Moving out of state and sharing child custody

"Relayer" wrote in message
oups.com...
On Feb 25, 3:17?am, (rj) wrote:
On 24 Feb 2007 18:55:21 -0800, "eric" wrote:





On Feb 24, 8:26 pm, "Relayer" wrote:
On Feb 24, 8:11?pm, "Gini" wrote:
have either partial or full custody of her child?

==
So...you want to take the child away from her dad and make him pay
for it to
boot via CS.
Wonderful. Hopefully, the mother will recognize the importance of the
child's relationship
with her dad and tell you to get lost. Then again, you could accept
the
responsibility of transporting the
child back to her dad's every few days for his share of the
parenting. Oh,
oh--How about this--Dad gets full custody and mom
pays CS. How's that?

Seems reasonable to me.

Listen Romeo, just because you love this woman, you want to take a
child from her father? Doesn't work that way.

Thanks both of you for your very helpful responses

First of all, I don't want to take a child from her father if the
father really cares about the child. From my posting, does the person
sound like a very good father? I did mention about him not taking any
responsibility earlier in raising the child and now that he doesn't
want to pay for child support, he has been sharing the custody. From
what I hear, he does not treat the child well and so even the child
does not like being with him any more. I can go on with it and try to
prove that he is not a good father, but that's not the point here
(Ideally I would like the child to be with her mother even if the
latter is not marrying me and moving to Texas, and that's only for the
child's good). I will appreciate any advice that tries to address my
situation. Thanks again.

Not surprisingly, you've gotten some pretty blunt replies. The
sharpness of the replies is not at all surprising because a *lot* of
people here have had to deal with unpleasant custody issues. And the
sort of scenario you have posted is pretty typical... of one (and
*only* one) side of the issue.

Personally, I've been on both sides. For a while, I was the NCP of my
son. And then, for reasons that seemed good then (and still do) I
went to court and forced a change of custody of our son from his
mother to myself.

So from personal experience, I can guess that while you're sure that
the child really *should* be taken from his father... the truth is
that the relationship you have with his mother *certainly* biases your
point of view. Most probably, the reality is that the father is not
as bad as either you or your gf believe. And the reality *also* is
that a child needs a relationship with *both* parents... even if they
aren't optimal at the parenting task.

Now... You ask for suggestions. Here's one that you don't want:
Quit your job in Texas. Move closer geographically to the people you
claim to love, and get a job there. Is this a sacrifice? Yes it is.
But that's one of the things we do when we love someone else. We put
*their* well-being on a par with our own.

rj- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

He wants the man to sacrifice his relationship with his own child
==
He also hasn't mentioned any willingness to get by without CS from the dad.

eric wrote:
On Feb 24, 8:26 pm, "Relayer" wrote:

On Feb 24, 8:11?pm, "Gini" wrote:
have either partial or full custody of her child?




==
So...you want to take the child away from her dad and make him pay for it to
boot via CS.
Wonderful. Hopefully, the mother will recognize the importance of the
child's relationship
with her dad and tell you to get lost. Then again, you could accept the
responsibility of transporting the
child back to her dad's every few days for his share of the parenting. Oh,
oh--How about this--Dad gets full custody and mom
pays CS. How's that?

Seems reasonable to me.

Listen Romeo, just because you love this woman, you want to take a
child from her father? Doesn't work that way.


Thanks both of you for your very helpful responses

First of all, I don't want to take a child from her father if the
father really cares about the child. From my posting, does the person
sound like a very good father? I did mention about him not taking any
responsibility earlier in raising the child and now that he doesn't
want to pay for child support, he has been sharing the custody. From
what I hear, he does not treat the child well and so even the child
does not like being with him any more. I can go on with it and try to
prove that he is not a good father, but that's not the point here
(Ideally I would like the child to be with her mother even if the
latter is not marrying me and moving to Texas, and that's only for the
child's good). I will appreciate any advice that tries to address my
situation. Thanks again.

What kind of relationship do you have with the little girl?

Daisy

On Feb 25, 9:01?am, Daisy wrote:


What kind of relationship do you have with the little girl?

Daisy- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Has no bearing what so ever.

On 25 Feb 2007 08:13:28 -0800, "Relayer" wrote:

On Feb 25, 9:01?am, Daisy wrote:


What kind of relationship do you have with the little girl?

Daisy- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Has no bearing what so ever.

Yes, it *does* have a bearing... since he says he wants to marry her
mother and bring the both of them to Texas.

That said, though, it seems unlikely that there could be very much of
a bond there just yet. The child is, after all, only 4 and he has
moved to another state.

rj

"eric" wrote in message
oups.com...
On Feb 24, 8:26 pm, "Relayer" wrote:
On Feb 24, 8:11?pm, "Gini" wrote:
have either partial or full custody of her child?



==
So...you want to take the child away from her dad and make him pay for
it to
boot via CS.
Wonderful. Hopefully, the mother will recognize the importance of the
child's relationship
with her dad and tell you to get lost. Then again, you could accept
the
responsibility of transporting the
child back to her dad's every few days for his share of the parenting.
Oh,
oh--How about this--Dad gets full custody and mom
pays CS. How's that?

Seems reasonable to me.

Listen Romeo, just because you love this woman, you want to take a
child from her father? Doesn't work that way.

Thanks both of you for your very helpful responses

First of all, I don't want to take a child from her father if the
father really cares about the child. From my posting, does the person
sound like a very good father? I did mention about him not taking any
responsibility earlier in raising the child and now that he doesn't
want to pay for child support, he has been sharing the custody. From
what I hear, he does not treat the child well and so even the child
does not like being with him any more.

I didn't like my father either. At times, I even despised him. But THANK GOD
some scumbag didn't force him away from me!

I can go on with it and try to
prove that he is not a good father, but that's not the point here
(Ideally I would like the child to be with her mother even if the
latter is not marrying me and moving to Texas, and that's only for the
child's good).

Something tells me that you don't want the child to be with the father. Am I
wrong?

I will appreciate any advice that tries to address my
situation. Thanks again.

On Feb 25, 10:20�am, (rj) wrote:
On 25 Feb 2007 08:13:28 -0800, "Relayer" wrote:

On Feb 25, 9:01?am, Daisy wrote:

What kind of relationship do you have with the little girl?

Daisy- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Has no bearing what so ever.

Yes, it *does* have a bearing... since he says he wants to marry her
mother and bring the both of them to Texas.

That said, though, it seems unlikely that there could be very much of
a bond there just yet. *The child is, after all, only 4 and he has
moved to another state.

rj

The only thing that matters is wwhat the court order says and they
typivally include a provision regarding moving

wrote in message
news
On 24 Feb 2007 16:51:48 -0800, in alt.support.divorce "eric"
wrote:

Hello,

I need some advice on the following situation. I want to marry a girl
who is divorced and has a 4 year old daughter. She has shared custody
of the child with her ex-husband. They both live in California not
very far from each other, so according to the court order, the child
spends half of the week with her mother and the rest with her father.
Now, I used to live close to the girl but recently moved out of state
to Texas on a new job and cannot move back in the next few years. I
want to marry her and want her to move to Texas, but at the same time
don't want her to lose custody of her child. She raised the child
entirely by herself and it has only been recently that her ex-husband
has been sharing custody, most probably to avoid paying for child
support. What can we do in such a situation so that she can move to
Texas but still have either partial or full custody of her child?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!


Mom will have to serve the father with her notice of intention to move the
child
and the father will be able to respond by trying to stop it through the
courts.

And the kourts will laugh at him and then grant her wish.

"Chris" wrote:
wrote:
Mom will have to serve the father with her notice of intention
to move the child and the father will be able to respond by
trying to stop it through the courts.
And the kourts will laugh at him and then grant her wish.

= Not. Try selling that BS to my current wife who was directed
not to move her and the kids home to her family in Tennessee.
"Kourts" are equal opportunity offenders.

If /she/ really wants to move to Texas, she'd better accept that
it may mean leaving the kids behind. OTOH, the father may
not be relish full-time custody, and she could used that coin in
bargaining for an accomodation. =R=

On 25 Feb 2007 09:32:56 -0800, "Relayer" wrote:

On Feb 25, 10:20�am, (rj) wrote:
On 25 Feb 2007 08:13:28 -0800, "Relayer" wrote:

On Feb 25, 9:01?am, Daisy wrote:

What kind of relationship do you have with the little girl?

Daisy- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Has no bearing what so ever.

Yes, it *does* have a bearing... since he says he wants to marry her
mother and bring the both of them to Texas.

That said, though, it seems unlikely that there could be very much of
a bond there just yet. *The child is, after all, only 4 and he has
moved to another state.

rj

The only thing that matters is wwhat the court order says and they
typivally include a provision regarding moving

I wasn't talking about *legal* bearing...

On Feb 25, 8:17 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Relayer" wrote in message

He wants the man to sacrifice his relationship with his own child
==
He also hasn't mentioned any willingness to get by without CS from the dad

No, we don't want any child support from the dad.