Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled

Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118358476840657463.html

July 5, 2007; Page B5
By JEFF ZASLOW

Don Chance, a finance professor at Louisiana State University, says it
dawned on him last spring. The semester was ending, and as usual,
students were making a pilgrimage to his office, asking for the extra
points needed to lift their grades to A's.

"They felt so entitled," he recalls, "and it just hit me. We can blame
Mr. Rogers."

Fred Rogers, the late TV icon, told several generations of children
that they were "special" just for being whoever they were. He meant
well, and he was a sterling role model in many ways. But what often
got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being
special comes from working hard and having high expectations for
yourself.

Now Mr. Rogers, like Dr. Spock before him, has been targeted for re-
evaluation. And he's not the only one. As educators and researchers
struggle to define the new parameters of parenting, circa 2007, some
are revisiting the language of child ego-boosting. What are the
downsides of telling kids they're special? Is it a mistake to have
children call us by our first names? When we focus all conversations
on our children's lives, are we denying them the insights found when
adults talk about adult things?

Some are calling for a recalibration of the mind-sets and catch-
phrases that have taken hold in recent decades. Among the expressions
now being challenged:

"You're special." On the Yahoo Answers Web site, a discussion thread
about Mr. Rogers begins with this posting: "Mr. Rogers spent years
telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He
should have been telling them there was a lot of room for
improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may
have been, he did a disservice."

Signs of narcissism among college students have been rising for 25
years, according to a recent study led by a San Diego State University
psychologist. Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can't be blamed for this.
But as Prof. Chance sees it, "he's representative of a culture of
excessive doting."

Prof. Chance teaches many Asian-born students, and says they accept
whatever grade they're given; they see B's and C's as an indication
that they must work harder, and that their elders assessed them
accurately. They didn't grow up with Mr. Rogers or anyone else telling
them they were born special.

By contrast, American students often view lower grades as a reason to
"hit you up for an A because they came to class and feel they worked
hard," says Prof. Chance. He wishes more parents would offer kids this
perspective: "The world owes you nothing. You have to work and
compete. If you want to be special, you'll have to prove it."

"They're just children." When kids are rude, self-absorbed or
disrespectful, some parents allow or endure it by saying, "Well,
they're just children." The phrase is a worthy one when it's applied
to a teachable moment, such as telling kids not to stick their fingers
in electrical sockets. But as an excuse or as justification for
unacceptable behavior, "They're just children" is just misguided.

"Call me Cindy." Is it appropriate to place kids on the same level as
adults, with all of us calling each other by our first names? On one
hand, the familiarity can mark a loving closeness between child and
adult. But on the other hand, when a child calls an adult Mr. or Ms.,
it helps him recognize that status is earned by age and experience.
It's also a reminder to respect your elders.

"Tell me about your day." It is crucial to talk to kids about their
lives, and that dialogue can enrich the whole family. However, parents
also need to discuss their own lives and experiences, says Alvin
Rosenfeld, a Manhattan-based child psychiatrist who studies family
interactions.

In America today, life often begins with the anointing of "His
Majesty, the Fetus," he says. From then on, many parents focus their
conversations on their kids. Today's parents "are the best-educated
generation ever," says Dr. Rosenfeld. "So why do our kids see us
primarily discussing kids' schedules and activities?"

He encourages parents to talk about their passions and interests;
about politics, business, world events. "Because everything is child-
centered today, we're depriving children of adults," he says. "If they
never see us as adults being adults, how will they deal with important
matters when it is their world?"

Fred Goodwin, CMA wrote:

Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled
---------------------------
What does CMA mean, ****-Master Asshole?

Every piece of **** lie you dredge up online so that YOU don't have
to take responsibility for your ignorant right-wing viciousness
demeans the people who read it, because it is always some steeply
slanted piece that tries to find SOMETHING wrong with people being
kind to other people!

You sound like that moronic colonel in Dr Strangelove who was sure
the "commies" were trying to deplete his "vital fluids", like some
Kellog Battlecreek Michigan devotee around the turn of the last
century, when they thought that children should be manacled to
keep them from masturbating!

You're obnoxious and an idiot!!
Steve

Hi,

For a more detailed view of pathological narcissism and the
Narcissistic
Personality Disorder (NPD) - click on these links:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdglance.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/...ismglance.html

Other Personality Disorders

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faqpd.html

More about narcissistic cultures and societies - click on these links:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal87.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/lasch.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal62.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal63.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq47.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/15.html

Take care.

Sam

That's an interesting angle to take on the subject of entitlement. Why
focus on young adults? Don't all adults feel entitled about situations
as well? Did the author take into consideration other situations
outside of asking for extra points to get a better grade? I was
walking down the street the other day and happened to pass by an
elderly man that was pulled over for not stopping at a Stop sign. The
man was trying to weasel his way out of a ticket by using his age.
This situation happens everyday. Wouldn't this be considered
entitlement? The elderly man felt entitled to get out of a ticket
because of his driving experience and lack of previous citations.
Entitlement stretches across all age groups, genders, and ethnicities.
Why single out Asians? The professor from SDSU, Prof Chance was quoted
in the article saying that Asian-borns accept whatever grade they are
given. How does the professor know these kids are not talking smack
after they leave class? That is a very broad generalization for a
university professor to make. In fact, it worries me to think that a
university professor would grade on the belief that Asian-borns don't
put up much of a fight so that the professor doesn't have to worry
about offending them. While on the other hand, the professor worries
about the Mr. Rodgers society complaining, so the prof might think
twice about giving out a C or a B. If I were the SDSU chancellor I
would start worrying about lawsuits because of that comment. Anyhow, I
do not think it is easy for anybody, regardless of ethnicity to accept
a C. This article is biased and the angle was very ethnocentric. I'm
surprised that the editors of all these news websites allowed a report
like this to be published. If controversy rather than news was what
you were after, I think the editors may have accomplished that here.

wrote:

That's an interesting angle to take on the subject of entitlement. Why
focus on young adults? Don't all adults feel entitled about situations
as well? Did the author take into consideration other situations
outside of asking for extra points to get a better grade? I was
walking down the street the other day and happened to pass by an
elderly man that was pulled over for not stopping at a Stop sign. The
man was trying to weasel his way out of a ticket by using his age.
This situation happens everyday. Wouldn't this be considered
entitlement? The elderly man felt entitled to get out of a ticket
because of his driving experience and lack of previous citations.
Entitlement stretches across all age groups, genders, and ethnicities.
Why single out Asians? The professor from SDSU, Prof Chance was quoted
in the article saying that Asian-borns accept whatever grade they are
given. How does the professor know these kids are not talking smack
after they leave class? That is a very broad generalization for a
university professor to make. In fact, it worries me to think that a
university professor would grade on the belief that Asian-borns don't
put up much of a fight so that the professor doesn't have to worry
about offending them. While on the other hand, the professor worries
about the Mr. Rodgers society complaining, so the prof might think
twice about giving out a C or a B. If I were the SDSU chancellor I
would start worrying about lawsuits because of that comment. Anyhow, I
do not think it is easy for anybody, regardless of ethnicity to accept
a C. This article is biased and the angle was very ethnocentric. I'm
surprised that the editors of all these news websites allowed a report
like this to be published. If controversy rather than news was what
you were after, I think the editors may have accomplished that here.
---------------
Long time non-offenders DO have the right to expect and ask leniency
for a mistake in driving, and this is undertaken by the police as a
facet of "proper feild discretion". In fact MOST people a cop stops
are not ticketed, they are merely warned! This does NOT rise to the
level of false entitlememt unless they get argumentative.
Steve