If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#121
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Banty" wrote in message ... Actually I'm "from" here and just have been poking around on ASSP. I consider misc.kids to be my "home group", so to speak. This is my stomping ground. I "met" you on ASSP first. Jess |
#122
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
On 22 Sep 2006 14:04:35 -0700, "cjra" wrote:
Definitely. Case in point - I grew up with a mom who cooked everything from scratch. I learned a lot from her and I also cook most things from scratch. Compare SIL, whose mom cooked everything from packages. She doesn't cook, not only that it never occurred to her that you *could* cook things from scratch. You should have seen her face when we told her we were making mashed potatoes and she didn't see the box! It's all about what's in your frame of reference. The mroe you see something, the more normal it is. I've no doubt my 10 yr old niece will one day nurse her kids - or at least try to - should she have them, after she spent so much time with me whilst I was nursing her beloved new cousin. She was enthralled with it all. OTOH, my dil's mother cooks everything from scratch, but dil does not know how to cook, nor does she have much interest in cooking from scratch. She occasionally tries to do some, but since there are no recipes to follow, only a mom who knew what to put into things, she usually ends up bringing home food from her mom's house. She has even brought food from her mom on the plane from Chicago to New Orleans (it freezes well, so she can then thaw and reheat it). -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#123
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... "Jamie Clark" wrote: "Rosalie B." wrote in message . .. "Jamie Clark" wrote: Rosalie B. wrote: "Jamie Clark" wrote: snip By not allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished. I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2 years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children, and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven grandchildren. Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities between a book, and familial observation. I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail. But certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis would HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life? Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to breastfeed. I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could eventually cook if you never tried doing it? Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the love and passion for it. Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano? Yes watching that helps: #1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other friends who haven't watched it is very different. Try again... Debbie |
#124
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
My husband supported me in breastfeeding because he's an intelligent
man who read the facts about it. His mother never breastfed, neither did his ex. I know my step-sons support me in breastfeeding because when we discussed it while I was pregnant, we gave them the facts - how it is healthier for the baby, how the milk changes as the baby changes, how children who are breastfed are more immune to illness, etc. Basically we told them it is a very natural, normal thing and that's why women produce milk. And yes, I got the questions about women who don't produce milk and if there are babies who don't "like" breastmilk. But like I said the main reason why they love it is because they're teenage boys with a touch of selfishness and we told them it was free I don't think they need to actually see me do it to know it is ok. They know their father is always around me when I am doing it (he burps the baby). As for the ex, I would never let her "run" my household. I know it is my husband's job to deal with her and he does (I haven't talked to her in over 2 years). Believe me, do you know how many times we've had to hear "mom said she can't believe that you..." We tell them that they live with us and they have to follow our rules. Everyone feels it is insane that I make the boys take off their shoes when they're in the house, but it doesn't bother me one bit. So it is partially because I know it will send her into a fit (even though it wouldn't really bother her, she'll still turn it around that I am topless in front of them or something - trust me, she's crazy, loves drama and lies very naturally). And it is partially because I'd feel uncomfortable if them or one of their friends saw something. And it is partially because I know that they would honestly feel a little uncomfortable. It's not always cut and dry when you're a step-family. |
#125
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Welches" wrote in message news "Rosalie B." wrote in message ... "Jamie Clark" wrote: "Rosalie B." wrote in message ... "Jamie Clark" wrote: Rosalie B. wrote: I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could eventually cook if you never tried doing it? Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the love and passion for it. Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano? Yes watching that helps: #1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other friends who haven't watched it is very different. Try again... And again, growing up in a musical family increases the chances that the kids will take up music one day. I think this conversation has veered too far off on a tangent. It seems pretty obvious to me that a child who grows up in an environment where breastfeeding is the norm is more likely to breastfeed than one who grows up in an environment where it is not. However, the step-mom is only one small part of that environment, and her attitude towards breastfeeding isn't really likely to be the deciding factor in this -- especially since her step-kids are boys. Furthermore, she *does* plan to breastfeed. They will know this, and if it has any influence at all, it will be in the pro-breastfeeding direction. The OP came here wanting to know how she should bring the subject up, and how she could best handle things so that everyone involved is comfortable with the situation -- her, the boys, their dad, and even their mom. My opinion is that it doesn't require a big "talk" ahead of time. That doing so will increase the awkwardness factor instead of decreasing it. And that after the baby comes, she will find a routine that feels right to her. I, myself, did always tend to go back to the baby's room to nurse if we had company. It wasn't really a burden for me, and it felt less awkward than doing it right there. I imagine that it might be different though since this is not company, but people living in the same house. Having to drop everything to go hide every time the baby feeds would seem to grow old really fast. And so it wouldn't surprise me a bit if she started getting a bit careless -- not going to the bedroom if the boys weren't due home from school or a bit longer, or if they were outside playing b-ball or whatever. And that they all slowly ease into being comfortable with the situation. Zorra |
#126
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Welches wrote:
"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... "Jamie Clark" wrote: "Rosalie B." wrote in message ... "Jamie Clark" wrote: Rosalie B. wrote: "Jamie Clark" wrote: snip By not allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished. I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2 years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children, and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven grandchildren. Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities between a book, and familial observation. I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail. But certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis would HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life? Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to breastfeed. I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could eventually cook if you never tried doing it? Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the love and passion for it. Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano? Yes watching that helps: #1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other friends who haven't watched it is very different. Try again... Debbie And it really doesn't matter what example you give, the fact is that being around breastfeeding mothers on a regular basis would encourage the non-breastfeeding person (be it a boy or girl, child, teenager or adult) to come to see that breastfeeding is a normal and good thing, and not sexual. Later on, that same person would be more likely to attempt to breastfeed their own child, or be supportive of their spouse breastfeeding their child, or other people breastfeeding in general. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#127
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
"Welches" Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano? Yes watching that helps: #1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other friends who haven't watched it is very different. Try again... Debbie Yes but the example was meant to be for people that did not have any opportunity to actually do the skill - could they learn just from watching? Which I don't think they could. And it really doesn't matter what example you give, the fact is that being around breastfeeding mothers on a regular basis would encourage the non-breastfeeding person (be it a boy or girl, child, teenager or adult) to come to see that breastfeeding is a normal and good thing, and not sexual. Later on, that same person would be more likely to attempt to breastfeed their own child, or be supportive of their spouse breastfeeding their child, or other people breastfeeding in general. That is quite true. But you originally asserted that If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished. Which indicated to me that you thought that if a child did NOT see their mother bfing, that a girl would not be successful in bfing and boys would not be in favor of their wife bfing. And my contention was that there is a lot of area between 'seeing it being done' and reading a book. Incidentally, I quite agree with "Welches" that it doesn't require a big "talk" ahead of time. That doing so will increase the awkwardness factor instead of decreasing it. And that after the baby comes, she will find a routine that feels right to her. I, myself, did always tend to go back to the baby's room to nurse if we had company. It wasn't really a burden for me, and it felt less awkward than doing it right there. I imagine that it might be different though since this is not company, but people living in the same house. Having to drop everything to go hide every time the baby feeds would seem to grow old really fast Especially if the baby turns out to be one of those snacking, slow eating babies who takes a half an hour to feed. I never had one of them fortunately. Mine attacked with fervor for 10 minutes max, and then they were full to the top and stopped. |
#128
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
