Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

-L. wrote:
Jamie Clark wrote:
-L. wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how
breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me.

What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it
through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't
want to know.

-L.

Then go away and stop reading the thread.

Oh go **** yourself Jamie. You're such a self-righteous ****.

Damn, I've wanted to say that for years. hee!

-L.

Back at, cha.

--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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"Jamie Clark" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
snip
By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their
questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the
girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding.
You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older
to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of
them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the
oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember
anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2
years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children,
and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven
grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.

I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail. But
certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis would
HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life?
Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to
breastfeed.

I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Possibly it is true that seeing bfing as a boy might make the man more
supportive, but it might not.

grandma Rosalie

Mom to 4
(dd#1 age 45, dd#2 age 45, dd#3 age 38, ds age 35)

grandmom to 10
(dgs age 26, dgd age 24, dgs would be 15 if still living,
dgs age 13, dgs age 12, dgs age 12, dgd age 10, dgs age 8,
dgd age 6, dgd age 5 and dgd b Dec 2005)

Rosalie B. wrote:


I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Yes, actually I would. Much more likely than if you'd grown up in a
household where most meals were thrown together from prepackaged,
precooked stuff, and anything else was seen as on a par with weaving
your own cloth.

--Helen

wrote in message
oups.com...
I did a lot in the beginning, but with her and
her ability to lie and try to turn the kids against me, I've learned to
just keep the peace.

There's a difference between keeping the peace and letting her run your
house. What kind of support do you get from your husband when she calls?

Yeah, ok. Everything to her is a disussion.

Only if you turn it into one. Patent the line "this is our house and some
things here aren't open to discussion. Have a nice day." and *hang up*.
Don't get into this thing of feeling you have to justify breastfeeding your
child in your own home, because you don't. This is so far outside what she
can even influence that it might as well be in the Twilight Zone. It's your
house, your child and *your tits*. Don't get into long, involved discussions
with her. "Not open to discussion, have a nice day." Paste a sticky note on
the phone, the bathroom mirror, whereever you want to and practice saying it
until it just flows right out and you sound perfectly calm doing it. This
is sooo not something she should or could have any influence. For cripes
sake, would you change to a different brand of diapers to keep the peace?

If she gets really stupid, tell her to deal with your husband. It's really
his job anyways. He can tell her some things aren't open to discussion and
you can go about your business.

But think about it, if
your kids were living (even part-time) with someone else and something
was going on in their house that you were not happy with, would you
take this as an answer and be happy with it??

Depends. Are we talking something abusive and traumatic to the boys? I think
not. If you want something really asinine, my SD's BM called me one weekend
because I made Sunshine do dishes when she was 10. "Some things in this
house aren't open to discussion, have a nice day."

This is really a matter
of opinion and if the bio mom and step-mom don't agree on something, it
can make things very hard on the kids if the moms choose to argue about
it. Ok, maybe not in "normal" step-family relationship (and I do value
other SM's opinions), but like I said I am dealing with a bio mom who
is a little wacky.

So? Takes two to argue. Patent the line "not open to discussion" and hang
up. Not very difficult.

I love my husband and my step-sons. But I do enjoy the alone time my
daughter and I have when I nurse. My house can be a little hectic with
the kids and their friends in and out all day, so it's nice to have
quiet time with her.

But there's a difference between enjoying quiet time and being relegated to
a back room because you're afraid your SS's BM is going to have a conniption
fit over you feeding your daughter. They're teenage boys, they pop woodies
walking by an oak tree. Nothing you can do about that, nothing wrong with it
either. Doesn't make your breastfeeding your daughter in front of them
inherently shameful or provocative.

Draw this boundary, tell BM it's none of her business and go about your way.

Jess

wrote in message
ups.com...
Wow, you're quick. I removed that post shortly after posting because I
decided not to get off topic - the whole wacky step-family thing,
instead of breastfeeding. Sorry.

Heh.

Banty and I are both from ASSP, and it's been pretty quiet over there
lately. We're so bored we're talking about baby clothes and baby goats.

So yeah, ulterior motive. You'd start a discussion over there and you'd
learn a *lot* from a group of us old hags that have something on the order
of fifty years of SPing experience all combined.

