Challenging Work/Custody Time Problem - Need Suggestions

I'm a divorced father with 50% custody of my 11 year old daughter. I
have her for one week, then she goes to her mom's, then she comes back
to me for a week, etc.

I'm unemployed and looking for full-time work. I'm anticipating a
major problem, though, when I find a job. I don't know how I'll be
able to squeeze in an 8 hour day, plus commuting time, between the
earliest I can drop my kid off at school and the latest I can pick her
up. (I already feel bad about not spending the maximum amount of time
with her, but an unemployed father isn't doing her any good.)

For example, I can take her to school around 7:30 AM and pick her up
as late as 5:30. That's a 10 hour window. But around here (central NJ)
commuting can take 1-2 hours each way. I'm willing to work through
lunch, but the stress of getting to work on time and hoping I can
leave on time to pick her up will wear me down every day.

Hopefully, I'll find a sympathetic employer who'll let me do some
telecommuting or work out some flextime arrangement. But I'm trying to
prepare for the worst.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy to face this problem. I'd love to hear
about some solutions others have come up with or any advice that might
help.

Thanks!

I am another Jersey-ite as well, from the southern part. Does your
daughter's school have an after-school program? Here, the programs are
typically from 7 to 6. There are private daycares in the area that open up
earlier (6:30 a.m.) and have after-school programs, but it may take a little
legwork to find them. Our after-school program here is very good and
reasonable in price as well. Also, for the townships that do not offer an
after-school program, the local YMCA offers a program located within the
schools; here it is called Prime Time. Good luck in your quest. You're
right, the whole child-care issue produces an enormous amount of anxiety.
And New Jersey, despite its proximity to the large cities of NY and
Philadelphia, can seem pretty backwards in terms of arranging child care and
getting information. I lived in Maryland for 10 years so I can attest that
other states are different.

Is you ex close enough that you can trade off school drop off and pick up?
When I was married I did that since my ex and I were in the DC area and had
horrendous commutes.Also, maybe there is someone in your daughter's class
who can trade off the pick up and drop off. There may be other single
parents who are in the same boat as you are.

You might have to restrict where you will work because you don't want to be
a nervous wreck getting to and from work on time. I don't apply for jobs in
Edison because I know I'll have a nervous breakdown if I run late coming
home. Regardless, make sure you have a plan B. I've phoned friends from
the Turnpike to pick up my daughter if I'm running late.

BTW, I've been lurking here on and off for a little while and am a divorced
(6 years) mother of a 10 year old girl. I am from southern NJ (metro
Philadelphia).

Lisa W. in the very flooded southern part of the Garden State

"Scott" wrote in message
om...
I'm a divorced father with 50% custody of my 11 year old daughter. I
have her for one week, then she goes to her mom's, then she comes back
to me for a week, etc.

I'm unemployed and looking for full-time work. I'm anticipating a
major problem, though, when I find a job. I don't know how I'll be
able to squeeze in an 8 hour day, plus commuting time, between the
earliest I can drop my kid off at school and the latest I can pick her
up. (I already feel bad about not spending the maximum amount of time
with her, but an unemployed father isn't doing her any good.)

For example, I can take her to school around 7:30 AM and pick her up
as late as 5:30. That's a 10 hour window. But around here (central NJ)
commuting can take 1-2 hours each way. I'm willing to work through
lunch, but the stress of getting to work on time and hoping I can
leave on time to pick her up will wear me down every day.

Hopefully, I'll find a sympathetic employer who'll let me do some
telecommuting or work out some flextime arrangement. But I'm trying to
prepare for the worst.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy to face this problem. I'd love to hear
about some solutions others have come up with or any advice that might
help.

Thanks!

Personally, I think the week on / week off is not the ideal......have you
thought about a different arrangement...i.e Mon / Tues and alt
Fri-Sun.....it might make it easier to get an work schedule, and it will be
easier on the kid WRT....the same activites are associated with one house or
the other....i.e gym class on Tues....always with Dad, girl scouts on
Wedns.....always with mom.....
You might also consider car pooling, you take the kids in the morning,
someone else brings them home......and find a job closer to home.


"Scott" wrote in message
om...
I'm a divorced father with 50% custody of my 11 year old daughter. I
have her for one week, then she goes to her mom's, then she comes back
to me for a week, etc.

I'm unemployed and looking for full-time work. I'm anticipating a
major problem, though, when I find a job. I don't know how I'll be
able to squeeze in an 8 hour day, plus commuting time, between the
earliest I can drop my kid off at school and the latest I can pick her
up. (I already feel bad about not spending the maximum amount of time
with her, but an unemployed father isn't doing her any good.)

