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#11
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
On Oct 21, 12:05 pm, toypup wrote:
On 21 Oct 2007 05:53:58 -0700, Banty wrote: You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)? Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for advice for you. That's actually quite true. When I see DS in the Tiger Cubs, he is acutally quite well behaved. What he does do is normal. Before that, I was worried he was misbehaving too much. Thank you, I was beginning to wonder if I was the only parent who wondered if their child was misbehaving a lot. I want the best for my son and I want him to be a child unlike the children you see in some public places that act out and are disrespectful. I don't know what a normal 6yr old boy is like so it's nice to hear that his behavior is normal for his age. |
#12
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
On Oct 21, 3:34 pm, "
wrote: On Oct 21, 4:58 am, Kristina wrote: I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. When he was in kindergarten last year he acted out and that was attributed to some things going on between my husband and I. Now in the first grade he has started the same behavior and it is driving me nuts. Last year we talked to him about what was going on, punished him from some things and the situation got better. This year taking away the things he loves isn't seeming to work. He is used to it so it doesn't bother him now and I am left figuring out how to change his behavior. In school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior. Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's heredity. I have spanked him on occasion but spanking isn't a lasting form of discipline. I was spanked as a child and although I turned out fine, it only hurts for a bit and then once the pain is gone it's like no big deal. I honestly do not know what to do. Although I am not a single parent I am the primary disciplinarian, my husband is his step-father (but the only father my son knows) and he steps in every so often but not as much as I would like. He doesn't really discipline his own kids and some of the behavior my son exhibits is the same as his step brothers and sisters and even his biological brothers and sisters. I understand I am his mother and it is my responsibility but sometimes I am at my wits end and need more help than I am given. So, that's what got me here! I know they say raising boys isn't as easy as raising girls so I am pleading to those of you who have raised or are raising boys and know what I am going through, PLEASE HELP ME!!! Like I said before my son is a GREAT kid and he's loving and is respectful but when he's in school he just wants to act a damn fool. So I welcome ANY and ALL suggestions you may have on how to get through this and deal with it so that his behavior improves. JUST THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S ONLY 6, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE'S A TEEN? OMG! The behaviors you are describing does not sound criminal except if there is something you are not telling us. Six years olds seem to go through a sound type of terrible twos stage. They want their own way and feel like they know and can do everything etc. And they start picking sides more at this point. You will find that they wilI act totally different with different people. Your son has chosen you and they usually tend to pick the mother over school. Any one he spends the most time with. They tend to identify with those they are around the most. I know of six year olds like this. You are not alone. I do no think your son inherited his fathers criminal genes. It may just be that your negative view of his father may be affecting him. How you treat your son now will definitely have an effect on your son later. Parents should not change their expectations of their children just because they are older. Basically teach your child to clean his room now and later it will be a habit. You know the saying, "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." travelbug http:gatesofrighteousness.blogspot.com I have rules and guidelines set for my son. He gets rewarded when he follows the rules. He has to clean his room, pick up after himself,do his home work before he is allowed to have fun. Things like that. We have it so that he doesn't say yeah and huh he is to be respectful and say yes and excuse me could you repeat that. I think my choice of words in my first post have gotten me into some hot water. I am not implying that my son is a criminal or displaying criminal behavior but after talking to his biological father about this behavior he has stated more than once that that is exactly what he used to do in school and now he stays in jail more than out. He was in a catholic school and it didn't seem to help him much. I love my little boy and just don't want him to go down that road. I'm just a worried mother who wants the best for her child. |
#13
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
Kristina wrote:
On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma wrote: Kristina wrote roups.com: I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. what does his teacher say? from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy? boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy. 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet time). if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school. it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability, central processing disorder,etc) my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3- 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his favorite subject, except when it's mathg). his class is 18 kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language, cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for reading & math). i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal, high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being an automaton. the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6 years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy. oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do to help you. lee I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! When you lead with the line .. ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?. Commenting on this statement (which you now say you misled us with) is not attacking you. Due to the lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings with his biological father. snip I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his daddy (my husband) when he grows up! Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate, or bike riding. I confess I'm biased in favor of swimming, since I used to be a coach. Parents would tell me that their children were more focused, slept better and did better in school and at home when they had swim practice on a regular basis. (girls as well as boys) |
#14
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
On Oct 22, 8:00 pm, Rosalie B. wrote:
Kristina wrote: On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma wrote: Kristina wrote roups.com: I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. what does his teacher say? from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy? boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy. 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet time). if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school. it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability, central processing disorder,etc) my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3- 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his favorite subject, except when it's mathg). his class is 18 kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language, cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for reading & math). i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal, high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being an automaton. the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6 years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy. oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do to help you. lee I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! When you lead with the line .. ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?. Commenting on this statement (which you now say you misled us with) is not attacking you. Due to the lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings with his biological father. snip I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his daddy (my husband) when he grows up! Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate, or bike riding. I confess I'm biased in favor of swimming, since I used to be a coach. Parents would tell me that their children were more focused, slept better and did better in school and at home when they had swim practice on a regular basis. (girls as well as boys) When posting my message I didn't think that I had to give the specifics such as who said what and why this happened and so on but I see if I am going to post in the future I have to give in depth details! I didn't think that I needed to give details on the background of my relationship of my sons biological father or any of the history that goes with my life. I wrote what I wrote b/c I needed advice outside of my family and friends. When the statement was made in regards to being attacked it was in reference to being told that my child has screwed up parents and what ever else. The fact of the matter is none of you know me and the things that you say are your opinions are just that. I do appreciate everything that everyone has said but the fact of the matter is some of you take something and run with it instead of asking what was meant by the statement. I want to be a good parent and if trying to get other ideas besides spanking and punishing my child will help me and my child then so be it. Most of you act as if you have never had problems with your children and like you knew everything about raising a child. Unlike the rest of you I was not given a manual nor did i attend any classes that said this is how to raise a totally perfect child.My son is an amazing little person and I just want to be sure that his recent behavior is not something that I need to be more concerned about. So if the wording I used leads all of you to believe that I think something of my child that I, my family and God know I don't think and/or feel then so be it- think what you will! |
#15
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
In article . com, Kristina
says... On Oct 21, 8:53 am, Banty wrote: You know what helped me as a single mom of a six year old (as well as him)? Getting involved in Cub Scouts. Not only did it give him a set of activities every week and month that six year olds love and a bunch of friends, but it also gave ME a good look at what actual young boys really act like. That will also give you contacts with other parents with boys your age. For friends for him from generally good families attentive and involved with their kids, and for advice for you. And really beware of the sefl-fulfilling prophecy effect. Behavior from a perfectly normal six year old, not knowing that history, would be dismissed as a six year old with a lot of energy, knowing that history, he can barely act or speak without people thinking of that history. So I would leave that thought behind. The only person that needs to worry about all of that would be his physician should he ever need any evaluation. But first get an energy outlet for him and a level-setting experience for you - get him into Cub Scouts (he would start as a Tiger). Banty THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I have been racking my brain for some time now on programs for 6yr old boys. Considering I don't know many people with 6yr old boys that actually care what is going on with their children, it's hard for me to come up with anything. My husband has suggested sports and not that that's a bad idea but right now my son doesn't really have an interest in sports. How do I go about getting him into the cub scouts? No one knows about his biological father, everyone thinks my husband is his father and I plan to keep it that way. My son knows, my husband knows and the biological father knows and that's all that we need to know. I TRULY APPRECIATE THE SUGGESTION and any others that you may have. Thank you for not attacking me like some responses I have gotten. http://www.joincubscouting.org/ Then call your local council. And you're welcome Banty |
#16
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
In article . com,
Kristina wrote: In school he does his work and pays attention and even is a great helper but his teacher has called me several times in regards to his behavior. He plays with his materials, he talks out of turn, he just seems to think that although the teacher and I speak frequently and we are on the same page (we both tell him the same thing about learning and why he goes to school-the whole 9) he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. When he is good and follows all the rules he gets rewarded with something special and I praise him for good behavior. Lately that seems to not help, he lies about the dumbest of things and I cannot for the life of me figure out if this is a phase or if it's heredity. My question is: why is the teacher involving you in discipline of such trivial things as talking and fidgeting in class? Don't they have a class disciplinary system of some sort? AFAIAC, what happens in school stays in school, with limited exceptions. Does the school emphasise positive discipline? Or the teacher? And what is this "whole 9" about learning anyway? He's six. You go to school because you can learn and do lots of fun stuff there, and spend time with your friends. THe following article might provide some food for thought. It is Christian, but most of the points the author makes can be applied by people of other religious views. http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co.../becky/bj3.php YOU need to figure out what reward your son is getting out of his misbehaviour and stupid lies. The usual reward is *attention from parents*, because misbehaviour is a guaranteed way to get it. Lastly, if you don't want your son to act in a criminal way, don't teach him to steal, as you claimed you were doing in another thread. If another kid steals his pencils, that is not sufficient reason for your son to do likewise. -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/ |
#17
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
Rosalie B. wrote:
Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate, or bike riding ...and dance and music and art and chess and tennis and all sorts of other things. What is he drawn to? Best wishes, Ericka |
#18
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
It's disappointing these days that teachers will actually send out an
e-mail to all parents of students that reads something like "Send in pics for our sports board, and oh by the way, I need you to speak to your children about how noisy they have been lately in the classroom and while walking in the halls. I'm thinking I'll need to send home blue-notes if it doesn't improve." Blue notes? Go ahead. At least the kids will see you mean business. I'm wondering what ever happened to the teacher that switched off the lights when the class got loud that gave that "look" that put the fear of God into ya who made you put your head down on your desk until order could be restored while you thought about what it was she wanted, or the teacher who turned her class around from walking down the hall to gym class, lunch, or recess, because they did not do it the "right" way (the right way being in an orderly and quiet fashion), or the teacher who singled out the unruly kids by placing them in the front or back of the room. kwim? All I can say, is now that I've been through grades K-4, it has become painfully obvious to me which teachers are organized and who command the proper respect from their students and those who cannot because they simply don't want to be in "that" position. On the up side, I can now request my second child get those teachers as we learn who they are. My question is: why is the teacher involving you in discipline of such trivial things as talking and fidgeting in class? Don't they have a class disciplinary system of some sort? AFAIAC, what happens in school stays in school, with limited exceptions. Does the school emphasise positive discipline? Or the teacher? |
#19
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
Kristina wrote:
On Oct 22, 8:00 pm, Rosalie B. wrote: I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! When you lead with the line .. ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?. Commenting on this statement (which you now say you misled us with) is not attacking you. Due to the lifestyle his father has chosen, my son does not have any dealings with his biological father. snip I thank you for everything that you have said and most of it I have already thought myself. I posted here b/c I was hoping to get some different ideas. BTW: I don't expect my son to turn out to be a criminal, actually I have high hopes for him. He wants to be like his daddy (my husband) when he grows up! Scouts is good. But as far as sports and activity goes, you need to think past baseball, football and soccer. Consider swimming, karate, or bike riding. I confess I'm biased in favor of swimming, since I used to be a coach. Parents would tell me that their children were more focused, slept better and did better in school and at home when they had swim practice on a regular basis. (girls as well as boys) When posting my message I didn't think that I had to give the specifics such as who said what and why this happened and so on but I see if I am going to post in the future I have to give in depth No that's not it. IF you are going to make an inflammatory statement about your child's biological father being a criminal THEN you need to explain. But you didn't need to say anything at all about it. You didn't need to even bring up the fact that he has a stepfather. details! I didn't think that I needed to give details on the background of my relationship of my sons biological father or any of the history that goes with my life. I wrote what I wrote b/c I needed advice outside of my family and friends. When the statement was made in regards to being attacked it was in reference to being told that my child has screwed up parents and what ever else. The fact of the People said that because of what you wrote. Of course we don't know you. We are going by what you WRITE. If you write stuff that makes you seem screwed up, then that is what people will think. The primary thing that made it look like that was the opening statement about ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" That raises red flags and might make us think that you are just a troll. opinions are just that. I do appreciate everything that everyone has said but the fact of the matter is some of you take something and run with it instead of asking what was meant by the statement. I want to We shouldn't have to ask. If you want advice you should be accurate and succinct in the FIRST post that you make. be a good parent and if trying to get other ideas besides spanking and punishing my child will help me and my child then so be it. Most of you act as if you have never had problems with your children and like you knew everything about raising a child. Unlike the rest of you I We write the way we do because we DID have problems with our children and want to try to help you so that you don't make the same mistakes that we did. was not given a manual nor did i attend any classes that said this is how to raise a totally perfect child.My son is an amazing little person and I just want to be sure that his recent behavior is not something that I need to be more concerned about. So if the wording I used leads all of you to believe that I think something of my child that I, my family and God know I don't think and/or feel then so be it- think what you will! That sounds like you don't want any advice unless it is easy. |
#20
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MOTHER DESPERATE FOR SUGGESTIONS!! HELP!!
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
... Kristina wrote: On Oct 21, 8:27 am, enigma wrote: Kristina wrote roups.com: I have a 6yr old son who when he's in school has the behavior of his criminal biological father. My son is a great kid (normally) but recently he has started to lie and be disobedient. what does his teacher say? from what you say he sounds like a perfectly normal 6 year old boy. if you hate his dad so much (he acts like his criminal father), maybe you're extrapolating it to the boy? boys mature socially a bit slower than girls usually, so don't compare him to any girls you know. if you *must* compare his behavior with another child, use a 6 year old boy. 6 year old boys are fidgety, flighty, stubborn, *love* making rude noises & bathroom jokes, have the attention span of gnats when a subject doesn't interest them, tend to struggle with writing & fine motor skills (sissors, etc), and need *lots* of running around time (and very little sit still & be quiet time). if he's only having problems at school, you need to work with the teacher or get him into a different classroom or school. it may just be a poor match for his learning style, or he may have learning disabilities (non-verbal learning disability, central processing disorder,etc) my son is 7. he's highly energetic, & has poor but slowly improving fine motor skills. he would be in constant trouble if he were in public school, so i don't subject him to that torture. i send him to a Montessori school, where he can choose what work he wants to do within guidelines, he can work on his own level & not have to wait for the whole class to be on the same page (he's reading at 4th grade level & doing 3- 4th grade math. he's doing robotics, & natural science is his favorite subject, except when it's mathg). his class is 18 kids & 2 teachers, plus music, movement, art, language, cooking & 'guest' teachers. Montessori kids don't usually sit at desks. they move around the room, sit on the floor or chairs. they talk to & help each other. if they get above grade level in a subject, they can go to the next level classroom for part of the day (so he can go to upper el for reading & math). i'm sure if he went to public school he & i would be at the principal's office almost constantly. but he's just a normal, high-spirited boy. i encourage that. i don't want my kid being an automaton. the only other thing i suggest is maybe you should seek councelling to lose that chip on your shoulder about the boy's father. if you start thinking the poor kid is "criminal" at 6 years old, you *will* develop a self-fufilling prophecy. oh, and talk to your current husband about disipline. give him guidelines about what you think he should & should not do to help you. lee I AT NO TIME HAVE EVER SAID THAT MY CHILD WAS A CRIMINAL OR WILL BE A CRIMINAL!!!!!! NOR DID I SAY THAT I HATED HIS FATHER--AS A MATTER OF FACT HIS FATHER IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND HE WILL TELL YOU HIMSELF THAT HE IS A CRIMINAL AND HAS SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE IN AND OUT OF JAILS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! When you lead with the line .. ".. has the behavior of his criminal biological father" the logical conclusion from that statement is that you think your son will become a criminal and it doesn't sound like you like his father very much either. You didn't quote the father specifically and tell us that he calls himself a criminal, so how could we know that?. I just took the statement to be a description, his biological father is a criminal. I didn't infer anything from that about how the original poster feels about the father or her son's future. -- L. Miller My Homeeschool Space www.myhomeschoolplace.com/Hogwartsacademy/ Usborne Books Representative ) Transylvania Data Recovery Services - when your computer is junk but your data ) Nutronix - http://nutronix.com/jwhomeschoolmom Berry Tree - http://www.MyBerryTree.com/bt36911 Automatic Builder - http://automaticbuilder.com/jwhomeschoolmom Silver Solutions - http://www.automaticbuilder.com/jwhomeschoolmom/silver |
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