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#1
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Just another day
Hi!, me again. I'm sitting here feeling really
****ed off with myself. I've got maths exams soon and I've decided I'm just not good enough. I'm better than I was a year ago and some things easier to understand, but I was just sitting there, staring at this really simple formula, I understood what it was about, but for the life of me I could not move those little figures around in my head and apply them to a graphic. A number is a number, a line is just a line, a square is a square, theres just no glue between them - no relationship what-so-ever. I really wanted to know more because it would have made some reading I was doing more accessable, and wanted go back into ed. Never mind. Its tooooooo late to cram, so I won't bother going in now. An old school friend came round yesterday. 'Whacha doin?', 'catching up on stuff I ought to have done yesterday', 'maths right?' 'yeah- give us a hand', 'drop it, you're a complete idiot, you were brilliant at what you were doing before, and it made you money' Guess he's right, its all vanity. If I forget it it'll make some room in my book shelves. Less to dust. So I'll take up something else instead, like plastering or plumbing? (my machine leaks) it'd be far more practical if I did. My kitchen looks more like a builders yard (I have to fix a new back door) Free-lancing is/was a lonely business, theres far more social in education. The most interesting book I bought was of colour charts, that sounds weird, its full of colour combinations, browsing through them was like going out for the day!, you know like a certain color blue next to a certain brown reminded me of a sunny day on a beach, no pictures just colors instead. We have kittens!, the kids are delighted! (they wanted another little brother or sister, but I'm too old now I guess, and lacked opportunity, so I've given up on that too) anyways, the kits are really cute, ones long-haired and I can see a day when I have to prevent one small person trying to give it a wash and blow dry, the woman I got them from has a house full of cats, with a couple of dogs- the house was immaculate, (she must spend ages de-fuzzing the upholstry) we swapped numbers and got chatty, maybe we'll be friends. bye for now, Miri |
#2
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Just another day
"miri" wrote in message ups.com... Hi!, me again. I'm sitting here feeling really ****ed off with myself. I've got maths exams soon and I've decided I'm just not good enough. I'm better than I was a year ago and some things easier to understand, but I was just sitting there, staring at this really simple formula, I understood what it was about, but for the life of me I could not move those little figures around in my head and apply them to a graphic. A number is a number, a line is just a line, a square is a square, theres just no glue between them - no relationship what-so-ever. Oh boo. Some like math, some don't, some love it, some hate it. It's math. I was/am like you when it came to any type of social studies. Please, count me out. I always loved math, but since I still dispise much of social studies, I do know what you mean, in a way. Math and physics were always my thing, but, once I thought about it, do I really care about a ball's velocity? Am I ever going to really need these 'skills'? Sure, simple basic math is a must, but for the most part, not too many people need the extended and diverse parts of math! A number, line and square are all very much related, if you're speaking of math You need those numbers to form those lines and lines with some angles to form that square. I really wanted to know more because it would have made some reading I was doing more accessable, and wanted go back into ed. Never mind. Its tooooooo late to cram, so I won't bother going in now. Give it another shot when you're up to it... You've taken the time and effort so far, so why give up totally and completely? Of course, it's totally up to you and what you want, feel and think. Sometimes cramming helps, or has the potential to help... I helped a friend with her physics a few years back when she, for unknown reasons, took it at university. I now see that I pretty much did all her work. She was flying through the class, then it came time at the end of the year for her to write her final. She needed 12% on that final to just squeak by with a passing grade. She walked out of there with a 8%. I know if she just would have read through the work that was already shoved in her face, she would have easily pulled off that minimum of 12%! But, she failed miserably, and was even offered to do a make up exam with a couple other students. She declined, and now she sees that all she accomplished was to waste her time and money, and a very little amount of effort, and all for nothing, really. An old school friend came round yesterday. 'Whacha doin?', 'catching up on stuff I ought to have done yesterday', 'maths right?' 