Need Help With 8 Year Old Son

I have an eight year old son who just doesn't help out around the house,
continues to fight with his brothers and sisters, pouts, talks back and just
will not settle down. I am currently single with five children, and I find
myself losing my patience with him more and more every day.

Today he was asked to clean up the kitchen area with his sister. He started
screwing around like he always does and fell and hurt himself. He screamed
and cried, only to find that he wasn't really hurt at all. I have told him
the story about the boy who cried wolf so many times, but he just doesn't
listen.

When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. I asked him to stop...he continued. I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. He continued to scream and cry and kick.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. I just don't know what he needs from
me. I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

Can anyone give me some advice? I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. What kind of mother does that make me?

On Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:47:58 GMT, "Asanchez1977" u40164@uwe wrote:


When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. I asked him to stop...he continued. I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. He continued to scream and cry and kick.

You put soap in his mouth and he screamed, cried and kicked... and
you're surprised???

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. I just don't know what he needs from
me. I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

Can anyone give me some advice? I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. What kind of mother does that make me?

Go to family counseling.

Nan

In article , Nan says...

On Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:47:58 GMT, "Asanchez1977" u40164@uwe wrote:


When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. I asked him to stop...he continued. I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. He continued to scream and cry and kick.

You put soap in his mouth and he screamed, cried and kicked... and
you're surprised???

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. I just don't know what he needs from
me. I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

Can anyone give me some advice? I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. What kind of mother does that make me?

Go to family counseling.


Yeah - ASanchez, you don't give many details, just have expectations. He's an
individual - there are no 'make-behave' buttons they all have that I can tell
you about. In your situation, and the way you express it, the problem very
likely lies in the family dynamic. I second Nan's suggestion.

Does he have input on which ways he can contribute to the family; which chores
he's responsible for? Maybe cleaning up the kitchen with a sister he gets into
conflict it isn't the chore he should have. Maybe make a list, one with some
variety, for him to choose from, so that he feels like he has some control.

Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Nan says...

On Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:47:58 GMT, "Asanchez1977" u40164@uwe wrote:


When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. I asked him to stop...he continued. I told him to
stop...he
continued to scream and cry. I blew up, brought him into the bathroom
and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. He continued to scream and cry and kick.

You put soap in his mouth and he screamed, cried and kicked... and
you're surprised???

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything to make
him
happy, given him chances upon chances. I just don't know what he needs
from
me. I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back.
That
isn't going to happen.

Can anyone give me some advice? I am at my wits end and I just don't
know if
I can continue taking care of him. What kind of mother does that make
me?

Go to family counseling.


Yeah - ASanchez, you don't give many details, just have expectations.
He's an
individual - there are no 'make-behave' buttons they all have that I can
tell
you about. In your situation, and the way you express it, the problem
very
likely lies in the family dynamic. I second Nan's suggestion.

Does he have input on which ways he can contribute to the family; which
chores
he's responsible for? Maybe cleaning up the kitchen with a sister he gets
into
conflict it isn't the chore he should have. Maybe make a list, one with
some
variety, for him to choose from, so that he feels like he has some
control.

Banty

Break down a huge task like "cleaning the kitchen", which is daunting for
even a grownup into smaller, more manageable tasks, like sweeping the
floor, taking out the trash, or putting away the dishes, and be prepared to
supervise.

And as Nan and Banty said, get counseling to help you deal with being so
overwhelmed, because this is mostly an adult management problem, not an
insolent 8-year-old's problem.

On Dec 26, 1:47 pm, "Asanchez1977" u40164@uwe wrote:
I have an eight year old son who just doesn't help out around the house,
continues to fight with his brothers and sisters, pouts, talks back and just
will not settle down. I am currently single with five children, and I find
myself losing my patience with him more and more every day.

Today he was asked to clean up the kitchen area with his sister. He started
screwing around like he always does and fell and hurt himself. He screamed
and cried, only to find that he wasn't really hurt at all. I have told him
the story about the boy who cried wolf so many times, but he just doesn't
listen.

When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. I asked him to stop...he continued. I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. He continued to scream and cry and kick.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. I just don't know what he needs from
me. I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

Can anyone give me some advice? I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. What kind of mother does that make me?

I'm a believer in finding a chore the kid actually likes to do. My
toddlers are big into cleaning so I give them a wet rag and they
occupy themselves for half an hour. Talk to him about what he likes to
do. Tell him helping is not optional but he can choose how he wants to
help within reason. You may discover that he likes to chop, prep or
cook. Or may be with mowing lawn/raking leaves/clearing snow depending
on where you are. Folding fresh laundry is also big in my house. Try
finding what he likes. It may change every week though.

Asanchez1977 wrote:
I have an eight year old son who just doesn't help out around the house,
continues to fight with his brothers and sisters, pouts, talks back and just
will not settle down. I am currently single with five children, and I find
myself losing my patience with him more and more every day.

Phew. My first thought is that your situation sounds absolutely
mentally and physically exhausting, and my heart goes out to you.

My second thought is to wonder how much time your son gets just to talk
to you one-on-one, with you getting to listen to what's on his mind
without you being distracted or anyone interrupting. I'm guessing time
like that is hard to make! Often, the practicalities of taking care of
children - making sure everyone is fed and clean and gets off to school
on time with the right lunches and the house stays a step away from
complete chaos - can be so overwhelming that it's very easy just not to
make time to deal with the *emotional* needs that they all have (to be
listened to and feel that you cherish them), and that must be very much
the case when you have five to deal with on your own. If you can really
make a point of making a little bit of time each day when you're there
with him, doing what he wants to do, and listening to what he's got to
say, even if it's just fifteen minutes, that can really help for a
start. Maybe set up a little ritual around bedtime when the children
have bedtime in age order and you have a bit of time with each of them
alone as you put them to bed? Or maybe there's some other time in the
day when you can do this?

Today he was asked to clean up the kitchen area with his sister. He started
screwing around like he always does and fell and hurt himself. He screamed
and cried, only to find that he wasn't really hurt at all. I have told him
the story about the boy who cried wolf so many times, but he just doesn't
listen.

Just because you're not physically injured doesn't mean a bump isn't a
painful and nasty shock. Especially if you're feeling stressed out
anyway. Have you ever had the experience of stubbing your toe or doing
something else relatively minor when you're having a really bad day, and
finding that something that you'd brush off with a quick curse just
feels like the last straw? If that's happened to you, you probably
already know that being told that it's nothing or that you're crying
wolf just makes you feel worse. Sometimes the best thing is just to
offer unconditional sympathy. I don't mean that you have to go over the
top, just that saying "Oh, dear, bad luck! That looked like it really
hurt. How's it feeling?", without saying *anything* about how he
shouldn't make such a fuss or how it was his own fault for messing
around, can be much more helpful than trying to brush it aside.

When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. I asked him to stop...he continued. I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. He continued to scream and cry and kick.

Again, sympathy and a willingness to listen are the most helpful tools
when someone is upset. Another very important thing is to differentiate
between feelings and behaviour. Behaviour - ways of expressing feelings
- may need to be changed. Feelings should just be acknowledged and
accepted. You can acknowledge and accept a feeling while still making
it clear that the way in which someone has expressed it needs to be
changed. Finding him a better way to express his feelings will work much
better than expecting him to turn them off like a switch. (You've just
seen how impossible that is for you to manage as an adult! An
eight-year-old clearly isn't going to be able to manage it.)

So, for example, when he calls his sister a liar you can say something
like "My goodness - you're obviously really angry about your sister! We
don't call names in this house, though. Instead of calling her a liar,
try telling me what happened." Or you can get him to write down what
happened, which gives him a great tool for venting his feelings and you
a bit of space and time to calm down and get something else done. Then,
empathise again - "Oh, dear, I can see how that could have really
annoyed you!" and ask him what he thinks would be a good way of dealing
with the situation (rather than simply jumping in to take either his
side or his sister's, which doesn't give *him* space to think about how
he's feeling and misses a chance to help him work things out for himself).

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. I just don't know what he needs from
me. I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

No. And, again, you can sympathise - spotting a theme here? - while
still being realistic.

There is a great book called "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen
So Kids Will Talk", by Ferber and Mazlish, which is where I'm getting
most of these ideas. I really, really recommend that you get hold of a
copy and also their other books "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children"
and "Siblings Without Rivalry" - they are very readable and full of good
suggestions for handling conflict with, and between, children. Anyway,
one of the stories in this book is about a woman who had exactly this
problem with her son constantly complaining about not having his dad (I
forget whether the father had died or left, but it was a one-parent
family and the mother was struggling with the son's reaction to this).
Anyway, one day she just said to him "Yes, I know you really miss your
father and don't like being without him. I feel exactly the same way,
and I wish things didn't have to be that way. But you know what? We're
a one-parent family now and there's nothing we can do to change that.
So I think what we ought to do is work on being the best one-parent
family we can be."

(For copyright reasons, I should say that that isn't an exact quote from
the book. I'm just writing down the basic idea of what the book said,
if you see what I mean. But you get the idea, and I thought it was a
great line. Apparently, it helped the boy start to come to terms with
things.)

