Moving DD to her bed..

"beyond the pale" wrote in message
...

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote
Still, I'm going to post what I've written anyway - no point in it going
to waste, and even though I know you don't need this particular example
now, I figure someone on here might find the technique to be something
they can use for some problem they have with their child in the future!


Oh, I'm SO saving the post- thanks!! I might need it with DD yet, or it
might help with #2, plus people are always asking me for tips on their own
kids (I do this too, when I am around other moms).

As an update, DD has gone to bed 4 times and done really well in her own
bed from 8pm to 7am, the first night was later...we had a minor setback
last night when she went down at 8p, went right to sleep with no fuss
after her bath and bedtime story....then I woke up at 3:15am to heat her
wailing "I can't take iiiiiiiiiiit, need my mommaaaaaa". I went into her
room, she was still in her bed, sitting up, with tears pouring down her
face and her hair was matted from sweat. She said "Please, I can't sleep
in here all by myself, I had bad dreams and my throat hurts, don't want to
be alone!" It was so pitiful and she obviously was not faking it- she had
been asleep fine with no protest and I had even gone in and covered her
up, she stirred and smiled at me, and went back to sleep. So, I got my
pillow and crawled into her bed with her from 3:30a to 7. She did seem
like she had a fever coming on and her nose is runny today but she went
right back to sleep with me and so did I. Luckily, she was one of those
kids that didn't want her crib's toddler daybed function OR a regular
toddler bed, so we bought a bunk bed for her "big girl" bed (we have
removed the ladder until she's older and safe to climb so she can't access
the top- we arrange stuffed animals and display them up there)..and the
bottom bunk is a full size bed.

I still got a good night's sleep and we have talked about tonight and she
says she will sleep in her bed alone again. We'll see. But she has been so
much easier than I thought, she doesn't try to leave her room. I would
have told you- I think I DID tell you- she'd be the type to come out 88
times. She hasn't.

It is pretty typical for there to be backsliding when they get sick. I tend
to have lots of options to offer, such as their lovie, their water (here
honey, have a sip of water, that will help your throat), turn on their
aquarium (crib toy), etc. My kids also are really great medicine takers
(which I never would have believed around the 18m-2y age range), and will
drink down their meds and go right back to sleep. I think they still think
that the moment you drink medicine, you feel better. When I do let Taylor
come into bed with us in the middle of the night, it's usually because she
is clearly sick or getting sick, and I always remind her the next morning
that this was a special occasion and not something that we do every night.
She seems to understand the concept and is fine with it.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
...
"beyond the pale" wrote in message
...

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote
Still, I'm going to post what I've written anyway - no point in it going
to waste, and even though I know you don't need this particular example
now, I figure someone on here might find the technique to be something
they can use for some problem they have with their child in the future!


Oh, I'm SO saving the post- thanks!! I might need it with DD yet, or it
might help with #2, plus people are always asking me for tips on their
own kids (I do this too, when I am around other moms).

As an update, DD has gone to bed 4 times and done really well in her own
bed from 8pm to 7am, the first night was later...we had a minor setback
last night when she went down at 8p, went right to sleep with no fuss
after her bath and bedtime story....then I woke up at 3:15am to heat her
wailing "I can't take iiiiiiiiiiit, need my mommaaaaaa". I went into her
room, she was still in her bed, sitting up, with tears pouring down her
face and her hair was matted from sweat. She said "Please, I can't sleep
in here all by myself, I had bad dreams and my throat hurts, don't want
to be alone!" It was so pitiful and she obviously was not faking it- she
had been asleep fine with no protest and I had even gone in and covered
her up, she stirred and smiled at me, and went back to sleep. So, I got
my pillow and crawled into her bed with her from 3:30a to 7. She did seem
like she had a fever coming on and her nose is runny today but she went
right back to sleep with me and so did I. Luckily, she was one of those
kids that didn't want her crib's toddler daybed function OR a regular
toddler bed, so we bought a bunk bed for her "big girl" bed (we have
removed the ladder until she's older and safe to climb so she can't
access the top- we arrange stuffed animals and display them up
there)..and the bottom bunk is a full size bed.

I still got a good night's sleep and we have talked about tonight and she
says she will sleep in her bed alone again. We'll see. But she has been
so much easier than I thought, she doesn't try to leave her room. I would
have told you- I think I DID tell you- she'd be the type to come out 88
times. She hasn't.

It is pretty typical for there to be backsliding when they get sick. I
tend to have lots of options to offer, such as their lovie, their water
(here honey, have a sip of water, that will help your throat), turn on
their aquarium (crib toy), etc. My kids also are really great medicine
takers (which I never would have believed around the 18m-2y age range),
and will drink down their meds and go right back to sleep. I think they
still think that the moment you drink medicine, you feel better. When I
do let Taylor come into bed with us in the middle of the night, it's
usually because she is clearly sick or getting sick, and I always remind
her the next morning that this was a special occasion and not something
that we do every night. She seems to understand the concept and is fine
with it.
--
#1 always understood that if she was ill or we were away that it was
special. She never asked afterwards to repeat something I let her do as a
treat (like sleeping in our bed). She also was a great medicine taker, I
could give it her in her sleep-in fact I still can without her waking up.
#2 always took one time of treat as something to try and get every time.
She's the eternal optimist-if she's had an icecream she'll ask for a
second-never gets it, but always seems to think it's worth a try. But if she
is ill and I let her, say, sleep in our bed then the next night she'll go
and lie down in our bed and be indignant because she's moved out. She won't
take medicine during the night without heavy bribery and a lot of persuasion
(or during the day for that matter) and you have to wake her up properly as
she won't open her mouth or swallow while she's asleep.
Debbie

Just another update- after I slept with DD from 3:30a-wakeup time, she still
has a sort of runny nose- it seems to be allergies. Last night we had to
make a run to the store to get a baby gift and ended up not getting back
until a bit past her desired bedtime, plus we still had to give her a bath.
So she went down late and did ask me if I was going to sleep with her, which
I explained. I told her I'd stay with her until she went to sleep because
obviously she had a long day and was almost asleep anyway.

I read her bedtime story (Moo Baa La La La) and she asked me to stay again,
her eyelids were so heavy. I tucked her in and told her I was going to go
get a drink for myself and would be back to sit with her until she fell
asleep and then I was going to my own bed. By the time I fixed my drink and
returned in 5 minutes, she was asleep! I went to (my) bed and she slept all
night and into the morning- normally she's been coming into my room just as
DH leaves for work because she wakes up and hears him. Today she stayed in
her own bed and I had about an hour of free time. Woo hoo!

This has been so easy. I don't want to keep feeling proud about how easy
it's been because it could change at any time, but --so far so good! I do
feel, and this could be wrong, or just a coincidence, that it seems to be
easier *because* I waited until she was 3 and can reason some? At 2 she
would not have understood as well. It's almost like you should put them in
their own bed very early, by the first few months, or it
s easier to do it later. My pediatrician told me it's harder the longer you
wait, though, so who knows.

Now if only I could get her to poop on the potty, as she is fully potty
trained except for that, she simply won't poop and THAT really HAS been a
challenge that hasn't just resolved. I work with her every day but nothing
works. We have thrown countless pairs of undies out because she just goes in
them.

"beyond the pale" wrote in message
...
Just another update- after I slept with DD from 3:30a-wakeup time, she
still has a sort of runny nose- it seems to be allergies. Last night we
had to make a run to the store to get a baby gift and ended up not getting
back until a bit past her desired bedtime, plus we still had to give her a
bath. So she went down late and did ask me if I was going to sleep with
her, which I explained. I told her I'd stay with her until she went to
sleep because obviously she had a long day and was almost asleep anyway.

I read her bedtime story (Moo Baa La La La) and she asked me to stay
again, her eyelids were so heavy. I tucked her in and told her I was going
to go get a drink for myself and would be back to sit with her until she
fell asleep and then I was going to my own bed. By the time I fixed my
drink and returned in 5 minutes, she was asleep! I went to (my) bed and
she slept all night and into the morning- normally she's been coming into
my room just as DH leaves for work because she wakes up and hears him.
Today she stayed in her own bed and I had about an hour of free time. Woo
hoo!

That is one of my favorite tricks. They feel comfortable and safe because
they know you are coming back, and then of course you drag out your return
and they are asleep when you do get back!

The other trick that I love is for naps -- when my daughters are reluctant
to take a nap, I tell them that they only have to take a short nap. This
seems to be a compromise to them, so they agree and go to sleep. Of course,
once they are asleep, they sleep for 2+ hours. When they wake up, I say,
"Oh, are you awake already? Boy, that was a short nap!" LOL!

This has been so easy. I don't want to keep feeling proud about how easy
it's been because it could change at any time, but --so far so good! I do
feel, and this could be wrong, or just a coincidence, that it seems to be
easier *because* I waited until she was 3 and can reason some? At 2 she
would not have understood as well. It's almost like you should put them in
their own bed very early, by the first few months, or it
s easier to do it later. My pediatrician told me it's harder the longer
you wait, though, so who knows.

Now if only I could get her to poop on the potty, as she is fully potty
trained except for that, she simply won't poop and THAT really HAS been a
challenge that hasn't just resolved. I work with her every day but nothing
works. We have thrown countless pairs of undies out because she just goes
in them.

You throw away underwear that she has pooped in? Even at home? Why not
just rinse it out and wash it? It's no different than cloth diapers -- they
get pooped in and washed and reused all the time.

As for poop training, you have to find her currency. It took me a few weeks
to figure out what worked for Addie. At one point I was asking her to make
poop on the potty and listing possible rewards. "I'll give you a cookie if
you make poopoo on the potty. I'll give you ice cream. I'll buy you a
leapster." She looked at me, put her hand out in front of her like a
traffic cop ordering a car to stop and said, "No cookie, no ice cream, no
leapster."

What finally worked was to pay attention to when she was pooping. She would
go off to the same few places to hide and push. I'd grab her the moment I
saw her starting to push, whip her over to the potty, and put her on. She'd
resist and complain and cry, but poo on the potty. Then we'd have a HUGE
celebration! At that point, I also got her to agree to ice cream when she
made poop. 5 bites every time she goes poop, regardless of when. I had to
listen and find her and physically put her on the potty the first 4-5 times,
but after that, she started getting it a bit more. I think the concept of
ice cream finally sank in. The next week she has a few accidents where she
would go off to hide instead of sit on the potty, and I tried to be as easy
going about it as possible. She'd ask for ice cream anyway, and I just
explained that she only got ice cream for putting the poopoo in the potty.

This was maybe a month ago. She is now fully trained. She has a few
accidents per week, but only pee. She gets 2 jelly beans for going pee on
the potty -- one for staying dry, and one for peeing. Since we've been
doing this for a month, I'm going to start phasing out the jelly beans soon.
I forget to give them to her when we're out, and only remember if she
reminds me. Eventually in the next few weeks, I may tell her that she only
gets one, or that we don't get prizes for peeing on the potty any mroe.

I've told her that if she can stay dry for 7 days, that I'll give her a
leapster. I found an older model one a few weeks ago at a garage sale,
which came with a charger and 3 games, for $5, so it's not a bad
investment/reward for me. Taylor got one for Christmas and Addie loves to
play on it, so the idea of having her own is a huge incentive!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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beyond the pale wrote:
[...]
This has been so easy. I don't want to keep feeling proud about how easy
it's been because it could change at any time, but --so far so good! I do
feel, and this could be wrong, or just a coincidence, that it seems to be
easier *because* I waited until she was 3 and can reason some? At 2 she
would not have understood as well. It's almost like you should put them in
their own bed very early, by the first few months, or it
s easier to do it later. My pediatrician told me it's harder the longer you
wait, though, so who knows.

I think that any assumptions that these sorts of things are going to
follow a linear path with time, whether it's "Do it this way from the
start or it'll be harder later" or "The later you leave it, the easier
it gets", are just too simplistic. It depends on the individual child's
personality, and there are likely to be stages for any given child when
it's easier than at other stages, but these won't necessarily be in a
nice neat order according to age. If you feel that changing at this age
rather than earlier was the easiest way to do things with your child,
then I'm betting you're right. You know your child and how she reacts.
That doesn't mean that things would necessarily be the same with
another child.

