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#1
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I need help!
I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year
old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who responded. However, I have recently found out that she is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away. I reported it to the police and they found her at the mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She has always been a story teller and she apparently told the police that I beat her up and supply her and her brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something. I don't know what to do with her. She is completely out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with her because she just screams obscenities at me. The Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the meeting they will call CPS and charge me with abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own children to discipline them and then when they get so out of control that we can't even deal with them anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice. All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I love my daughter very much, but the only way that she will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help? |
#2
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I need help!
'Kate wrote in message ... On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who responded. However, I have recently found out that she is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away. I reported it to the police and they found her at the mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She has always been a story teller and she apparently told the police that I beat her up and supply her and her brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something. Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many parents in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in the child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell them. Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like you're walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in corrupt social services offices by most aren't like that. I don't know what to do with her. She is completely out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with her because she just screams obscenities at me. The Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the meeting they will call CPS and charge me with abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own children to discipline them and then when they get so out of control that we can't even deal with them anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice. All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I love my daughter very much, but the only way that she will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help? The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They didn't send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of the doubt. They have resources available. It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the support of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc... ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that were true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community, institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional adults........but we know that is not true. You're only one part of the picture. No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame You are the most important part and your job is to advocate for the best interests of your child. Approach it like that... enlist their help. If what they're saying is not true, tell them that. IF it is, tell them that too. I'm glad she's not pregnant. All I could think of was the future health repercussions. Good luck tonight. Post back. 'Kate |
#3
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I need help!
'Kate wrote in message ... On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:52:17 -0400, "Paul Fritz" 'Kate wrote in message .. . On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who responded. However, I have recently found out that she is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away. I reported it to the police and they found her at the mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She has always been a story teller and she apparently told the police that I beat her up and supply her and her brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something. Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many parents in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in the child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell them. Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like you're walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in corrupt social services offices by most aren't like that. I don't know what to do with her. She is completely out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with her because she just screams obscenities at me. The Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the meeting they will call CPS and charge me with abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own children to discipline them and then when they get so out of control that we can't even deal with them anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice. All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I love my daughter very much, but the only way that she will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help? The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They didn't send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of the doubt. They have resources available. It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the support of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc... ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that were true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community, institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional adults........but we know that is not true. Actually... the more support a child has, the better. It depends, it is not better if the 'support' interfers with that of the parent. You're only one part of the picture. No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame When the parents fail, some children still succeed. Something worked. Sometimes the frame is worth more the picture :-) |
#4
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I need help!
Well, my daughter is home again. Apparently some good
came out of all of this. She was scared pretty good being in that place. There were some really bad kids there. One girl even put another girls head through the wall. It was enough to wake her up into realizing that she was headed down the wrong road. And she definitly doesn't want to be in that place again. And they told her that if she runs away or gets into trouble again, she will go to juvenile hall next time. I'm keeping her out of school for the rest of the week so I can keep an eye on her and we can work on repairing our relationship. Last night was a good night. There is still hope. Thanks for all your input. |
#5
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I need help!
She was scared pretty good
being in that place That is temporary. This girl is out of control. You need more help than can be provided here. Get some. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#6
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I need help!