'yeah- give us a hand', 'drop it, you're a complete idiot, you were brilliant at what you were doing before, and it made you money' Guess he's right, its all vanity. If I forget it it'll make some room in my book shelves. Less to dust. So I'll take up something else instead, like plastering or plumbing? (my machine leaks) it'd be far more practical if I did. My kitchen looks more like a builders yard (I have to fix a new back door) Free-lancing is/was a lonely business, theres far more social in education. I believe Kate said that plumbing takes a lot of math power. With plumbing, you need to be able to calculate angles - I know very little about plumbing and that type of stuff, but I do know that if your furnace has it's one pipe at a wrong angle, you're in for some MAJOR and dangerous troubles. Plumbers are very practical people. People will always be ****ting, so we'll always need plumbers That's what a friend of ours who is a plumber said. All the trades seem to be fairly high in demand. Most, as well, don't require full high school education plus years of post secondary. People will always drive cars, and those cars will always break down or need some type of repairs... We'll always need mechanics and autobody mechanics. People will always buy houses or need a roof of some sort over their head, so framers will never get kicked out of society. Can you or I live without power? Good thing we have them electricians! But... With all those, math is a high demand. The most interesting book I bought was of colour charts, that sounds weird, its full of colour combinations, browsing through them was like going out for the day!, you know like a certain color blue next to a certain brown reminded me of a sunny day on a beach, no pictures just colors instead. You know, I'm not sure if this is the same, but my dad is an autobody mechanic. He fixes and paints cars and all that, and he has books and books all over his office. He also has a whole thing full of these paint chips... They're like a giant swiss army knife of colors. Each row of 6 colors comes out from behind the others, and I can sit and match colors for hours! I find it fun, and I know what you mean about reminders of things JUST by colors. I've compared Ford, Chevy, Volkswagen, Dodge, heck, even a school bus yellow colors all together, and it's almost like an addicting drug. Canary Yellow and Sky Blue remind me of a really gross mixture of colors. My dad painted his friend's motorcycle those colors (at the guy's request) and he also had my dad paint it a nasty hot pink color. Yes, this is a guy friend of my dad's. Maybe you should do some interior decorating or home renovations or something like that? Or maybe you already have or do? We have kittens!, the kids are delighted! (they wanted another little brother or sister, but I'm too old now I guess, and lacked opportunity, so I've given up on that too) anyways, the kits are really cute, ones long-haired and I can see a day when I have to prevent one small person trying to give it a wash and blow dry, the woman I got them from has a house full of cats, with a couple of dogs- the house was immaculate, (she must spend ages de-fuzzing the upholstry) we swapped numbers and got chatty, maybe we'll be friends. bye for now, Miri Oh! Baby kitties! I love kittens. Don't like cats, but kittens are just too cute to pass on. I always have to remind myself that cute little kittens turn into snobby adult cats. Our cat had a litter of kittens about a year and a half ago. Would up with 8 male kittens and 1 female kitten. Hopefully you don't have 9 kittens! That, for me, was just way too much of a headache, but again, they were so cute. Good to hear the kids are happy about that! Sounds like you are too And, maybe this lady you talked to could make a good friend and company? Our chinchilla had a baby... B seems to just love that little thing. |
#3
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Just another day
Kate wrote;
Join the club! I had to make index cards of simple algebraic forumlas to make sense of them. I can learn. It just takes hours to do something that can take another student minutes. I'm mathtarded. There are some wonderful online resources. Thanks for the links, I think I'll ask for a resit next year, I can do them, its all possible, thanks only I can't seem to relate it to anything I'm already familiar with, honestly I'd do better if it was in ancient Greek ! In fact... I think I'll do it that way, you know, work the idea through history, I think I could manage that, it'll take more time, but the math formulae wouldn't seem like they were kinda 'hanging in mid air' like they do now. I had a good sob outta self pity today, and that was big for me (perhaps I'm softening up some with those kittens around) xkatx wrote; Oh boo. Some like math, some don't, some love it, some hate it. It's math. I was/am like you when it came to any type of social studies. Please, count me out. I always loved math, but since I still dispise much of social studies, I do know what you mean, in a way. Math and physics were always my thing, but, once