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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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#93
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
cjra wrote:
wrote: Perhaps that depends on what you consider successful. I had no knowledge whatsoever from my mum who partially bf'd 4 babies, it just wasn't something that we ever talked about. I did learn a little from my sister but what I really got from her experience was - well, if she can do it, I damn well can. I fought with a lot of practical and embarrassment issues, and I think if I had had no support or good experiences to learn from I could have easily given up. Just my two cents worth. My mother never breast fed me because I was in intensive care for a good week when born, by the time she got be back, I wouldnt have any of it. Besides that, my mother and father broke up when I was 14 and she left the country. I have no female friends I was close enough to feel comfortable asking and my father and husband had as little clue as I did. However, when Little_Wookie was born, the midwife just plonked her on my chest and let nature take it's course - which it did rather successfully. Later, lying in my hospital bed, I realised that she would need to be fed once again and frantically tried to remember all I had read on the subject. I tried and tried but couldnt get any joy...she was getting frustrated and so was I. I laid back down again and thought about it. And then I had a brainwave...stop trying and just do it. I picked her up, placed her against me and off we went. I just decided to listen to my instincts and it worked. With regard to breast feeding in public (for the 6 weeks I was able to do it), I must say that I never quite plucked up the courage to do it. Like another poster, i was unsure of myself and needed space to work where I wasnt being bothered by purile idiots oggling what I had. Luckily, when out and about in town, we have a fairly progressive council that provides private areas all over the place where a mother can go to feed in private. Some are more comfortable than others, but almost all had some sort of rocking chair or comfortable sofa and it worked pretty well. I never found the need to breast feed in 'public' because I was never more than a few yards from a private area. However, I did resolve that if needs be, I would do it whereever I needed and hang the consequences. There has been at least one incident here in the UK where a mother has been told to stop or she would be arrested for indecent exposure! This from a woman police officer too. My experience is that our council is doing every thing in its power to assist breast feeding by providing these comfort areas and therefore limiting the need to do it in full view of everyone. Personally, when on a road trip up north when Little_wookie was about 6 weeks old, I found a spot on a grass verge sheltered by parked cars, made myself comfortable and did it there with a muslin drapped over us both. No adult would have been in doubt about what I was doing, but neither was everything on show. Essentially, the british tend to not notice what they dont want to. Its simply not polite to notice, so you dont. Once a mother gets over her own embarrasment, I suspect that most people couldnt give a monkey's what you are really doing under there...they know, you know, neither of you has to acknowledge that you know, so we just go about our lives without having to pay attention and I think that's how it should be. Wookie |
#94
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
On 22 Sep 2006 05:58:15 -0700, "
wrote: Just so everyone knows what kind of birth mother I am dealing with - she loves to step in and mother over the phone from her bar stool and LOVES to hear whenever I mess up. Even though she sees her kids MAYBE once a month (and lives 15 minutes away) for lunch, she still does not feel that I should "mother" her children. I had an argument once with her because I told her son not to eat on our brand new couch! (Please no one give me a hard time for not letting them eat on the couch - it was a long time ago). Obviously I am not dealing with a sane woman (that's why she does not have custody of her kids), so I do what I can to not "rock the boat". I did a lot in the beginning, but with her and her ability to lie and try to turn the kids against me, I've learned to just keep the peace. You're giving her way too much power over you. Instead of seeing it as "rocking the boat", you should do what YOU desire and are comfortable with and not worry about her reaction. "this is our house and there are things here that are not open to discussion." Yeah, ok. Everything to her is a disussion. But think about it, if your kids were living (even part-time) with someone else and something was going on in their house that you were not happy with, would you take this as an answer and be happy with it?? First, you don't *have* to discuss *anything* with her. You have the power to avoid a conversation with her. Well, no I wouldn't just take a blunt answer like that and be happy about it. I would discuss the issue with my ex-husband, not the step-mom. When my ds moved in with his dad and step-mom I had a few issues with how she handled things on occasion. A talk with my ex cleared everything up for everyone, and things ran more smoothly. This is really a matter of opinion and if the bio mom and step-mom don't agree on something, it can make things very hard on the kids if the moms choose to argue about it. Ok, maybe not in "normal" step-family relationship (and I do value other SM's opinions), but like I said I am dealing with a bio mom who is a little wacky. Then realize you cannot control her, nor she, you. Do NOT argue with her about it. Do NOT even discuss it with her. Do you not realize you have the power to end the conversation with her if she oversteps her boundaries? Either hang up the phone, hand it to your husband, or lay down the receiver and walk away. Of course she's entitled to her opinion. And it's good that you wish to respect her opinion. But you're not obligated to allow her opinion to dictate what you do in your own home. I love my husband and my step-sons. But I do enjoy the alone time my daughter and I have when I nurse. My house can be a little hectic with the kids and their friends in and out all day, so it's nice to have quiet time with her. This is a compelling reason to BF in private, if that is your wish. Sorry, but it just ruffles my feathers when I hear a woman say she's allowing someone else to dictate her actions. Nan |
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Wow, you're quick. I removed that post shortly after posting because I
decided not to get off topic - the whole wacky step-family thing, instead of breastfeeding. Sorry. I appreciate your advice. I know my family isn't the perfect situation and we have been in therapy. And I do not communicate with her anymore, but I was saying that I used to and have learned not to because she is insane. I just think some people need to realize that others may be uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of certain people. I happen to be uncomfortable doing it in front of my step-sons and their friends. Especially since I am the "young step-mom" and only 10 years older than my oldest step-son. But I do not feel like I hide it from them. We have had open discussions. The middle boy asked if he could borrow my pump and see if he could get milk from his breast. And they asked if I could sell my milk over the internet to mom's who can't breastfeed. And they've asked me what it tastes like. Silly, yes. We're talking about a 14 & 15 year olds. But I have answered their questions and have had open discussions, since they didn't really know anything. |
#96
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Anne Rogers wrote:
shrug Clearly, I'm just not going to get this. I'd explain to anyone, related or not, if they wanted to know how something worked (in age-appropriate terms, of course). What's so all-fired touchy about the whole thing? The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me. I think perhaps this is the moment for someone to produce the picture of a women somewhere, think it was the carribean, nursing next to some diplomat or something and just pop her boob out the top of her clothes and nurse her older baby right there as if it was the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I suspect the more we watch nursing in untouched communities, the better we'll do! Eh, I don't know. I suspect the world would be a better place if people didn't go ballistic over that sort of thing, but since so many people do, I suspect it might backfire or something. Since reasonably discreet nursing is possible in the vast majority of situations, I'd be happy as a clam to settle for people being accepting of reasonably discreet nursing anytime, anywhere. Best wishes, Ericka |
#97
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com... hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? Writing naked is okay, as long as you're not sitting in a leather seat on a hot day. |
#98
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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#99
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
In article ews.net, Frisbee®
says... "cjra" wrote in message roups.com... hedgehog42 wrote: It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? Writing naked is okay, as long as you're not sitting in a leather seat on a hot day. LOL! |
#100
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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