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worried about the future



 
 
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  #21  
Old January 6th 04, 03:16 PM
Shannon
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Default worried about the future

!!!!!!!

People questioning your parenting decisions? I'm shocked!

But seriously - breastfeeding isn't the only thing that's going to tick
people off. Someone, somewhere, will always be questioning your skills,
motives, etc. Stick to your guns. This is a training ground for you.

I am a sufficiently prickly person that nobody ever brought up the issue
more than once with me. They'd see my back stiffen and my mouth thin, and
they'd back away (really!) before I exploded. But, I had the full support
of my own mother, my pediatrician, and my city, which made things easier.
We weaned this past summer, painlessly, guided entirely by my son, when he
was 3 and a half. I don't regret a single second.

Rest assured in your decision. You know in your heart that it is best for
you and your offspring, so just let the comments roll off your back. You
don't even need to dignify them with a response. If it's really getting to
you, you can tell your mom that the next time she brings it up will be the
last time she sees her grandson until he's 18. ;-)

-Shannon

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.
The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts, they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work, but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them. My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind. It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop. I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.

-----------
Anne Rogers




  #22  
Old January 6th 04, 04:28 PM
Sue
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Default worried about the future

Well this is the part of parenting that you really need to build up your
backbone. You are the mom and you get to decide when you do what with your
child. I can't fathom being worried about what my family thought about my
children's feeding habits and what I fed them. They are supposed to be
family and should be supportive of whatever you decide when it comes to
their grandchildren. They should be happy that you are giving their grandson
the best start in life. If they are not, then that's when you say I know
what is the best interest of my son and this is how it is going to be.

I understand extended family wanting time with your son. IMO, I see nothing
wrong with having my children have so many people that love them and that
they love back. I can't imagine not letting my mom, when she was alive, not
have time with her grandchildren. Many on this board see that as a huge
problem, but I don't. I think it is. I feel it is insecurity that no one can
care for the child as well as the mom and they are too insecure to find out.
Just keep repeating to yourself that you ultimately have the last decision.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Anne Rogers wrote in message
...
Before ds was born I intended to nurse him through the first year, it
hadn't occured to me that longer might be good. Now I'm better educated,
it's best for him to carry on longer and I intend to let him self wean.
The problem is my mum and my friends, they all think I am nuts, they
already think I am a bit mad pumping for his feeds whilst I work, but the
very thought of me breastfeeding a toddler shocks them. My mum in
particular drops it into every possible conversation that I should give up
by the time he is a year old, she wants ds to be able to stay with them
without me there, when I said this probably wouldn't be possible because
of feeding she said that it would be a good time to stop and he wouldn't
mind. It's really starting to worry me as we get closer to that point,
recently the doctor even asked me when I was going to stop. I love
breastfeeding, my son loves breastfeeding, so why stop is my opinion. It
upsets me that people think it is wrong for me to try and do what is best
for my son. When I say the WHO say you should breastfeed for 2 years,
people say that doesn't matter as we have good water here.

-----------
Anne Rogers




  #23  
Old January 6th 04, 04:36 PM
Bruce and Jeanne
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Default worried about the future

Anne Rogers wrote:

Consider if you are using bfding as an excuse due to some other worry of
yours, not DS's. Are you concerned about your mother's ability to care
for your ds, or potential power struggles between you? Are you afraid
for your ds in another home? Is it residual stuff from the PPD you're
dealing with? (I'm not saying DON'T use it for an excuse, if you need
to, I don't personally think it will do DS any harm if you hold off on
overnights with gma til he's three or so, nursing or not)


I don't think I am, my mum is like every grandmother, she spoils him, but
we keep it in check. We are talking here about leaving him with her for a
week (I'd be happy to do a day or even 1 night) whilst I work as she is a
teacher and has more holidays than I do. A week away from me when he is
14ish months old would almost certainly mean the end of bfing.


Why is this? From what I see, moms go away for awhile and during that
time, baby doesn't nurse and is fine. But when mom comes back, many
times baby goes right back to old nursing habits.

One friend went back to Vietnam for two weeks when her son was two or
three and still nursing to sleep. He did fine when she was gone and the
parents thought he was weaned, but no, when she came back he wanted to
nurse to sleep again. He weaned around 4.5 to 5 years old.

Jeanne
  #24  
Old January 6th 04, 04:50 PM
Dawn Lawson
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Default worried about the future



Anne Rogers wrote:
Consider if you are using bfding as an excuse due to some other worry of
yours, not DS's. Are you concerned about your mother's ability to care
for your ds, or potential power struggles between you? Are you afraid
for your ds in another home? Is it residual stuff from the PPD you're
dealing with? (I'm not saying DON'T use it for an excuse, if you need
to, I don't personally think it will do DS any harm if you hold off on
overnights with gma til he's three or so, nursing or not)



I don't think I am, my mum is like every grandmother, she spoils him, but
we keep it in check. We are talking here about leaving him with her for a
week (I'd be happy to do a day or even 1 night) whilst I work as she is a
teacher and has more holidays than I do


Eek, a week!!!
I start to see the problem in a different light...I thought you were
just talking about a day or a night.
What about finding some university or late highschool student with hols
that would be willing to take up the childcare??

