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Consider the child's world
Just for a moment, consider a child's world.
It's big, it's mysterious, it's often scary.
The only constant, safe thing in it is Mom (and/or Dad, of course).
Mom provides food when the child is hungry, hugs when the child is
scared, cuddles when he needs affection, comfort when she's hurt or
sick, tickles when he wants to play.
Then one day, this all-important source of everything the child has
come to hold dear, that most trusted being in the entire world,
suddenly lashes out and causes her pain, probably accompanied by
angry, scary words.
In that one searing instant, Mom's image changes forever in the eyes
of that child.
Mom may still be the source of everything good, but
she is now also, undeniably, the source of pain and fear.
Now Mom is no longer all-loving Mom. She is also hurting Mom. And
the child, who in the early years sees her parents as all-helping
and all-powerful and wise beyond imagining, internalizes
that reaction and concludes that if Mom saw fit to hurt her, she
must be bad indeed.
From loving parent to hurting parent: it's a line that, once crossed,
can never be crossed back again.
There may still be love between them, probably will be; but that
wholehearted, limitless trust with which children regard their
parents, and that provides the anchor that kids rely on them to keep
them safe and well, is gone forever.
This would be a heartache evenif it were necessary. Since it's not,
it's a tragedy and a goddam shame.
Now, you can go on telling yourself that being spanked
didn't hurt you and doesn't hurt your kid, but you're fooling
yourself -- it *did* hurt you, and it *does* hurt your kid and it
*will* damage your relationship with him or her.
You can't take it back, but you can stop. It's better not to start.
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **
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