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#21
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Male Reproductive Choice - thoughts?
"Beverly" wrote in message ... On Sat, 10 Dec 2005 00:22:49 -0800, "teachrmama" wrote: "Beverly" wrote in message . .. On Mon, 5 Dec 2005 20:16:40 -0800, "teachrmama" wrote: So are you saying that, since the system we have is, in your opinion, fairly serving the majority, the "small number" that are being treated unfairly by the system should just "take it"? I'm interested in hearing how you think my ideas would have affected your husband. Either he would have been notified much sooner or would have been liable for child support only after he was notified. Would this not have been much more fair to him? He also would have had the right to say he was not now going to be the father of a half grown child, although I suspect he would have taken responsibility. He should have never been hit with the arrears, IMO, though. I absolutely agree that nobody should be held accountable for arrears for the years before they even knew the child existed. That is unbelievably unfair in my opinion. I think that a man confronted with a half grown--or even a very young--child he did not know about should have the freedom to say "The mother had a choice to give the child both a mother and a father, and she chose to be a single mother." and walk away. I also think that the father should be given information about the true cost of raising a child in the area the child lives in--not the cost of living nonsense the courts spew out--and choose how much he wants to pay. From half the actual cost of the child's needs, to however much he wants to pay--if he chooses to be a father. My husband has a family to support--and taking the amount they do out of his check each month makes finances a bit tight. His child and her mother live in a very low cost of living area. The amount taken from his paycheck is what some bread-winners earn in that area, because we live in a high cost of living area so the salaries *look* high. The man who was dreadfully wronged by having his child kept from him for all those years should have the right to balance his responsibilities toward his newly discovered child (should he choose to be a father to the child) and his present circumstances. And I, personally, feel that he should have the right to sue the woman who kept his child a secret from him! If he did and won, it would set a precedent that might make women think twice about how quickly they should tell the father and/or whether courts would be willing to set child support retroactive to birth. I'm sure not many have thought of this, but retroactive support during a period of time a woman CHOSE to be a single parent can be construed as monetary damages... the key ingredient for a civil suit. It would really have nothing to do with lost time with the child (which cannot be measured in dollars) as much as it would be a financial burden placed upon a man unknowingly which may have affected financial decisions he made during the period of secrecy. If your husband could prove that the mother of his child did or should have known of his whereabouts during gestation and shortly after childbirth, then a decision she made unilaterally to be a single parent (even though she changed her mind later when deciding to sue for support) had repercussions on your husband that would have influenced his decisions had he known. Heck, YOU made decisions you may not have otherwise should this not have been kept a secret. Of course, suing a single mother while she is trying to raise a child about the money USED to "support the child" is likely to cause outrage; however, if it could be done as to not harm the child (i.e. once the child reaches majority or a judgment that does not commence until the child reaches majority), it may be effective in sending a message that her decision of secrecy caused this man to get in over his head financially which would not have been the case should he have known. Family court is a very unfriendly place for fathers, but civil court is a different animal altogether. It is not that he is/was unwilling to support his child. It is the effect that her secrecy had on his future decisions. "If not for [her (in)actions], he would not have [entered into similar long-term obligations such as having more children]." People's (in)actions that have caused another harm have a long precedent in favor of the injured in civil court. He DOES have a right to sue, but the case would need to be phrased in a very particular way for any chance of winning. It would be handled by a different kind of lawyer (possibly a personal injury attorney) whose fees are often contingent. The attorney would have to be a good spin-doctor in order to convince the judge that it is not about the child and his responsibility to support the child; rather, it is how the secrecy caused him to make future decisions he may otherwise not have made if not for her secrecy. I have really though about just what you are talking about here. But it would be a waste of time, because the mother has never worked a day in her life--she has herself firmly entrenched at the public trough. (An unkind way to say it, but true nonetheless) But I am sure there are men out there for whom it might be feasible to take this step. I wonder about a lot of things in the system. Let's say a man and a woman have a child together and his name is on the birth certificate. When the child is just a few weeks old the man takes her and leaves. No warning--he just leaves with the child. He hasn't broken any laws--he is the father according to any measure. He lays low until the child is 9 years old. Then he sues the mother for child support. Anyone care to hazard a guess as to whether he is awarded arrearages and current support? |
#22
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Male Reproductive Choice - thoughts?
"teachrmama" wrote I wonder about a lot of things in the system. Let's say a man and a woman have a child together and his name is on the birth certificate. When the child is just a few weeks old the man takes her and leaves. No warning--he just leaves with the child. He hasn't broken any laws--he is the father according to any measure. He lays low until the child is 9 years old. Then he sues the mother for child support. Anyone care to hazard a guess as to whether he is awarded arrearages and current support? ==== Not to mention custody? === |
#23
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Male Reproductive Choice - thoughts?
And well if it is in my right as a man to say... Woa... no I don't
want that child I just had a hand in creating... why would I spend the time, effort and money in purchasing a condom, when most men will tell you sex without a condom is much more enjoyable. If men had that right, the playing field would still be noticably tilted, but now in favor of the man. To avoid being a mother, a woman needs to either have an abortion, or deliver and give the baby up for adoption, while the man just says "Woa, I'm out". What's the physical pain & mental suffering cost of an intentional abortion? Somewhere around $1000 to $5000? Whatever it is, men should have to pay that to get out if the woman chooses to keep the baby. It's a lot less than child support for the rest of their life, but it's more than $0. (The $1000 to get out would only be possible for a small window after they learn about the child, just as the woman has a small window to choose to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. After that, it's assumed the man wanted the child, and the current child support rules would hold.) |
#24
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Male Reproductive Choice - thoughts?
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