about. I can understand this since I cannot explain it very well. The problem I have is a 2 part one. He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for "not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me. The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think this is rotten on a couple of levels: - He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH) - It does not communicate with DS's head that he needs to listen. What I would do in this situation is walk over to him and put out my hand as if to hold hands. He will usually accept this as the inevitable and come with me. If that does not work I will ask him if he wants to come by himself or does he want to carry him. That usually works. If it does not, I pick him up by the armpits like a normal carry. The thing is, I rarely have to do any of these more aggressive tactics. He is accustomed to doing as I ask. By hauling him off, DH is teaching him he really does not have to listen. - I think it is an assault on the little guy's body and self control. If someon just up and hauled me to my feet or beyond, I would be ****ed. And it just looks evil. When he does it out and about I think Damned it looks like we are child abusers. And I think it is just laziness that causes him to not want to reach down and pick him up by the armpits and speak to him in the face. Anyway - I guess that this is really more of a marital problem than a parenting one. And mostly vent too for that matter. But any words of wisdom are appreciated. I find that THE most challenging thing about parenting is getting on the same page with DH. ARGH. The other day he CHEERED DS on for climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope slap him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a stiff breeze. Anyway, let me know if you have words of wisdom. S |
#6
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differing parenting style issue
x-no-archive:yes
Wendy Marsden wrote: Stephanie and Tim wrote: They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. I'd stay out of this one. One of the things fathers do differently than mothers is rough house. They'll work this one out on their own. I agree with this. I'd stay out of it unless he's getting so rough before bedtime that ds is having a hard time going to sleep. I suspect that Marie (I think it was Marie) who said this is one of the things that usually is different between men and women. So men will sometimes be in favor of the rougher sports. I myself think it is pretty silly that two of my three BILs think that riding horses is too dangerous, but will allow their children to play lacrosse (one of the girls had a lacrosse scholarship and one of the boys or another family played intramural lacrosse in college). That said, it sounded a lot like what goes on between my older son and his six-years-younger brother. I can see the crying coming from a mile off and I'll stop by the older boy and say, "this game always ends in your brother crying and you getting yelled at for being too rough. Is this really the game you meant to play?" In your case I'm not sure you need to patronize your husband like that, but you could do some form of reminding him to be self-aware if you can think of a way that isn't demeaning to him as an adult. :-) The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! Again, this one will solve itself in time, but I think this is the battle I'd pick to fight. You are right on both your points - that it's dangerous and it teaches your son not to listen to his father. I think you can model good behavior and talk to your husband about it calmly when your son isn't in the room, but I also think you are going to have to let the father of your son learn how to father in his own way and own time. I'm sure about the first point - the arm dislocation, but keep in mind that it can happen even when people have the best intentions- it can happen when a child who is holding someone's hand goes limp on purpose to be obstructive, and in that case it is the child that dislocates his own arm, in a way. I'm not sure that the bit about teaching ds not to listen to his father is a real problem. This is something that often occurs - a child will wilfully disobey or be concentrating on something else and must be physically restrained or moved. I think the only reason is hasn't happened to you is that it hasn't come up YET. It may not ever occur with this child. That doesn't mean that it won't ever be necessary. In any case, you are more concerned it seems to me with the way it looks and the possibility of injury than with the actual act of physically moving your ds to go to bed. The fact is, he's going to make mistakes. The best you can do is respect him as an adult, respect the relationship he has with his son and allow him to feel like an accomplished father for what he does well, rather than as a failure of a man for what he does wrong. You'd kind of like the same treatment, too, wouldn't you? Wendy grandma Rosalie |
#7
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differing parenting style issue
Stephanie and Tim wrote:
The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for "not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me. DH and I have issues like this all the time. We talk about it a lot, and in general his response will be 'my parents did it and I am fine', which he knows is not good enough for me. He came to insight when DS accidentally fell and hurt his head while they were in a playground. DH felt so guilty, and then I pointed out: "DS will be fine, he's hurt, but nothing serious. At least now you can see the injury and feel guilty. But if you do something to hurt him mentally, you won't know until it's too late." That remark hit, since it was exactly the way his dad treated him, and he swore never to be mean like that. Now we are both aware that we are setting an example for DH. If particular behaviour is OK, then it will always be OK, no matter who's involved. But if it's not, we never want to see it, not from DS, nor from us. Of course things are not always that black and white. E.g. playing rough is fine at times, but we are very clear when it is unwanted, and will try not to do anything to trigger DS into it. It's not always easy, but we're getting there. ... But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think this is rotten on a couple of levels: snips levels That sounds pretty rough to me. Would your DH like to be treated this way if he doesn't do what someone wants? I guess not. So he should not do it to your son either. IMO children are very aware of the example the parents set, and I go by the rule: don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you. Old-fashioned, but it works. Anyway - I guess that this is really more of a marital problem than a parenting one. And mostly vent too for that matter. But any words of wisdom are appreciated. I find that THE most challenging thing about parenting is getting on the same page with DH. ARGH. The other day he CHEERED DS on for climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope slap him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a stiff breeze. Sounds like your DH is still mostly a child himself and projects his own child-behaviour onto your son. He should realize that he's the parent now. Doing crazy things and exposing your inner child are fine, but he's the one that has to keep an eye out for the dangers. HTH! -- -- I mommy to DS (13m) guardian of DH TTC #2 War doesn't decide who's right - only who's left |
#8
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differing parenting style issue
On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote: He hauls DS around my the limbs and his rough houseing is too rough. The rough house play is the easiest to explain. They rough house. DS loves it, DH loves it. The problem is that this rough housing frequently involves DH manhandling DS's body in a way that DS has no control over. Still fine. DS is giggling madly. The problem is that I think the acceptable level of DH hurting DS is ZERO when this play is occuring. But it happens fairly regularly that DS will do something by mistake that hurts him and he begins to bawl. If DS is having fun, then begins to bawl, it has to be a fairly painful event. So I mention this to DH, who just says - It was an accident. The irony is that he comes down like a ton of bricks on DS for "not being careful" when he accidentally hurts Mommy. This happens all the time since I do not try very hard to get out of the way of flying elbows and whatnot. So when I try to tell DH that HE has to be more careful, he just says that DS is OK and blows me off. This is not OK with me. As others have said, I would stay out of this one. Rough house play that is fun for both ds and dh is ok and accidents will happen. DS may actually hurt him accidentally too if he kicks in the wrong place. But children *need* this kind of rough play and dads are good at it. The only issue would be if it gets out of hand right before bed, it can make for sleep problems so I might talk about keeping it to a minimum at that time of the night. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. Outer Limits |
#9
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differing parenting style issue
On Mon, 11 Aug 2003 13:58:12 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote: The other issue I have is with hauling him around by his limbs. Picture an example in which DH is trying to get DS to go with him to bathtime. He gives him the 5 and 2 minute warning. Then asks DS to come for bathtime. When DS does not come, he repeats and whatnot. All of this is exactly the same as I would do. But what he does when noncompliance continues is takes him by the hand and physically lifts him by one arm! And carries him that way! I think this is rotten on a couple of levels: - He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH) I would put my foot down on this one. You can show him some of the literature or have you pediatrician talk to him about it. It's the elbow that goes more frequently than the shoulder, btw. And long term damage does make it more likely that he will have problems with his joints as an adult if this continues. http://www.lpch.org/DiseaseHealthInf...s/nmelbow.html