For example, I can take her to school around 7:30 AM and pick her up
as late as 5:30. That's a 10 hour window. But around here (central NJ)
commuting can take 1-2 hours each way. I'm willing to work through
lunch, but the stress of getting to work on time and hoping I can
leave on time to pick her up will wear me down every day.

Hopefully, I'll find a sympathetic employer who'll let me do some
telecommuting or work out some flextime arrangement. But I'm trying to
prepare for the worst.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy to face this problem. I'd love to hear
about some solutions others have come up with or any advice that might
help.

Thanks!

I'm a divorced father with 50% custody of my 11 year old daughter. I
have her for one week, then she goes to her mom's, then she comes back
to me for a week, etc.

I'm unemployed and looking for full-time work. I'm anticipating a
major problem, though, when I find a job. I don't know how I'll be
able to squeeze in an 8 hour day, plus commuting time, between the
earliest I can drop my kid off at school and the latest I can pick her
up. (I already feel bad about not spending the maximum amount of time
with her, but an unemployed father isn't doing her any good.)

For example, I can take her to school around 7:30 AM and pick her up
as late as 5:30. That's a 10 hour window. But around here (central NJ)
commuting can take 1-2 hours each way. I'm willing to work through
lunch, but the stress of getting to work on time and hoping I can
leave on time to pick her up will wear me down every day.

Hopefully, I'll find a sympathetic employer who'll let me do some
telecommuting or work out some flextime arrangement. But I'm trying to
prepare for the worst.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy to face this problem. I'd love to hear
about some solutions others have come up with or any advice that might
help.

Thanks!


deep sigh Welcome to the working parent's club. Here is where the "you can
have it all" farce/lie comes to bear. It's a tough position and I've been
there (even in NJ!).

5 years ago, I got laid off.... I received a job offer making 90K/yr plus
travel expenses (A dream job right?)..... here's the catch.... I had to be gone
from home 3 months at a stretch. My son was then 9 so basically I would have
had a nanny raising my child (single parent, absent ex).

Instead, I settled for a job making 1/3 that allowed me to parent my son.
Sometimes these are the hardest choices, but consider..... in the grand scheme
of things...... your child is young for only a short amount of time. You have
the rest of your adulthood to chase the career you want, worst case, your
primary "parenting" will last only another 7 years until you are too "uncool"
for her to associate with and she goes off to college.

Isn't a childhood full of parenting better than a step up the corporate ladder?

Find a local job that's in your field but may pay less.... parenting is
priceless and the ROI is limitless.

Just my 2 cents.........
Christine

On 15 Jul 2004 01:05:36 GMT, unya (Purchgdss) wrote:

[snip]

deep sigh Welcome to the working parent's club. Here is where the "you can
have it all" farce/lie comes to bear. It's a tough position and I've been
there (even in NJ!).

Me too...though not in NJ. ;-)

5 years ago, I got laid off.... I received a job offer making 90K/yr plus
travel expenses (A dream job right?)..... here's the catch.... I had to be gone
from home 3 months at a stretch. My son was then 9 so basically I would have
had a nanny raising my child (single parent, absent ex).

About a month ago, I turned down what I described as my dream job,
because it would require me to be out of town for five days at a
stretch, twice a month, and T really is going to need me home nightly
when she gets out of hospital, for some time to come. It was hard to
do in one way, because it really was a wonderful job, but in another
way, there was just no contest because I knew what I had to do.

Then, last week, I was offered an *even better* job, that pays more
and that allows me to be home every night. It has great fringe
benefits and it's very bleeding edge and gives me all kinds of room to
develop ideas and make positive changes. So maybe sometimes the
universe aligns itself as it should, when we do. :-)

Instead, I settled for a job making 1/3 that allowed me to parent my son.
Sometimes these are the hardest choices, but consider..... in the grand scheme
of things...... your child is young for only a short amount of time. You have
the rest of your adulthood to chase the career you want, worst case, your
primary "parenting" will last only another 7 years until you are too "uncool"
for her to associate with and she goes off to college.

Nah. T's 17 in October, and one would think I could manage to be away
for a few nights at a time, given she's graduating from high school in
June. But I can't, and that wasn't predictable, and there you go. Life
is at it is, and with parenting, you're in 'for better or worse,
sickness and health,' just like we thought we were with marriage.

Isn't a childhood full of parenting better than a step up the corporate ladder?

Whether it seems that way or not, it's a decision we've made when we
choose parenting as part of our lives, IMO.

Find a local job that's in your field but may pay less.... parenting is
priceless and the ROI is limitless.

Including the learning.....;-)

Cele