I thought about it, do I really care about a ball's velocity? Am I ever going to really need these 'skills'? Sure, simple basic math is a must, but for the most part, not too many people need the extended and diverse parts of math! A number, line and square are all very much related, if you're speaking of math You need those numbers to form those lines and lines with some angles to form that square. I like physics, what little I know, I can apply that to the real world, but math is like so abstract. I got good grades for business studies, its like heavier duty housekeeping to me, but maths, its like there a cog missing in my head, its like revving the engine forgetting to put into gear, you know? I must have hated my maths teachers when I was a kid! I know what you mean by helping people out, its good to help, and its fun to teach, and sad that some people take or use without understanding the amount of effort its taken you to get that far. I worked with someone like that once, it became obvious when we started talking that they hadn't done the basics - this isnt like saying they were bad at what they did, just that it was left to someone else to mop up and fill in if work wasnt completed. Yup, some things will never go out of fashion, food, sex, death, emptying ones bowels. A business that caters for all of those would make a fortune...(hmmm the combinations are..., are terrifying) Your Dad sounds like my brother, hes got the 'repair & flog it' gene, he messes around in boats, hes had all sorts of vehicles dismembered on his porch, along the path, up the drive, and on the kitchen floor, (do you recognise this? is this familiar to you too?) For my 17th he bought me a motorcycle,'Wow TA!' in a cardboard box 'OOOoh! Um!'. He had me painting bikes and leathers, ah! those were the days! Miri |
#4
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Just another day
"miri" wrote in message oups.com... Kate wrote; Join the club! I had to make index cards of simple algebraic forumlas to make sense of them. I can learn. It just takes hours to do something that can take another student minutes. I'm mathtarded. There are some wonderful online resources. Thanks for the links, I think I'll ask for a resit next year, I can do them, its all possible, thanks only I can't seem to relate it to anything I'm already familiar with, honestly I'd do better if it was in ancient Greek ! In fact... I think I'll do it that way, you know, work the idea through history, I think I could manage that, it'll take more time, but the math formulae wouldn't seem like they were kinda 'hanging in mid air' like they do now. I had a good sob outta self pity today, and that was big for me (perhaps I'm softening up some with those kittens around) xkatx wrote; Oh boo. Some like math, some don't, some love it, some hate it. It's math. I was/am like you when it came to any type of social studies. Please, count me out. I always loved math, but since I still dispise much of social studies, I do know what you mean, in a way. Math and physics were always my thing, but, once I thought about it, do I really care about a ball's velocity? Am I ever going to really need these 'skills'? Sure, simple basic math is a must, but for the most part, not too many people need the extended and diverse parts of math! A number, line and square are all very much related, if you're speaking of math You need those numbers to form those lines and lines with some angles to form that square. I like physics, what little I know, I can apply that to the real world, but math is like so abstract. I got good grades for business studies, its like heavier duty housekeeping to me, but maths, its like there a cog missing in my head, its like revving the engine forgetting to put into gear, you know? I must have hated my maths teachers when I was a kid! I had one math teacher for grade 7/8, and she was, by far, THE best teacher I had ever had. My gr. 9 math teacher.... OTOH... He was a drunk, and no one really seemed to learn a thing in his class. I did not care much for him at all. Could very well be in the teacher and subject... I know what you mean by helping people out, its good to help, and its fun to teach, and sad that some people take or use without understanding the amount of effort its taken you to get that far. I worked with someone like that once, it became obvious when we started talking that they hadn't done the basics - this isnt like saying they were bad at what they did, just that it was left to someone else to mop up and fill in if work wasnt completed. THIS particular friend was/is just lazy. She'd rather pay someone to go to the washroom for her than actually do it herself She's also very self-centered to the point of being like a spoiled brat. Yup, some things will never go out of fashion, food, sex, death, emptying ones bowels. A business that caters for all of those would make a fortune...