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#1
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
So, if anyone is following our saga, back
in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at me for various issues: safety, nanny, bilingual environment, tantrums, noise, etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug. At that time, he threatened to call CPS, said he has a friend at CPS who said he should call, but he oh so kindly decided he himself would talk to us first. Well, following that, I talked to all the other neighbors, determined that no one was concerned with noise except J, that the only real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that Pillbug crossed the street by himself because DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids try to go into streets, don't they?) I did implement all of J and J's wife's suggestions: new locks, new fence, never let the kids go near their garage, shut the windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and move Pillbug to the other side of the house. Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now, but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor. J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the street. CPS decided there was not sufficient evidence for an investigation, so they referred us to some community counseling support blah blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic, he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I had called FOUR years ago and they told me they could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely useless. I've discovered that negative reinforcement just does not work well with me. Now that J has called CPS, my gut is telling me that next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in that direction. I just cannot believe that after our discussion, after J's wife kept telling me that she had been a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums (sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so different from an autistic child's frustration at being unable to communicate - I am not about to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!), after I implemented every one of their suggestions, that they still called CPS. I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that I'm calm when I do. -- Anita -- |
#2
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
In article , Irrational Number
says... So, if anyone is following our saga, back in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at me for various issues: safety, nanny, bilingual environment, tantrums, noise, etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug. At that time, he threatened to call CPS, said he has a friend at CPS who said he should call, but he oh so kindly decided he himself would talk to us first. Well, following that, I talked to all the other neighbors, determined that no one was concerned with noise except J, Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring up their concerns... that the only real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that Pillbug crossed the street by himself because DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids try to go into streets, don't they?) I did implement all of J and J's wife's suggestions: new locks, new fence, never let the kids go near their garage, shut the windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and move Pillbug to the other side of the house. Good! Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now, but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor. J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the street. CPS decided there was not sufficient evidence for an investigation, so they referred us to some community counseling support blah blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic, he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I had called FOUR years ago and they told me they could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely useless. Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine". I've discovered that negative reinforcement just does not work well with me. Now that J has called CPS, my gut is telling me that next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in that direction. Don't don't. I just cannot believe that after our discussion, after J's wife kept telling me that she had been a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums (sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so different from an autistic child's frustration at being unable to communicate - I am not about to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!), after I implemented every one of their suggestions, that they still called CPS. I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that I'm calm when I do. Why on earth talk to that neighbor again??? Here's what came down: 1. They called CPS, as I recall several of us said "let them, CPS won't do anything". 2. CPS did nothing, basically. Other than the mamby-pamby obligatory referrals they pretty much have to do and record that they did so they can show they're doing their job. So that was the one bullet in J's gun, they're blown their wad, there is nothing more that they can do, and *they* know it too. So it's done. Just keep doing what you're already doing, please dont' think of yourself as a child who "doesn't respond to negative reinforcement" and do stupid stuff to get the police called. But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish?? Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can be the people you talk to. As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-) Banty |
#3
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
Banty wrote in
: In article , Irrational Number says... So, if anyone is following our saga, back in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at me for various issues: safety, nanny, bilingual environment, tantrums, noise, etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug. At that time, he threatened to call CPS, said he has a friend at CPS who said he should call, but he oh so kindly decided he himself would talk to us first. Well, following that, I talked to all the other neighbors, determined that no one was concerned with noise except J, Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring up their concerns... that the only real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that Pillbug crossed the street by himself because DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids try to go into streets, don't they?) I did implement all of J and J's wife's suggestions: new locks, new fence, never let the kids go near their garage, shut the windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and move Pillbug to the other side of the house. Good! Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now, but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor. J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the street. CPS decided there was not sufficient evidence for an investigation, so they referred us to some community counseling support blah blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic, he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I had called FOUR years ago and they told me they could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely useless. Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine". I've discovered that negative reinforcement just does not work well with me. Now that J has called CPS, my gut is telling me that next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in that direction. Don't don't. I just cannot believe that after our discussion, after J's wife kept telling me that she had been a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums (sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so different from an autistic child's frustration at being unable to communicate - I am not about to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!), after I implemented every one of their suggestions, that they still called CPS. I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that I'm calm when I do. Why on earth talk to that neighbor again??? Here's what came down: 1. They called CPS, as I recall several of us said "let them, CPS won't do anything". 2. CPS did nothing, basically. Other than the mamby-pamby obligatory referrals they pretty much have to do and record that they did so they can show they're doing their job. So that was the one bullet in J's gun, they're blown their wad, there is nothing more that they can do, and *they* know it too. So it's done. Just keep doing what you're already doing, please dont' think of yourself as a child who "doesn't respond to negative reinforcement" and do stupid stuff to get the police called. But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish?? Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can be the people you talk to. As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-) Banty I have to agree with what Banty said. You have a challenge with your every day life. There's not much that's going to change that. There's no magical cure for Autism, AFAIK, or autistic would not be around. You're not the only family with an autistic child. Yours doesn't seem to be any different from the next! We lived across the way from a woman that had an autistic 11 or 12 year old son. He did some pretty crazy things - there was one time I remember he was just screaming out his bedroom window, and in the end, he ended up *falling* out of his 2nd storey window. An ambulance was called to add to the noise and commotion, but quite frankly, it was not the end of the world living near this family. They didn't do things to bother the neighbours on purpose. I did talk to this neighbour every now and then. I can only imagine how difficult it can be in her home. It wasn't something I would ever think to hold against her... When she got pregnant with him, I highly doubt she was hoping and praying for autism! Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would. I'd keep trying to do what I can to not disrupt the neighbour, but it sure sounds like your neighbour is a royal jerk. I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him - or the wife. Just ignore them completely. If they feel the need to keep calling CPS, then whatever. Let them if that's what makes them happy. They'll really start to look stupid when CPS keeps saying you're doing a great job and handle issues and life well. I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That just might fuel his boat or something. He might get some satisfaction that if CPS won't do anything in his favor, at least he's getting to your last nerve. Don't even go down that road! |
#4
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
Banty wrote:
In article , Irrational Number says... Well, following that, I talked to all the other neighbors, determined that no one was concerned with noise except J, Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring up their concerns... Actually, these neighbors are people I know and one of them is very good about telling me things I ought to know, like if the nanny is doing something good or bad. And the other neighbors did tell me about their safety concerns, that they could not hear screaming, but they could hear my piano playing and hope I do more of it. J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the street. CPS decided there was not sufficient evidence for an investigation, so they referred us to some community counseling support blah blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic, he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I had called FOUR years ago and they told me they could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely useless. Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine". Sorry, I meant "useless" as in these counseling agencies are useless - they give me referrals that can't help me. I just cannot believe that after our discussion, after J's wife kept telling me that she had been a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums (sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so different from an autistic child's frustration at being unable to communicate - I am not about to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!), after I implemented every one of their suggestions, that they still called CPS. I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that I'm calm when I do. Why on earth talk to that neighbor again??? You're right... I kind of had the thought that I wanted to "break up" formally. J have been giving us the "fade" (to use a relationship term) - he went from being friendly and talking about anything and everything to NEVER making eye contact anymore. It's as if we do not exist. But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish?? Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can be the people you talk to. As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-) Since they are pretending we are not here, I suppose it's fine to pretend they are not there! -- Anita -- |
#5
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
In article , Irrational Number
says... Banty wrote: In article , Irrational Number says... Well, following that, I talked to all the other neighbors, determined that no one was concerned with noise except J, Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring up their concerns... Actually, these neighbors are people I know and one of them is very good about telling me things I ought to know, like if the nanny is doing something good or bad. And the other neighbors did tell me about their safety concerns, that they could not hear screaming, but they could hear my piano playing and hope I do more of it. J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the street. CPS decided there was not sufficient evidence for an investigation, so they referred us to some community counseling support blah blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic, he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I had called FOUR years ago and they told me they could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely useless. Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine". Sorry, I meant "useless" as in these counseling agencies are useless - they give me referrals that can't help me. Oh I got that. It's just that, CPS didn't do anything real therefore, right? They weren't going to take any real action, right? No home visits, nothing. They've decided you're fine. I just cannot believe that after our discussion, after J's wife kept telling me that she had been a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums (sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so different from an autistic child's frustration at being unable to communicate - I am not about to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!), after I implemented every one of their suggestions, that they still called CPS. I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that I'm calm when I do. Why on earth talk to that neighbor again??? You're right... I kind of had the thought that I wanted to "break up" formally. J have been giving us the "fade" (to use a relationship term) - he went from being friendly and talking about anything and everything to NEVER making eye contact anymore. It's as if we do not exist. So don't exist ;-) But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish?? Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can be the people you talk to. As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-) Since they are pretending we are not here, I suppose it's fine to pretend they are not there! You got it. Banty |
#6
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
xkatx wrote:
Banty wrote in : As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-) Banty I have to agree with what Banty said. You have a challenge with your every day life. That is exactly it. If you don't have an autistic child, you have no idea what it's like. I certainly did not! To top it all off, just last month, we received two more diagnoses: mental retardation (at 5yo, his cognitive level is about 18 months) and verbal apraxia. Let me tell you, I do not need to be worrying about a CPS visit!!! Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would. I do. I am not about to keep Pillbug locked up. He loves to be in the back yard flapping away and if he sees little ants and that makes him happily squealing (which is not as loud as a tantrum, by the way), then so be it. I love that he loves to be outdoors. I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him - or the wife. Just ignore them completely. If they feel the need to keep calling CPS, then whatever. Let them if that's what makes them happy. They'll really start to look stupid when CPS keeps saying you're doing a great job and handle issues and life well. It's interesting that you and Banty both think I should not talk to the neighbor. I won't. But, that just had not occurred to me earlier. I'm the kind of person that likes to talk things out, even if it's just a 5-minute "break-up" conversation. But, I guess it's not required in this instance. I have nothing to worry about from CPS or the police. Anyone is welcome to visit my house and see what a therapy center it looks like! Plus, I have dozens and dozens of witnesses in the form of therapists, psychologists, neurologists, teachers, and whatnot to testify on my behalf, if need be! I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That just might fuel his boat or something. I was just stunned that he actually called CPS after we talked about everything and I implemented all the measures they requested. But ah well, you can't win 'em all. I don't need to be thinking about this with everyone else going on. -- Anita -- |
#7
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
"Irrational Number" wrote in message ... xkatx wrote: Banty wrote in : As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-) Banty I have to agree with what Banty said. You have a challenge with your every day life. That is exactly it. If you don't have an autistic child, you have no idea what it's like. I certainly did not! To top it all off, just last month, we received two more diagnoses: mental retardation (at 5yo, his cognitive level is about 18 months) and verbal apraxia. Let me tell you, I do not need to be worrying about a CPS visit!!! I do not have an autistic child, nor do I have any close family member or friend with one. My only "real" experience with autism is from the woman that I knew and did talk to often enough from across the parking lot where we lived last and a distant relative who's DD1 (a little younger than DS, IIRC) - it's my uncle's neice's child, and he's my uncle through marriage so I am not extremely close with them, but do know them somewhat. I can only imagine what it would be like, but really, I have no idea what it really is like, nor will I even try and pretend! I think with stuff like that - where you really *don't* know unless it's directly in your life, it's much easier to be compassionate and understanding of what, in reality, is like the unknown to you. Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would. I do. I am not about to keep Pillbug locked up. He loves to be in the back yard flapping away and if he sees little ants and that makes him happily squealing (which is not as loud as a tantrum, by the way), then so be it. I love that he loves to be outdoors. Good. What child doesn't like being outdoors? Who would much rather be locked in the house all the time - child or adult? I would think there'd be more concerns if a person was to keep their child - with any type of disability or special circumstances or not - shut out from the rest of the world. THAT would be something that isn't alright, so if being outside in the yard or park or whatever is what he likes, then great. I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him - or the wife. Just ignore them completely. If they feel the need to keep calling CPS, then whatever. Let them if that's what makes them happy. They'll really start to look stupid when CPS keeps saying you're doing a great job and handle issues and life well. It's interesting that you and Banty both think I should not talk to the neighbor. I won't. But, that just had not occurred to me earlier. I'm the kind of person that likes to talk things out, even if it's just a 5-minute "break-up" conversation. But, I guess it's not required in this instance. I don't really know why I wouldn't bother with the neighbour, but I know I just wouldn't. I have a weirdo neighbour and I would much rather avoid her at all costs. I do think she's a real nutjob, but that's besides the point. There's just some people that are best avoided, and like my neighbour for different reasons, yours seems to be right up the same alley in some ways lol I think the thought (or maybe assumption?) that the neighbour might get more of a rise if they knew they were getting to me would be part of the reason. I think just completely ignoring it would give me more satisfaction and the neighbour less! Letting the neighbour know that I'm not in the wrong at all would be it. I have nothing to worry about from CPS or the police. Anyone is welcome to visit my house and see what a therapy center it looks like! Plus, I have dozens and dozens of witnesses in the form of therapists, psychologists, neurologists, teachers, and whatnot to testify on my behalf, if need be! Definitely. And the fact that you are definitely not the only one. There's so many other people and families out there going down the same road in very, very similar situations. On the flip side, for every other family, there's their neighbours as well. Kind of like my neighbour - banging like a lunatic on the shared bedroom wall the first night we moved in here because the baby (DD1 was 3 weeks old when we moved here) was crying. I actually went to her and told her to stop banging on the wall - I told her all babies cry - mine, hers, theirs... and I also assured her I was not pinching the baby to make her cry. It's just something that life throws at us all in one way or another lol I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That just might fuel his boat or something. I was just stunned that he actually called CPS after we talked about everything and I implemented all the measures they requested. But ah well, you can't win 'em all. I don't need to be thinking about this with everyone else going on. Again, some people... That's just how they are. To your face, some people just pretend to be your best friend. But when you're not standing right there, they're totally different. We had issues with the nut next door - her son constantly playing VERY loud (excessivly loud) music on a regular basis. Then in the evening, kids in bed, we'd sit down to watch some TV and the neighbour is banging on the wall over what I assumed was the TV. It wasn't loud (kids were in bed) and it turned into a huge battle, but partly because the TV wasn't loud. She then suggested we trade phone numbers - to avoid banging on the walls like a bunch of neanderthals, pick up the phone and call and ask for the music/TV/video games - whatever - be turned down. Well, low and behold... She was STILL banging on the walls. There's just definitely some people you can't ever please and those are the people best avoided at all costs! -- Anita -- |
#8
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
Hi -- Keep a written record of what you've told them, what CPS has told them AND you, and pediatrician notes. Also, keep a written record of every time they threaten you with calling CPS. This will help you in the event you need to take legal action against the neighbors. (I'm not sure what legal action ... restraining order, ADA complaint, lawsuit, whatever.) It might be worth speaking with a lawyer about the issue with the neighbors, because if they succeed in getting you entangled with CPS you'll want solid legal advice on your side. Good luck, and I hope the problem fizzles out. --Beth Kevles -THE-COM-HERE http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the GMAIL one if you would like me to reply. |
#9
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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant
Irrational Number wrote:
So, if anyone is following our saga, back in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at me for various issues: safety, nanny, bilingual environment, tantrums, noise, etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug. At that time, he threatened to call CPS, Aww, I'm sorry. Bigotry relating to disabilities is startling in this day and age but it is certainly there. I'm sorry you are living next door to it. I agree with just ignoring the neighbor. No good will ever come from conversations with him. CPS did not find reason to investigate so that is a win for you. The only thing that would ever get people perked up is the safety issue of crossing the streets. Do you know about the various things available to help keep track of a child? If you want some resources I'll provide links. -- Nikki, mama to 4 boys |
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