Is this heaven or hell please?

I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
I had a legion of lovers, not that dropped my knicks in
that final dwindling dance in a last heavenly fling
of me overies, my aim was to concieve not to terminate
or contract a ****ing virus or sickness (and that date
COST 70 earthy ****in sterling quids at an agency) In
fact all told I've had sex ooooh! 24 times? in 4 & half
years with 3 people....(women don't count now....do they?X)

I came out in a rash, and marks and blotches, no swollen
glands though, I hadnt lost weight although I have come
down with really bad flu. The worst thing of all was
worrying about the kids, my God what about those poor
kids am I contagious? what should I do to prevent any
contact that could be harmful, where to avoid, who
should know..my demise means nowt, I've lived, but to
little ones who have a horrid world out there without
mom, and less contact with dad what would they do? it
had crossed my mind that I was getting hypochondria...
you know cos mom had died so recently,I knew I'd feel
lousy about now, after Christmas, this time of year,
but I didnt expect to get so run down so fast.

I was ready the day of the results, I'd sorted out my
finances, list of to do's and to dont's.

"Its all clear, they're all clear" said the voice,

I didnt know what to say

I sobbed about 10 minutes afterwards. I'm not waiting
for them to contact me to tell me theres been a mix up.

I'm on medications for stress, so I got out the box
and it said 'can cause side effects' blah, blah, blah,
(yes I've got those) immunity syndrome, relieved by
stopping medication'. (somebody please wipe me off the
floor) even the drs off ill & I'll be there as soon as
possible. I dislike hospitals and I don't want to make
any habit of visiting them. Then I'm going to plan for a
holiday warm somewhere for us all with a good sunscreen
and a reminder to myself 'chastity belts'.


miri