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Fostering My Own Family: At the age of 11, I made a promise to myselfthat I wasn't going to be a teen parent.
Fostering My Own Family
New America Media, Youth Commentary, Apollonia Jordan, Posted: Feb 03, 2006 Editor's Note: A young woman moves from foster care to becoming a mother on her own, and feels like she's fighting the odds. Apollonia Jordan, 21, writes for the San Francisco Bay View. She wrote this article for YO! Youth Outlook Multimedia http://news.newamericamedia.org/news...7 203efbf5a2a SAN FRANCISCO--If there is one thing I have learned in the 21 years that I've been on this earth, it's that love don't love nobody. I didn't grow up in a home where the word love was loosely used. Growing up in the hood, love is a word of weakness and you can't have that because only the strong survive. The relationship I had with both of my parents was shaky and the relationship they had with each other was even worse. My mother would talk down about my father and my father would do the same to her. This led me to believe that neither of them had their sh-- together and it made me want to accomplish more for myself and my children. Even though I spent a lot of my young life in foster care, the backbone of my family's foundation has always been a strong, black woman. I always wanted to follow along in my mother and grandmother's footsteps and carry the torch of being the backbone of my own family someday. It seems like that day has come sooner than later, now that I am six months pregnant with a child of my own. At the age of 11, I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to be a teen parent. My older sister, at the age of 13, had just given birth to her son, and I saw how hard it was for her and other teen parents to survive. I didn't want to share my youth with someone else. Around the time I turned 13, I was a ward of the court and living in a foster home in the Bayview neighborhood in San Francisco. I was sexually active at the time, but only gave myself to the one who I loved and who I thought loved me. Despite my promise to myself, everyone makes mistakes. The women in my family don't believe in abortions, and when I had to make the choice to send my first child back to heaven it hurt me really bad. I was about 16, living in a foster home with an elderly lady in the Bayview. At the time, I was sexually active with a guy who took my virginity and who claimed that he was a virgin too. When I found out I was pregnant, my foster mom called my social worker over and they both told me that if I decided to have this baby, I would only be able to stay another month in the foster home. They also told me that my baby may also be put in a foster home because the woman I was living with at the time didn't want pregnant girls in her home. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I was forced to go along with the procedure and terminate my pregnancy. I can still remember the cold walls and faces of the nurses in the clinic. I wasn't strong enough to do it the first time around. I got all the way to the floor where you change into your gown, put on a hair net and broke down. One of the reasons I felt so bad was because of the protesters who were outside of the clinic. They showed me a brochure of a baby that had been aborted and it just broke my heart. I felt that if I did this to my body, my mind and soul would also be affected. After that incident, I talked with my family, who were pressuring me to have the baby. But I decided I felt that I would not be able to fully live out my life if I had this child, so I decided to go ahead with the procedure. I was put to sleep during the procedure and the only thing I remember is the doctor asking me what school I went to and then waking up in the recovery room next to another girl who was passed out. It's hard to believe, but my foster mom still kicked me out the house after I went through with it and sent me to Job Corps, which only last about a week. Then I was back to the same old lifestyle of being a foster child statistic. I feel like I am still fighting to not end up as a statistic. When I was about three months pregnant, I was fired from an organization that I put my heart and soul into. The people at the organization who showed me off like a foster care trophy suddenly decided -- after my hard work and tireless effort to help them get back on their feet -- that I was no longer good enough for them. I even wrote a proposal for a youth project last year that gained the program a $7,500 grant. After losing my job, I found myself having to go live with my mother and grandmother. After living independently on my own for the past three years, can you imagine what I'm going through? How everyday, I'm wondering if my child will be able to look up to me or what I'm going to do for money, food and shelter? I can only live with my mother and grandmother until the baby is born, because it's a residence for active seniors and children are not allowed to live in the facility. Working hard to look for another job has been a journey in itself. I had to resort to unemployment and food stamps, which were cut from $152 a month to $10 a month because I was getting unemployment. I'm trying to save the unemployment checks, which are less then $100 every two weeks. Also, I've grown out of a lot of my old clothing so I have to buy maternity clothes every month, which uses up the unemployment, making it almost impossible for me to save any money to get a stable place to live. Life was very hard for me, which is why I wanted to work hard so my child wouldn't have to go through the pain that I went through. But it seems as if the system has tried to mold me into being a statistic. I've been through a lot to be such a young woman, but I know that I am strong enough to overcome the obstacles that I'm facing now. Yes, it's difficult because I'm pregnant and dealing with these issues, but I know I can make it and I'm expressing this to you, especially if you are someone who has been there or is experiencing these things right now, because I want you to make it too. CURRENTLY CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES VIOLATES MORE CIVIL RIGHTS ON A DAILY BASIS THEN ALL OTHER AGENCIES COMBINED INCLUDING THE NSA / CIA WIRETAPPING PROGRAM.... CPS Does not protect children... It is sickening how many children are subject to abuse, neglect and even killed at the hands of Child Protective Services. every parent should read this .pdf from connecticut dcf watch... http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com/8x11.pdf http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com Number of Cases per 100,000 children in the US These numbers come from The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect in Washington. (NCCAN) Recent numbers have increased significantly for CPS *Perpetrators of Maltreatment* Physical Abuse CPS 160, Parents 59 Sexual Abuse CPS 112, Parents 13 Neglect CPS 410, Parents 241 Medical Neglect CPS 14 Parents 12 Fatalities CPS 6.4, Parents 1.5 CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, HAPPILY DESTROYING HUNDREDS OF INNOCENT FAMILIES YEARLY NATIONWIDE AND COMING TO YOU'RE HOME SOON... BE SURE TO FIND OUT WHERE YOUR CANDIDATES STANDS ON THE ISSUE OF REFORMING OR ABOLISHING CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ("MAKE YOUR CANDIDATES TAKE A STAND ON THIS ISSUE.") THEN REMEMBER TO VOTE ACCORDINGLY IF THEY ARE "FAMILY UNFRIENDLY" IN THE NEXT ELECTION... |
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