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#11
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
beeswing wrote:
My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old" zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I thought I'd raise the question here. What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue into the teens? We don't *do* Halloween, but we did when I was a kid, so I feel I'm still qualified to respond. ;- IMHO, I can't see the harm in allowing her to trick-or-treat if she wants to. Twelve is such an in-between age; some kids are 12-going-on-9, and others are 12-going-on-24 (and some go back and forth between the extremes several times a day). She'll be rolling her eyes at *kid stuff* far too soon; let her enjoy it as long as she wants. Barbara |
#12
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:
But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. For some reason, it's really important to her this year. Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway. There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went until you were in seventh grade. 11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year. Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or treating, when all is said and done. -- Paula "Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay |
#13
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
On 2006-09-17, Dawn wrote:
Come to think of it, why not think of it that way? Wouldn't you *prefer* she still wanted to trick-or-treat as opposed to the other things teens do on Halloween? In Santa Cruz, CA, Halloween is probably the biggest party night of the year, with 25,000 people crowding into a few blocks downtown (the city population is about 55,000 and the county about 250,000). Last year the party got out of hand with 7 gang-related stabbings, with all 6 of the county's ambulances in use, plus the 2 LifeFlight helicopters. I'd much rather see the teens asking for handouts of candy, costumes or not. ------------------------------------------------------------ Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics (Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors & Chair of Education Committee, ISCB) life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Affiliations for identification only. |
#14
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
On Sun, 17 Sep 2006 14:19:58 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:
She wants to design costumes in conjunction with a friend of hers. The friend is 13...maybe 14. Plus she thinks it's fun. She doesn't have any secret evil plans, at least as far as I can sense. One of the young teenagers who came to our house last year was dressed as a cat, and was also carrying a well-behaved real cat in a basket. I was impressed with the cat, and also with the costume that was chosen for impressiveness rather than cargo-carrying ability. Perhaps you could offer to host the group of friends after the trick-or-treating and drive them home or have them sleep over, so they could socialize, eat candy together, enjoy each other's costumes, watch scary movies ... which are all pastimes that could become part of their tradition in later years as the trick-or-treating becomes less central. Louise |
#15
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 19:31:04 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:
My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old" zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I thought I'd raise the question here. What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue into the teens? I think it's fine for trick or treating to continue into the young teenage years. We started talking about future choices when our kids were eleven or twelve, reminding them that they wouldn't want to trick-or-treat forever, but as they became older they could hand out the candy at home or have a costume party at home or at a friend's house. Oh, and we certainly demonstrated that at our house, we bought enough candy that the non-trick-or-treating adults got to eat some. After that, they made different choices in different years - one made a conscious choice to stay home handing out candy one year to try that out, knowing that another year of trick-or-treating would still be appropriate after that. We certainly made it clear that although we weren't rushing them out of childhood, some families weren't going to approve, and reminded them that as they got taller, it was even more important to be courteous to the hosts and to the smaller children and parents who were out, and it was also a good idea to do their trick-or-treating either with younger children or in groups no bigger than two or three, rather than risk being perceived as a danger by families or by the police. I think they each chose to stop trick-or-treating after about grade 9, but have both still continued to celebrate with costumes and friends into young adulthood. I definitely wouldn't penalize her for being able to express her feelings in a mature articulate way. At her age, I certainly remember feeling anxious about anything that felt like being forced to give up childhood pleasures before I was ready. Part of me wanted a summer job and unrestricted privileges in the adult section of the library and a driver's licence and and a brassiere (probably in that order of priority!), but part of me wanted to savour the familiar pleasures of childhood and have some control into how and when I laid them aside. Louise |
#16
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Louise wrote:
Perhaps you could offer to host the group of friends after the trick-or-treating and drive them home or have them sleep over, so they could socialize, eat candy together, enjoy each other's costumes, watch scary movies ... which are all pastimes that could become part of their tradition in later years as the trick-or-treating becomes less central. Louise Good idea; looks like a school friend may already be planning something along thosee lines. Of course, it's early and the details haven't been ironed out yet. Thanks for writing. beeswing |
#17
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Beth Kevles wrote:
Hi -- In our neighborhood, kids go even into high school. However, they stop asking for candy and instead tote a Unicef box at some point. (They take the candy if offered :-) I honestly think that if she wants to go, she should go. Once she's embarassed about going, she'll stop. Or she'll find an excuse that has her looking mature but lets her go around the neighborhood anyway (such as collecting for Unicef or chaperoning some younger kid(s).) My two cents, --Beth Kevles Thanks, Beth. I've decided to let her go this year, but leave it on the table whether or not she will next year. I appreciate all the advice I've gotten here -- and so does my daughter! beeswing |
#18
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Paula wrote:
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote: But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. For some reason, it's really important to her this year. Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway. There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went until you were in seventh grade. No, the last year I was allowed to go was 6th grade, my final year of elementary school. It hasn't been as easy for me to decide by school attended because she started middle school in 5th grade...obviously young. 11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year. Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or treating, when all is said and done. -- Paula I told her that I considered her viewpoint and asked the question in a newsgroup I respected...and that I was willing to change my mind. I hope what she learns from this is that I *will* listen to her and her reasons (but not necessarily in every case agree with her) and that I'm open to taking advice and suggestions from people whose viewpoints I respect...and finally, that I'm open to changing my mind if the evidence weighs that way. I think those are good lessons for a kid to have no matter what his or her age. Thanks for writing. beeswing |
#19
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Banty wrote:
What defines "too old"? I don't know. That's why I asked the question. Since in my area I see teens trick or treating all the time, I'd say she's not too old yet. The teens do some of the cutest getups. They tend to knock later than the younger set - something around nine o'clock. It's clearly a social thing for them. I guess part of what bothers me is that when I lived alone, I simply wouldn't open my door that late. Didn't want to deal with the teens, myself. Last year when he was 13, my son went. I lent him my cell phone for him to call in. Good idea. I'll have her pack the (pay as you go) cell phone we just got her. I recall trick or treating at 12 - I went around dressed in black with my black cat on my shoulder. It was a hit. I bet it was. It sounds great. Banty Thanks, Banty! beeswing |
#20
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Louise wrote:
I think it's fine for trick or treating to continue into the young teenage years. We started talking about future choices when our kids were eleven or twelve, reminding them that they wouldn't want to trick-or-treat forever, but as they became older they could hand out the candy at home or have a costume party at home or at a friend's house. Oh, and we certainly demonstrated that at our house, we bought enough candy that the non-trick-or-treating adults got to eat some. After that, they made different choices in different years - one made a conscious choice to stay home handing out candy one year to try that out, knowing that another year of trick-or-treating would still be appropriate after that. We certainly made it clear that although we weren't rushing them out of childhood, some families weren't going to approve, and reminded them that as they got taller, it was even more important to be courteous to the hosts and to the smaller children and parents who were out, and it was also a good idea to do their trick-or-treating either with younger children or in groups no bigger than two or three, rather than risk being perceived as a danger by families or by the police. I think they each chose to stop trick-or-treating after about grade 9, but have both still continued to celebrate with costumes and friends into young adulthood. I definitely wouldn't penalize her for being able to express her feelings in a mature articulate way. No, I would never do that. A big part of the reason she's being allowed to go trick-or-treating this year is because she was able to calmly and articulately explain the reasons why it was important to her. It's important *to me* that I give her considerations proper weight and show that, given good reason, I am willing to revisit an issue. At her age, I certainly remember feeling anxious about anything that felt like being forced to give up childhood pleasures before I was ready. Part of me wanted a summer job and unrestricted privileges in the adult section of the library and a driver's licence and and a brassiere (probably in that order of priority!), but part of me wanted to savour the familiar pleasures of childhood and have some control into how and when I laid them aside. Louise Thanks so much for your response. Lots of great stuff to think about. She *is* going trick-or-treating this year, by the way. Assuming she gets her outfit put together in time. She wanted to design and create her own. beeswing |
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