toto wrote: On 22 Sep 2006 14:04:35 -0700, "cjra" wrote: Definitely. Case in point - I grew up with a mom who cooked everything from scratch. I learned a lot from her and I also cook most things from scratch. Compare SIL, whose mom cooked everything from packages. She doesn't cook, not only that it never occurred to her that you *could* cook things from scratch. You should have seen her face when we told her we were making mashed potatoes and she didn't see the box! It's all about what's in your frame of reference. The mroe you see something, the more normal it is. I've no doubt my 10 yr old niece will one day nurse her kids - or at least try to - should she have them, after she spent so much time with me whilst I was nursing her beloved new cousin. She was enthralled with it all. OTOH, my dil's mother cooks everything from scratch, but dil does not know how to cook, nor does she have much interest in cooking from scratch. She occasionally tries to do some, but since there are no recipes to follow, only a mom who knew what to put into things, she usually ends up bringing home food from her mom's house. She has even brought food from her mom on the plane from Chicago to New Orleans (it freezes well, so she can then thaw and reheat it). Sure, knowing it's possible doesn't always translate to doing it. Perhaps her mother never taught her or she just wasn't interested. (One of my sisters is like your DIL, tho we all bring tamales home!) But your DIL *knows* it's possible to cook from scratch, even if she doesn't know how to do it. She *knows* mashed potatoes can come from actual potatoes and not a box. If you never saw someone BF, never knew anyone who BF, never really heard about people BF (even tho somewhere in your brain surely you knew what people did in 'the old days'), it may never occur to you it's an option. This is the most common reason given amongst people in our community for not BF (the health dept does some indepth work in BF education among low income communities). I didn't know *how* to BF until I did it, but because I'd been exposed to it since youth, it was a very natural thing for me to do. |
#129
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote: "Welches" Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano? Yes watching that helps: #1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other friends who haven't watched it is very different. Try again... Debbie Yes but the example was meant to be for people that did not have any opportunity to actually do the skill - could they learn just from watching? Which I don't think they could. And it really doesn't matter what example you give, the fact is that being around breastfeeding mothers on a regular basis would encourage the non-breastfeeding person (be it a boy or girl, child, teenager or adult) to come to see that breastfeeding is a normal and good thing, and not sexual. Later on, that same person would be more likely to attempt to breastfeed their own child, or be supportive of their spouse breastfeeding their child, or other people breastfeeding in general. That is quite true. But you originally asserted that If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished. Which indicated to me that you thought that if a child did NOT see their mother bfing, that a girl would not be successful in bfing and boys would not be in favor of their wife bfing. No, I didn't say that they wouldn't be successful, I said that their CHANCES of successfully breastfeeding (or being supportive of breastfeeding) would be diminished. People who have never seen anyone breastfeed, nor been breastfed themselves can and do successfully breastfeed, and can be incredibly supportive of breastfeeding. My contention is that people who are exposed (ha ha) to breastfeeding are likely to have a higher chance at successfully doing it themselves, or being supportive of it in general. Of course some of those people may not be successful either, but they likely still will be supportive of it. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#130
|
|||
|
|||
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Rosalie B. wrote: "Jamie Clark" wrote: "Welches" Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano? Yes watching that helps: #1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other friends who haven't watched it is very different. Try again... Debbie Yes but the example was meant to be for people that did not have any opportunity to actually do the skill - could they learn just from watching? Which I don't think they could. Rosalie, I still believe you're taking the statement way too literally. Even if you grow up the oldest of 12 sibs, all of whom were breastfed, and have 6 dozen younger cousins in the same neighborhood, all of whom were breastfed, no -- you don't know *just* from watching them feed how to best arrange a newborn at the breast, what sore nipples are like, what to do in the event of a nursing strike. It's unlikely mom and aunts discussed it around you, or, if they did, that you were interested enough to listen then. You don't necessarily gain technical knowledge or expertise. But you still come to breastfeeding with have a huge advantage over someone whose family didn't breastfeed. You recognize you're not breaking new ground and you expect to be able to succeed. You've got support for questions and problems. That's all implied when someone says "seeing" breastfeeding practiced before you have your first child increases the likelihood that you'll succeed at breastfeeding. And it's why La Leche League was founded -- so many women who wanted to breastfeed *hadn't* grown up "seeing" it, and experienced problems, coupled with bad advice, that usually led to early weaning and the women feeling like failures. It's why LLL advises pregnant women to attend meetings well ahead of their due date -- not just to arm them with info, but to help demystify and normalize breastfeeding for them. "Seeing" others breastfeed doesn't guarantee success in any particular *individual's* own venture, any more than smoking guarantees a particular individual a death from lung cancer or emphysema. It just increases the odds -- noticeably. Lori G. Milwaukee, WI |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | November 18th 05 05:35 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | October 19th 05 05:36 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | August 30th 05 05:25 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | November 28th 04 05:16 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | October 29th 04 05:23 AM |