desparate!! tired, stressed, (not) ready to wean 4 month old, please help

hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more. my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year, but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times, including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa

In article dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06,
"Teresa" wrote:

hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more. my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year, but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times, including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa

There's no reason at all that you should wean! But you can teach your
daughter not to be attached all night. I nursed DS until he was 18
months old, but he slept in his crib, and I never let him use me as a
pacifier. At 4 months, I still nursed him a couple times a night, but in
between he slept.

Have you tried a pacifier? We used one a lot at that age, especially to
help DS sleep.

You want her to learn to sleep in her crib. And sleep without nursing
all night long. That's very possible, but it'll take some work, since
she'll have to get used to a lot of changes. In the long run I think it
will be well worth it.

I recommend looking at Ferber "Solving your child's sleep problems." Or
see the recent posting on the topic:
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm...40newshog.news
read.com
Even though Ferber has more advice once the baby is 5 or 6 months, he
has some good basic advice about establishing a routine, and developing
good sleep associations. Right now your daughter associates sleep with
your nipple and food. You need to help her learn to sleep without your
nipple, so expect some fussiness while she learns to adjust. Of course
she'll cry - she's used to the nipple. But you can gently help her to
adjust to a new way.

Establish a regular bedtime routine, but after nursing, try to put her
in her crib awake but sleepy. Pat her, rock her, hold her, but then put
her down to sleep. If she cries, give it a few minutes to see if she'll
fall asleep on her own, then go back to patting, rocking, holding,
calming, and then put her down again. Give her a pacifier if she'll take
it, this can help a lot.

For me it helped a lot if my husband comforted the baby at night,
because the baby didn't have the same nursing associations with him, and
would calm more easily.

Around 4 or 5 months, we also introduced a lovey - I noticed that DS
really seemed to like a particular soft cotton blanket, so I started
putting it in with him every time he slept. He'd hug it and roll into
it. That helped too.

And I don't know what you do for naps, but don't let her nap at the
breast either. It's so sweet as infants that they fall asleep at the
breast, but I think in the long run disassociating eating and sleeping
is a good thing.

- lynn

p.s. the issue of "she won't take a bottle" is separate. Lots of people
can give you advice about that, too, but for now I'd say just work on a
nursing routine so that she only nurses at times that you want her to
eat, and find other ways of comforting and helping her sleep.

"Teresa" wrote in message
news:dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06...
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more. my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to
anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year,
but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even
attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times, including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only
once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this
is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa



Go to the library and pick up a copy of the "No Cry Sleep Solution." Since
you are cosleeping, you may get more mileage out of it than the book I
sometimes point to called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem, for which your
dd is too young anyway. My disclaimer is that I cannot personally recommend
this book, only that others have commented on it being helpful.

I think that your child has an issue with SLEEP not nursing. There is no
reason I can think of that you should need to ween.

S

S

"Teresa" wrote in message
news:dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06...
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more. my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to
anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year,
but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even
attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times, including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only
once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this
is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa


I'd try a pacifier and letting her sleep with you, then gradually getting
her OUT of your bed.

Teresa was all, like:
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you
all have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep
at night unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier.
[...]

Sprogly was using me as a pacifier, and I was feeling much the same way
about it, so I started using a pacifier with him, though I hadn't planned on
using one. He just likes to suck, even when he's not hungry. I'll pop one in
his mouth once he starts the whole pulling thing. If he's actually hungry,
he'll let me know, and will reject the pacifier.

[...]
please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

We co-sleep, so can't help you there. Although--last night a strange thing
happened. I was tired (I work full-time), and he just wouldn't settle. Every
time I lay down with him, he fidgeted and flailed around. He was agitated,
and yet I knew he was tired. He didn't really want to nurse, didn't want to
be rocked, and I was *so* tired. I could feel myself getting frustrated, so
I set him down on the bed with his pacifier and went to the computer,
thinking, I just need a minute...he lay there for a while making little,
not-quite-fussy noises, and then fell asleep. Go figure. I lay down next to
him and went to sleep myself.

--
z e l d a b e e @ p a n i x . c o m
http://NewsReader.Com/

If this is a really new behavior, I think it will pass. It sounds
alot like a growth spurt because of the way you described her as being
hungry but the food not coming (growth spurts sure seem like that to
me), but 4 months is not a common time for that, although sometimes
babies have them randomly. She could not feel well and want the
comfort. Search for sources of discomfort like ear infections or
teething that you could fix for her.

Good luck,

KC

"Teresa" wrote in message news:dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06...
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more. my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year, but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times, including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa

"Stephanie and Tim" wrote in message
...

