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#112
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
wrote:
On Apr 6, 1:45 pm, Sarah Vaughan wrote: [...] I meant that the traditional marriage model of one parent focusing on the family while the other parent earning the living is a great model. As the partner earning the living in such a model, I can certainly vouch for the fact that it's great for me. I get to keep on doing the job I love, without any worries about organising childcare or how my children are coping. And I agree that it's great for my children that they can be looked after full-time by their parents in the early years. However, it's not so great for my husband. He's the one who's stuck at home with a screaming baby and a three-year-old acting up, the one who's taken years out of his career with no guarantee that he'll be able to get back into it when our younger child is old enough for us to feel comfortable about leaving her with a childminder. Now, that's not to say that either of us has any regrets about choosing to do things this way. We're both glad that our financial circumstances are such that we have been able to manage to avoid daycare during the early years. And there are practical reasons why this was the best way to ensure our children got full-time parental care. But I don't know that I'd call it 'great' in such a blanket, unqualified way. I think that it can be great for some families. For others, it's the best of a bunch of imperfect options. I do wish that we had some way of spreading the impact of time out of work (in terms both of missing out on present satisfaction and on future career options) so that it didn't fall so disproportionately on one parent. If my husband's line of work had been the kind of thing where part-time work was available, then that might have been the ideal solution for us – we could both have worked part-time and had different days at home with the children. I think that's an even better model, in those occasional cases where it's actually feasible. And there are all kinds of other ways of doing things. Of course, sometimes there happens to be a perfect solution for an individual family. For most families, though, it's a matter of finding the one that has the fewest disadvantages for the family all round. That's what I mean by saying that one-size solutions don't fit all. What I see in America today is a couple has a baby and immediately dumps the baby in daycare while they both pursue careers. I think 'dumps' is the wrong word, as it suggests that all they want to do is get rid of the baby, which is rarely the case. The abysmal maternity leave options in your country do mean that many couples have rather limited options. It's the feminist doctrine that perverts and attacks the marriage model. shrug I don't think there's such a thing as *the* feminist doctrine. It exists. It tells women that they are doormats, maids and human slaves if they stay home and/or take care of their husbands and children. It also tells women that they are inferior and taken advantage of That's *a* feminist doctrine, not *the* feminist doctrine. You're making the common mistake of believing that the extremists in a movement equate to the whole movement. 'Feminist' is too loose and vague a label for any of the doctrines that fall under it to merit a definite article. when in fact, the realty was that women had/have a better life and were more respected and valuable prior to and after feminism. In what way? Feminism is a pretty loose and widespread set of beliefs (I know one feminist who defined her own feminism beliefs simply as "the belief that women are fully human"). I think there are beliefs on feminist, anti-feminist, and couldn't-care-less-about-feminism sides that can potentially pervert and attack marriage. Know of any that can promote a healthy marriage? Sure. A willingness to accept that there is more than one side to every story and, no matter how clear-cut your grievances seem, it's important to find out how things look to your partner and hear what they have to say on the matter. A determination to show your appreciation for the things your partner does – the little as well as the big - rather than taking them for granted. A determination to prioritise your partner, making time to find out what's going on in his or her life regardless of what else is going on and taking up your attention. And an attitude that the two of you are inn this together and will sort problems out as a team. Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#113
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
"NL" wrote in message
... agsf_57 schrieb: On Apr 19, 5:38 am, Banty wrote: snip And you don't even realize you just said this to an unwed single mother in America huh. Banty Then you should have first hand experience of what I am saying. It's you and your child. No one to help you in life. No one to put their life on the line for you and your child. You were some guy's temporary toilet. Your level of respect and value is the same as of that toilet. You go girl! Regards... Have you ever heard the term widow? Not agreeing with the troll, but technically speaking, you are not an unwed single mother. You're a widow. I'm sorry for your loss. And can we now please stop feeding the troll? cu nicole Yes, please. I blocked him ages ago, so only see the troll feeding posts, not the original. I wish everyone would. -- Jamie Clark |
#114
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
On Apr 20, 3:02 pm, Sarah Vaughan wrote:
wrote: A married woman covered in a burka in Afghanistan has more respect and value than an unwed single mother in America. While doing a bit of googling to find out what life is actually like for women in Afghanistan these days, I came across http://www.hrw.org/backgrounder/wrd/afghan-women-2k2.htm. Must say it didn't leave me terribly impressed with the level of respect and value these women are getting. Single motherhood isn't a path I'd want to go down, but to me it sounds vastly preferable than the life that's described for Afghanistan women. The women punished are those who go out of the scope of their society. Remember, not only are the men inflicting the punishment, but so are the women. However, from the American's point of view, she is oppressed. Yes. Fromhttp://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/A/afghanistan/women.html, it sounds as though – even though life for women has improved post-Taliban – many women still have their lives severely restricted by the threat of violence. Is that not something you see as oppressive? Wanting to divorce your husband to become a doctor is not improvement. Becoming a westernized country is not improvement. Here is some food for thought: http://www.angryharry.com/eswerewome...dinthewest.htm Sarah Regards... |
#115
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
Jamie Clark schrieb:
"NL" wrote in message ... agsf_57 schrieb: On Apr 19, 5:38 am, Banty wrote: snip And you don't even realize you just said this to an unwed single mother in America huh. Banty Then you should have first hand experience of what I am saying. It's you and your child. No one to help you in life. No one to put their life on the line for you and your child. You were some guy's temporary toilet. Your level of respect and value is the same as of that toilet. You go girl! Regards... Have you ever heard the term widow? Not agreeing with the troll, but technically speaking, you are not an unwed single mother. You're a widow. I'm sorry for your loss. Eh no. I'm not a widow. I was just trying to say that jumping down single mothers throats, calling them temporary toilet might not be such a smart thing to do because generally single moms didn't turn into single moms by waking up one day and deciding "hey, raising children on my own, that's what I want to do with my life." for lots of us it wasn't something we chose to do, it was something that happened. It's just that somehow in most peoples minds single mothers are the root of all evil and we must be... weeded out. And also, something must be really wrong with us because we didn't manage to hang on to the father of our child(ren). And we're really the ones to blame for the children not growing up in a happy family. Well, I left because I was beaten, kicked and verbally abused. I don't think that's a healthy relationship/family to grow up in. I think being a single parent family is much more healthy than a family where abuse happens regularly. But of course I'm cheating my child out of a wonderful relationship with his other parent... sure. And can we now please stop feeding the troll? cu nicole Yes, please. I blocked him ages ago, so only see the troll feeding posts, not the original. I wish everyone would. I did, too. But this just really struck me as something to speak up about.. cu nicole |
#116
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
On Apr 21, 6:53�am, NL wrote:
Eh no. I'm not a widow. I was just trying to say that jumping down single mothers throats, calling them temporary toilet might not be such a smart thing to do because generally single moms didn't turn into single moms by waking up one day and deciding "hey, raising children on my own, that's what I want to do with my life." for lots of us it wasn't something we chose to do, it was something that happened. I can't think of a reason why choosing *responsibly* to be a single mother would be a problem either (not that I think that's what you meant). I know one woman who adopted a child as a single woman, one who has twice had babies by artificial insemination, etc. And that's just in real life -- on the internet I know far more examples. --Helen |
#117
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
On Apr 20, 3:45*pm, agsf_57 wrote:
It's the same concept. Women want to marry rich men so they can spend their days watching Oprah and go shopping. You are trolling. There do exist lazy women and lazy men, but that is an insulting generalization. |
#118
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
In article , NL says...
Jamie Clark schrieb: "NL" wrote in message ... agsf_57 schrieb: On Apr 19, 5:38 am, Banty wrote: snip And you don't even realize you just said this to an unwed single mother in America huh. Banty Then you should have first hand experience of what I am saying. It's you and your child. No one to help you in life. No one to put their life on the line for you and your child. You were some guy's temporary toilet. Your level of respect and value is the same as of that toilet. You go girl! Regards... Have you ever heard the term widow? Not agreeing with the troll, but technically speaking, you are not an unwed single mother. You're a widow. I'm sorry for your loss. Eh no. I'm not a widow. I was just trying to say that jumping down single mothers throats, calling them temporary toilet might not be such a smart thing to do because generally single moms didn't turn into single moms by waking up one day and deciding "hey, raising children on my own, that's what I want to do with my life." for lots of us it wasn't something we chose to do, it was something that happened. It's just that somehow in most peoples minds single mothers are the root of all evil and we must be... weeded out. And also, something must be really wrong with us because we didn't manage to hang on to the father of our child(ren). And we're really the ones to blame for the children not growing up in a happy family. Well, I left because I was beaten, kicked and verbally abused. I don't think that's a healthy relationship/family to grow up in. I think being a single parent family is much more healthy than a family where abuse happens regularly. But of course I'm cheating my child out of a wonderful relationship with his other parent... sure. Or, that *most* by far, people do not demonize single mothers, any more than they demonize divorced people anymore, being as just about everyone knows people who are single mothers by many various paths (which include things, like - adoption as a single person) amongst their sisters, daughters, coworkers, neighbors. We have politicians pointing to their upbringing by single mothers, by golly. I think their polsters would have alerted them to this pervasive revulsion against single moms! And can we now please stop feeding the troll? cu nicole Yes, please. I blocked him ages ago, so only see the troll feeding posts, not the original. I wish everyone would. I did, too. But this just really struck me as something to speak up about.. Agsf is not a troll. A troll isn't just anybody a lot of people disagree with. He's out in left (um, right) field on his ideas, and way out of the ballpark on some of his facts. But that a troll doesn't make. He *has* had good ideas to contribute, (he's a person, and a caring father, not a hairy beast), and does represent a certain turn of mind that we all need to deal with. Even though I do wonder what he uses his toilet for.... ;-D Banty |
#119
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
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#120
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Preparing sibling for birth process?
Banty schrieb:
Agsf is not a troll. A troll isn't just anybody a lot of people disagree with. He's out in left (um, right) field on his ideas, and way out of the ballpark on some of his facts. But that a troll doesn't make. He *has* had good ideas to contribute, (he's a person, and a caring father, not a hairy beast), and does represent a certain turn of mind that we all need to deal with. See, personally, I think he just likes stirring ****. Even though I do wonder what he uses his toilet for.... ;-D see above :-P (Sorry, I could so not resist that one...) cu nicole |
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