Need help with behavior

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
"Nikki" wrote in
news:mZWdnTHpld_I4rXYnZ2dnUVZ_radnZ2d@prairiewave. com:

First a short vent. Luke is afraid to be upstairs by
himself. This is making my life very difficult With that
off my chest I'll move on ;-)

Boo is too. will NOT go upstairs (or in the basement) alone.

Gads that is a pain. Our bathroom is upstairs or downstairs. Luke goes to
bed at 8pm and Hunter at 8:30. If Luke isn't asleep by the time Hunter gets
up there they won't go to sleep. Buuut...Luke won't stay up there now.
Grr.

ok, Boo does all this too... i think it's a really annoying
developmental stage.

Annoying is an understatement. I don't remember it so much with Hunter.
Part of it might be that if I ignore Hunter he drops it. Luke is very
verbal and very persistent and he will just keep on keep on keep on trying
to engage me.

currently, i'm trying the not harping method. one *soft*
reminder to calm it down. i refuse to play with him/get
involved if he's too loud or wild.

My problem is that they are wild with each other. They don't care about me,
lol.

i also toss him outdoors if he's too whacked out.

They used to be outside all the time. I'm not sure why I'm having a hard
time running them out now. Probably because they know I want them out,
lol.

let's hope some other parents have ideas

Yep!!

It helps to at least know I'm not alone.

--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Nikki" wrote:

First a short vent. Luke is afraid to be upstairs by himself. This is
making my life very difficult With that off my chest I'll move on ;-)

Is this really true?

Yes. I thought he was trying to play me but I don't think so. I think he
really is afraid. I've heard conversations between him and Hunter and I've
talked to him too.

I think they need more activity. Particularly physical activity.

I agree. I would like to sign them up for takwondo (sp?) but dh and I
disagree. I think it would be really good for them.

a) Ignore this completely and don't react to it at all as I think this
is somewhat similar to a tantrum by a 2yo, and reacting to it is
giving them reinforcement to continue.

I've tried that and I can't ignore long enough. It isn't in me.

b) Schedule them for some activity every free moment.

I like the more activity idea but I get no support from dh. I'll keep on it
though - thanks


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

"Sue" wrote in message

The two websites I listed have been helping me and giving me some good
insights on things to do with particular trouble areas. When you have time
(ha, I know), browse through them and see if it helps you.

http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/4_9/ex06_pri03.asp

http://www.elainegibson.net/parenting/index.html

Awesome. I have them bookmarked - thanks!


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

"Jeff" wrote in message

It sounds to me that they are getting what they want: Your attention.

I actually haven't thought of it that way because they seem so obliviuos to
me when I try to interact with them when they are in such a state. Now
that I frame it like that I can see it though.

One thing you can do is when they are bored, they have to go stand in the
corner. They will find they are not as bored as they thought.

:-) I can't even make them stay in their room. I'd have to duct tape them
in

My other big problem is that I have a hard time letting things go like
laundry, cleaning etc. My weekends are very busy with buying groceries,
doing laundry, and some minimal cleaning but all that takes an enormous
chunk of time when doing a weeks worth and wrangling the kids..

I took everyone's suggestion today. I had all four of them so it really
wasn't onene time but I did let all of the above go and took them swimming
to burn off some energy and then the babies slept for 1/2 hour while we
drove around and visited while eating our snack. They are playing nicely
now. Of course my house is filthy and I'll be up till 2am doing laundry but
it is so worth it if every evening would be like this, lol.

--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

It is really hard to find that balance, I have a hard time finding a
balance with only 2 kids, 1 husband, 1 dog...

I try to devote the mornings to activities, I take the kids to
playgroups, swimming, library, gymnastics, gym (I put them in gym
daycare) whatever! Then we go home for lunch and after lunch we just
hang out, my 5 month old sleeps and in between spurts of cleaning and
laundry I get to spend time alone with my 3 year old!

I always try to get housework done during the day, I hate doing
anything after the kids are in bed at night.

Katherine

Nikki wrote:
"Jeff" wrote in message

It sounds to me that they are getting what they want: Your attention.

I actually haven't thought of it that way because they seem so obliviuos to
me when I try to interact with them when they are in such a state. Now
that I frame it like that I can see it though.

One thing you can do is when they are bored, they have to go stand in the
corner. They will find they are not as bored as they thought.

:-) I can't even make them stay in their room. I'd have to duct tape them
in

My other big problem is that I have a hard time letting things go like
laundry, cleaning etc. My weekends are very busy with buying groceries,
doing laundry, and some minimal cleaning but all that takes an enormous
chunk of time when doing a weeks worth and wrangling the kids..

I took everyone's suggestion today. I had all four of them so it really
wasn't onene time but I did let all of the above go and took them swimming
to burn off some energy and then the babies slept for 1/2 hour while we
drove around and visited while eating our snack. They are playing nicely
now. Of course my house is filthy and I'll be up till 2am doing laundry but
it is so worth it if every evening would be like this, lol.

--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

I'm 15 weeks pregnant, so my experience with kids stops at babysitting.
But I have to say I'm impressed, you sound very organized. You've given
me hope.
KR wrote:
It is really hard to find that balance, I have a hard time finding a
balance with only 2 kids, 1 husband, 1 dog...

I try to devote the mornings to activities, I take the kids to
playgroups, swimming, library, gymnastics, gym (I put them in gym
daycare) whatever! Then we go home for lunch and after lunch we just
hang out, my 5 month old sleeps and in between spurts of cleaning and
laundry I get to spend time alone with my 3 year old!

I always try to get housework done during the day, I hate doing
anything after the kids are in bed at night.

Katherine

On Sun, 8 Oct 2006 18:07:53 -0500, "Nikki" wrote:

My other big problem is that I have a hard time letting things go like
laundry, cleaning etc. My weekends are very busy with buying groceries,
doing laundry, and some minimal cleaning but all that takes an enormous
chunk of time when doing a weeks worth and wrangling the kids..

I took everyone's suggestion today. I had all four of them so it really
wasn't onene time but I did let all of the above go and took them swimming
to burn off some energy and then the babies slept for 1/2 hour while we
drove around and visited while eating our snack. They are playing nicely
now. Of course my house is filthy and I'll be up till 2am doing laundry but
it is so worth it if every evening would be like this, lol.

If I'm missing something, just ignore me :-)
But... how much time can your dh dedicate to helping you with some of
the housework? If he can pitch in a bit more, it will ease up the
stress on you. I also hate to let housework go, but ya gotta do what
ya gotta do! I'd rather the kids be happy than the house be clean.

Nan

"Nikki" wrote in message news:ab-
Of course my house is filthy and I'll be up till 2am doing laundry but it
is so worth it if every evening would be like this, lol.

You might need to break up your household tasks. Don't leave the laundry for
one day, do a load or two a day and enlist the boys help to pick up the
house. Tell that once the house is picked up, then you will be able to go
and do something fun.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Nikki wrote:
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Nikki" wrote:

I think they need more activity. Particularly physical activity.

I agree. I would like to sign them up for takwondo (sp?) but dh and I
disagree. I think it would be really good for them.

What's his problem? The expense or the activity
itself? If the expense is a problem, you can look for
activities that are less expensive. Most of the league
sports around here aren't very expensive, and they're
a good way to meet other families and make some connections.
It would likely be a big challenge at first, but then
you might start being able to carpool and work out other
arrangements that might make your life easier. Ask around
at school about which leagues are best to deal with.
Also, many ballet studios have full or partial scholarships
for boys that can come in handy. Our dance studio has
free childcare for sibs too. I don't know how common that
is, but it's very handy--you can get some grocery
shopping in or go to the gym next door or whatever.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Nikki wrote:

I took everyone's suggestion today. I had all four of them so it really
wasn't onene time but I did let all of the above go and took them swimming
to burn off some energy and then the babies slept for 1/2 hour while we
drove around and visited while eating our snack. They are playing nicely
now. Of course my house is filthy and I'll be up till 2am doing laundry but
it is so worth it if every evening would be like this, lol.

How do you do laundry? Do you do it all in one day,
or do you do at least a load a day? I grew up doing laundry
once a week (well, twice a week--one day for clothes and
one day for household laundry), so it was very difficult
for me to switch to doing laundry constantly, but it helps
a lot. You can throw a load in the washer every morning,
and then into the dryer when you get home, and then fold
in the evening. At least that way you keep up and aren't
completely devastated if you can't keep laundry cycling
for an entire weekend day.
Also, get your kids involved in helping you.
The older two are old enough to be a help. They won't
be a huge help, but helping out with chores *is* an
activity, and it's something to do with Mommy (attention).
If need be, have them take turns with one entertaining
the twins for a moment while the other helps you with
something (short, obviously).

Best wishes,
Ericka