Can anyone give me some advice? I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. What kind of mother does that make me?

A totally normal one. We all feel overwhelmed at times, and most of us
don't have anything like as tough a row to hoe as you have. If I was in
your situation, I'd probably be hiding under the bed never to emerge.
So, if you're managing to keep going with five kids and no help, then
I'm in awe of you! I hope these ideas are helpful, and I really do
recommend those books. As people have said, family therapy might also
help. And one more thought - how much time are you getting for
yourself? Is there anyone who can give you a break from it all?
Sometimes that can make all the difference in your ability to keep going
and stay patient.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

On Dec 27, 10:50�am, Sarah Vaughan
wrote:
Asanchez1977 wrote:
I have an eight year old son who just doesn't help out around the house,
continues to fight with his brothers and sisters, pouts, talks back and just
will not settle down. �I am currently single with five children, and I find
myself losing my patience with him more and more every day.

Phew. �My first thought is that your situation sounds absolutely
mentally and physically exhausting, and my heart goes out to you.

My second thought is to wonder how much time your son gets just to talk
to you one-on-one, with you getting to listen to what's on his mind
without you being distracted or anyone interrupting. �I'm guessing time
like that is hard to make! �Often, the practicalities of taking care of
children - making sure everyone is fed and clean and gets off to school
on time with the right lunches and the house stays a step away from
complete chaos - can be so overwhelming that it's very easy just not to
make time to deal with the *emotional* needs that they all have (to be
listened to and feel that you cherish them), and that must be very much
the case when you have five to deal with on your own. �If you can really
make a point of making a little bit of time each day when you're there
with him, doing what he wants to do, and listening to what he's got to
say, even if it's just fifteen minutes, that can really help for a
start. �Maybe set up a little ritual around bedtime when the children
have bedtime in age order and you have a bit of time with each of them
alone as you put them to bed? �Or maybe there's some other time in the
day when you can do this?

Today he was asked to clean up the kitchen area with his sister. �He started
screwing around like he always does and fell and hurt himself. �He screamed
and cried, only to find that he wasn't really hurt at all. �I have told him
the story about the boy who cried wolf so many times, but he just doesn't
listen.

Just because you're not physically injured doesn't mean a bump isn't a
painful and nasty shock. �Especially if you're feeling stressed out
anyway. �Have you ever had the experience of stubbing your toe or doing
something else relatively minor when you're having a really bad day, and
finding that something that you'd brush off with a quick curse just
feels like the last straw? �If that's happened to you, you probably
already know that being told that it's nothing or that you're crying
wolf just makes you feel worse. �Sometimes the best thing is just to
offer unconditional sympathy. �I don't mean that you have to go over the
top, just that saying "Oh, dear, bad luck! �That looked like it really
hurt. �How's it feeling?", without saying *anything* about how he
shouldn't make such a fuss or how it was his own fault for messing
around, can be much more helpful than trying to brush it aside.

When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. �I asked him to stop...he continued. �I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. �I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. �He continued to scream and cry and kick. �

Again, sympathy and a willingness to listen are the most helpful tools
when someone is upset. �Another very important thing is to differentiate
between feelings and behaviour. �Behaviour - ways of expressing feelings
- may need to be changed. �Feelings should just be acknowledged and
accepted. �You can acknowledge and accept a feeling while still making
it clear that the way in which someone has expressed it needs to be
changed. Finding him a better way to express his feelings will work much
better than expecting him to turn them off like a switch. �(You've just
seen how impossible that is for you to manage as an adult! �An
eight-year-old clearly isn't going to be able to manage it.)

So, for example, when he calls his sister a liar you can say something
like "My goodness - you're obviously really angry about your sister! �We
don't call names in this house, though. �Instead of calling her a liar,
try telling me what happened." �Or you can get him to write down what
happened, which gives him a great tool for venting his feelings and you
a bit of space and time to calm down and get something else done. �Then,
empathise again - "Oh, dear, I can see how that could have really
annoyed you!" and ask him what he thinks would be a good way of dealing
with the situation (rather than simply jumping in to take either his
side or his sister's, which doesn't give *him* space to think about how
he's feeling and misses a chance to help him work things out for himself).

I just don't know what to do anymore. �I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. �I just don't know what he needs from
me. �I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

No. �And, again, you can sympathise - spotting a theme here? - while
still being realistic.