What is nursemaid's elbow? Nursemaid's elbow occurs when the radius (one of the bones in the forearm) slips out of place from where it normally attaches to the elbow joint. It is a common condition in children younger than 4 years of age. It is also called pulled elbow, slipped elbow, or toddler elbow. The medical term for nursemaid's elbow is radial head subluxation. What causes nursemaid's elbow? A sudden pulling or traction on the hand or forearm causes nursemaid's elbow. This causes the radius to slip out of the ligament holding it into the elbow. It can occur when an infant rolls himself or herself over, from a fall or from pulling, or swinging a young child by the hand. What are the symptoms of nursemaid's elbow? The following are the most common symptoms of nursemaid's elbow. However, each child may experience symptoms differently. Symptoms may include: * immediate pain in the injured arm * refusal or inability to move the injured arm * anxiety The symptoms of nursemaid's elbow may resemble other conditions or medical problems. Always consult your child's physician for a diagnosis. How is nursemaid's elbow diagnosed? The diagnosis of nursemaid's elbow is made with a physical examination by your child's physician. It is important to call your child's physician immediately, or promptly take your child to the emergency department, if you suspect an injury. Treatment for nursemaid's elbow: Specific treatment for nursemaid's elbow will be determined by your child's physician based on the following: * your child's age, overall health, and medical history * the extent of the condition * your child's tolerance for specific medications, procedures, or therapies * expectations for the course of the condition * your opinion or preference Treatment may include: * acetaminophen (for pain), as directed by your child's physician * prompt medical treatment while providing reassurance for your child The injury can usually be reduced (fixed) by your child's physician with ease and often without the need for x-rays (unless other type of injury or fracture is suspected). Once the elbow has sustained this type of injury, it is more likely to recur. If this happens again, call your child's physician or return to the emergency department for further evaluation and treatment. Most children outgrow the tendency for nursemaid's elbow by the age of 4. Prevention of nursemaid's elbow: * Avoid pulling or swinging your child by the arms or hands. * Avoid lifting your child up by his/her arms or hands. Consult your child's physician for more information. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. Outer Limits |
#10
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differing parenting style issue
"P. Tierney" wrote in message news:lkRZa.121833$Ho3.15553@sccrnsc03...
"Stephanie and Tim" wrote: - He could pull DS's arm right out if its socket. DH thinks that the fact that it has not happened yet means it is not going to. (DDDUHHHHHHH) The pediatricians in my family communicated to me the dangers of excessive arm-pulling -- not just the immediate out-of-socket type injuries, but more long term ones. Frequency and force matter, He does not yank or anything. I was a little blown away by the poster above hollering abuse. I think it is really ****ty. But it is not negatively received by DS at ALL. He thinks it is funny as all get out. as does of the age of you child (I didn't catch the age of your DS), 2.5 but ramifications of doing that to a young child can be serious. Since it's an unnecessary action, it doesn't make any sense to do. Seems to me. - It does not communicate with DS's head that he needs to listen. I agree. The more effective things tend to take more time, and some people do not wish to give that time, or are too impatient to give it. So it is a parenting style issue. However, the styles are most certainly not equal in effectiveness. I definitely do not think that to say that parenting styles are DIFFERENT are to say that they are EQUAL. So I hear and agree. The other day he CHEERED DS on for climbing up our rickety old changing table by himself. I wanted to dope slap him. The thing can hold his weight, but it would definitely tip over in a stiff breeze. I let my child climb on all sorts of things, but I'm there to support or spot her when needed, so I can't quite jump on your boat on this one. But the others, I agree. Yeah - that's funny. I kinda chilled on that one soon after I wrote this. Anyway, let me know if you have words of wisdom. Not really, as I've never had any major or lingering parenting style conflicts with my spouse. But I hope it works out and that your more effective style wins out, as I do think it will benefit the child more, both physically (no arm injuries) and developmentally (learning to understand "why" instead of just being told to do everything). Good luck. P. Tierney Thanks. We discussed it again last night. It truly is a recurring marital problem to get DH to listen in a way that translates into a change in behavior. I am not sure how to get through. Thanks for the positive thoughts. S |
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