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#21
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Marie" wrote in message ... Mine was similar to yours. It was the least stressful wedding I'd ever been in ;o) All the other weddings where I was the maid of honor or bridesmaid, the brides wanted all these expensive things- floral arrangements ordered, catered food, dresses made and shoes dyed, and so many other extravagant things and any little thing that went wrong caused yelling and/or tears. It can get crazy! I didn't stress about any part of my wedding (except when the minister tried to talk me out of having my children in my wedding!!) and it all went peacefully and cozy. I'm glad. I thought my first was relatively quiet, and there were times we debated skipping to Vegas. The second time around, we had a better idea-we got married, then told our families. Absolutely priceless. Jess |
#22
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
FlowerGirl wrote:
wrote in message ... I don't know how to say this politely (to those who invited you), but I certainly agree with you. Simply tell them that your are nursing, you can't leave your baby for long, and if he is not welcome, you cannot come. end of story. Larry Ditto that. I think that before you actually *are* a bf mother, the options seem so much simpler ... "oh why don't you just hire a baby sitter and leave some bottles " seems like such a good option if you don't know exactly what a huge ask that is: "just leave your precious child with a complete stranger for 5 hours, let them feed her food she's never had before and which may or may not damage her gut and you can be uncomfortable for a couple of hours and maybe leak breastmilk all over your nice new dress".. I suspect that what the couple are actually thinking is that they don't want children at their wedding, and that it's up to each set of parents to decide whether that means that they themselves can come or not. I think that for some people, this is turning into "How unreasonable of them to dare to separate you from your precious baby!", which isn't very conducive to finding a rancour-free solution. The couple getting married here aren't trying to separate anyone from their children, they're trying to have a child-free wedding. I think it's worth remembering that that's a choice they're entitled to make. The inevitable result of it, of course, is going to be that some of the parents won't be able to make it either; but that's for the bride and groom to deal with, and they can decide for themselves whether it's worthwhile. There's nothing *inherently* wrong with wanting to plan a child-free event (for a wedding or anything else). To answer Larry, remembering that one simple fact is probably going to go a long way towards helping the OP answer politely. ;-) All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#23
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
KD wrote: Greetings folks: Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental, gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc. Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone. Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding, there's no one to leave him with. Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most important member of my family isn't welcome. What do you all think? Some friends of mine got married about 10 years ago and insisted on no kids. It offended a lot of people but those without kids (me at the time) couldn't see what the problem was. This year some friends got married and again no kids. The difference was they had a baby one month older than ds (about 9 months IIRC) who was going to have her naming ceremony at the same time. Ds was old enough to be left with granny and grandad so if we had gone (he was ill so we didn't) it wouldn't have been a problem. However I think it was very odd personally, given they had a baby themselves. It wouldn't be my first choice and personally it wouldn't be a good day without my family, including kids. But my bottom line on weddings is that it's up the those getting married what they do- but they should accept that they will offend some people and those offended should accept that it is *their* big day and try not to make a big fuss. If I was in your situation I think I would politely decline the offer explaining why and perhaps that you would have love to have come had it been possible. Maybe if enough people they want to come decline they will change their minds? Just my 2p. Either way it's not an easy one. Jeni |
#24
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
FlowerGirl wrote:
wrote in message ... I don't know how to say this politely (to those who invited you), but I certainly agree with you. Simply tell them that your are nursing, you can't leave your baby for long, and if he is not welcome, you cannot come. end of story. Larry Ditto that. I think that before you actually *are* a bf mother, the options seem so much simpler ... "oh why don't you just hire a baby sitter and leave some bottles " seems like such a good option if you don't know exactly what a huge ask that is: "just leave your precious child with a complete stranger for 5 hours, let them feed her food she's never had before and which may or may not damage her gut and you can be uncomfortable for a couple of hours and maybe leak breastmilk all over your nice new dress".. I suspect that what the couple are actually thinking is that they don't want children at their wedding, and that it's up to each set of parents to decide whether that means that they themselves can come or not. I think that for some people, this is turning into "How unreasonable of them to dare to separate you from your precious baby!", which isn't very conducive to finding a rancour-free solution. The couple getting married here aren't trying to separate anyone from their children - they're trying to have a child-free wedding. I think it's worth remembering that that's a choice they're entitled to make. The inevitable result of it, of course, is going to be that some of the parents won't be able to make it either; but that's for the bride and groom to deal with, and they can decide for themselves whether it's worthwhile. There's nothing *inherently* wrong with wanting to plan a child-free event (for a wedding or anything else). To answer Larry - remembering that one simple fact is probably going to go a long way towards helping the OP answer politely. ;-) All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#25
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
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#27
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
KD wrote: Greetings folks: Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental, gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc. Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone. Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding, there's no one to leave him with. Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most important member of my family isn't welcome. What do you all think? KD & G Well, to be honest I am a bit offended about it. But a lot of people want us to go, I want to see the family members who will be travelling to attend, so my mom and others have made some arrangements so that we can go. There will be a babysitter on site, about two minutes from where we'll be at the reception. I'll have some EBM in a bottle just in case it's needed. We won't be staying late anyhow, and this will allow DH and I to see the family we haven't seen in a long time, and show off DS between wedding and reception. Thanks for the input all. IT wasn't written in the invitation, just passed on through word of mouth. I was confused because it just didn't occur to me that some people would want to leave a young baby out of their celebration. I guess I'm a bit dimwitted in that department! Oh well! KD & G |
#28
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
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#29
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
I totally concur with Sarah's post. Although we had a very
child-friendly wedding and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I can see why someone would want to have a child-free wedding. In fact, I just went to one last month; it was held at a winery on a mountainside, and was definitely *not* appropriate or safe for kids. I wasn't at all insulted that my friend would dare to invite me and DH without the most precious member of our family. I also turned down two wedding invites from good friends because I couldn't leave my then-nursing child for that long. And guess what -- we're still friends!! Sometimes, it really isn't all about me... Em mama to Micah, 11/14/04 Sarah Vaughan wrote: I suspect that what the couple are actually thinking is that they don't want children at their wedding, and that it's up to each set of parents to decide whether that means that they themselves can come or not. I think that for some people, this is turning into "How unreasonable of them to dare to separate you from your precious baby!", which isn't very conducive to finding a rancour-free solution. The couple getting married here aren't trying to separate anyone from their children, they're trying to have a child-free wedding. I think it's worth remembering that that's a choice they're entitled to make. The inevitable result of it, of course, is going to be that some of the parents won't be able to make it either; but that's for the bride and groom to deal with, and they can decide for themselves whether it's worthwhile. There's nothing *inherently* wrong with wanting to plan a child-free event (for a wedding or anything else). To answer Larry, remembering that one simple fact is probably going to go a long way towards helping the OP answer politely. ;-) All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#30
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Etiquette Question - wedding invites
I'm glad you've found a way to make it work! Just a point of etiquette--the ONLY people invited to the wedding are those whose names are on the invitation. Therefore, if only your name and that of your husband were on the invitation, then only the two of you were invited. Leslie |
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