Quick question... about a wedding...

Here's the basic rundown of the situation...
Norm's sister is getting married in a couple weeks. We have a family
(obviously) invite, and it's a kid friendly, afternoon event without the
booze and party that normally can accompany a wedding. Lots of kids and
friends and family.

Now, here's the extras...
The bridal shower is this Saturday afternoon. I got a call last week, I
guess it was, from Norm's cousin about the shower. I told her I'd make it.
Norm wasn't supposed to work this Saturday, as we had a family reunion out
of the city to attend and be at around 3-4 that Saturday. We were going to
just stay home and take it easy then follow my parents out there (as neither
of us had a clue as to where we'd be going) and my parents were coming back
to the city from a different wedding that afternoon, they'd stop by here,
we'd pile into the old family station wagon and follow my parents out to
this silly reunion. That's the main reason he wasn't going to go to work -
we weren't sure what time everything would be going on.
When the bridal shower info came in, the plan then changed to I would take
off to the shower, he'd stay home with the kids. I'd go for an hour or so,
just to show up and be there, then when my parents were back on their way to
the city, I'd leave so we could make the other reunion event. Sounded good.
Rushed, busy and crazy day, but possible.

Finally, MY issue...
Should I go to this shower or not?
Donna (Mom) is under the impression that I am going to the shower (it's a
surprise one). I really see no reason why I should go. At this point, I
see no reason for me to go to the wedding. I'm sure the last person Norm
wants to see at his sister's wedding is me, and the last person I want to
see there is him. His sister and I talk often, but I wouldn't really say
we're close and I have reason to go to her wedding... To be honest, I really
don't think I *want* to go for so many reasons, yet in a way I do kind of
want to go.
Again, Donna is still thinking and saying I should go to the shower, and
Tammy (sister) is still thinking and telling me to come to the wedding. I
told her the other day that I didn't think I was going to make it to the
wedding. She told me I have to go, and I told her right up that I wasn't
sure if it was a good idea... Nothing like crap being carried over to
someone's wedding, and she told me she would make sure that Norm 'behaves' -
not sure what that means, but whatever - and that it's all good.

I think my biggest fear and concern is that I'll stand around looking like
an idiot. "Oh, who's that over there with the little ones?" -Oh, that's
just Norm's girlfriend, but **** is going on, so I dunno.- I have this
horrible feeling that if I -we- do go to this wedding, he'll do things to
hurt me - sneak off for a dope fix, ignore me AND the kids completely... I
don't want to go there as his undate... I know he would not bring anyone but
me, but I also don't believe he would actually bring me. It comes down to
that I KNOW he's not cheating or with someone else - no debating that
because that's one thing I do know for sure - and I know his sister would
not allow for him to bring Random Date #1 along.
I know I will be very uncomfortable with the whole situation... Other than
Norm, his bro and sis, his mom, step dad and one aunt, I will not know
anyone there.

So...

1. Would it be wrong to not go or wrong to go? - if I like it or not, she's
also the kids' aunt, not that we really see her all that often...

2. Would it be wrong in the case of not going to make up some silly
excuse? -this is for the shower AND the wedding... (shower excuse - sorry, I
have other plans and no sitter to attend the shower, and I'm not in the mood
to deal with little ones right now)

3. Should I just talk to Tammy or Donna (sis or mom) and tell them straight
up what I think and feel? Just outwardly say that because Norm and I can't
get our act together, I don't think I should go, I don't want to be standing
around by myself (with the kids) not knowing anyone and pretty much feeling
left out... Should I tell her that I'm downright uncomfortable until Norm
and I can find a middle ground with eachother and the kids and our
thoughts/feelings/views/wants/needs/etc. - but in that case, I don't really
want his mom or sister hounding HIM to get his act together just so I will
come along with the kids to her wedding... This is, IMSO, something that
Norm needs to do on his own, and to be honest, if for the next 2 weeks a
small, slight change is shown, I would probably consider going (with him)
with no problems at all... But, that is something that I do not want pushed
on him, as I know for a fact that others telling him what he should or
shouldn't do, or needs or need not do, is going to push him further away - I
do know him very well and I do know how he thinks...