And it'd be fun.

Jess

In article YEXQg.96$Rp3.49@dukeread12, Jess says...


wrote in message
oups.com...
Wow, you're quick. I removed that post shortly after posting because I
decided not to get off topic - the whole wacky step-family thing,
instead of breastfeeding. Sorry.

Heh.

Banty and I are both from ASSP, and it's been pretty quiet over there
lately. We're so bored we're talking about baby clothes and baby goats.

Actually I'm "from" here and just have been poking around on ASSP. I consider
misc.kids to be my "home group", so to speak. This is my stomping ground.

Banty

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one
could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Sure, I would. Even just watching gives you an idea of what to do,
how long it will take, what you need, etc. And even just growing up
in a household with good cooking gives you an incentive to try to
replicate it. And of course, when you do try it, you know you can
always call up the cook and ask for advice.

Bizby

Rosalie B. wrote:
I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Definitely. Case in point - I grew up with a mom who cooked everything
from scratch. I learned a lot from her and I also cook most things from
scratch. Compare SIL, whose mom cooked everything from packages. She
doesn't cook, not only that it never occurred to her that you *could*
cook things from scratch. You should have seen her face when we told
her we were making mashed potatoes and she didn't see the box! It's all
about what's in your frame of reference. The mroe you see something,
the more normal it is. I've no doubt my 10 yr old niece will one day
nurse her kids - or at least try to - should she have them, after she
spent so much time with me whilst I was nursing her beloved new cousin.
She was enthralled with it all.

Possibly it is true that seeing bfing as a boy might make the man more
supportive, but it might not.

Possibly, but unless there's some bad stuff associated with it, he'll
likely see it as very normal and not 'icky.'

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
snip
By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their
questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the
girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding.
You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older
to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of
them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the
oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember
anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2
years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children,
and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven
grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.

I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail.
But
certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis
would
HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life?
Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to
breastfeed.

I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the love and
passion for it.

Possibly it is true that seeing bfing as a boy might make the man more
supportive, but it might not.

I highly doubt that any boy growing up in a breastfeeding supportive
household is going to grow up to be unsupportive of breastfeeding. I just
don't see it happening for the majority of people.



--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Jamie Clark" wrote:

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
.. .
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
snip
By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their
questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the
girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding.
You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older
to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of
them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the
oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember
anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2
years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children,
and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven
grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.

I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail.
But
certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis
would
HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life?
Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to
breastfeed.

I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the love and
passion for it.

Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

I had the opportunity to watch my mom cook, and she tried to teach me
to make pie crust, I could turn hamburgers over, and make refrigerator
cookies (before you could buy the dough in the store). But I got to
college without really knowing how to cook or plan meals. I learned
there because I lived in a co-op and we all had chores to do. I knew
how to clean because my mom had taught me, but I learned to cook
there.

Possibly it is true that seeing bfing as a boy might make the man more
supportive, but it might not.

I highly doubt that any boy growing up in a breastfeeding supportive
household is going to grow up to be unsupportive of breastfeeding. I just
don't see it happening for the majority of people.

It is probably more common for boys to be supportive when they grow up
if their mom bfs. I don't know for sure because my one ds is married
to a girl who didn't want to bf. She found it difficult and painful
with the first one, and with the second one had to use formula because
the first one was getting extensive chemotherapy and she was living at
the hospital with him. Her parents were taking care of the second
baby. I'm not sure what she did with the last one, but I think she
was glad for any excuse not to do it, although he was very much in
favor. She told me that he remembered bfing (he wasn't weaned until
he was almost 4 yo)

It is not necessarily so that what boys see at home is what they are
going to want their wives to do. I dated two boys whose mother's
worked, and they were both violently opposed to women who were WOH.
One of them didn't like it because he felt his mother didn't give him
all the attention that he deserved (he was an only) - she wasn't there
for him when he got home from school with fresh baked cookies or
something. His mom was a teacher.

My MIL didn't bf AFAIK, but my dh was very supportive of my doing it.

Anyway, I do not thank that socializing sons to be pro-breastfeeding
is the primary reason for doing it. It's just a nice by-product.