There is a great book called "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen
So Kids Will Talk", by Ferber and Mazlish, which is where I'm getting
most of these ideas. �I really, really recommend that you get hold of a
copy and also their other books "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children"
and "Siblings Without Rivalry" - they are very readable and full of good
suggestions for handling conflict with, and between, children. �Anyway,
one of the stories in this book is about a woman who had exactly this
problem with her son constantly complaining about not having his dad (I
forget whether the father had died or left, but it was a one-parent
family and the mother was struggling with the son's reaction to this).
Anyway, one day she just said to him "Yes, I know you really miss your
father and don't like being without him. �I feel exactly the same way,
and I wish things didn't have to be that way. �But you know what? �We're
a one-parent family now and there's nothing we can do to change that.
So I think what we ought to do is work on being the best one-parent
family we can be."

(For copyright reasons, I should say that that isn't an exact quote from
the book. �I'm just writing down the basic idea of what the book said,
if you see what I mean. �But you get the idea, and I thought it was a
great line. �Apparently, it helped the boy start to come to terms with
things.)

Can anyone give me some advice? �I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. �What kind of mother does that make me?

A totally normal one. �We all feel overwhelmed at times, and most of us
don't have anything like as tough a row to hoe as you have. �If I was in
your situation, I'd probably be hiding under the bed never to emerge.
So, if you're managing to keep going with five kids and no help, then
I'm in awe of you! �I hope these ideas are helpful, and I really do
recommend those books. �As people have said, family therapy might also
help. �And one more thought - how much time are you getting for
yourself? �Is there anyone who can give you a break from it all?
Sometimes that can make all the difference in your ability to keep going
and stay patient.

All the best,

Sarah
--http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

That was a very nice and informative post, Sarah. I don't have any
recommendations for the OP, but I thought you did a great job with
yours!

On Dec 27, 11:00Â*am, Chris wrote:
On Dec 27, 10:50�am, Sarah Vaughan
wrote:





Asanchez1977 wrote:
I have an eight year old son who just doesn't help out around the house,
continues to fight with his brothers and sisters, pouts, talks back and just
will not settle down. �I am currently single with five children, and I find
myself losing my patience with him more and more every day.

Phew. �My first thought is that your situation sounds absolutely
mentally and physically exhausting, and my heart goes out to you.

My second thought is to wonder how much time your son gets just to talk
to you one-on-one, with you getting to listen to what's on his mind
without you being distracted or anyone interrupting. �I'm guessing time
like that is hard to make! �Often, the practicalities of taking care of
children - making sure everyone is fed and clean and gets off to school
on time with the right lunches and the house stays a step away from
complete chaos - can be so overwhelming that it's very easy just not to
make time to deal with the *emotional* needs that they all have (to be
listened to and feel that you cherish them), and that must be very much
the case when you have five to deal with on your own. �If you can really
make a point of making a little bit of time each day when you're there
with him, doing what he wants to do, and listening to what he's got to
say, even if it's just fifteen minutes, that can really help for a
start. �Maybe set up a little ritual around bedtime when the children
have bedtime in age order and you have a bit of time with each of them
alone as you put them to bed? �Or maybe there's some other time in the
day when you can do this?

Today he was asked to clean up the kitchen area with his sister. �He started
screwing around like he always does and fell and hurt himself. �He screamed
and cried, only to find that he wasn't really hurt at all. �I have told him
the story about the boy who cried wolf so many times, but he just doesn't
listen.

Just because you're not physically injured doesn't mean a bump isn't a
painful and nasty shock. �Especially if you're feeling stressed out
anyway. �Have you ever had the experience of stubbing your toe or doing
something else relatively minor when you're having a really bad day, and
finding that something that you'd brush off with a quick curse just
feels like the last straw? �If that's happened to you, you probably
already know that being told that it's nothing or that you're crying
wolf just makes you feel worse. �Sometimes the best thing is just to
offer unconditional sympathy. �I don't mean that you have to go over the
top, just that saying "Oh, dear, bad luck! �That looked like it really
hurt. �How's it feeling?", without saying *anything* about how he
shouldn't make such a fuss or how it was his own fault for messing
around, can be much more helpful than trying to brush it aside.

When I called him back downstairs and told him to finish the kitchen by
himself he started screaming saying that his sister was a liar that she
always lied. �I asked him to stop...he continued. �I told him to stop...he
continued to scream and cry. �I blew up, brought him into the bathroom and
put a bar of soap in his mouth. �He continued to scream and cry and kick. �

Again, sympathy and a willingness to listen are the most helpful tools
when someone is upset. �Another very important thing is to differentiate
between feelings and behaviour. �Behaviour - ways of expressing feelings
- may need to be changed. �Feelings should just be acknowledged and
accepted. �You can acknowledge and accept a feeling while still making
it clear that the way in which someone has expressed it needs to be
changed. Finding him a better way to express his feelings will work much
better than expecting him to turn them off like a switch. �(You've just
seen how impossible that is for you to manage as an adult! �An
eight-year-old clearly isn't going to be able to manage it.)