I also don't want to put the kids in an awkward situation, moreso than
myself...
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in 2
directions all at once...

xkatx wrote:
Here's the basic rundown of the situation...
Norm's sister is getting married in a couple weeks. We have a family
(obviously) invite, and it's a kid friendly, afternoon event without the
booze and party that normally can accompany a wedding. Lots of kids and
friends and family.

Now, here's the extras...
The bridal shower is this Saturday afternoon. I got a call last week, I
guess it was, from Norm's cousin about the shower. I told her I'd make it.
Norm wasn't supposed to work this Saturday, as we had a family reunion out
of the city to attend and be at around 3-4 that Saturday. We were going to
just stay home and take it easy then follow my parents out there (as neither
of us had a clue as to where we'd be going) and my parents were coming back
to the city from a different wedding that afternoon, they'd stop by here,
we'd pile into the old family station wagon and follow my parents out to
this silly reunion. That's the main reason he wasn't going to go to work -
we weren't sure what time everything would be going on.
When the bridal shower info came in, the plan then changed to I would take
off to the shower, he'd stay home with the kids. I'd go for an hour or so,
just to show up and be there, then when my parents were back on their way to
the city, I'd leave so we could make the other reunion event. Sounded good.
Rushed, busy and crazy day, but possible.

Finally, MY issue...
Should I go to this shower or not?
Donna (Mom) is under the impression that I am going to the shower (it's a
surprise one). I really see no reason why I should go. At this point, I
see no reason for me to go to the wedding. I'm sure the last person Norm
wants to see at his sister's wedding is me, and the last person I want to
see there is him. His sister and I talk often, but I wouldn't really say
we're close and I have reason to go to her wedding... To be honest, I really
don't think I *want* to go for so many reasons, yet in a way I do kind of
want to go.
Again, Donna is still thinking and saying I should go to the shower, and
Tammy (sister) is still thinking and telling me to come to the wedding. I
told her the other day that I didn't think I was going to make it to the
wedding. She told me I have to go, and I told her right up that I wasn't
sure if it was a good idea... Nothing like crap being carried over to
someone's wedding, and she told me she would make sure that Norm 'behaves' -
not sure what that means, but whatever - and that it's all good.

I think my biggest fear and concern is that I'll stand around looking like
an idiot. "Oh, who's that over there with the little ones?" -Oh, that's
just Norm's girlfriend, but **** is going on, so I dunno.- I have this
horrible feeling that if I -we- do go to this wedding, he'll do things to
hurt me - sneak off for a dope fix, ignore me AND the kids completely... I
don't want to go there as his undate... I know he would not bring anyone but
me, but I also don't believe he would actually bring me. It comes down to
that I KNOW he's not cheating or with someone else - no debating that
because that's one thing I do know for sure - and I know his sister would
not allow for him to bring Random Date #1 along.
I know I will be very uncomfortable with the whole situation... Other than
Norm, his bro and sis, his mom, step dad and one aunt, I will not know
anyone there.

So...

1. Would it be wrong to not go or wrong to go? - if I like it or not, she's
also the kids' aunt, not that we really see her all that often...

2. Would it be wrong in the case of not going to make up some silly
excuse? -this is for the shower AND the wedding... (shower excuse - sorry, I
have other plans and no sitter to attend the shower, and I'm not in the mood
to deal with little ones right now)

3. Should I just talk to Tammy or Donna (sis or mom) and tell them straight
up what I think and feel? Just outwardly say that because Norm and I can't
get our act together, I don't think I should go, I don't want to be standing
around by myself (with the kids) not knowing anyone and pretty much feeling
left out... Should I tell her that I'm downright uncomfortable until Norm
and I can find a middle ground with eachother and the kids and our
thoughts/feelings/views/wants/needs/etc. - but in that case, I don't really
want his mom or sister hounding HIM to get his act together just so I will
come along with the kids to her wedding... This is, IMSO, something that
Norm needs to do on his own, and to be honest, if for the next 2 weeks a
small, slight change is shown, I would probably consider going (with him)
with no problems at all... But, that is something that I do not want pushed
on him, as I know for a fact that others telling him what he should or
shouldn't do, or needs or need not do, is going to push him further away - I
do know him very well and I do know how he thinks...

