no toys please

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Knit Chic wrote:

You have a good point.

In the spirit of compromise, I should say that I
*completely* sympathize with the end result you'd like to
see (less toy overload and so forth). I just think that
in terms of the big picture and teaching successful life
skills for the future, there are better ways to go about
achieving that end. It drives me nuts how it seems like
it's a never-ending task getting gifts that people expect
at all sorts of functions.

Suppose what was meant was not 'no toys' but "No Gifts"?? (Which was
my first thought really when I read No Toys)

Would that be rude?

Because when we celebrated my mom's 95th birthday with a surprise
party, we indicated that people should not bring a gift. Although we
did ask them to write something on a page which we supplied to go into
a scrapbook for her if they could do so. Actually that was more
for the people who couldn't attend than for those that were going to
be there.

Those of us who were children and grandchildren and friends who were
accustomed to giving her birthday or Xmas gifts did so anyway, but not
at the party.

On Jun 26, 10:01 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
SNIP

I don't take issue w/ that at all, I
think it's a great idea if that is what the parent wants and again, wouldn't
consider it rude.
It's a million times better than the toys-r-us type of gift registries.

Well, those aren't proper either ;-)

Well ... yes and no. Is not proper to include registry information in
an invitation. I don't see a problem with registering, and mentioning
the registry if someone asks what you/your child would like. Of
course, I can't imagine doing that for a normal birthday. A big
occasion (engagement, baby shower, wedding, bar/bat mitzvah, sweet
16), OTOH, I'm fine with.

Barbara

On Tue, 26 Jun 2007 22:20:04 -0400, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
I don't have a problem with kids having birthday
parties and getting gifts. Perhaps for some kids, they're
not over-indulged by family and friends already and parties
with gifts don't seem so excessive. Despite my best efforts,
my kids just get too much stuff, so they're not exactly
being deprived if they don't have a birthday party where
they get a lot of gifts from their friends.

When I think about it, DS pretty much only gets toys on his birthday or
Christmas or he has to go buy them himself. He doesn't get a lot of money,
so he doesn't really acquire much throughout the year. Nevertheless, I
feel overloaded with toys. However, I wouldn't deprive him of the gifts on
his birthday and Christmas, because it's the only time he gets toys, and he
does outgrow his old toys. I figure we can give the unwanted stuff to
charity, and we do that every year. Some good does come out of it.

On Wed, 27 Jun 2007 02:40:44 GMT, Rosalie B. wrote:

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Knit Chic wrote:

You have a good point.

In the spirit of compromise, I should say that I
*completely* sympathize with the end result you'd like to
see (less toy overload and so forth). I just think that
in terms of the big picture and teaching successful life
skills for the future, there are better ways to go about
achieving that end. It drives me nuts how it seems like
it's a never-ending task getting gifts that people expect
at all sorts of functions.

Suppose what was meant was not 'no toys' but "No Gifts"?? (Which was
my first thought really when I read No Toys)

Would that be rude?

I finally did call, and the impression I got when asking the hostess was it
was "no toys," not "no gifts." She seemed to indicate that other things
were fine. She said he liked puzzles. I found a good one he would
probably enjoy that involves making pictures out of shapes.

As for "no gifts" and "no toys," I think both are regarded as no-nos. It
presumes that the invitee is going to give a gift, and one shouldn't expect
the invitee to bring a gift (though of course it's tradition). It does not
allow the giver the joy of giving.

I personally prefer to try to hunt down a gift that the recipient may not
have thought about but unexpectedly enjoys using or having. It's sometimes
a miss and sometimes a hit, but I like to surprise them with tha hope that
they'll like it. Some of my most prized gifts are things I never would
have thought of to ask.

So, although you know you don't have to give toys, you don't want anyone *else*
to give toys..

Do I have this right?

Banty

I think if you have a child that every night has nightmares about my
little ponies you should be able to say no my little ponies. If your
kid has 6 30 gallon containers of toys and you want books and puzzles
instead you should be able to put that as well. Heck in that situation
maybe a visit to a second hand store as a group to help donate a few
buckets is in order instead ;P She isn't saying that no child should
get toys, but if the parent doesn't want more toys she should be able to
say so.