Dawn

  #25  
Old January 6th 04, 04:55 PM
Circe
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Default worried about the future

Anne Rogers wrote:
We are talking here about leaving him with
her for a week (I'd be happy to do a day or even 1 night) whilst I
work as she is a teacher and has more holidays than I do. A week away
from me when he is 14ish months old would almost certainly mean the
end of bfing. Problem is we are going to struggle in summer if we
don't use grandparents for childcare as our childcare providers don't
work through summer.


I'm not sure I understand why you'd have to leave him for a whole week,
including nights, with her if the primary purpose is childcare. Does she
live so far away that dropping him off with her in the morning and then
picking him up is not an option?

Honestly, I have NEVER left any of my kids with ANYBODY for more than an
overnight and my oldest is 6.5yo. Even if they'd be fine to stay away from
me that long, I'D be utterly miserable to be separated from them for so
long. I frankly don't wouldn't consider a childcare option as remotely
feasible if it meant leaving my kids with someone, even their grandparents,
for 5 days at a stretch! And that's without even considering the
breastfeeding aspect.
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [22 mos.] mom)

This week's special at the English Language Butcher Shop:
"Taxi's R Us" -- name of a cab company

Daddy: You're up with the chickens this morning.
Aurora: No, I'm up with my dolls!

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #26  
Old January 6th 04, 05:26 PM
DGoree
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Default worried about the future

Anne said,
A week away from me when he is
14ish months old would almost certainly mean the end of bfing.


and Jeanne said,

Why is this? From what I see, moms go away for awhile and during that
time, baby doesn't nurse and is fine. But when mom comes back, many
times baby goes right back to old nursing habits.

I think the difference is 14 months vs. two or three years. I also had the
experience of leaving a nursing two-and-a-half year old for a week, and he was
fine, and started right back up with nursing when I came home. But I agree
with Anne, being away from such a young toddler (14 months) for a week could
very well mean the end of breastfeeding.

Even without nursing, I can't imagine being separated from such a young toddler
for so long. An evening or even a night is one thing but a week away from mom,
even with a loving grandmother, is something entirely different. I wouldn't do
it. There is a big difference between two-to-three-year-olds and
just-past-one-year-olds.

Mary Ellen
William (8)
Matthew (6)
Margaret (2)

  #27  
Old January 6th 04, 05:28 PM
Karen
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Default worried about the future

DH and I are trying to figure out how to go see RotK in shifts.


We did this when ds was little, it was the only way we saw any movies.
There is a mall within walking distance of our house, with both a movie
theater and a casual restaurant we like. I would go see the movie first,
an 11:00ish showing, we'd meet for lunch at the restaurant, then dh
would go see the movie and I would take ds home in time for afternoon
nap. Dh would get home about the time ds was waking up.

-Karen mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

  #28  
Old January 6th 04, 05:30 PM
Dawn Lawson
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Default worried about the future



Karen wrote:

DH and I are trying to figure out how to go see RotK in shifts.




We did this when ds was little, it was the only way we saw any movies.
There is a mall within walking distance of our house, with both a movie
theater and a casual restaurant we like. I would go see the movie first,
an 11:00ish showing, we'd meet for lunch at the restaurant


RotK is 3.5 hrs long.

Why not rent it?

Dawn

  #29  
Old January 6th 04, 05:54 PM
Anne Rogers
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Default worried about the future


Eek, a week!!!
I start to see the problem in a different light...I thought you were
just talking about a day or a night.
What about finding some university or late highschool student with hols
that would be willing to take up the childcare??


I honestly don't think I would be happy with that, I need to know someone
before I would leave them with him.

  #30  
Old January 6th 04, 05:56 PM
Anne Rogers
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Default worried about the future

I'm not sure I understand why you'd have to leave him for a whole week,
including nights, with her if the primary purpose is childcare. Does she
live so far away that dropping him off with her in the morning and then
picking him up is not an option?


150 miles! 3.5 hours drive, so a week or not at all is the best option.
She might be able to come here for some of the time, but I have 6 weeks of
childcare to sort out, I might take unpaid leave from work, if that is the
only option.

Honestly, I have NEVER left any of my kids with ANYBODY for more than an
overnight and my oldest is 6.5yo. Even if they'd be fine to stay away from
me that long, I'D be utterly miserable to be separated from them for so
long. I frankly don't wouldn't consider a childcare option as remotely
feasible if it meant leaving my kids with someone, even their grandparents,
for 5 days at a stretch! And that's without even considering the
breastfeeding aspect.


that's similar to the way I feel

 




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