(hmmm the combinations are..., are terrifying) Wha? What are *you* talking about? Food is soooo over rated! Speaking of which, I could really use a caterer... Or even just a cook, at the least... Or maybe just a crash course in cooking and a basic cook book! Your Dad sounds like my brother, hes got the 'repair & flog it' gene, he messes around in boats, hes had all sorts of vehicles dismembered on his porch, along the path, up the drive, and on the kitchen floor, (do you recognise this? is this familiar to you too?) For my 17th he bought me a motorcycle,'Wow TA!' in a cardboard box 'OOOoh! Um!'. He had me painting bikes and leathers, ah! those were the days! Miri Yea, my dad is... I dunno... Years and years ago, back when I'd say I remember being about 5, my dad had like a Pick-Your-Part going in the back yard. I used to laugh and say that the garden grows broken cars. My dad tends to start things. Start is the key word, and that's also where it ends. He 'started' to renovate the bathroom in the basement. I must have been about 6 when he ripped the old shower, sink and walls out. Took out the flooring and was going to redo that bathroom... To this day, not quite 20 years later, that 'bathroom' is finished - it stands with no walls, the cement basement floor, a drain and pipe (where the shower once stood) and a toilet. Kinda reminds me very much of how it looked the last day he 'worked' on it! They totally renovated the kitchen about 4 years ago... Spent thousands and thousands of dollars, and it took a record of about 3 weeks from day 1 to finish... Only reason it actually got done (properly) and in a decent amount of time was because my uncle came in to do it in his spare time. My dad would still be working on it if my uncle didn't do it - my mom would be using a few coolers as her fridge, the floor as food and dishes storage and cooking nothing. They'd be eating food that doesn't require stoves or microwaves, and they'd eat off of paper plates. My 16th birthday present was going to be a motorcycle - then I decided that a car would just be more convenient... I ended up getting a 1962 Volkswagen Beetle that my dad took about 6 years to actually fix up. Surprisingly, he made it in time for my birthday! Now, a motorcycle would be nice, although I don't know how many side cars I could rig the bike up with lol |
#5
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Just another day
success! drifting into fretful sleep my mind
filled with vivid pickies of fluffy cats and vector co-ordinates, then, out of no where my equasion scattered its content gracefully along an acute left angle and my x and divs drifted across the plane in pastel shades. Ah! can you believe it, I'd forgotten that numerals actually represent quantities!. The fluffy kittens were nice too, bright pink with a hint of lime green! what a divvy! I saw B yesterday he took the litt'lun out, he saw my pink eyes and gave me a look, "something wrong?" "homework, I can't do the exam", "huh", he shrugged then looked at me again as if it would be a disappointment he couldn't brag to his mates, as if to say he knew I would be **** anyway."You should go back to what you were doing before, you were brilliant and it and...", "money, yeh I know" I finished the sentence for him. We never went to court for money. In the end its 'at your house they'll be under your roof, you are responsible for their food, clothes, welfare, health and happiness, if theres a joint agreement, it'll be about a school trip, a party, or expensive presents, then we both pitch in. If I asked for help theres a genuine reason to it, and there is paperwork to show. the first court case was dreadful, and the marriage and divorce ruined my business and wrecked my mind.The pressure is bad enough on kids when mom & dad are fighting, made worse by arguements about finances. B is an excellent parent, even to those who arn't his own, he has some kinda female skill that I don't, I used to watch him get the babe to sleep, 'how did you do that?', 'it's dads magic!' he'd say. He had this real big family, the 2 biggest families in the town intermarried, he had 15 uncles+aunts on Moms side, 17 on his Dads. mine was 1 and 2. He was a great support to me, but the court cases about my son, the birth of our baby and a death in the family caused so too much unheaval, we needed a break, sadly, we won't get it together again. These days what I miss is adult company, it would have been nice to get dolled up an walk out rather than feeling like bashing my head against the wall. Theres always traquillizers and asprin I suppose, and the pill will lower the need for sex (huh). So,if I resort to prescriptive medication, all would appear to be happy and contented in any situation, but only on the surface. The lawn will be neatly mown every Sunday pm, there'll be no passes made, lets face it men are supposed to ask us women out arn't they? and everything is fine in tv wonderland. But won't my kids grow up feeling all women are a bit ga-ga? kisses only happen in movies? and babies really come from cabbage patches? I ask myself why men friends think I should go back into business?,'the money was good' they tell me. So who will care for the kids? and why should I trust a stranger? Whats in it for a guy if I leave my children with someone unfamiliar and earned more than him? - they don't want to have children with me, they arn't financially responsible in any way, so whats going on. I'd have been happier with 'yeh lets try for it and muddle through, we're both capable of finding work' Anyway, I'm going in for the next exam, I revised a load this morning. Thanks for reading, Luv, Miri |
