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#11
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message
news On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:37:02 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: Not that it's any of your business, but I am working toward living close to my daughter. Finding the right job doesn't happen overnight most of the time. I can't help that they live in an econimically depressed area. That's a good thing - finding work closer to your daughter's home. Maybe then, custody can be 50/50 and you can keep your 15k a year. I'm sure your daughter would rather you were the #1 man in her life. 'Kate Honestly, my coming here is not about the money. I just wanted objective opinions about the situation. |
#12
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message
news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:35:54 -0700, Bev wrote for all to see: On Apr 23, 11:08�pm, "Strutter" wrote: "'Kate" wrote in message news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 18:36:31 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: snipped� I also pay $8K/year in child support and another $6K/year in traveling expenses to be with my daughter. My 39 year old ex wife introducing her 25 year old boyfriends to my daughter just rubs me the wrong way a little. Especially since those relationships don't seem to be lasting too long. Ya know......I thought you were thinking of your daughter when you posted about your ex's introducing her b/f's to the child. Now I see why your shorts are really in a knot. 8K a year in CS and 6K a year in traveling expenses does not make up for the limited amount of time you are spending with your child.Move closer, you can spend more time with your daughter ,save your 6K in traveling expenses,mind your own business about who your Ex is dating and you might feel better. :-D Yeah... I know. I asked the question he least wanted to answer. He got defensive and threw the money up as a "smokescreen". Transparent, huh? Hugs, 'Kate I wasn't being defensive. Being away from my daughter is painful, and I may have come across as being defensive. I want my ex wife to meet a good man that will be good to my daughter. I just don't think my ex should start bringing the guys around my daughter from day one. I want her to give it a little time. My daughter still talks about a couple of the guys my ex has dated recently, and she doesn't completely understand why they aren't around anymore. How is that fair to my daughter? |
#13
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:08:48 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: "'Kate" wrote in message news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 18:36:31 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: How much child-free and non-work time do you each (the parents) have? What does that have to do with her introducing my daughter to people on first dates, etc.? Did you say first dates? I only recall that you said that your ex is on her sixth guy in 5 months. And what it has to do with this, is that time matters. This is all about time. I actually said three guys in five months, but I don't really know if the new guy is the third or fourth. He's at least the third. No, these are not just first dates. My daughter still mentions the other two guys and doesn't understand why they don't come around anymore. The first guy lasted three weeks, and the second guy lasted 4-6. I don't remember specifically. I simply asked my ex to chill about having her dates around our daughter so quickly. My ex told me I'm being ridiculous and unreasonable. I simply came here for other opinions and some insight not to confirm my own opinions. |
#14
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:08:48 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: "'Kate" wrote in message news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 18:36:31 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: How much child-free and non-work time do you each (the parents) have? What does that have to do with her introducing my daughter to people on first dates, etc.? Did you say first dates? I only recall that you said that your ex is on her sixth guy in 5 months. And what it has to do with this, is that time matters. This is all about time. My ex works 30 hrs./week and has family that will take care of my daughter any time my ex will let them. I don't live close to my daughter, but I use every minute of three weeks of vacation to see my daughter. I also pay $8K/year in child support and another $6K/year in traveling expenses to be with my daughter. My 39 year old ex wife introducing her 25 year old boyfriends to my daughter just rubs me the wrong way a little. Especially since those relationships don't seem to be lasting too long. I see. So your ex has primary custody and you have three weeks during vacation. Most people get every other week child-free or, at least, every other weekend and a weekday or so... 50/50. Of course you can date whomever you want whenever and it is unlikely to affect your daughter. You have the luxury of being able to get to know a date well before you have to introduce her to your daughter. Of course your ex would have nothing bad to say about that. That puts you squarely in the "moral right" by virtue of the custody arrangements. I'm not sure what money has to do with this. Wasn't this an ethical/moral issue? Were you not questioning her values? For the record, I don't make a habit of dating a number of people in a short time. I do expect my dates to pick me up at the door. I do introduce my children to my dates. But then, I have long-term relationships and I didn't date right after Phil died. My children were older than your daughter then too. I think you have a right to say what you feel about your ex's dating habits if they bother you but I don't think that you have the right to dictate her actions. You do have some say in what your daughter is exposed to. Any more than an introduction at first would be too much - so the matter isn't so much how many men she dates as how much time they spend with your daughter. In that case, I would say that it isn't unreasonable to not want your daughter to have to spend hours with someone unless your ex has dated that person, away from your daughter, for at least 3 months and no sleep overs until ... well, I never really thought that was appropriate with children in the house until after marriage. Call me a prude. 'Kate Also, thanks for the input. Like I said, I wasn't looking for confirmation of my own opinions. I just wanted to hear someone else's opinion to help me gage if I was being unreasonable or not. |
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message news On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:37:02 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: Not that it's any of your business, but I am working toward living close to my daughter. Finding the right job doesn't happen overnight most of the time. I can't help that they live in an econimically depressed area. That's a good thing - finding work closer to your daughter's home. Maybe then, custody can be 50/50 and you can keep your 15k a year. I'm sure your daughter would rather you were the #1 man in her life. 'Kate I, personally, don't agree with a 50/50 arrangement. My honest opinion is that a child needs a stable, permanent home to live at. A bed they can always go to sleep in, a room they can always play in, a neighbourhood they can always see their friends in and a school they can regularly attend. I don't agree with a 50/50 agreement. I do, however, really believe that any given child should have both parents in their life, though, but I do still firmly believe that one parent should be their permanant residence and the other parent should be the one they go to or have come to them. I just find 50/50 situation can often offer trouble. One home with one or the other parent, not one home 50% of the time, a second home the other half of the time. |
#16
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message news On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:41:57 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: I only came here looking for honest opinions, whether the same as mine or not, but it seems to have turned into a personal attack on me. Perhaps I'm not the best at expressing myself, but I'm the best father I know how to be. Unfortunately, you're not being judged for yourself. We get a lot of "My ex is wrong and I'm looking for backup" posts. We have no way of knowing what your intentions are until we prod a bit. You were a bit defensive about your current custody arrangements but it is clear that you love your daughter. That makes you ok in my book even if I don't 100% agree with you. 'Kate Well said. |
#17
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"Strutter" wrote in message ... "'Kate" wrote in message news On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:37:02 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: Not that it's any of your business, but I am working toward living close to my daughter. Finding the right job doesn't happen overnight most of the time. I can't help that they live in an econimically depressed area. That's a good thing - finding work closer to your daughter's home. Maybe then, custody can be 50/50 and you can keep your 15k a year. I'm sure your daughter would rather you were the #1 man in her life. 'Kate Honestly, my coming here is not about the money. I just wanted objective opinions about the situation. Around here, when someone new pops in with a question or problem and is looking for advice, it often sends up flags when they mention money. It seems to happen all too often that a parent seems to try to look like a hero by saying, "But I shell out the big bucks!!!" |
#18
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"'Kate" wrote in message news On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 20:14:15 +0000, xkatx wrote for all to see: "Strutter" wrote in message ... Excuse me if this question has been asked before, but when is the appropriate time to let children meet a person you are dating? My ex and I have some disagreements about this. I feel that I should be in a relationship long enough to know that it has the potential to be lasting before I subject my daughter (6 years old) to meeting the person I am dating. I don't believe that my daughter should be exposed to every person I go out with, or her mother, just for a matter of convenience. My ex wife has dated three different guys over the past five months, and now my ex is with someone new again. I asked her to please give her relationships time before having the person around my daughter, but the new guy is already wanting to go to my daughter's T-Ball games, etc. Am I crazy for thinking that it's unfair to my daughter to be exposed to these guys so quickly? Am I unreasonable thinking that my ex should wait six months or whatever amount of time it takes to see if the relationship will turn serious? I just noticed this... You put the subject as "When to let kids meet new girlfriend" yet is this about your girlfriend? Is your ex a lesbian? We've had a few topics lately on here about bi and heck, I think there was even a mention or three about quad-gendered or something. Does your ex date lesbian males who get what they want from her then leave? I'm a bit of a Confusedasaurus Rex. hahaha... is your son into dinosaurs? Yes................. We get points across. Dinosaurs are a way to explain things. He takes better to being a "Ratasaurus" than a tattle-tale or a rat, for example If he read this, he would NOT hesitate to inform me there's no such thing as a Confusedasaurus, Rex or not. I've never learned anything so in depth before. I'm even starting to get the hang of which dinosaurs were from which period - at least I can pronounce those words - but I'm still having some issues pronouncing a lot of the more uncommon names. But don't worry, I'm learning quickly. He can pronounce all of them with ease, and even sees it necessary to correct me or help me out with some obnoxious dinosaur name. He had issues reading the message inside of a birthday card, but toss him a paper with 15 random (looong) dinosaur names infront of him, and he'll read them off in a snap. I see "euoplocephalus" and I'm standing there, "You-pol-sef-a... no, you-ploc-efa... hm... you-ploc-a-lofagus..." and he butts in, "No, actually, it's "you-op-lo-sef-a-lus. Mommy, you should read it properly." and I think, well, an E for effort would have been nice, at the very least... I ofen hear, in a day, "ROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!! I'M A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!! THE MEANEST OF THEM ALL!!!!!" Oh, and at Christmas, I went off to the big book store to see if I could hunt down some sort of big dinosaur encyclopedia. I told them it was for a then-nearly 6 year old. She pulls out one "encyclopedia" and a few books. I had to laugh because if I brought those home for him, he'd laugh at me and give them to his baby sisters! Cartoon drawings and picture story books just don't cut it. |
#19
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
"xkatx" wrote in message newspIXh.408$Dq6.224@edtnps82...
"Strutter" wrote in message ... "'Kate" wrote in message news On Tue, 24 Apr 2007 14:37:02 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: Not that it's any of your business, but I am working toward living close to my daughter. Finding the right job doesn't happen overnight most of the time. I can't help that they live in an econimically depressed area. That's a good thing - finding work closer to your daughter's home. Maybe then, custody can be 50/50 and you can keep your 15k a year. I'm sure your daughter would rather you were the #1 man in her life. 'Kate Honestly, my coming here is not about the money. I just wanted objective opinions about the situation. Around here, when someone new pops in with a question or problem and is looking for advice, it often sends up flags when they mention money. It seems to happen all too often that a parent seems to try to look like a hero by saying, "But I shell out the big bucks!!!" Noted. |
#20
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When to let kids meet new girlfriend
On Apr 24, 7:27�pm, 'Kate wrote:
On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:08:48 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: "'Kate" wrote in message news On Mon, 23 Apr 2007 18:36:31 -0500, Strutter wrote for all to see: How much child-free and non-work time do you each (the parents) have? What does that have to do with her introducing my daughter to people on first dates, etc.? * Did you say first dates? I only recall that you said that your ex is on her sixth guy in 5 months. And what it has to do with this, is that time matters. This is all about time. My ex works 30 hrs./week and has family that will take care of my daughter any time my ex will let them. *I don't live close to my daughter, but I use every minute of three weeks of vacation to see my daughter. *I also pay $8K/year in child support and another $6K/year in traveling expenses to be with my daughter. *My 39 year old ex wife introducing her 25 year old boyfriends to my daughter just rubs me the wrong way a little. *Especially since those relationships don't seem to be lasting too long. I see. So your ex has primary custody and you have three weeks during vacation. Most people get every other week child-free or, at least, every other weekend and a weekday or so... 50/50. Of course you can date whomever you want whenever and it is unlikely to affect your daughter. You have the luxury of being able to get to know a date well before you have to introduce her to your daughter. Of course your ex would have nothing bad to say about that. That puts you squarely in the "moral right" by virtue of the custody arrangements. I'm not sure what money has to do with this. Wasn't this an ethical/moral issue? Were you not questioning her values? For the record, I don't make a habit of dating a number of people in a short time. I do expect my dates to pick me up at the door. I do introduce my children to my dates. But then, I have long-term relationships and I didn't date right after Phil died. My children were older than your daughter then too. I think you have a right to say what you feel about your ex's dating habits if they bother you but I don't think that you have the right to dictate her actions. You do have some say in what your daughter is exposed to. Any more than an introduction at first would be too much - so the matter isn't so much how many men she dates as how much time they spend with your daughter. In that case, I would say that it isn't unreasonable to not want your daughter to have to spend hours with someone unless your ex has dated that person, away from your daughter, for at least 3 months and no sleep overs until ... well, I never really thought that was appropriate with children in the house until after marriage. Call me a prude. 'Kate Prude....... ;-) |
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