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#11
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
H Schinske wrote:
I think for us the worst behaviors peaked at 1.5 and again at 2.5. Since all my kids were summer babies, this corresponds to the time of year that they were also most cooped up inside. Ugh...winter is 6 months of parental punishment IMO. I use outdoor time as a solution for darn near everything and it works fabulously in decent weather. -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2) |
#12
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
In article ,
Ericka Kammerer wrote: Ignoramus15011 wrote: Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just more thinking. Of course. Were you thinking that "terrible twos" actually meant that kids really "went bad" at two years old? It's simply a difficult stage for many children and parents because of the developmental issues involved. Some children or parents may have other issues as well, of course, but that could happen at any time, not just two or three years old. Best wishes, Ericka a kid who is not troublesome at this stage is not developing well -- it is about differentiating self from Mom -- which means for the immature kidlet, oppositional behavior and asserting self. |
#13
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
Ignoramus15011 wrote:
Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just more thinking. Of course. Were you thinking that "terrible twos" actually meant that kids really "went bad" at two years old? It's simply a difficult stage for many children and parents because of the developmental issues involved. Some children or parents may have other issues as well, of course, but that could happen at any time, not just two or three years old. Best wishes, Ericka |
#14
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I just
read something about terrible twos this week.... I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the terrible twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it is my absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who suddenly starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are some tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to smack. And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they are happy and floating on a cloud. You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most parents do not have it so easy. -- Joanie "You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you believe." ~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh "Ignoramus15011" wrote in message ... Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted to share my personal observations. As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc, which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants. As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could be real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at talking so that has not been an issue. Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he wants by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider children's requests, and give in to tantrums. i |
#15
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
If they think 2 is bad wait till the child hits 3~! I think the 3's are
worse! I love the 2's! JMHO Leslie -- http://www.leslieshomedaycare.providerpages.net "Joanie" wrote in message ... I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I just read something about terrible twos this week.... I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the terrible twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it is my absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who suddenly starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are some tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to smack. And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they are happy and floating on a cloud. You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most parents do not have it so easy. -- Joanie "You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you believe." ~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh "Ignoramus15011" wrote in message ... Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted to share my personal observations. As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc, which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants. As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could be real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at talking so that has not been an issue. Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he wants by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider children's requests, and give in to tantrums. i |
#16
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
In article ,
Banty wrote: In article , dragonlady says... In article , "Jim Beaver" wrote: What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver I happen to adore 2 year olds. However, there are a number of behaviors that emerge at this age that can be problematic: 1- Bighters tend to start that at around 18 months to 2-1/2. Also any other hitting or scratching of other kids. 2-Many kids develope enormous frustration with their body's inability to do what they WANT to do. 3 - They are developing a more clear idea of themselves as independent beings. This is something I love watching, but many parents have a hard time when their child goes from compliant to -- well, to not so compliant. Kids vary, but most will attempt to excert at least some independence at this age -- they want to do things themselves, they want to decide what to do, and they are willing to argue about things. Most kids start saying "NO!" far more often. 4 - Their verbal abilities may not be up to expressing themselves, so they may throw temper tantrums instead. 5 - any such behaviors ennumerated in parts 1 through 4, if not manifest at age two, will surely manifest at age three! :-) Banty And, for what it's worth, again at about 13. If you follow Kegan's developmental theories, these kids are at the same "balance" in trying to figure out when to be embedded in community/family, and when to be independent, and what it all means. I've been told that kids will repeat their 2 yo behavior sometime between 12 and 15, and for at least one of my kids, that was true in spades! meh -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#17