I also don't want to put the kids in an awkward situation, moreso than
myself...
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in 2
directions all at once...


I'd definitly go, reason it this way, if there
was a wedding or event and they hadnt even thought of
you how would you feel then?

Go because she invited you, not him, she is auntie
already and one day she could go through the same
things you're going through today, might be she may
need your help one day when things are settled an
sorted with Norm? might be a year or never, but she
wants a family too?

Not everyone on his side of the family is a wuss.

cousins will get along even if there been a family wrangle
"adults are such a pain, why don't they just forget
it so we can get along with our own lives" When your
own children get married, when theres a christening who
do you think they'd invite?

Norms future alone aint so bright without you now, and
if he leaves you're head of his clan (your brood). Hold your
head up and show your face, it won't be your shame, it'll be
a shame he is such a... well some men are just like that
arn't they? ask if she will be needing any help, we always
forget some importat details or touch just before our big
events

hugs,

Miri

"miri" wrote in message
ups.com...

xkatx wrote:
snip
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in
2
directions all at once...


I'd definitly go, reason it this way, if there
was a wedding or event and they hadnt even thought of
you how would you feel then?

Hm... Maybe you're right... I did feel like total garbage when, in March, it
was his brother's birthday, and we were all invited out to lunch for his
birthday, and Norm simply said he did not want us to go. Basically, we
weren't "allowed" to go. That made me feel pretty bad, but the fact that no
one questioned HIM made me feel even worse. Neither his mom, sister or
brother said a thing, it was like they didn't really care either way. To
this day, I think Norm told them that *I* didn't want to go. He said he
told them that he didn't want us to go. Either way, I really don't care.
It surely seemed like whatever was said to explain why we (kids and I)
weren't there was accepted and just fine. No one asked me a thing or spoke
about it after.

Go because she invited you, not him, she is auntie
already and one day she could go through the same
things you're going through today, might be she may
need your help one day when things are settled an
sorted with Norm? might be a year or never, but she
wants a family too?

Well, of her 6 daughters, only 3 will actually speak to her or see her
(they're all between about 11 and 18, I think) and they've only wanted to
visit with her the last couple years. I do believe that she's got others
she would go to a lot faster than she'd ever approach me. She abandoned all
of her kids long ago, she seems to almost have done that with us, as we
never see her.
What I don't understand is that if she wanted us to be a part of her life,
why doesn't she call or stop by or ask us to come over? I kind of got tired
of always being the one to say, "hey, you guys busy on this day?" I got
tired of always going over there.

Not everyone on his side of the family is a wuss.

No, just his brother and sister are both deadbeat parents, his mother feels
and believes that it's alright for a 3 year old to associate the smell of
pot with his dad, and so much more.

cousins will get along even if there been a family wrangle
"adults are such a pain, why don't they just forget
it so we can get along with our own lives" When your
own children get married, when theres a christening who
do you think they'd invite?

We don't know any of the cousins. There's a total of 9 girls between his
brother and sister - all 10 and up - and out of those 9 girls, we've met 3
of them a couple times. On Christmas morning at his mom's house, the only
one that got Brandon and Amie presents was Grandma and those 3 cousins that
we met a couple times got them something as well. That's it, yet we got a
little something for everyone that was going to be there. Their awesome
aunt and uncle didn't even think of either kid, and when Norm's brother
started handing out $20 bills to the kids, I told him straight that we do
not want his money, as he gave $20 for A but not for B. I did not think
that was right at all. You just simply cannot hand out money or something
to everyone and exclude one or two, especially when that one of two are
siblings.
Donna (mom) was the only one from that side that came to B's birthday in
January, yet we were the first ones his sister called when she needed help
moving from out of the city all the way into the city and across it.

Norms future alone aint so bright without you now, and
if he leaves you're head of his clan (your brood). Hold your
head up and show your face, it won't be your shame, it'll be
a shame he is such a... well some men are just like that
arn't they? ask if she will be needing any help, we always
forget some importat details or touch just before our big
events

I was asked if I was any good with doing flower arrangements. I told them I
was not (why would I lie?) but I said I would definitely do what I can and
offer some help. I think that was on Mother's Day when we went there for
breakfast, and when I said I really wasn't good, but I don't mind trying or
offering a hand, Norm piped up that I didn't even want to go to the wedding.
At that point, I had been upset and told Norm that I probably wouldn't be
able to find a babysitter for the kids, and I was hurt that he went and
wasted a lot of money on garbage that previous weekend when he went missing
when he knew we had to haul some stuff off that I could not lift alone, and
he went out "shopping" with his brother and sister, I guess the story goes,
for clothes for the wedding, yet he knew I wanted us to go together to pick
out something for us both to wear that could kind of match.

hugs,

Miri

In ways, I do want to attend, but in others, I really don't want to. I just
feel that in the end, something bad will happen (I'll be totally ignored not
knowing anyone there, there will be some kind of scene - the last think I
know I'd want at *my* wedding, or whatever the case may be...)
Sometimes I feel that I'm invited because it's expected. *We* have a family
reunion - Norm's supposed to be included with this, and I know people will
ask - tomorrow. Obviously he's not going to come, as no one's heard from
him, so I know he's not going to call up or show up because of this reunion
thing...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:WH7ig.24719$771.23038@edtnps89...
Here's the basic rundown of the situation...
Norm's sister is getting married in a couple weeks. We have a family
(obviously) invite, and it's a kid friendly, afternoon event without the
booze and party that normally can accompany a wedding. Lots of kids and
friends and family.

Now, here's the extras...
The bridal shower is this Saturday afternoon. I got a call last week, I
guess it was, from Norm's cousin about the shower. I told her I'd make
it. Norm wasn't supposed to work this Saturday, as we had a family reunion
out of the city to attend and be at around 3-4 that Saturday. We were
going to just stay home and take it easy then follow my parents out there
(as neither of us had a clue as to where we'd be going) and my parents
were coming back to the city from a different wedding that afternoon,
they'd stop by here, we'd pile into the old family station wagon and
follow my parents out to this silly reunion. That's the main reason he
wasn't going to go to work - we weren't sure what time everything would be
going on.
When the bridal shower info came in, the plan then changed to I would take
off to the shower, he'd stay home with the kids. I'd go for an hour or
so, just to show up and be there, then when my parents were back on their
way to the city, I'd leave so we could make the other reunion event.
Sounded good. Rushed, busy and crazy day, but possible.

Finally, MY issue...
Should I go to this shower or not?
Donna (Mom) is under the impression that I am going to the shower (it's a
surprise one). I really see no reason why I should go. At this point, I
see no reason for me to go to the wedding. I'm sure the last person Norm
wants to see at his sister's wedding is me, and the last person I want to
see there is him. His sister and I talk often, but I wouldn't really say
we're close and I have reason to go to her wedding... To be honest, I
really don't think I *want* to go for so many reasons, yet in a way I do
kind of want to go.
Again, Donna is still thinking and saying I should go to the shower, and
Tammy (sister) is still thinking and telling me to come to the wedding. I
told her the other day that I didn't think I was going to make it to the
wedding. She told me I have to go, and I told her right up that I wasn't
sure if it was a good idea... Nothing like crap being carried over to
someone's wedding, and she told me she would make sure that Norm
'behaves' - not sure what that means, but whatever - and that it's all
good.

I think my biggest fear and concern is that I'll stand around looking like
an idiot. "Oh, who's that over there with the little ones?" -Oh, that's
just Norm's girlfriend, but **** is going on, so I dunno.- I have this
horrible feeling that if I -we- do go to this wedding, he'll do things to
hurt me - sneak off for a dope fix, ignore me AND the kids completely... I
don't want to go there as his undate... I know he would not bring anyone
but me, but I also don't believe he would actually bring me. It comes
down to that I KNOW he's not cheating or with someone else - no debating
that because that's one thing I do know for sure - and I know his sister
would not allow for him to bring Random Date #1 along.
I know I will be very uncomfortable with the whole situation... Other than
Norm, his bro and sis, his mom, step dad and one aunt, I will not know
anyone there.

So...

1. Would it be wrong to not go or wrong to go? - if I like it or not,
she's also the kids' aunt, not that we really see her all that often...

2. Would it be wrong in the case of not going to make up some silly
excuse? -this is for the shower AND the wedding... (shower excuse - sorry,
I have other plans and no sitter to attend the shower, and I'm not in the
mood to deal with little ones right now)

3. Should I just talk to Tammy or Donna (sis or mom) and tell them
straight up what I think and feel? Just outwardly say that because Norm
and I can't get our act together, I don't think I should go, I don't want
to be standing around by myself (with the kids) not knowing anyone and
pretty much feeling left out... Should I tell her that I'm downright
uncomfortable until Norm and I can find a middle ground with eachother and
the kids and our thoughts/feelings/views/wants/needs/etc. - but in that
case, I don't really want his mom or sister hounding HIM to get his act
together just so I will come along with the kids to her wedding... This
is, IMSO, something that Norm needs to do on his own, and to be honest, if
for the next 2 weeks a small, slight change is shown, I would probably
consider going (with him) with no problems at all... But, that is
something that I do not want pushed on him, as I know for a fact that
others telling him what he should or shouldn't do, or needs or need not
do, is going to push him further away - I do know him very well and I do
know how he thinks...

I also don't want to put the kids in an awkward situation, moreso than
myself...
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in 2
directions all at once...


Go with number three -- the truth in this situation would only help matters
with the sister and mom -- I'm sure once they realize how you feel they will
understand

xkatx wrote:
"miri" wrote in message
ups.com...

xkatx wrote:
snip
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in
2
directions all at once...


I'd definitly go, reason it this way, if there
was a wedding or event and they hadnt even thought of
you how would you feel then?

Hm... Maybe you're right... I did feel like total garbage when, in March, it
was his brother's birthday, and we were all invited out to lunch for his
birthday, and Norm simply said he did not want us to go. Basically, we
weren't "allowed" to go. That made me feel pretty bad, but the fact that no
one questioned HIM made me feel even worse. Neither his mom, sister or
brother said a thing, it was like they didn't really care either way. To
this day, I think Norm told them that *I* didn't want to go. He said he
told them that he didn't want us to go. Either way, I really don't care.
It surely seemed like whatever was said to explain why we (kids and I)
weren't there was accepted and just fine. No one asked me a thing or spoke
about it after.

Go because she invited you, not him, she is auntie
already and one day she could go through the same
things you're going through today, might be she may
need your help one day when things are settled an
sorted with Norm? might be a year or never, but she
wants a family too?

Well, of her 6 daughters, only 3 will actually speak to her or see her
(they're all between about 11 and 18, I think) and they've only wanted to
visit with her the last couple years. I do believe that she's got others
she would go to a lot faster than she'd ever approach me. She abandoned all
of her kids long ago, she seems to almost have done that with us, as we
never see her.
What I don't understand is that if she wanted us to be a part of her life,
why doesn't she call or stop by or ask us to come over? I kind of got tired
of always being the one to say, "hey, you guys busy on this day?" I got
tired of always going over there.

Not everyone on his side of the family is a wuss.

No, just his brother and sister are both deadbeat parents, his mother feels
and believes that it's alright for a 3 year old to associate the smell of
pot with his dad, and so much more.

cousins will get along even if there been a family wrangle
"adults are such a pain, why don't they just forget
it so we can get along with our own lives" When your
own children get married, when theres a christening who
do you think they'd invite?