One of the best pieces of child-rearing advice my mother ever gave me
was "Don't solve the problem until it happens." I understand what she
meant, now. Generally speaking, there is probably not a lot of point
trying to change something that isn't a problem just because you're
worried it *might* become one at some undefined point in the future.

Really glad it worked out well for you guys, and glad you liked my post.
;-)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
One of the best pieces of child-rearing advice my mother ever gave me was
"Don't solve the problem until it happens." I understand what she meant,
now. Generally speaking, there is probably not a lot of point trying to
change something that isn't a problem just because you're worried it
*might* become one at some undefined point in the future.

I'm not sure I totally agree with that. While it's best not to worry
yourself into not doing things because it will cause problems later on,
there are some things that it's easier to not start at all, such as IMO
having the baby used to some sleep technique that will be hard to change
later on.
--
Sue

"Sue" wrote in message
news:goWdncFiqNTTlOXbnZ2dnUVZ_t2tnZ2d@wideopenwest .com...
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
One of the best pieces of child-rearing advice my mother ever gave me was
"Don't solve the problem until it happens." I understand what she meant,
now. Generally speaking, there is probably not a lot of point trying to
change something that isn't a problem just because you're worried it
*might* become one at some undefined point in the future.

I'm not sure I totally agree with that. While it's best not to worry
yourself into not doing things because it will cause problems later on,
there are some things that it's easier to not start at all, such as IMO
having the baby used to some sleep technique that will be hard to change
later on.
--
Sue


I call that "big picture" parenting. But I still think that big picture
parenting and Sarah's advice work well together. You try to do what feels
like it's going to work, both right now, and in the future, and if it seems
to be working, then leave it be.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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Sue wrote:
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
One of the best pieces of child-rearing advice my mother ever gave me was
"Don't solve the problem until it happens." I understand what she meant,
now. Generally speaking, there is probably not a lot of point trying to
change something that isn't a problem just because you're worried it
*might* become one at some undefined point in the future.

I'm not sure I totally agree with that. While it's best not to worry
yourself into not doing things because it will cause problems later on,
there are some things that it's easier to not start at all, such as IMO
having the baby used to some sleep technique that will be hard to change
later on.

But the thing is that that isn't necessarily true - it *isn't* always
easier to do things a particular way from the start. I spent two months
trying to 'get my baby into good sleep habits from the start' the way
all the books told me I should because it would be easier, and I finally
started wondering what on earth was supposed to be 'easier' about
something that was proving so difficult. Sure, some babies are easy to
get to sleep in their cots from the start, and if you're lucky enough to
have one of those it makes sense to keep doing things the way that will
also be easier later on. But that doesn't mean that it's universally a
good idea to insist on doing things a particular way, because doing
things that way from the start may, for some parents, not be the easiest
way to do things at all.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
But the thing is that that isn't necessarily true - it *isn't* always
easier to do things a particular way from the start.

No Sarah I agree. But sometimes it is depending on what it is.

I spent two months trying to 'get my baby into good sleep habits from the
start' the way all the books told me I should because it would be easier,
and I finally started wondering what on earth was supposed to be 'easier'
about something that was proving so difficult.

I never read any books on how to get the baby to sleep. I just went with it
early on and did things pretty much the same way and eventually there was a
pattern.

Sure, some babies are easy to get to sleep in their cots from the start,
and if you're lucky enough to have one of those it makes sense to keep
doing things the way that will also be easier later on.

I have three, but that's okay. I don't think I totally lucked out on
sleeping kids, especially when all three did fine (trust me there were
occasions that sleep was the last thing they wanted to do). I did co-sleep
with my last child for the first month or so because that's what we needed
to, but I transitioned to the bassinet when she was more comfortable. The
thing is with sleep and babies, is I think lots of parents do set themselves
up for some bad habits that are hard to change, but if the parent is happy
with it, then so be it.

But that doesn't mean that it's universally a good idea to insist on doing
things a particular way, because doing things that way from the start may,
for some parents, not be the easiest way to do things at all.

Yep. Following the child's lead and following instincts is pretty much how I
parent.

--
Sue