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
On Mon, 01 Dec 2003 16:59:26 GMT, "Jim Beaver"
wrote: What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver I think the terrible twos is all in your perspective. I call them the *terrific twos* Two year olds are independent: You will hear: *me do it.* *I wanna* *no help* Two year olds are frustrated because they can't always tell you what they want and *they* know, so you should know too. Two year olds are creative. They want to choose their own outfits and they mix and match in ways you never thought of. If you see a child in the summer wearing his winter hat and mittens, it's probably a two year old. If you see a child in the winter wearing a summer dress over her shirt and pants, it's most likely a two year old too. Two year olds are explorers. They are eager to learn everything about the world. They will get into anything that they see. They can handle delicate things carefully with supervision, but they get excited and things will break. Two year olds are like teenagers, awkward in their growing bodies and learning to coordinate new skills. They will spill and they will break things, but they can learn to help clean up their messes. Two year olds often love to *help* you clean. Take advantage of this one, the stage doesn't last long. Twos want to sweep, vaccuum, mop, help do laundry, etc. They can learn to sort and put away their toys if you make it a game too. Twos are like teens in their ambivalence about growing up. Sometimes they want to be cuddled and babied and at other times they want to be *all growed up* He has to be sure you will still love him even when he is asserting himself. Remember how much twos are learning at this stage: Over the next couple of years, she has to learn to do as kids do and babies don't, which means changing from diapers to underwear and out of a crib into a bed. She has to be able to eat and drink without special baby stuff like bottles and sippy cups. And she has to know enough playground rules to get along with other kids. Wow! It's a lot to learn. At this age, he needs many choices so he can learn to make decisions well and she knows a lot, but often that learning doesn't transfer from one situation to another. Patience is your biggest asset. Leave lots of time so that he can do things himself. Give her a choice between two acceptable alternatives. Don't sweat the small stuff. Only say *no* when it is absolutely necessary for safety. Children learn what they live, so you have to hold yourself to a high standard. Model empathy and compassion and cooperation and twos will learn from you. Two (which really lasts from about 15 to 18 months to four years of age) is actually the time when kids are learning the most important things about the world - how to get along and cooperate with other humans and the use of language as a tool for communication and for expressing emotions. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#18
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
On Mon, 1 Dec 2003 17:51:53 -0000, "in2minds" wrote:
"What do the "terrible twos" look like?" [..] I discussed this with my wife (who's a childminder) a couple of weeks ago and we came to the conclusion there is no such thing as "terrible twos", it's just an excuse for poor parenting. I'm not saying we're the best parents in the world, not by a long shot, but our son (now 16) never went through a "terrible" stage of any kind, neither did my cousins kids who were brought up in a similar fashion. Ohhhh, I see! YOUR kid was just fine from your parenting efforts, so, therefore, any kid who misbehaves must have bad parents! It's so simple! Notice the original poster said: "I would appreciate informed and informative replies." In other words, not useless anecdote from an arrogant ass such as yourself. PF |
#19
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
I'm with you on that one Leslie. The time when they start to actually work
things out for themselves and test the boundaries. Debbie "~Leslie~" spam.com wrote in message ... If they think 2 is bad wait till the child hits 3~! I think the 3's are worse! I love the 2's! JMHO Leslie -- http://www.leslieshomedaycare.providerpages.net "Joanie" wrote in message ... I am not recyling anything from books... it just so happened that I just read something about terrible twos this week.... I have been in daycare for over 10 years I can tell you that the terrible twos exists... are two year olds terrible? No they are not infact it is my absolute favorite age. There is nothing like a two year old who suddenly starts explaining how things work to you. I love two year olds. Are some tougher than others - Oh yes... some bite some scream, some like to smack. And then there are the quiet sweet two's who go through life like they are happy and floating on a cloud. You are experiencing soemthing out of the norm. Enjoy it, most parents do not have it so easy. -- Joanie "You're stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and braver than you believe." ~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh "Ignoramus15011" wrote in message ... Instead of theorizing and recycling information from books, I anted to share my personal observations. As far as I am concerned, (2.5 yo), I have not seen real problems such as oppositional defiance (doing known bad things to annoy parents), or tantrums designed to intimidate. A few times we had tantrums, etc, which in his instance seemed like he just was having an emotional breakdown and not as a tool to intimidate us to get what he wants. As for not being able to express what he wants, I am sure it could be real frustrating for some children, but my son is pretty good at talking so that has not been an issue. Perhaps a big component of terrible twos is not that the child is terrible, but that the child is more difficult for parents as they require more genuine attention and very close supervision and just more thinking. Or, they condition the child to get stuff that he wants by tantrums because they do not listen and fairly consider children's requests, and give in to tantrums. i |
#20
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Define the "Terrible Twos" for me?