We don't know any of the cousins. There's a total of 9 girls between his
brother and sister - all 10 and up - and out of those 9 girls, we've met 3
of them a couple times. On Christmas morning at his mom's house, the only
one that got Brandon and Amie presents was Grandma and those 3 cousins that
we met a couple times got them something as well. That's it, yet we got a
little something for everyone that was going to be there. Their awesome
aunt and uncle didn't even think of either kid, and when Norm's brother
started handing out $20 bills to the kids, I told him straight that we do
not want his money, as he gave $20 for A but not for B. I did not think
that was right at all. You just simply cannot hand out money or something
to everyone and exclude one or two, especially when that one of two are
siblings.
Donna (mom) was the only one from that side that came to B's birthday in
January, yet we were the first ones his sister called when she needed help
moving from out of the city all the way into the city and across it.

Norms future alone aint so bright without you now, and
if he leaves you're head of his clan (your brood). Hold your
head up and show your face, it won't be your shame, it'll be
a shame he is such a... well some men are just like that
arn't they? ask if she will be needing any help, we always
forget some importat details or touch just before our big
events

I was asked if I was any good with doing flower arrangements. I told them I
was not (why would I lie?) but I said I would definitely do what I can and
offer some help. I think that was on Mother's Day when we went there for
breakfast, and when I said I really wasn't good, but I don't mind trying or
offering a hand, Norm piped up that I didn't even want to go to the wedding.
At that point, I had been upset and told Norm that I probably wouldn't be
able to find a babysitter for the kids, and I was hurt that he went and
wasted a lot of money on garbage that previous weekend when he went missing
when he knew we had to haul some stuff off that I could not lift alone, and
he went out "shopping" with his brother and sister, I guess the story goes,
for clothes for the wedding, yet he knew I wanted us to go together to pick
out something for us both to wear that could kind of match.

hugs,

Miri

In ways, I do want to attend, but in others, I really don't want to. I just
feel that in the end, something bad will happen (I'll be totally ignored not
knowing anyone there, there will be some kind of scene - the last think I
know I'd want at *my* wedding, or whatever the case may be...)
Sometimes I feel that I'm invited because it's expected. *We* have a family
reunion - Norm's supposed to be included with this, and I know people will
ask - tomorrow. Obviously he's not going to come, as no one's heard from
him, so I know he's not going to call up or show up because of this reunion
thing...

Well, of all things, I'll tell you that when you have a deep feeling
about something
stick to it, especially the case when you're pregnant - something
precious
in it, safety instinct maybe? dunno, can't see it ever being wrong when
you're
preggers - never had myself it at any other time like when I was. Kates
right.

"Kim" wrote in message
news:nloig.31314$I61.2960@clgrps13...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:WH7ig.24719$771.23038@edtnps89...
Here's the basic rundown of the situation...
Norm's sister is getting married in a couple weeks. We have a family
(obviously) invite, and it's a kid friendly, afternoon event without the
booze and party that normally can accompany a wedding. Lots of kids and
friends and family.

Now, here's the extras...
The bridal shower is this Saturday afternoon. I got a call last week, I
guess it was, from Norm's cousin about the shower. I told her I'd make
it. Norm wasn't supposed to work this Saturday, as we had a family
reunion out of the city to attend and be at around 3-4 that Saturday. We
were going to just stay home and take it easy then follow my parents out
there (as neither of us had a clue as to where we'd be going) and my
parents were coming back to the city from a different wedding that
afternoon, they'd stop by here, we'd pile into the old family station
wagon and follow my parents out to this silly reunion. That's the main
reason he wasn't going to go to work - we weren't sure what time
everything would be going on.
When the bridal shower info came in, the plan then changed to I would
take off to the shower, he'd stay home with the kids. I'd go for an hour
or so, just to show up and be there, then when my parents were back on
their way to the city, I'd leave so we could make the other reunion
event. Sounded good. Rushed, busy and crazy day, but possible.

Finally, MY issue...
Should I go to this shower or not?
Donna (Mom) is under the impression that I am going to the shower (it's a
surprise one). I really see no reason why I should go. At this point, I
see no reason for me to go to the wedding. I'm sure the last person Norm
wants to see at his sister's wedding is me, and the last person I want to
see there is him. His sister and I talk often, but I wouldn't really say
we're close and I have reason to go to her wedding... To be honest, I
really don't think I *want* to go for so many reasons, yet in a way I do
kind of want to go.
Again, Donna is still thinking and saying I should go to the shower, and
Tammy (sister) is still thinking and telling me to come to the wedding.
I told her the other day that I didn't think I was going to make it to
the wedding. She told me I have to go, and I told her right up that I
wasn't sure if it was a good idea... Nothing like crap being carried over
to someone's wedding, and she told me she would make sure that Norm
'behaves' - not sure what that means, but whatever - and that it's all
good.

