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Midwife choices



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 28th 03, 07:52 PM
Elaine
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Default Midwife choices

I had pretty much picked my midwife (and have a
signed contract at home, but haven't given
her a copy). Now I'm starting to have second
thoughts. My midwife has gotten excellent
reviews on her technical skills, but I'm
not sure that she does enough hand-holding
for me.

At 6.5 weeks, I had cramping (menstrual-like) and
very light spotting (one bit of pink) after sex.
I called the midwife to see if it was normal, and
her response was "Well, you might be losing the
baby, or you might not - there isn't anything we
can do - keep me updated." So I asked if cramping
after sex was normal and she said "yeah, it's normal,
but you might want to lay off." No advice to drink
water, or lie down, or anything other than not to
have sex again. I wasn't even sure if she considered
cramps without significant spotting to be a real
miscarriage sign or if she was humoring me. I wanted
to know if I needed to worry, or if I should go
about my life normally, and didn't really get a
good answer.

Well, my cramping was caused by not eating enough,
because when the midwife said "stop eating when you
think you've eaten enough" my idea of eating enough
and my body's idea of eating enough didn't agree and
she didn't give me any guidelines for "enough". I've
added another 600 calories to my diet and I seem
to be fine. I spent a week worrying that I was in
the process of a miscarriage because I was cramping
for more than 12 hours a day.

I know that if I'm going to lose this pregnancy, I'll
lose it, but some kind of help figuring out if I was
in the process of losing it would have been nice.

Am I overreacting or expecting too much from my
midwife, or is this a bad match?

Elaine
  #2  
Old August 29th 03, 03:06 AM
Arthur Kludge
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Default Midwife choices

Elaine wrote...
her a copy). Now I'm starting to have second
thoughts. My midwife has gotten excellent
reviews on her technical skills, but I'm
not sure that she does enough hand-holding
for me.


Hi Elaine,

See my other thread on this group about our midwife situation.
It illustrates some warning flags that may pop up later on,
and would be worth trying to spot early into the relationship.

I didn't add that there were also some religious differences
that became apparent later on (our midwife appears to be
born-again Christian; we're agnostic with Eastern leanings)...
which in itself is ok. However my wife wants to feel free
to meditate in whatever way she wants to during labor (this
includes with Buddha icons if need be) without feeling that
the midwife will fail her or disapprove, and not to have
expectations placed on her about what the wife's role is
supposed to be. I think there needs to be some sort of
dialogue about religious beliefs been mother and midwife
early on in the interview. If the midwife doesn't care to
share them, then it must be agreed that she will not
from that point on.

~ Arthur
  #3  
Old August 29th 03, 06:24 PM
Elaine
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Default Midwife choices

In article , Elfanie wrote:
On Thu, 28 Aug 2003 18:52:04 +0000 (UTC), Elaine
wrote:

At 6 weeks....not having sex would be the only recommendation. Bed
rest for a 6 week pregnancy wouldn't do anything...because it's not
from pressure on the cervix that things would happen...
And drinking water wouldn't do much at 6 weeks, either....that's more
if you're having a lot of contractions.


Okay, this is really useful information. I have the problem
that I expect medical professionals to know more than I do,
but I've become accustomed to them being incompetent. So I
end up with this bizzare trust/mistrust thing going on. I
wasn't sure if she was brushing me off or telling me honestly
that there wasn't anything at all to do.

If you feel it's a bad match...then it is. The rest of it doesn't
matter.
If you feel like it's wrong..then it is.


I don't know if it's a bad match or not. I suspect that it is
actually a fine match, and that I'm being irrational. I know
that for most of yesterday I was very irrational. I got an
email from someone telling me that her bedside manner wasn't
very good, and I think it just sent me into a tailspin.

I think that I just need to try to ask her for the information
I want, instead of being annoyed that she didn't offer it
unasked.

Elaine
  #4  
Old August 29th 03, 10:41 PM
Cheryl S.
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Default Midwife choices

Elaine wrote in message
...
I think that I just need to try to ask her for the information
I want, instead of being annoyed that she didn't offer it
unasked.


It's true no midwife is going to be a mind-reader. ;-) But I think
personality is a very important aspect of the relationship, and if you
don't feel compatible with this one, then I would at least go and talk
to some other midwives to see if there is someone you really "click"
with. There may very well be others who are more forthcoming with
information, and more pro-active in general about getting you to your
comfort level - drawing out your real concerns and asking if there's
anything else you want to know, rather than passively giving you only
the exact information that you ask about. It sounds like that kind of
person would be much more reassuring for you to have around during
labor.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 5 mo.
And a boy, EDD 5.Sept

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.


 




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