On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard
wrote: I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who responded. However, I have recently found out that she is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away. I reported it to the police and they found her at the mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She has always been a story teller and she apparently told the police that I beat her up and supply her and her brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something. I don't know what to do with her. She is completely out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with her because she just screams obscenities at me. The Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the meeting they will call CPS and charge me with abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own children to discipline them and then when they get so out of control that we can't even deal with them anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice. All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I love my daughter very much, but the only way that she will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help? Okay, I'm gonna give this my best shot. Take a lot of deep breaths and think very, very carefully. It doesn't matter whether you post what you think here or not. Just think very carefully. Be very honest with yourself. Has she always been a challenging child, or has she become challenging quite suddenly? Was she young for her age, old for her age, or pretty typical, until things changed? Can you think of any specific time when she became out of control? What things have happened in her life that you think are out of the ordinary, and that might have affected her? Here are some things I know: If a child is basically a good kid, eager to please or at least respectful of authority, and then suddenly they lose the plot around their adolesence, in a big, scary way, then one of two things has happened. Either they've run up against some kind of adolescent onset instability that quite likely runs in the family, or someone has done something to them. When a young adolescent is oversexualised and extremely out of control, there is not uncommonly an assault history that may or may not be obvious. A lot of kids who are assaulted suddenly and violently don't tell. Kids in either situation will lie and accuse their parents of abuse sometimes. If the parent has done anything abusive, that's a big part of the problem. If the parent has not and this is completely off the wall, either, these accusations are new, in which case, I'm guessing, sudden onset with the behaviour as well, or, the lying has escalated throughout the child's life, in which case, I'm guessing, organic illness. You need to think through very carefully, and make notes, about what your daughter has done that seems abnormal, and when, and when it all started. Then you need to call your doctor or nearest mental health unit and sit down with someone with some training and go carefully over everything. Because if your daughter has a mental illness, it's probably treatable and she needs some help. If your daughter has a hormonal problem, it's probably treatable, and she needs some help. If your daughter is involved with drugs, she's going to need help and she can get well. If your daughter has been grievously harmed in some way, by someone, she can get healthy but it's going to take a lot of work and she's going to need some help. What you describe isn't normal, but if you pay really close attention and take steps to work this out, it can turn out okay. Go to the meeting. What country are you in? I can help more if you're in Canada, 'cause there's not much I don't know at this point about who to contact WRT teen catastrophe in Canada. And who not to contact. Otherwise, someone from your country might have some help for you too. Good luck. Cele |
#7
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I need help!
On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:52:17 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
wrote: 'Kate wrote in message .. . On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who responded. However, I have recently found out that she is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away. I reported it to the police and they found her at the mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She has always been a story teller and she apparently told the police that I beat her up and supply her and her brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something. Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many parents in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in the child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell them. Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like you're walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in corrupt social services offices by most aren't like that. I don't know what to do with her. She is completely out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with her because she just screams obscenities at me. The Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the meeting they will call CPS and charge me with abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own children to discipline them and then when they get so out of control that we can't even deal with them anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice. All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I love my daughter very much, but the only way that she will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help? The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They didn't send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of the doubt. They have resources available. It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the support of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc... ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that were true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community, institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional adults........but we know that is not true. It helps a whole hell of a lot, though, if other adults don't actively do damage. With that in mind, a whole community that is HELPFUL is best, and a remote area comes next. You're only one part of the picture. No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame Rubbish. If that was true, my youngest would be happy, healthy and out working for the summer, instead of going in for inpatient treatment to beat down one more demon that neither her father nor I planted. We may be a significant part of the solution, or lack thereof, but parents, I guarantee you, are not always the problem. Society can and does make a difference. One person can, and sometimes does, do catastrophic damage. Cele You are the most important part and your job is to advocate for the best interests of your child. Approach it like that... enlist their help. If what they're saying is not true, tell them that. IF it is, tell them that too. I'm glad she's not pregnant. All I could think of was the future health repercussions. Good luck tonight. Post back. 'Kate |
#8
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I need help!
On Wed, 05 May 2004 16:54:29 GMT, DebLeppard
wrote: Well, my daughter is home again. Apparently some good came out of all of this. She was scared pretty good being in that place. There were some really bad kids there. One girl even put another girls head through the wall. It was enough to wake her up into realizing that she was headed down the wrong road. And she definitly doesn't want to be in that place again. And they told her that if she runs away or gets into trouble again, she will go to juvenile hall next time. I'm keeping her out of school for the rest of the week so I can keep an eye on her and we can work on repairing our relationship. Last night was a good night. There is still hope. Thanks for all your input. Does she seem really remorseful at times, and then go into completely out of control rages, where it's like she's a totally different person? Cele |
#9
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I need help!
"Cele" wrote in message ... On Tue, 4 May 2004 22:52:17 -0400, "Paul Fritz" wrote: 'Kate wrote in message .. . On Tue, 04 May 2004 19:07:58 GMT, DebLeppard I recently posted in this newsgroup about my 13 year old daughter being pregnant. Thanks to everyone who responded. However, I have recently found out that she is not pregnant. She lied. Since my post, I have also found out that she is using drugs and possibly giving sexual favors for drugs. The other night she ran away. I reported it to the police and they found her at the mans house who she was sleeping with. He was taken into custody and she was taken in for questioning. She has always been a story teller and she apparently told the police that I beat her up and supply her and her brothers with dope. They took her to a local Youth Crisis Center who expects me to be there tonight for a counseling meeting of some sort. Now I'm afraid that if I go I'll be arrested for child abuse or something. Tell the truth... that's all they want. They have had so many parents in and out that they can tell someone who is actively involved in the child's life and sincerely wants help. If you're nervous, tell them. Of course you are.. who wouldn't be? I know you're feeling like you're walking into the den of horrors and it is sometimes that way in corrupt social services offices by most aren't like that. I don't know what to do with her. She is completely out of control. I cannot talk to her or reason with her because she just screams obscenities at me. The Youth Center will only keep her for three days. Where can I get some real help for her? If I don't go to the meeting they will call CPS and charge me with abandonment. What are parents supposed to do these days. We're not allowed to lay a hand on our own children to discipline them and then when they get so out of control that we can't even deal with them anymore, then nobody's there to help or give advice. All they want to do is blame or punish the parents. I love my daughter very much, but the only way that she will be happy is if I just let her run amuck and do whatever she pleases. Please, can anyone help? The social services place is exactly where you are supposed to find help. They know that some teens do not tell the truth. They didn't send the police to your home so they are giving you the benefit of the doubt. They have resources available. It takes more than good parents to raise a child. It takes the support of the community, institutions, and schools, peers, etc... ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,you are sounding like Hillary........and if that were true, then children raised in remote areas......away from community, institutions, schools, and peers would be dysfunctional adults........but we know that is not true. It helps a whole hell of a lot, though, if other adults don't actively do damage. With that in mind, a whole community that is HELPFUL is best, and a remote area comes next. You're only one part of the picture. No, the parent is the picture.......ecerything else is just the frame Rubbish. If that was true, my youngest would be happy, healthy and out working for the summer, instead of going in for inpatient treatment to beat down one more demon that neither her father nor I planted. Not 'rubbish' at all. Ever think about where your daughter would be (and be headed) if she didn't have solid parents? Sometimes the frame can overwhelm the picture. We may be a significant part of the solution, or lack thereof, but parents, I guarantee you, are not always the problem. Society can and does make a difference. One person can, and sometimes does, do catastrophic damage. Never said that parents are always the problem. Cele You are the most important part and your job is to advocate for the best interests of your child. Approach it like that... enlist their help. If what they're saying is not true, tell them that. IF it is, tell them that too. I'm glad she's not pregnant. All I could think of was the future health repercussions. Good luck tonight. Post back. 'Kate |
#10
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I need help!
Cele, I reckon kids are more like a car than a train.
Start a train going and it (almost always) stays on the track you set it on. Kids tho - you can point em in the right direction and tell em which way to go, but they can change direction anytime along the way, and end up anywhere the road they follow takes em. David - who has seen time and time again that loving the wrong person can derail an otherwise happy life. Cele wrote: Rubbish. If that was true, my youngest would be happy, healthy and out working for the summer, instead of going in for inpatient treatment to beat down one more demon that neither her father nor I planted. We may be a significant part of the solution, or lack thereof, but parents, I guarantee you, are not always the problem. Society can and does make a difference. One person can, and sometimes does, do catastrophic damage. Cele |
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