"toto" wrote in message ... On Mon, 01 Dec 2003 16:59:26 GMT, "Jim Beaver" wrote: What do the "terrible twos" look like? I'd like an observational description of behavior that could be considered normal/typical of the phase. What are the extremes of normal behavior? How does one tell the difference between normal "two-ness" and a serious problem? I would appreciate informed and informative replies. Thanks very much. Jim Beaver I think the terrible twos is all in your perspective. I call them the *terrific twos* Two year olds are independent: You will hear: *me do it.* *I wanna* *no help* Two year olds are frustrated because they can't always tell you what they want and *they* know, so you should know too. Two year olds are creative. They want to choose their own outfits and they mix and match in ways you never thought of. If you see a child in the summer wearing his winter hat and mittens, it's probably a two year old. If you see a child in the winter wearing a summer dress over her shirt and pants, it's most likely a two year old too. Two year olds are explorers. They are eager to learn everything about the world. They will get into anything that they see. They can handle delicate things carefully with supervision, but they get excited and things will break. Two year olds are like teenagers, awkward in their growing bodies and learning to coordinate new skills. They will spill and they will break things, but they can learn to help clean up their messes. Two year olds often love to *help* you clean. Take advantage of this one, the stage doesn't last long. Twos want to sweep, vaccuum, mop, help do laundry, etc. They can learn to sort and put away their toys if you make it a game too. Twos are like teens in their ambivalence about growing up. Sometimes they want to be cuddled and babied and at other times they want to be *all growed up* He has to be sure you will still love him even when he is asserting himself. Remember how much twos are learning at this stage: Over the next couple of years, she has to learn to do as kids do and babies don't, which means changing from diapers to underwear and out of a crib into a bed. She has to be able to eat and drink without special baby stuff like bottles and sippy cups. And she has to know enough playground rules to get along with other kids. Wow! It's a lot to learn. At this age, he needs many choices so he can learn to make decisions well and she knows a lot, but often that learning doesn't transfer from one situation to another. Patience is your biggest asset. Leave lots of time so that he can do things himself. Give her a choice between two acceptable alternatives. Don't sweat the small stuff. Only say *no* when it is absolutely necessary for safety. Children learn what they live, so you have to hold yourself to a high standard. Model empathy and compassion and cooperation and twos will learn from you. Two (which really lasts from about 15 to 18 months to four years of age) is actually the time when kids are learning the most important things about the world - how to get along and cooperate with other humans and the use of language as a tool for communication and for expressing emotions. I'm the original poster who asked the question. First, thanks to all of you (even the perfect parent) for answering. I asked the question in the form I did, seeking observational and generic responses because I didn't want to start off by describing my situation and thus generating answers that unconsciously remodeled my situation into the situational experience of the respondent. At any rate, here's what I've got going on: My two-year-old (+ 3 mos.) has been an incredible child, mellow, outgoing, extremely compliant yet lively and assertive. Suddenly last week, she began having periods of near- or total hysteria--wanting to be picked up but immediately wanting to be put down if we picked her up, asking for all kinds of things and activities yet instantly reversing course the moment we made any attempt to act on her request, saying "no" to everything offered or suggested, yet also saying "no" to the withdrawal of those offers and suggestions, asking for a bottle then pushing it away the moment it was handed to her, all at a rising level of hysteria. None of it seemed to be deliberately oppositional behavior. Rather it just seemed that she suddenly had no idea whatsoever what she wanted and was asking for everything she thought of and then rejecting it if she got it. Trying to hold her and calm her escalated the situation immensely until she was screaming and crying uncontrollably. Yet leaving her to her own devices or even completely ignoring her led to similar escalation. The worst part was that she began waking up once or twice a night, going instantly from a dead sleep to this same hysteria, and keeping it up sometimes for a couple of hours. She always used to wake up at least once a night and have a bottle, but always went quickly back to sleep, calmly. This sudden new turn of events is not calm, nor does it include a bottle, which she now rejects and asks for in rapid succession, but never takes. She eventually conks out after a couple of hours, but sometimes starts the same routine over again an hour or two later. In the past six days, I've averaged 3.5-to 4.5 hours sleep a night, NONE of it consecutive. I'm at my physical and mental rope's end. She is taking carbatrol, a medication to prevent seizure activity, to which she has shown some propensity. But this medication has been part of her normal life for a long time. When I first described the hysterics and the "no's", a lot of people told me, "Oh, it's the terrible twos." But after reading your many responses describing, without knowing the details of MY situation, what YOUR idea of the TT's is, it seems to me this is something different. Particularly the part about the sudden hysterics upon waking in the middle of the night. Anyone have any ideas? I'm a 53 year old man with no one to help me during the night, and in less than a week, I've been driven nearly insane from exhaustion and worry about myself and my daughter. I cannot possibly continue in the current state of affairs until she's three or four! I'm not sure I can make Saturday. Jim Beaver |
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