I think my biggest fear and concern is that I'll stand around looking
like an idiot. "Oh, who's that over there with the little ones?" -Oh,
that's just Norm's girlfriend, but **** is going on, so I dunno.- I have
this horrible feeling that if I -we- do go to this wedding, he'll do
things to hurt me - sneak off for a dope fix, ignore me AND the kids
completely... I don't want to go there as his undate... I know he would
not bring anyone but me, but I also don't believe he would actually bring
me. It comes down to that I KNOW he's not cheating or with someone
else - no debating that because that's one thing I do know for sure - and
I know his sister would not allow for him to bring Random Date #1 along.
I know I will be very uncomfortable with the whole situation... Other
than Norm, his bro and sis, his mom, step dad and one aunt, I will not
know anyone there.

So...

1. Would it be wrong to not go or wrong to go? - if I like it or not,
she's also the kids' aunt, not that we really see her all that often...

2. Would it be wrong in the case of not going to make up some silly
excuse? -this is for the shower AND the wedding... (shower excuse -
sorry, I have other plans and no sitter to attend the shower, and I'm not
in the mood to deal with little ones right now)

3. Should I just talk to Tammy or Donna (sis or mom) and tell them
straight up what I think and feel? Just outwardly say that because Norm
and I can't get our act together, I don't think I should go, I don't want
to be standing around by myself (with the kids) not knowing anyone and
pretty much feeling left out... Should I tell her that I'm downright
uncomfortable until Norm and I can find a middle ground with eachother
and the kids and our thoughts/feelings/views/wants/needs/etc. - but in
that case, I don't really want his mom or sister hounding HIM to get his
act together just so I will come along with the kids to her wedding...
This is, IMSO, something that Norm needs to do on his own, and to be
honest, if for the next 2 weeks a small, slight change is shown, I would
probably consider going (with him) with no problems at all... But, that
is something that I do not want pushed on him, as I know for a fact that
others telling him what he should or shouldn't do, or needs or need not
do, is going to push him further away - I do know him very well and I do
know how he thinks...

I also don't want to put the kids in an awkward situation, moreso than
myself...
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in
2 directions all at once...


Go with number three -- the truth in this situation would only help
matters with the sister and mom -- I'm sure once they realize how you feel
they will understand

Yea, I think I'll just talk to Donna and all that... Not his sister, as that
might be a bit hard. I find she's easier to talk to, but this is *her*
wedding and all, and I dunno... I'll start with calling his mom about the
shower tomorrow and just tell her how it is. Simple as that. Then tell her
right now, I feel the same way about the wedding and see if she has anything
to say or suggest?

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:MFpig.27539$771.1820@edtnps89...

"Kim" wrote in message
news:nloig.31314$I61.2960@clgrps13...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:WH7ig.24719$771.23038@edtnps89...
Here's the basic rundown of the situation...
Norm's sister is getting married in a couple weeks. We have a family
(obviously) invite, and it's a kid friendly, afternoon event without the
booze and party that normally can accompany a wedding. Lots of kids and
friends and family.

Now, here's the extras...
The bridal shower is this Saturday afternoon. I got a call last week, I
guess it was, from Norm's cousin about the shower. I told her I'd make
it. Norm wasn't supposed to work this Saturday, as we had a family
reunion out of the city to attend and be at around 3-4 that Saturday.
We were going to just stay home and take it easy then follow my parents
out there (as neither of us had a clue as to where we'd be going) and my
parents were coming back to the city from a different wedding that
afternoon, they'd stop by here, we'd pile into the old family station
wagon and follow my parents out to this silly reunion. That's the main
reason he wasn't going to go to work - we weren't sure what time
everything would be going on.
When the bridal shower info came in, the plan then changed to I would
take off to the shower, he'd stay home with the kids. I'd go for an
hour or so, just to show up and be there, then when my parents were back
on their way to the city, I'd leave so we could make the other reunion
event. Sounded good. Rushed, busy and crazy day, but possible.

Finally, MY issue...
Should I go to this shower or not?
Donna (Mom) is under the impression that I am going to the shower (it's
a surprise one). I really see no reason why I should go. At this
point, I see no reason for me to go to the wedding. I'm sure the last
person Norm wants to see at his sister's wedding is me, and the last
person I want to see there is him. His sister and I talk often, but I
wouldn't really say we're close and I have reason to go to her
wedding... To be honest, I really don't think I *want* to go for so many
reasons, yet in a way I do kind of want to go.
Again, Donna is still thinking and saying I should go to the shower, and
Tammy (sister) is still thinking and telling me to come to the wedding.
I told her the other day that I didn't think I was going to make it to
the wedding. She told me I have to go, and I told her right up that I
wasn't sure if it was a good idea... Nothing like crap being carried
over to someone's wedding, and she told me she would make sure that Norm
'behaves' - not sure what that means, but whatever - and that it's all
good.

I think my biggest fear and concern is that I'll stand around looking
like an idiot. "Oh, who's that over there with the little ones?" -Oh,
that's just Norm's girlfriend, but **** is going on, so I dunno.- I
have this horrible feeling that if I -we- do go to this wedding, he'll
do things to hurt me - sneak off for a dope fix, ignore me AND the kids
completely... I don't want to go there as his undate... I know he would
not bring anyone but me, but I also don't believe he would actually
bring me. It comes down to that I KNOW he's not cheating or with
someone else - no debating that because that's one thing I do know for
sure - and I know his sister would not allow for him to bring Random
Date #1 along.
I know I will be very uncomfortable with the whole situation... Other
than Norm, his bro and sis, his mom, step dad and one aunt, I will not
know anyone there.

So...

1. Would it be wrong to not go or wrong to go? - if I like it or not,
she's also the kids' aunt, not that we really see her all that often...

2. Would it be wrong in the case of not going to make up some silly
excuse? -this is for the shower AND the wedding... (shower excuse -
sorry, I have other plans and no sitter to attend the shower, and I'm
not in the mood to deal with little ones right now)

3. Should I just talk to Tammy or Donna (sis or mom) and tell them
straight up what I think and feel? Just outwardly say that because Norm
and I can't get our act together, I don't think I should go, I don't
want to be standing around by myself (with the kids) not knowing anyone
and pretty much feeling left out... Should I tell her that I'm downright
uncomfortable until Norm and I can find a middle ground with eachother
and the kids and our thoughts/feelings/views/wants/needs/etc. - but in
that case, I don't really want his mom or sister hounding HIM to get his
act together just so I will come along with the kids to her wedding...
This is, IMSO, something that Norm needs to do on his own, and to be
honest, if for the next 2 weeks a small, slight change is shown, I would
probably consider going (with him) with no problems at all... But, that
is something that I do not want pushed on him, as I know for a fact that
others telling him what he should or shouldn't do, or needs or need not
do, is going to push him further away - I do know him very well and I do
know how he thinks...

I also don't want to put the kids in an awkward situation, moreso than
myself...
I'm really kind of stuck on this one, and I'm definitely being pulled in
2 directions all at once...


Go with number three -- the truth in this situation would only help
matters with the sister and mom -- I'm sure once they realize how you
feel they will understand

Yea, I think I'll just talk to Donna and all that... Not his sister, as
that might be a bit hard. I find she's easier to talk to, but this is
*her* wedding and all, and I dunno... I'll start with calling his mom
about the shower tomorrow and just tell her how it is. Simple as that.
Then tell her right now, I feel the same way about the wedding and see if
she has anything to say or suggest?

That sounds perfect... I'm pretty sure if you just laid it on the line
they'll understand - Unless there's not a lick of common sense in them and
if here's not the the hell with them LOL