Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver

one thing to remember is that it varies from child to child. depending if
you are from US/Canada or the UK you might want to try www.parentcenter.com
(US) or www.parentcentre.com (uk) They have a lot of information that is
quite useful. Also might want to check www.babycenter.com and
www.babycentre.com

Hope these helps...

Caroline

"Jim Beaver" wrote in message
. com...
What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver

"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.
I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot,
but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind,
neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion.
I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read
stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved.
On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let
their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using
idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one
more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've
never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are.
We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair
and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for
every year old.
Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded,
respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying
he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son.
Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my
initial statement.

just my 2 peneth
Les

In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
in2minds wrote:

"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.


While I think parenting certainly has something to
do with it, I don't think it's at all true that there's
no such thing as the "terrible twos" (depending on how you
define that, of course). Twos (or threes) can sometimes
be very trying ages for children.

Indeed, I see "terrible twos" more in parents who set limits
for their children than those who don't -- at around 2yo a
child is forming specific ideas of what s/he wants, and learning
that s/he won't always get it is infuriating.

They're learning to do
many things, and some get very frustrated wanting to do
things they're not yet physically (or cognitively, or
emotionally) able to do.

Yes, this is the other piece of it.

IME, the "terrible twos" last from about 18 months until almost 3yo,
and I would describe it as the frustration a toddler shows as s/he learns
to deal with both the limits imposed by his/her parents and those
imposed by his/her own limited physical/cognitive/emotional development.

--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01, winding up
my third round of "terrible twos" with my very spirited boys)

in2minds wrote:

"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.


While I think parenting certainly has something to
do with it, I don't think it's at all true that there's
no such thing as the "terrible twos" (depending on how you
define that, of course). Twos (or threes) can sometimes
be very trying ages for children. They're learning to do
many things, and some get very frustrated wanting to do
things they're not yet physically (or cognitively, or
emotionally) able to do. Depending on their temperment,
this kind of frustration can be really hard to deal with
and can lead to challenging behaviors even when parents
do all the right things. You may just have gotten lucky
and had children with more laid back or accepting
temperments. Or perhaps you had children with all those
frustrations and you just didn't label the resulting
behaviors as "terrible" even though some other parents
might have.

Best wishes,
Ericka

I disagree... I am now in a chapter of an infant and child development class
which talks about the terrible twos. Chidlren/infants are classified as
"easy babies" and "difficult babies" we've all seen these children.

Sure some behavior of a child is from poor parenting but terible twos is
part of the child finding their independance. Perhaps your children are
still attatched and never found that indenpendance. Some children are easy
going and never feel the need to disobey their parents. Others challenge
each step of the day from putting their socks on in the morning, to what is
for lunch to picking out pj's for bedtime. It is part of their individual
personality.

It is normal for a child to challenge a parent. It is then up to the parent
to tell the child No and follow thru. Normal "terrible twos " sometimes
comes with tantrums, throwing fits, screaming, it is a way of gaining
control, it is a way of getting attention, and it is a way for them to get
out frustrations.

For a two year old there is so much going on in their heads and they often
can't verbalize what they want or need and so they will throw a fit instead
of tying to tell you.

If the child does not grow out of the terrible twos by age 4 then I'd say
theres a problem there.

--
Joanie

"You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you
believe."
~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh



"in2minds" wrote in message
...
"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.
I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot,
but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind,
neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion.
I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read
stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved.
On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let
their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using
idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one
more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've
never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are.
We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair
and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for
every year old.
Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded,
respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying
he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son.
Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my
initial statement.

just my 2 peneth
Les

I disagree that there is no such thing as the "terrible two's" and that you
think it is an excuse for poor parenting. Children at two lack the language
skills that older children have to express themselves, they lack the ability
to work a lot of things out for themselves as their cognitive skills are
still developing and these are usually the reasons that contribute to the
terrible two's that can lead on till about 3.5 - 4 years of age, depending
on the individual child.

The child is developing in all areas and it is a very frustrating time for
them and not uncommon for them to "fall to pieces" if things don't work out
for them. They are not able to say 'oh well, that did not work out for me,
I might keep practising and try again later', what happens is that there
frustrations come out in the form of tantrums, screaming, crying, biting,
hurting etc. Poor parenting can be blamed on not guiding or assisting the
child in an acceptable manner once they have had an outburst but not on the
outburst itself. You are lucky that you had such an easy going child.
Try and remember that the "terrible two's" is a normal stage of development
for children around the world, it may be hard to deal with but perfectly
normal.

Debbie

"in2minds" wrote in message
...
"What do the "terrible twos" look like?"
[..]

I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks
ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible
twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting.
I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot,
but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind,
neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion.
I put that down to our close interactivity with our children. We read
stories, played games, etc. and generally made them feel loved.
On the other hand both my sister-in-laws and my brother-in-law just let
their children do as they please, constantly shouting at them and using
idle threats as a punishment. By idle threats I mean "if you do that one
more time I'll etc. etc. etc." and not carrying out the punishment. I've
never met children as unruly, rude or disrespectful as they are.
We used timeouts as a method as punishment, he would be sat on a chair
and made to sit there quietly for a specific period, ie 1 minute for
every year old.
Our method apparently worked because he's turned out to be well rounded,
respectful, polite, hard working and honest young man. I'm not saying
he's an angel by any means but I couldn't have wished for a nicer son.
Who knows, he may have turned out like this anyway, but I stand by my
initial statement.

just my 2 peneth
Les

ignoramus wrote:

As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such
as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or
tantrums designed to intimidate.

I have not seen problems of that sort either with any of my kids as
two-year-olds. I've just seen a whole slew of maddening behaviors that got very
much less common or disappeared as they got older, more communicative, and
gained more self-control.

I didn't think my kids were "terrible" or poorly parented for having meltdowns.
I just hauled them back into the car and took them home, if the meltdowns
happened when we were out. But that didn't mean I *liked* meltdowns, or that I
wasn't glad when they stopped happening so much. In the same way, I never
thought there was anything wrong with a two-year-old thinking it was fun to
climb on the dining-room table. It's a natural way for a two-year-old to think.
Still, it wasn't safe and I couldn't allow it to happen, so the dining-room
chairs went in the basement for a while. I was mighty glad when it was safe to
get them up again.

My son had a T-shirt that he wore for ages (including long after he was
actually the right age for it) that said "Warning: I am two." That about summed
it up.

I think for us the worst behaviors peaked at 1.5 and again at 2.5. Since all my
kids were summer babies, this corresponds to the time of year that they were
also most cooped up inside.

--Helen

In article ,
"Jim Beaver" wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver



I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors
that emerge at this age that can be problematic:

1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any
other hitting or scratching of other kids.

2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to
do what they WANT to do.

3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent
beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard
time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so
compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some
independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want
to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most
kids start saying "NO!" far more often.

4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so
they may throw temper tantrums instead.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article , dragonlady
says...

In article ,
"Jim Beaver" wrote:

What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational
description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the
phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the
difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would
appreciate informed and informative replies.

Thanks very much.

Jim Beaver



I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors
that emerge at this age that can be problematic:

1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any
other hitting or scratching of other kids.

2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to
do what they WANT to do.

3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent
beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard
time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so
compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some
independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want
to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most
kids start saying "NO!" far more often.

4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so
they may throw temper tantrums instead.

5 - any such behaviors ennumerated in parts 1 through 4, if not manifest at age
two, will surely manifest at age three! :-)

Banty