play date -- did I do the right thing?

In article . com,
"-L." wrote:

Irene wrote:

Oy. I'm totally with you on this one. I have a hard time believing
the other moms were ok with punching and kicking!!!

I hate that excuse: "Boys fight all the time." Um, no they don't - if
they are supervised/coached well.

And people who say that are not merely making excuses, they are *encouraging*
fighting.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

Jeff wrote:
"-L." wrote in message
ups.com...
Irene wrote:
Oy. I'm totally with you on this one. I have a hard time believing
the other moms were ok with punching and kicking!!!
I hate that excuse: "Boys fight all the time." Um, no they don't - if
they are supervised/coached well.

Isn't this one of the sexual stereotypes? Shouldn't it be kids fight all the
time? Or at least, kids of a brutish nature?

Beleive me, I have seen some fights involving kids who are not boys.

I think it depends on what you mean, exactly.
I think both boys and girls disagree and argue and
all that sort of stuff. However, speaking in broad
generalizations, boys tend to be more physical about
it (says she who's spending many hours every day
supervising a passel of boys backstage). I think
that they really do tend to be different, though
obviously there are individual differences that
sometimes outweigh the group tendencies.
I do think it is very common and normal for
many boys to engage in a degree of physicality that
is less common with girls. I also agree that past
a certain point, it is unacceptable.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Jeff wrote:
"-L." wrote in message
ups.com...
Irene wrote:
Oy. I'm totally with you on this one. I have a hard time believing
the other moms were ok with punching and kicking!!!
I hate that excuse: "Boys fight all the time." Um, no they don't - if
they are supervised/coached well.

Isn't this one of the sexual stereotypes? Shouldn't it be kids fight all the
time? Or at least, kids of a brutish nature?

Beleive me, I have seen some fights involving kids who are not boys.

I think it depends on what you mean, exactly.
I think both boys and girls disagree and argue and
all that sort of stuff. However, speaking in broad
generalizations, boys tend to be more physical about
it (says she who's spending many hours every day
supervising a passel of boys backstage). I think
that they really do tend to be different, though
obviously there are individual differences that
sometimes outweigh the group tendencies.
I do think it is very common and normal for
many boys to engage in a degree of physicality that
is less common with girls. I also agree that past
a certain point, it is unacceptable.

Best wishes,
Ericka

For example, toypup believed that her DS might be fighting, but he was
just playing Power Ranger.

In my (very limited, 2 girl) experience, when the DDs are 'playing'
something they're typically playing something pretty low-key, like
'adopting dogs from the shelter' or school, or 'owls in the tree,' and
when they're fighting, it's horrible horrible bickering.

Caledonia

I wouldn't mind if somebody corrected my child, in our play group it's
often hard to keep your eye on your toddler at all times since most of
have younger children as well. It's not like you used physical
discipline, which would obviously be unacceptable.

I always feel kind of strange when I tell somebody elses child to stop
their bad behaviour.

KR

toypup wrote:
I've been trying to get DS into playdates at school. We finally got one
with a group that DS plays with at school, so I was excited for him. Some
time into the playdate, the four boys start fighting -- hitting, kicking,
punching. They were really fighting, but the other moms weren't doing
anything to stop it. I think they think it's normal for boys to fight and
unless things get bad, they don't stop it. Being that it was DS who seemed
to be the object of their aggression, I went to stop the fight. I had them
all sit down and then told everyone to calm down and breathe. They then
decided they were calm, DS said he was calm and then all was well. I really
didn't want it to be a discipline, as I think that would be offensive to the
other moms. It went over well with the boys. Was this a no-no, however?
Would it qualify as discipline of your child for anyone here and would you
find it offensive?

Caledonia wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Jeff wrote:
"-L." wrote in message
ups.com...
Irene wrote:
Oy. I'm totally with you on this one. I have a hard time believing
the other moms were ok with punching and kicking!!!
I hate that excuse: "Boys fight all the time." Um, no they don't - if
they are supervised/coached well.

Isn't this one of the sexual stereotypes? Shouldn't it be kids fight all the
time? Or at least, kids of a brutish nature?

Beleive me, I have seen some fights involving kids who are not boys.