I suppose she could always write "Any toys given will be donated to
whatever group" But that seems rude to me.

Tori

Tori

On Tue, 26 Jun 2007 22:45:55 -0500, Tori M wrote:

So, although you know you don't have to give toys, you don't want anyone *else*
to give toys..

Do I have this right?

Banty

I think if you have a child that every night has nightmares about my
little ponies you should be able to say no my little ponies. If your
kid has 6 30 gallon containers of toys and you want books and puzzles
instead you should be able to put that as well. Heck in that situation
maybe a visit to a second hand store as a group to help donate a few
buckets is in order instead ;P She isn't saying that no child should
get toys, but if the parent doesn't want more toys she should be able to
say so.

I suppose she could always write "Any toys given will be donated to
whatever group" But that seems rude to me.

Tori

Tori

I think she could thank the giver politely then donate the toys. That
would be more proper and needy children would get new toys. We donate new
toys all the time, usually toys my own kids don't want but are perfectly
good and someone is bound to treasure them.

I think she could thank the giver politely then donate the toys. That
would be more proper and needy children would get new toys. We donate new
toys all the time, usually toys my own kids don't want but are perfectly
good and someone is bound to treasure them.

In my family that would be taken very badly. If my aunt gave me a toy
she would ask how I liked it later. If my mom said she donated it to
whatever charity it would be the last toy received from them. If they
wanted to donate a toy they would have done so. Just like gifts of
money dry up if you spend it on bills. Birthday money is found money
and is NEVER spent on mundane things. I would much rather get a note
saying don't buy whatever then to find out later a gift I spent time to
choose went to a thrift store.

Tori

On Tue, 26 Jun 2007 23:18:14 -0500, Tori M wrote:

I think she could thank the giver politely then donate the toys. That
would be more proper and needy children would get new toys. We donate new
toys all the time, usually toys my own kids don't want but are perfectly
good and someone is bound to treasure them.

In my family that would be taken very badly. If my aunt gave me a toy
she would ask how I liked it later.

But the person behaving poorly is the aunt. She should never inquire about
a gift, if she had been properly thanked for it. That is considered rude,
because it puts the receiver on the spot. I never ask about a gift, even
to family. Sometimes, I am quite curious, but I never ask.

If my mom said she donated it to
whatever charity it would be the last toy received from them. If they
wanted to donate a toy they would have done so. Just like gifts of
money dry up if you spend it on bills. Birthday money is found money
and is NEVER spent on mundane things.

If I give money, it is to do with as the recipient pleases. If I wanted to
put restrictions on it, I might give a gift card, but that is the extent of
it. If the gift card is used for toner or batteries, so be it. Found
money can be spent on bills just as gift money can. I find it wrong to
waste money (i.e., spend money where I don't feel like spending it) just
because it's there. If the person I give it to spends it on heating bills,
then maybe heating the house is more important and necessary than a new
watch. I'd prefer it be spent that way.


I would much rather get a note
saying don't buy whatever then to find out later a gift I spent time to
choose went to a thrift store.

I would never find that out, because I wouldn't ask what happened to it,
and the person I give it to should be polite enough not to tell me.

"toypup" wrote:

As for "no gifts" and "no toys," I think both are regarded as no-nos. It
presumes that the invitee is going to give a gift, and one shouldn't
expect
the invitee to bring a gift (though of course it's tradition). It does
not
allow the giver the joy of giving.

We asked (but did not require) items to fill up our
daughter's newly purchased dress-up box if one
was to give a gift. Most did that, it went well,
and she got the only thing she wanted instead
of things that not, while still allowing the giver
different ways to express oneself. I'm glad
we went that route.


P. Tierney

"enigma" wrote:

oh, & one of his gifts was a gift card to Toys R Us, a place
i generally dislike (i'm a fan of small independant toy
shops). because he had the gift card i took him there & let
him look around. there was not *one toy* he wanted there...

Books, art materials, trains, cars, dolls -- nothing
at all?

I like independent toy stores too, but their stocks
compared to Toys R Us are not mutually exclusive.

P. Tierney