So, for example, when he calls his sister a liar you can say something
like "My goodness - you're obviously really angry about your sister! �We
don't call names in this house, though. �Instead of calling her a liar,
try telling me what happened." �Or you can get him to write down what
happened, which gives him a great tool for venting his feelings and you
a bit of space and time to calm down and get something else done. �Then,
empathise again - "Oh, dear, I can see how that could have really
annoyed you!" and ask him what he thinks would be a good way of dealing
with the situation (rather than simply jumping in to take either his
side or his sister's, which doesn't give *him* space to think about how
he's feeling and misses a chance to help him work things out for himself).

I just don't know what to do anymore. �I have tried everything to make him
happy, given him chances upon chances. �I just don't know what he needs from
me. �I ask him what can I do to help him...he says he wants daddy back. That
isn't going to happen.

No. �And, again, you can sympathise - spotting a theme here? - while
still being realistic.

There is a great book called "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen
So Kids Will Talk", by Ferber and Mazlish, which is where I'm getting
most of these ideas. �I really, really recommend that you get hold of a
copy and also their other books "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children"
and "Siblings Without Rivalry" - they are very readable and full of good
suggestions for handling conflict with, and between, children. �Anyway,
one of the stories in this book is about a woman who had exactly this
problem with her son constantly complaining about not having his dad (I
forget whether the father had died or left, but it was a one-parent
family and the mother was struggling with the son's reaction to this).
Anyway, one day she just said to him "Yes, I know you really miss your
father and don't like being without him. �I feel exactly the same way,
and I wish things didn't have to be that way. �But you know what? �We're
a one-parent family now and there's nothing we can do to change that.
So I think what we ought to do is work on being the best one-parent
family we can be."

(For copyright reasons, I should say that that isn't an exact quote from
the book. �I'm just writing down the basic idea of what the book said,
if you see what I mean. �But you get the idea, and I thought it was a
great line. �Apparently, it helped the boy start to come to terms with
things.)

Can anyone give me some advice? �I am at my wits end and I just don't know if
I can continue taking care of him. �What kind of mother does that make me?

A totally normal one. �We all feel overwhelmed at times, and most of us
don't have anything like as tough a row to hoe as you have. �If I was in
your situation, I'd probably be hiding under the bed never to emerge.
So, if you're managing to keep going with five kids and no help, then
I'm in awe of you! �I hope these ideas are helpful, and I really do
recommend those books. �As people have said, family therapy might also
help. �And one more thought - how much time are you getting for
yourself? �Is there anyone who can give you a break from it all?
Sometimes that can make all the difference in your ability to keep going
and stay patient.

All the best,

Sarah
--http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

That was a very nice and informative post, Sarah. I don't have any
recommendations for the OP, but I thought you did a great job with
yours!- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Also, I would make it a point to never do what my mom did when my dad
left and I was 3-4. I remember it. It didn't scar me, but it was
obviously news enough to stick with me and I did think poorly of her
through my adolescence - you know--about how my mom could be so
unfeeling and mean. lol. I remember crying my eyes out saying I wanted
my daddie, over and over and over and over again, in my room. I can
remember what my room looked like. I don't remember why I was doing
that, but I DO remember my mom sticking her head in through the door
and screaming the following at me..."You're father is NEVER coming
back." As an adult mother myself now, I can only imagine what she must
have been feeling herself with 3 young children to support at the age
of 21-22, but it took until that time for me to even remotely imagine
what she was going through.

All perfectly normal, and fixable too.

I am thinking this 8yo, let's call him Andy, may be acting up in part
to get more attention. It gets him negative attention, but many
children like negative attention better than no attention. Does
whining, fighting, sulking, pouting, get him a lecture from Mommy?
Would some other response be appropriate, and more effective?

In my family, chores are something grownup and special that good
children get to do with a parent. The OP might try something like
this: "Andy, would you like to come in here with me and help me sort
the laundry, just the two of us?" There, have a private conversation
with him about something Andy wants to talk about. Or say what the
choices are for dinner tonight and ask him to pick one. Also, take
care to notice and praise any effort to help that Andy does make, no
matter how small it is.

Pologirl

Hm, "Asanchez1977" is u40164@uwe, so quite likely a troll, or at least
not the original author.

Pologirl