I think it depends on what you mean, exactly.
I think both boys and girls disagree and argue and
all that sort of stuff. However, speaking in broad
generalizations, boys tend to be more physical about
it (says she who's spending many hours every day
supervising a passel of boys backstage). I think
that they really do tend to be different, though
obviously there are individual differences that
sometimes outweigh the group tendencies.
I do think it is very common and normal for
many boys to engage in a degree of physicality that
is less common with girls. I also agree that past
a certain point, it is unacceptable.

Best wishes,
Ericka

For example, toypup believed that her DS might be fighting, but he was
just playing Power Ranger.

In my (very limited, 2 girl) experience, when the DDs are 'playing'
something they're typically playing something pretty low-key, like
'adopting dogs from the shelter' or school, or 'owls in the tree,' and
when they're fighting, it's horrible horrible bickering.

Caledonia

Well, my sister and I were hardly the athletic types, but we would
sometimes get into "tickle fights" with each other that were pretty
physical, but still play-fighting. We actually hardly ever fought or
bickered - and usually it was a complaint that the my sister wouldn't
play with me because she was reading!

Ds and dd are starting to learn how to play-wrestle/tickle with each
other at a limit that won't hurt each other. (Especially important
since ds is more than 2x dd's weight!! Although, she knows how to
scratch and pinch, so it's not like he isn't complaining sometimes -
it's just less likely to be a serious injury.) We let them do it in
the spirit of fun, but if it looks like it is getting nasty, we
definitely break it up. So far, I haven't let ds get physical with
other kids, tbh, because I'm not comfortable with it. Somehow it seems
different with a sibling, because it's a different type of
relationship. Oh, and while growing up, I really didn't play-fight
with anyone besides my sister, iirc. A little bit of swordplay with
branches, maybe.

My $.02

Irene

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. ..
Jeff wrote:
"-L." wrote in message
ups.com...
Irene wrote:
Oy. I'm totally with you on this one. I have a hard time believing
the other moms were ok with punching and kicking!!!
I hate that excuse: "Boys fight all the time." Um, no they don't - if
they are supervised/coached well.

Isn't this one of the sexual stereotypes? Shouldn't it be kids fight all
the time? Or at least, kids of a brutish nature?

Beleive me, I have seen some fights involving kids who are not boys.

I think it depends on what you mean, exactly.
I think both boys and girls disagree and argue and
all that sort of stuff. However, speaking in broad
generalizations, boys tend to be more physical about
it (says she who's spending many hours every day
supervising a passel of boys backstage). I think
that they really do tend to be different, though
obviously there are individual differences that
sometimes outweigh the group tendencies.
I do think it is very common and normal for
many boys to engage in a degree of physicality that
is less common with girls. I also agree that past
a certain point, it is unacceptable.

I was just point out that it is not just boys who fight. While I agree that
boys, on average, fight and play fight more often than girls, girls
certainly do it.

We had a recent thread about male- and female-stereotypical behavior.

Jeff

Jeff

Best wishes,
Ericka

"toypup" wrote in message
t...

"Jeff" wrote in message
ink.net...
This makes me a bit concerned about whether or not your son has the right
group of friends (or friends' parents), but I didn't see the other
interactions, so I won't make any judgements (or at least not type about
them).

Right. This is our first playdate. At school, they seemed to get along
fine. However, I did notice at this playdate that they did not play like
DS. They are the boys who were held back a year. One of them is turning
7 yo this December. DS is 5 yo. They play on a different level. DS is
still doing fantasy role-playing. They are beyond that. There are only
two or three other boys in class. I'm only sure that one of them has not
been held back and he just turned 5 yo. The others, I'm not sure of.
I've been making overtures to the 5 yo's mom for playdates, but she has
shown no interest. I wonder if maybe the boys at this playdate were
closing ranks, since they have been friends for a long time and DS is a
newcomer to the playdates.

The plot thickens, as it always does.

I would look at it like this: It sounds like DS will learn to play like the
big kids over time, and the big kids are accepting him as he is. They are a
bit rough, but life is like that sometimes.

Anyway, next year in school there will be a new grade and new friends. His
experiences this year will help next year. It is a learning experience for
you, DS and his friends. Everyone will come out ahead because of the
interactions.

Jeff

On Fri, 08 Dec 2006 20:24:25 GMT, "Jeff" wrote:

I was just point out that it is not just boys who fight. While I agree that
boys, on average, fight and play fight more often than girls, girls
certainly do it.

I agree. Playfighting, btw, is not *bad.* It's a way of working out
power in the world.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits