2 month old always wants to be held

Our child is now two months old. Unfortunately he always wants to be
held. It may sound flattering but reality is, it's impossible to hold
him 12-14 hours.

(To give you an update on his sleeping, he's now sleeping pretty good
(knocking on wood) in his own crib, in his own room. At first he would
cry and we would let him cry for 15 - 20 minutes. Now he's doing
pretty good and goes to sleep on his own. If he wakes up, he usually
will fall back to sleep. Last night he cried a little but but was off
to sleep until his usual 3am feeding.)

Now to the daytime problem. He aways wants to be held. We're not sure
how to break this habit of his. Most (but not all) of the time if he's
not held or sleeping he'll start a meltdown. We don't know what else
to do. After checking EVERYTHING feeding, diapers etc, on him and
putting him down in his swing for example, etc he'll start crying
after a minute. This morning I decided to just let him cry it out for
15-20 minutes or so. Sometimes it seems to help mellow him out.
However it makes my stomache churn and my wife really doesn't like
hearing him. I'm almost certain our pediatrician will say he's
'collicky' however I doubt that really changes anything.

Does anyone have a solution? My thought is he needs to get used to
being in his swing, jungle gym, etc so that's why like this morning I
just let him have his meltdown. I'm hoping after a few or several
meltdown episodes he'll become more acclimated to not always being
held.

wrote:

Does anyone have a solution? My thought is he needs to get used to
being in his swing, jungle gym, etc so that's why like this morning I
just let him have his meltdown. I'm hoping after a few or several
meltdown episodes he'll become more acclimated to not always being
held.

Not necessarily. At this age, he's too young to be
manipulating you. He doesn't have the ability to think in
that way yet. He's not sitting there thinking, "Well, I
want to be held, but Dad doesn't want to hold me, so I'll
just keep upping the ante and screeching louder until he
does what I want whether he likes it or not." At this age,
he's crying because he's not happy with his current situation
and he wants it to change. Most of the time, I don't think
they learn to be comfortable being apart from you by sitting
there and wailing.
At least in my experience, not a lot of 2 month old
babies enjoy spending much time apart from their parents.
Some grow out of it sooner than others. I don't think you
can always hurry that process along, but to the extent that
you can, I suspect it's more likely to happen if the time
he spends apart from you is pleasant rather than unpleasant.
Personally, though, I doubt there's a whole lot you can do
about pushing him to feel comfortable apart from you sooner.
In those sorts of situations, I usually think it's easier
just to give in and try to enjoy the time, rather than
fighting the whole time to have the situation resolve at
about the same time it would have resolved without intervention.
But maybe I'm too pessimistic.
Regardless, it won't be all *that* much longer that
he wants to be held so much. My inclination would just be
to get a sling (or whatever other babywearing device suits
you) and get on with your usual routine while wearing the
baby. In a few more months it'll be driving you crazy
that he wants to be on the ground crawling and getting
into stuff every minute ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Aug 6, 5:36 pm, wrote:
Our child is now two months old. Unfortunately he always wants to be
held. It may sound flattering but reality is, it's impossible to hold
him 12-14 hours.

Now to the daytime problem. He aways wants to be held. We're not sure
how to break this habit of his. Most (but not all) of the time if he's
not held or sleeping he'll start a meltdown. We don't know what else
to do. After checking EVERYTHING feeding, diapers etc, on him and
putting him down in his swing for example, etc he'll start crying
after a minute. This morning I decided to just let him cry it out for
15-20 minutes or so. Sometimes it seems to help mellow him out.
However it makes my stomache churn and my wife really doesn't like
hearing him. I'm almost certain our pediatrician will say he's
'collicky' however I doubt that really changes anything.

Does anyone have a solution? My thought is he needs to get used to
being in his swing, jungle gym, etc so that's why like this morning I
just let him have his meltdown. I'm hoping after a few or several
meltdown episodes he'll become more acclimated to not always being
held.

He may just be built wanting to be held all the time. At 2 months old
he can't really "learn" to be happy not being held. He can either
grow out of always needing to be held, or he can learn that there's
nothing he can do to get what he wants from the world. I second the
thought of getting whatever kind of Baby Bjorn/sling/wrap or other
baby carrier works for you and your wife and going about your business
with him tucked into it.

Colicky babies cry no matter what you do -- holding them doesn't
help. You're right though, that if the pediatrician calls it colic
there's not much you can do about it.

The only thing I could think that might possibly be modifiable is
reflux. If he's spitty a lot, arches his back sometimes, cries more
after feeds, has poor weight gain, or does much better upright than
when lying down, then talk to your pediatrician about possible
reflux. There are medicines that can help.

Kate, ignorant foot soldier of the medical cartel
and the Bug, 4 years old

On Aug 6, 5:54 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
wrote:
Does anyone have a solution? My thought is he needs to get used to
being in his swing, jungle gym, etc so that's why like this morning I
just let him have his meltdown. I'm hoping after a few or several
meltdown episodes he'll become more acclimated to not always being
held.

Not necessarily. At this age, he's too young to be
manipulating you. He doesn't have the ability to think in
that way yet. He's not sitting there thinking, "Well, I
want to be held, but Dad doesn't want to hold me, so I'll
just keep upping the ante and screeching louder until he
does what I want whether he likes it or not." At this age,
he's crying because he's not happy with his current situation
and he wants it to change. Most of the time, I don't think
they learn to be comfortable being apart from you by sitting
there and wailing.
At least in my experience, not a lot of 2 month old
babies enjoy spending much time apart from their parents.
Some grow out of it sooner than others. I don't think you
can always hurry that process along, but to the extent that
you can, I suspect it's more likely to happen if the time
he spends apart from you is pleasant rather than unpleasant.
Personally, though, I doubt there's a whole lot you can do
about pushing him to feel comfortable apart from you sooner.
In those sorts of situations, I usually think it's easier
just to give in and try to enjoy the time, rather than
fighting the whole time to have the situation resolve at
about the same time it would have resolved without intervention.
But maybe I'm too pessimistic.
Regardless, it won't be all *that* much longer that
he wants to be held so much. My inclination would just be
to get a sling (or whatever other babywearing device suits
you) and get on with your usual routine while wearing the
baby. In a few more months it'll be driving you crazy
that he wants to be on the ground crawling and getting
into stuff every minute ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

Hi Ericka
Yup, she tried the sling too. He's "okay" in sometimes, but othertimes
he isn't. We've tried a couple different types too.
Wife, does enjoy the time holding him, but sometimes of course it's
not possible. I would rather have him have a pleasant experience than
a negative one being away from us but not sure what else we can
do...Sometimes he's just so fussy even while holding him he'll squirm
and start crying.

The only thing I could think that might possibly be modifiable is
reflux. If he's spitty a lot, arches his back sometimes, cries more
after feeds, has poor weight gain, or does much better upright than
when lying down, then talk to your pediatrician about possible
reflux.


yes, we've thought of that and will be bringing it up at our next
pediatrician apt. He does tend to spit up, etc after a feeding.
However his weight gain is good.

Thanks!!

wrote:

Yup, she tried the sling too. He's "okay" in sometimes, but othertimes
he isn't. We've tried a couple different types too.
Wife, does enjoy the time holding him, but sometimes of course it's
not possible. I would rather have him have a pleasant experience than
a negative one being away from us but not sure what else we can
do...Sometimes he's just so fussy even while holding him he'll squirm
and start crying.

If he's crying despite everything you can think of
to try, there may not be much to do about it. I think there's
a huge difference between letting a baby cry when you know
picking him up will make him happy, and letting a baby cry
when you know that nothing will make him happy. Sometimes
you just get through these phases however you can. At that
point, it's not about training him to be ok with being away
from you. It's just surviving a challenging situation and
doing what you need to do until he has matured to the point
that he can do it.
Some people have some luck with rotating a fussy
baby through a number of different positions (held in different
positions, rocking chair, bouncy seat, swing, etc.). Some
people have luck putting on their detective caps and trying
to see if there are any patterns in what he likes or dislikes,
times of day, etc. In the end, though, sometimes there's nothing
to do but wait it out--which is far easier said than done!

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Aug 6, 6:16 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
wrote:
Yup, she tried the sling too. He's "okay" in sometimes, but othertimes
he isn't. We've tried a couple different types too.
Wife, does enjoy the time holding him, but sometimes of course it's
not possible. I would rather have him have a pleasant experience than
a negative one being away from us but not sure what else we can
do...Sometimes he's just so fussy even while holding him he'll squirm
and start crying.

