What age does parenting get easier?

Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

We really don't know the answer for this as both our families have no
kids, expect for my sister. Our neighbors (who have a 5 and 9 year
old) say things get better around after a couple years, but then we
hear about the "terrible twos and threes" and at four expect tantrums,
etc.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?

wrote in message
...
Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

We really don't know the answer for this as both our families have no
kids, expect for my sister. Our neighbors (who have a 5 and 9 year
old) say things get better around after a couple years, but then we
hear about the "terrible twos and threes" and at four expect tantrums,
etc.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?
I've got 3! The youngest is 8 months, the oldest is 7 1/2years
Yes, patience wears thin sometimes. Particularly when tired etc. I think you
have less energy (or that's true with me) but #2/#3 have more built in
entertainment so you do less.
It's different having more than one. It's less intense. #2 needed much less
entertainment by me as #1 would entertain her just by running round being a
3 year old.
#1 will look after #3 to a certain extent. Obviously at that age I can't
leave them on their own, but if #3's a bit whingy then #1 will hold him and
talk to him, and #2 will crawl round offering toys.
You also do get more used to them, and perhaps less worried. I would have
felt very guilty emailing while #1 was wanting to play when she was a baby.
At present I'm talking to #2 (conversation about preschool)and holding #3-he
had been having a breastfeed while I typed, but became more interested in
pushing the keyboard tray in with his feet while I type.
I've worked out that I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 8
years barring 6 months, and, due to #2 being a poor sleeper and I sleep
badly in pregnancy, probably haven't had week of unbroken night's sleep in
5 years.
Actually #3 is very low maintenance, other than for the last 2 months he's
learnt to crawl, and is engaged in a one man assault on our house, which as
we're trying to sell is a bit stressful. But he sleeps while #2's at
preschool, so I've got more time to myself than I've had for years-I get 1
1/2 hours most mornings.
I wouldn't say parentling gets easier, just different. But I love the baby
stage, which helps.
Debbie

On Mon, 11 Feb 2008 08:35:29 -0800 (PST),
wrote:

Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

We really don't know the answer for this as both our families have no
kids, expect for my sister. Our neighbors (who have a 5 and 9 year
old) say things get better around after a couple years, but then we
hear about the "terrible twos and threes" and at four expect tantrums,
etc.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?

Since I have 3, ranging from almost 4 to 24, I'll pop your bubble and
say it doesn't get easier.... I still stress out and worry about the
24 year old, even though he doesn't live here and doesn't require my
physical effort on a daily basis.

Naqn

Since I have 3, ranging from almost 4 to 24, I'll pop your bubble and
say it doesn't get easier.... I still stress out and worry about the
24 year old, even though he doesn't live here and doesn't require my
physical effort on a daily basis.

I don't want to hear that! lol
I think children between the ages of 1-3 were easier, then at 4 they go
through a change that makes it harder for me, then from about age 8 and up
has been easier again. All mine are girls- those hormonal outbursts of
anger/sadness/everybody hates me has been the worst thing I've dealt with in
years from my two oldest! (they're 11 and 12.5) My youngest is 5.
I'm wondering if I'm going to hate the teen years like most parents seem to.
I'm enjoying the pre-teen years right now and I hate to think that somehow
it will change and we'll hate each other.
Marie

schrieb:
Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

When they have moved out I think.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

Funny, isn't it? Just a few months ago you came here talking about how
perfectly wonderful children are and how you can not understand how
parents could possibly feel overwhelmed enough to (accidentally) kill
their child ;-)

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

Young mothers should sleep when their babies are sleeping. Take naps,
recharge your batteries whenever you can. Co-sleep, learn to nurse
laying down and you'll get to a point when night feedings won't even
fully wake either of you...

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?

Well, it's parenting. I've certainly learned a lot about my limits and
about how far I can be pushed and sometimes I'm surprised at how much I
can actually take without turning into a screaming monster or a crying
bundle ;-)

Sam was certainly quite challenging until he was about 2-3 years old
(year, scary thought, huh?) but we managed and now he's 7 he's still not
an easy low maintenance child, but we've adapted I guess.
Sara's 5 months old and she's the coolest, calmest baby ever, at least
compared to Sam *lol* and life with two is going pretty smooth (I'm a
single mum, have been ever since Sam was 6 months old and Sara's father
and I split while I was in the first trimester, complicated story).
I just try to remember that they're just children. I'm the adult, I'm
the one with all the power, what can they possibly do to me? I mean,
ultimately I'm the one they rely on to give them everything they need,
therefore I don't have to feel threatened by them.
I love my children dearly, I'm fighting for them every day right now and
it's exhausting, but they're _my_ _children_. There's no one on this
planet closer to me than they are, isn't that the coolest thing? I mean,
they have lived inside of me. Sara's made of my breastmilk. Sam was,
too. It's like being superwoman ;-)

I'll stop ranting, today was a though day and we need to get to bed,
tomorrow will be challenging, too ;-)

take care
nicole

wrote:
Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

Well, there are multiple ways to look at this. Kids
do get less dependent on you for hands on, minute to minute
attention. On the other hand, as they get more independent,
new challenges arise. It never gets easy.

We really don't know the answer for this as both our families have no
kids, expect for my sister. Our neighbors (who have a 5 and 9 year
old) say things get better around after a couple years, but then we
hear about the "terrible twos and threes" and at four expect tantrums,
etc.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

You can never guarantee anything. You have to want
another child enough that you're willing to entertain the
possibility that it could be significantly more work. Your
older child may continue to get easier, or may turn up with
a serious challenge that turns your hair grey overnight. The
new baby might be easygoing, or might be colicky. There
really isn't any great answer to this question. It's more
about your willingness to get on the roller coaster regardless
of what lies ahead than about getting accurate information
about the ride.

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

It's not easy for anyone, and it does have some
advantages. Kids do entertain each other somewhat (usually).
From my vantage point, I wasn't nearly as busy with two
infant/toddlers/preschoolers as I am with older kids who
have homework and activities ;-)

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?

Who knows? If you're not feeling up to it, give it
some time. Maybe you'll feel enthusiastic about the challenge
down the road a few months or a few years, or maybe you won't.
If you don't, having an only child is not a bad thing.

Best wishes,
Ericka

NL wrote:
schrieb:
Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

When they have moved out I think.


Yes, that's what I would say. Mine are 33 and 38 and I
still worry about them.
I guess it depends on how long you choose to care about them.

For girls, ages 14-18 or 19 are the worst as far as I'm
concerned. They think
they are invincible and of course they know MUCH more than
you do since
you were never young and infatuated. By mid 20's it got a
lot better.

gloria p

The hard physical grind does end, eventually they do sleep and you don't
have to change nappies etc. But honestly, listening and watching mums
who have children much older than mind it doesn't seem like it does get
easier, only different, you switch getting up in the night for waiting
up for them to get home, worrying something has happened to them!

Personally I found having a 2nd child wasn't a big change, we were very
lucky in having a super chilled baby, it was almost as if the baby books
had been written about her! Right now they are 4.5 and 2.5 and I
really think that either of them on their own would be harder, e.g.
right now I'm typing this message with no distractions, I'm just
listening out for them. If one of them is alone with me, I'm less likely
to be able to do that.

Everyone tells me 2 to 3 is a hard jump though, but reflecting on it,
they often then follow it up by none to one was actually harder, so you
may well be just at a challenging time, 8 months can be a very hard
time, they may sleep no better than a newborn, but have so many more
demands, they may be crawling and you have to keep saying no. Feeding
solids can be hard work, often making something different for them,
fighting them over their attempts to self feed versus your attempts to
not get food everywhere!

Maybe it would help you right now to work through a list of what makes
mornings difficult. Sometimes five minutes the night before, or changing
the time of day you do things can make a huge difference. For example,
it's always my intention to have clothes ready for me and the children,
I don't always manage it, but when I do, it does make life easier. I
have a set of cubbies by the washer/dryer and when I fold laundry I pop
complete outfits for each child in the cubbies. If, say, emptying the
dishwasher is challenging with a crawling baby, then you may need to
switch when it gets turned on, so it can be emptied at a different time
but you still have clean dishes when you need them. Maybe you need to
change when you shower, having a morning shower in this house is almost
unheard of now, I shower at the gym, or in the evenings. So children on
top of your preimposed structure can be complete chaos, but not
insurmountable.

Anne

You know, the first year of the first kid is just hard, generally speaking.
Harder for some than others, but hard none-the-less. That's why they say
that the 1st birthday celebration is less about the child turning 1 year
old, and more about the parents surviving the first year.

There is no one simple easy answer as to when it will get easier. It
depends on the baby, and it depends on the parents. For most people, the
decision to have a second child comes when the first is about 18 months old.
By this time a toddler is usually sleeping more (not necessarily through the
night, but deeper and often longer stretches, if not through the night), so
the parents are getting more sleep as well. Toddlers are a challenge in
some ways, as you are always chasing after them and cannot reason with them,
but at the same time, they do amazingly cute things and you sit in awe,
watching their brains work and figuring out the tiniest things. Plus they
start to seem less "baby" and more "child" and suddenly, many woman
experience the longing for another baby.

For me, the newborn period, even with it's total lack of sleep, was easier
than the toddler/early preschooler timeframe. A newborn is usually pretty
simple to figure out. They are usually awake and happy, awake and unhappy,
or asleep. If awake and happy, do nothing. If asleep, do nothing. If
awake and unhappy, try the following three things -- change diaper, feed, or
put to sleep. For the most part, that does it. But once they become
toddlers, all bets are off.

For me again, a LOT of it depends on the temperament of your child. My
first child was (and continues to be) incredibly easy and compliant. She's
been a joy, from day 1, with no major issues. Little Miss Sunshine. You
tell her the rules, she says, "Okay mama," and complies. All smiles. Of
course we wanted another one! She made us feel like we were the best
parents on the planet!

My second, well, not so much. She's been a challenge, from day 1. I swear,
she came out of the womb frowning. She can be the sweetest little girl on
the planet, but she's going to fight you every step of the way. She wants
to do it her way, on her schedule, and anything less is cause for
Armageddon. I feel like we are constantly battling and butting heads, and
often feel like the worst parent in the world! If I'd had her first, I'm
not sure how readily I would have gone back for seconds.

Finally, the temperament of the parent comes into play, both in life in
general, but in how you react to your individual child, and the challenges
of parenting. Soem people are very structured, like to have everything in
it's place, and like to know exactly what is going to happen next. These
people may have a harder time transitioning into parenthood than those who
are more flexible and "take it as it comes, go with the flow" kind of
people. At the same time, if the "go with the flow" kind of parents have a
high maintenance baby who needs structure, then conflict and stress will
ensue.

You said, "We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old...." Your baby may be average, or he may not. Perhaps he is high needs,
and you are having a hard time adjusting to dealing with a high neeeds
child. Or maybe he's totally average, and for whatever reason, you and your
wife are just having a hard time transitioning to parenthood. Either which
way, all you have to do at this point is get to the 1 year point so you can
celebrate surviving the first year. Once you do that, you can reminisce
about the past year, and you will see that things have changed, and have
gotten easier in many ways. They may have also gotten harder in other ways,
but hey, nothings perfect, right?

When and if the time is right to consider adding another child to your
family, you'll know. Just check in periodically with your wife, say, every
6 months, and see how you are both doing. You may find that you are ready
when your son is 2 or 3. Or maybe not. There are no right answers, only
you and your wife's answers.

Good luck.

As another posted said, see if you can make small changes to your
day/routine to make things easier, and you may well find that by changing a
few small things, you feel better about the whole situation. Baby steps...

--

Jamie Clark



wrote in message
...
Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

We really don't know the answer for this as both our families have no
kids, expect for my sister. Our neighbors (who have a 5 and 9 year
old) say things get better around after a couple years, but then we
hear about the "terrible twos and threes" and at four expect tantrums,
etc.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?

On Feb 11, 8:35 am, wrote:
Here is a question I have. At what age can we expect parenting to get
easier? I mean, when can we expect to have better sleep at night, more
time to get things done around the house, and not being stressed out
all the time? Have dinner without crying spells?

We really don't know the answer for this as both our families have no
kids, expect for my sister. Our neighbors (who have a 5 and 9 year
old) say things get better around after a couple years, but then we
hear about the "terrible twos and threes" and at four expect tantrums,
etc.

We have a 8 month old, and he seems to be your average 8 month
old....But I'm not sure about having a second child, I'm afraid of
changing our lifes from barely managable to chaos.

My wife and I see other couples with two, three or more kids and
wonder how do they do it??? My sister and her husband have two
kids...an infant and a 3 year old, the only thing we can think of,
perhaps couples with more than one child perhaps have more energy?
They're the type that can can function fine on 5 hours of broken
sleep, unlike my wife and I.

I don't want to sound mean, and my son is a real joy to be around, but
honestly, my patience wears thin at times (esp early in the morning),
more often then my wive's. So, it would be nice to know what to expect
down the road. More chaos or an easier time?

Mine's only 4 years old, so I don't have the long view that some
posters have. But still, I would add my voice to those saying that
the challenges never go away, they just change. That said, different
people do well with different types of challenges, so you may find
that what to do about your child's first attempt at lying is a hoot
(they're so inept at first), whereas the largely physical needs of
infancy are utterly draining. And no human being functions well or
feels well on inadequate sleep, so once you're able to more or less
consistently get a decent night's sleep that should make a big
difference.

In answer to your specific questions -- more sleep depends a lot on
how you manage it and your particular child. Children survive and
thrive with everything from cry-it-out to extended co-sleeping. Eight
months is old enough for either strategy and anything in between.
Getting stuff done around the house? When the kid starts preschool,
or I suppose some kids (not mine) are good at entertaining themselves
after about 2-3 years old. Not being stressed out all the time?
Probably once you're able to get more sleep. Or perhaps sooner if
there are things that are stressing you out that you can change (hire
help, change expectations, etc.).

I've always known that for me two kids is a minimum, three's probably
about ideal, and I might consider four. But I had absolutely no
desire whatsoever for another child until my daughter was about two
years old. At 8 months I would have felt much as you do about the
prospect of another child in the foreseeable future. So don't do
anything irreversible quite yet, but just take it as it comes over the
next few years and do what seems right for your family.

Kate, ignorant foot soldier of the medical cartel
and the Bug, 4 and a half
and something brewing, 4/08