#6
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Just another day
'Kate wrote:
Kate wrote: You know, you gave yourself this chance in school for a reason. Did that reason all of a sudden change because the work got tougher? I'm not altogether sure I have any real idea of what's going on with you but I sense that the pressure of exams has gotten to you. It does that - exam time is horrid. Maybe things will look different in a couple of weeks. Hang in there kiddo! Do your best. If you're not sure of an answer, skip it for now and go back to it. You don't mind if I ramble a little bit do you? It was something I had to do to get myself out of a way of mind. I grew up under the false impression that women and men are equal, now thats fine if you're out there working, but the logic always follows, if a fella took you out its a risk he was trying to buy you for sex, women must have a qualification or skills to fall back on, she must have income from somewhere to prevent her from being abused or used by the minorities.It was always in the back of my mind that I could also have been raped. I paid my own way, met some very nice people, then got to the time when I wanted to begin a family. All of a sudden I discovered how difficult it was to find a male who wanted kids too. Decent, entertaining, witty, bright,he even invites me to live in, and do want to start a family? I ask - No! he says. I could have spent years making friends and going on dates with never having a chance of ever having a family I dreamed of. Give up! get on with work. I meet my ex, great sense of humour, poor, talentless, ambitious. Ruthless. Much loved. I take him in -hey presto! rules reversed! Oh! Oh! who's also left holding the baby? who's freelancing and won't get housekeeping? Feminism, its not having it all - its having to do it all! Motherhood what a learning curve Actually, I worked very hard for my degree, I had virtually no formal education after about eleven, but I was good at what I did and hung on in there with what I knew - so it can be done. Maths was the only subject I had a problem about, I could pick up most things just be reading and practice. I don't ever read fictions because real world affairs, science and nature are so interesting. I found work as soon and fast as I could. Low paid mostly, anything, just to get some money to pay my share and buy that special dress that I could wear to beguile the illusive male who would become my future partner for the rest of my life. What a bimbo! I should have gone straight for the wallet had an 'accident' and fallen pregnant. Now that would have made me a woman! Either way I'm still in the same situation, it only took me a lot longer to achieve it ! Anyway these days, the trouble was, that without maths I can't read the kind of books I wanted to, I wanted to go back into education so as to fulfill an ambition, to continue with ideas I had back before I got married, anything, anything is better than the isolation I often feel without another adult around. I adore my kids but when they're tucked up snuggly at night and the washings done, when the banality of daily civilities is ajourned, I wonder, I only wonder if what I studied then had any rational relationship to this life of mine. Was it a dream? Escapism basically. The window was open this morning, I woke at 6am with the sound of thunder and the rain dripping on the sills, it was humid and sticky, the sun had yet to rise but the birds clung to their hopes. I did this mornings exam, knowing I'll fail this too. I flipped through the pages, did the bits I understood and messed up the bits I didn't. I even had the chance to mess up an equasion between pi and pythagoras which I must say was really entertaining - in fact - it was a really bad disappointment to look through my text book later. I could have used my protractor. I can resit that level, no hassel, but the will to go on any further with this has gone. I know why people are given state support with a brain like mine. I thought about getting some work in, keeping busy, I don't have to go back into education, I can meet people and fit work around school hours, small domestic jobs like ironing for people, it'll pay just about right and be flexible enough for me not to get all wound up about deadlines so as I won't get snotty with the children. I went out on Saturday night. We have a massive Museum and vast book store in the city (10 miles from us). There were people out and no one notices if you're alone.I saw a movie - I havnt been out for weeks. It was a disaster. Nice to get out, but. I got a terrific complement about my blouse from a woman though - it really made it all worth while!, someone talked to me! she really liked the Color!, I wonder if its a womans thing? Being alone I've lost the confidence to talk to people like I used to, and my last couple of dates were a waste of an emotional investment. I wanted to extend my family and emotional ties, I didn't spend all this time paying my way to be an animated rubber doll and seamstress, nor do I want the emotional turmoil ever that'll send me kicking or screaming to either a pharmacy or home for middle aged delinquents. Yeh, it put me off. Now I'm too old for kids whats the point anyway? - all that effort I used to put into his pleasure, for the future, ours. Darn it, only one guy ever asked me what I wanted, and it was seemingly with his hand in my purse going to a bar to order a round. So much for human reproduction! I got on the train home, it was empty. Then this guy got on and blew one off and stank the carriage out. It was that or his socks, thats when it all came back to me in a flash. Miri |
#7
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Just another day
'Kate wrote:
On 12 Jun 2006 06:27:29 -0700, "miri" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: You are allowed to fail tasks. Failing is not a reflection of the value of your dream - it is a reflection of the difficulty of the path. It's a tough path. yes I agree, I think sometimes that my attitude to a problem can change my approach to it and how I cope with it, and as you mentioned there are some excellent sources of help and support where they're needed. BUT... you're not allowed to give up on yourself. You know you'll be good when all's said and done. You want it. You deserve the chance to get it. Then I ask myself what in hell did I do it for in the first place!, I know my maths level must have been was age about 12 when I started (the other levels are higher or even) I can do stuff now without those calculators, I have a basic knowlege about the subject now that makes it easier for me to do what I wanted, so although I'm unsure about the final grade it has given me insight and experience of a subject that was last year virtually impossible for me to understand. Thats good news for me! Its the problem of getting onto a course to do a subject I love and am fairly good at with only half the grade, without having to resort to other means !! Most higher education courses ask people to sit an exam if theres any doubt about abilities, and to be absolutely honest if I couldnt do the math, there wouldnt be any pleasure or purpose in doing the courses. Marshal resources. A tutor? Get tested for a learning disability. If you have one, then perhaps accomodations are available to help you in Maths. Talk to the school, career counselors, and find out what is available to you for help and for your future. Find scholarship money and grant money. Make phone calls, make appointments. Get people to believe in you. Sell them your dream. Find a mentor. You need a mentor. Everyone who has ever done anything has had one.... they're good for times like this. What happened is not about who you are as a person. What happened is about what happened... nothing more, nothing less. It'll make a great story when you mentor another woman who finds herself in the position you are in right now. This is not for no reason... it happened and you'll find out why later on. And it will become a testament to your desire to become a contributing member of society. A tutor will be better for me at my age! and I'm well past the days of finding a mentor! Its a great idea about selling a dream, reminds me of Madonna singing "Don't let people steal your dream", - reminds me of a lecturer who once asked me "If you fail the course what will you do?" I shrugged, what else was there?, "If you fail in your ambitions as a designer, what is plan B?" I didnt make a plan. Nows the time that I researched a little and to make another eh? Single parents, young women... the forgotten resource. They will need us now more than ever. We're the auxillary workforce. Baby boomers are retiring. Fewer people are able to work. They need you to fill the gap. There wasnt a baby boom here! no one seems to have any children, strange, if I asked about children when I was in my teens, people would say "what do you want those for? get a life! the world is out there, enjoy it!" as if it was the worst thing to happen, honestly Kate if I told my mother I had caught VD, it would have been better than if I had said I had fallen pregnant! To her VD was curable (medicine was a blessing) but pregnancy! ...GAWD.... email this woman: http://www.sussex.ac.uk/Users/hapt1/ read her web info. See if you can get involved. go he http://www.direct.gov.uk/EducationAn...earning/fs/en/ See what's available. You cannot walk this path alone. You do need help, encouragement, mentorship, other single parents, people who are good at finding help... you need everyone that you can gather to you to make this work. I will take your advise, thank you again for your insights and support Miri |
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