If he's crying despite everything you can think of
to try, there may not be much to do about it. I think there's
a huge difference between letting a baby cry when you know
picking him up will make him happy, and letting a baby cry
when you know that nothing will make him happy. Sometimes
you just get through these phases however you can. At that
point, it's not about training him to be ok with being away
from you. It's just surviving a challenging situation and
doing what you need to do until he has matured to the point
that he can do it.
Some people have some luck with rotating a fussy
baby through a number of different positions (held in different
positions, rocking chair, bouncy seat, swing, etc.). Some
people have luck putting on their detective caps and trying
to see if there are any patterns in what he likes or dislikes,
times of day, etc. In the end, though, sometimes there's nothing
to do but wait it out--which is far easier said than done!

Best wishes,
Ericka

Yes, we will try everything including holding, but like at this
moment, he's throwing a fit. We can usually tell from the cry pattern
if anything will help. We've found he generally is very fussy in the
late afternoon/evenings. Mornings he's okay and is, in general very
good. He smiles, coos and seems content. Things start to fall apart in
early afternoon. Holding will help until late afternoon. Then by the
evening sometimes nothing helps.

Live and learn I guess, and as you said it's all about trying to find
what works.

wrote:
On Aug 6, 6:16 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
wrote:
Yup, she tried the sling too. He's "okay" in sometimes, but othertimes
he isn't. We've tried a couple different types too.
Wife, does enjoy the time holding him, but sometimes of course it's
not possible. I would rather have him have a pleasant experience than
a negative one being away from us but not sure what else we can
do...Sometimes he's just so fussy even while holding him he'll squirm
and start crying.
If he's crying despite everything you can think of
to try, there may not be much to do about it. I think there's
a huge difference between letting a baby cry when you know
picking him up will make him happy, and letting a baby cry
when you know that nothing will make him happy. Sometimes
you just get through these phases however you can. At that
point, it's not about training him to be ok with being away
from you. It's just surviving a challenging situation and
doing what you need to do until he has matured to the point
that he can do it.
Some people have some luck with rotating a fussy
baby through a number of different positions (held in different
positions, rocking chair, bouncy seat, swing, etc.). Some
people have luck putting on their detective caps and trying
to see if there are any patterns in what he likes or dislikes,
times of day, etc. In the end, though, sometimes there's nothing
to do but wait it out--which is far easier said than done!

Yes, we will try everything including holding, but like at this
moment, he's throwing a fit. We can usually tell from the cry pattern
if anything will help. We've found he generally is very fussy in the
late afternoon/evenings. Mornings he's okay and is, in general very
good. He smiles, coos and seems content. Things start to fall apart in
early afternoon. Holding will help until late afternoon. Then by the
evening sometimes nothing helps.

Sadly, that does seem to fit the pattern of colic. I
suppose the good news about colic is that it does eventually
go away. It's very stressful to go through, though. If that's
what it is, I think the main thing is to keep telling yourself
that it's not your fault and it will eventually pass. If you
can, find someone to care for him for just a little while so
you and your wife can get a break. I know you might feel odd
about that, but every parent I know who's been through colic
(and a lot who haven't been through it) would be more than
happy to give a parent going through that a break for an
hour or so to have a quiet dinner or whatever.
Quite some time ago I did read an article that
said that sometimes what people thought was colic was more
an issue of not responding to the baby's need quickly enough.
The theory was that there were maybe half a dozen things that
baby might need, but most people would only go through three
or four of them and would wait too long between trying different
things such that the child would get worked up into a tizzy
and go past the point of no return before the parents found
the problem. IIRC, they recommended something like posting a
list of possibilities (starting with the most common things
like needing to eat and working down to less common things)
and mechanically working your way down the list, waiting only
a few minutes between trying each thing. In other words, if
baby starts crying, you immediately offer food (even if he
just ate, or even if you think that's not the problem). If
he turns that down, you immediately check the diaper. If that
doesn't work, you immediately try whatever else (too hot? too
cold? sleepy? hold? rock? whatever's on the list). I never
did any looking around to see if this theory held any water,
so it might be completely useless, but there you have it for
whatever it might be worth.

Live and learn I guess, and as you said it's all about trying to find
what works.

Yep. And if it does turn out to be colic, you'll likely
have a whole new baby on your hands in not too many more weeks.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Yes, we will try everything including holding, but like at this
moment, he's throwing a fit. We can usually tell from the cry pattern
if anything will help. We've found he generally is very fussy in the
late afternoon/evenings. Mornings he's okay and is, in general very
good. He smiles, coos and seems content. Things start to fall apart in
early afternoon. Holding will help until late afternoon. Then by the
evening sometimes nothing helps.

Live and learn I guess, and as you said it's all about trying to find
what works.


Hi,

It almost sounds like he is getting over tired, some babies wont sleep well
in your arms and need to be wrapped tightly and put down in a quiet area.
When they get over tired they wont get to sleep easily and will usually take
a fair amount of time to settle.
You can tell when a baby is ready for sleep by looking at their hands, if
they are balled up tightly it means they are tired and need to sleep.
I hope this helps...

Ebony

wrote:
[...]
Now to the daytime problem. He aways wants to be held. We're not sure
how to break this habit of his.

Depends what you mean by 'break the habit'. The problem is that two
entirely separate issues tend to get mixed up together he

1.The fact that, as you say, in practical terms you *can't* hold him all
the time because sometimes you are going to need to be doing things that
aren't very compatible with holding a baby. A good sling, wrap or
carrier will solve a lot of this, but not all. If you have to put the
baby down, you have to put the baby down. That's life. As you say, you
can try to make his time being put down less upsetting by using the
swing if he seems to like that, and you can make sure you minimise the
amount of time for which you put him down when he's crying. But if you
can't always hold him when he's crying then you can't always hold him
when he's crying, and that's just how life goes – as long as he does get
plenty of holding and affection whenever it is possible for you to do
this, then he'll be fine.

2.Concerns that this is something that needs to be changed in view of
his future behaviour – IOW, the belief that if you don't 'break the
habit' now things will go on and on this way and you'll end up with a
five-year-old always wanting to be held. This is as much of a fallacy as
it would be to assume that because he can't walk or talk now you have to
work intensively on those things or he'll never learn them. The normal
developmental course for a baby is to want to be held a lot at the start
and then, as the months go by, get a lot more interested in wanting to
be put down and explore the world. There is some evidence that leaving
a baby to cry for too much of the time when he wants to be held may
actually make him more insecure/clingy rather than less.

So, my view would be to put him down if you need to and don't get too
het up about that – but also don't get het up about needing to break any
habits or get him used to spending specific amounts of time not being
carried or anything like that, because that just isn't going to be an
issue. You could carry him for every second of every day right now, and
I promise you that by the time he reached crawling age he'd still be
wanting to be off and exploring. In fact, things are probably going to
end up eventually reaching the stage where you wish he'd be willing to
stay in your arms more often. ;-)

With regard to the colic and the pattern you described, this can
sometimes mean that a baby is getting too overtired. If you haven't
done so already, it would be worth checking out Gina Ford's 'Contented
Little Baby Book', which anecdotally has a good success rate in
preventing/treating colic. The principle is basically that babies get
put down for naps at set times, in dark quiet rooms, so that they just
don't get the chance to get overtired or overstimulated. The main
drawbacks of her books are that a) they're very complicated to
follow/figure out/troubleshoot, and can be a bit much when you're an
exhausted new parent, and b) she's very OneTrueWay – reading her books
can be terrifying because you end up thinking that if you don't follow
her methods you're doomed to misery as a parent. (Never the case with
any method, and beware of anyone who tries to tell you it is. Different
methods suit different babies and families.) What might well be
worthwhile is trying her schedule for a few days without making the
mistake of thinking that you have to leave the baby crying for long
periods of time because it's supposed to be his naptime (*not* something
Gina advocates, but that does tend to get lost in all the complexity)
and see whether the pattern seems to be suiting him.

For times when the baby has had a nap but is still fussy, Harvey Karp
(Happiest Baby On The Block) has some techniques for calming fussy
babies that apparently also have good success rates & are worth trying.
HTH.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell