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#1
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playdates for 4yo
Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. |
#2
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playdates for 4yo
"toypup" wrote in message . .. Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no. Offer to take her home from pre-school and have them pick her up later. That way there won't be any confusion about whether they are expected to stay, and you won't have to try to find a nice way to tell them they aren't welcome. Bizby |
#3
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playdates for 4yo
toypup wrote:
Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. I would not expect the parent of a 4yo to be willing to drop him off at a stranger's house and leave. Many would do it (and I'm not saying it's necessarily unreasonable of them to do so), but I would not expect them to. So, I wouldn't extend the invitation if I wasn't willing to accommodate the parent if he wanted to stick around. I think it would put the other parent in a very awkward position. Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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playdates for 4yo
In article ,
"toypup" wrote: "bizby40" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message . .. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know, either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him. So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? I'm not sure there IS a "common age", as in one that is generally agreed upon. I have known parents of children in 3rd or 4th grade who would not allow their children at anyone else's house unless they were with them. On the other hand, when my oldest was 3, she was invited to the home of someone I didn't know well, and I was surprised to find out that I was expected to just drop her off and pick her up 2 hours later. (I had wrongly assumed that the invitation was for all of us -- it was quite disheartening, as I was fairly new in the area and had looked forward to spending some time around another adult; plus, it was over a 1/2 hour drive, so the babies (the twins would have been about 6 months old) and I had to spend over 2 hours in the car (over an hour for each leg) for her to have a 2 hour play date -- and one of them HATED being in the car! So just make sure you are clear. If you aren't comfortable with the dad coming into your home, you could ask about meeting at some public place. That's not very far away. I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get there. DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about sometimes pop up that way. I was always fine with the kids talking on the phone as long as they had learned decent telephone manners. I taught my kids to identify themselves first, and then ask to "please speak to so and so" -- and also to just leave a message if they were told that the person wasn't available. (I hated it when kids called here and demanded to know WHY so and so couldn't come to the phone, or where they were.) -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#5
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playdates for 4yo
"bizby40" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message . .. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know, either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him. So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away. I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get there. DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about sometimes pop up that way. |
#6
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playdates for 4yo
toypup wrote:
"bizby40" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message . .. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know, either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him. So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away. I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get there. DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about sometimes pop up that way. My son turned 4 in January and pre-school started in February so we have had that situation all year when he has been invited on playdates. For the first visit in each other's homes the parent has always stayed and socialised with the other parent. After that, if everyone is happy and the kids get on well, we go to solo playdates. As a bonus one of the mothers is really great and we get on like a house on fire so in that case the playdates have become primarily for the adults! I wouldn't leave a young child with another adult unless I'd spent some time in their company and I expect other parents to 'evaluate' me in the same way. In your situation could you have the first playdate at a park or somewhere that involves less work than your own home? I, too, would be a little uncomfortable having a father who I didn't already have a family-friend relationship with come to my house when my older children (teens) or my husband wasn't home. As for the phone calls, I think that would be sweet but you might want to start off with a few rules first so they don't become phone addicts! Tai |
#7
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playdates for 4yo
"bizby40" ) writes: I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no. That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted attention. Maybe the risk is small and it's worth it. (Maybe he's embarassed to come over for related reasons.) Whether you're willing to have the dad over or not, you have to be careful about how you word the invitation. You could begin by discussing in further detail the vague invitation for "someday": e.g. "do you think one of these days we could take your child home and you could pick him up later? I'd like to get them together to play somehow one of these days." and see what he thinks might be workable. Um, sorry, toypup, you're female, right? Otherwise what I wrote above doesn't make as much sense :-) If you're married, you could have the child and his dad over when your husband is home too, casually letting the dad know that will be the case so he won't think up some excuse not to come. Or, you can ask him for the phone number of the child's mother: she might be more open to arranging playdates. -- Cathy Woodgold http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html We are all Iraqis now. |
#8
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playdates for 4yo
toypup wrote: I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? When DD1 was 4 yo, the answer was no -- pretty much all parents (or a parent) accompanied the child. (Some even had a quiz sheet -- any firearms? dogs crated? etc.) When I look at it from a 4 yo's perspective, it seems reasonable to expect that the playdate child might feel weirded out visiting another house alone also. I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. If there's a place (park? trail? pond?) near you that little kids go to run around you could offer to meet the playdate child and his parent there -- hence, you're not entertaining (or making small talk), yet you're getting to know the parent(s) of your son's friend. For 4 year olds, it can be a bonus to have the parent of the other child around, too, if the playdate isn't working out. It's tricky to have a 4 yo as a host, which means that you'll be the host, yet you're probably as much an unknown quantity to the friend as the friend's father is to you. Caledonia |
#9
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playdates for 4yo
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message ... "bizby40" ) writes: I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no. That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted attention. the sound of my head exploding P. Tierney |
#10
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playdates for 4yo
P. Tierney wrote:
the sound of my head exploding Hang in there, P. ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
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