"Teresa" wrote in message
news:dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06...
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more.
my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to
anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get
cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year,
but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even
attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides
a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times,
including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to
wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only
once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got
two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this
is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa



Go to the library and pick up a copy of the "No Cry Sleep Solution." Since
you are cosleeping, you may get more mileage out of it than the book I
sometimes point to called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem, for which your
dd is too young anyway. My disclaimer is that I cannot personally
recommend
this book, only that others have commented on it being helpful.

I think that your child has an issue with SLEEP not nursing. There is no
reason I can think of that you should need to ween.

S

S



Sorry I missed the part of the post that talks about her own bed. If it were
me, I would go to the library and get the 2 books mentioned so far and any
others they have on the subject and read them to see if either offers a
workable solution. As a matter of fact, that IS what I did in your shoes a
few years ago. I read Dr. Sears Nighttime Parenting. IIRC, there was
basically nothing about this sort of thing except -- hey this is your job,
suck it up. I am not a terrific fan of Dr. Sears. Something about him just
rubs me the wrong way, even though he can have some good advice. So maybe
others will tell me I am full of horse pucky. I read also Dr. Ferber's Solve
Your Child's Sleep Problems. I was unaware of the No Cry Sleep Solution at
that time.



S

thanks so much for your advice. so far she hasn't taken to the pacifier, but
i'll keep trying. . . my 1st din't, 2nd did (now a thumb sucker). anyhow, it
sounds like you and i are very similar. (not a huge fan of sears either,
though i know it works for a lot of people.) i haven't heard about the No
Cry Sleep Solution, so i'm anxious to learn more.

thanks again,
teresa


"Stephanie and Tim" wrote in message
...

"Stephanie and Tim" wrote in message
...

"Teresa" wrote in message
news:dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06...
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you
all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at
night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any
more.
my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to
anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get
cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1
year,
but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even
attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched
sides
a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times,
including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to
wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with
her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only
once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now
she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got
two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day.
this
is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa



Go to the library and pick up a copy of the "No Cry Sleep Solution."
Since
you are cosleeping, you may get more mileage out of it than the book I
sometimes point to called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem, for which
your
dd is too young anyway. My disclaimer is that I cannot personally
recommend
this book, only that others have commented on it being helpful.

I think that your child has an issue with SLEEP not nursing. There is no
reason I can think of that you should need to ween.

S

S



Sorry I missed the part of the post that talks about her own bed. If it
were
me, I would go to the library and get the 2 books mentioned so far and any
others they have on the subject and read them to see if either offers a
workable solution. As a matter of fact, that IS what I did in your shoes a
few years ago. I read Dr. Sears Nighttime Parenting. IIRC, there was
basically nothing about this sort of thing except -- hey this is your job,
suck it up. I am not a terrific fan of Dr. Sears. Something about him just
rubs me the wrong way, even though he can have some good advice. So maybe
others will tell me I am full of horse pucky. I read also Dr. Ferber's
Solve
Your Child's Sleep Problems. I was unaware of the No Cry Sleep Solution at
that time.



S

thanks all, it's great to feel like i've got some support. you have all been
great. a lot of my questions have been posted by others. this is such a
wonderful newsgroup and you are all very supportive.

thanks,
teresa

"Teresa" wrote in message
news:dC%Bb.277$hf1.275@lakeread06...
hi all,
i've only posted once, but lurked here since dd was born in aug. you all
have had great input for me!! here's my problem: dd won't sleep at night
unless she is attached, using me as a pacifier. i can't do it any more. my
breasts get sore, my back hurts, and i don't know if this happens to
anyone
else, but if i let her pacify for a couple hours at a time, i get cramps.
all in all, i'm not happy. i really wanted to nurse for at least 1 year,
but
i can't continue like this. last night she didn't sleep well, even
attached.
seems like she wanted to eat all night, but nothing would come. so she
yanked and pushed on my breast what seemed all night. we switched sides a
few times, but to no avail.

the kicker is that she won't take a bottle. only tried 3 times, including
once this morning. she just cries (and gags). i don't really want to wean
yet, but i'm not getting any sleep, nor is my husband. and now with her
tossing and turning all night, neither is she. she used to get up only
once,
then twice. then she wanted to sleep with us, then be attached, now she
wants food. one can only go so far. i just want her to sleep. i've got two
other kids, 3 yrs and 18 mnths, so i've can't sleep during the day. this
is
killing me. . .

please, does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep at night,
preferably in her bed?!

thanks in advance!!
teresa