Does this sound fair? (Vent)

Circe wrote:
Hillary Israeli wrote:
In ,
Banty wrote:
*But when does one decide to learn a better way to do it, vs. just
*up and saying "that's how I do it, tough".

Well, I suppose I'd learn a better way to do it if someone took the
time to teach me the way. One would hope I could learn it, in any
case

Well, as I suggested, you might just try *watching* him do it.

My sweet husband loaded the dishwasher last night because I was in a
lot of
discomfort following my gum surgery and needed the rest. (I'm much
better
today, thank goodness.) I looked in there this morning. Ye gods and
little
fishes! He managed to get everything in it, but in such a haphazard
fashion
that little else will fit without substantial rearranging. But,
remembering
this thread, I stopped myself from following my anal-retentive
instincts and
left it the way it was. My nanny might wind up moving some stuff
herself
before she runs it this morning, but if she doesn't, it'll run the
way he
loaded it.
--


Sigh. Barbara got her dishwasher-loading gene from her father. He was
the spatial-relations expert in our family. He ALWAYS rearranged
things I had put in the dishwasher and he was very proud of the fact
that he could usually get ALL the dirty dishes in one load even when we
had company. He loved to load the dishwasher but hated to hand-wash
the pots and pans and plastic things, and would leave them in the sink
overnight and do them in the morning. (This was after he retired, so
he didn't have to get up and go to work in the morning.) That drove me
crazy for a while, having to fix the kids' and my breakfast and maybe
pack a school lunch in the presence of a sink full of dirty pots and
pans. But I finally figured out that he really WOULD do them if I left
them alone, rather than doing them myself and then feeling like a
martyr G. So I learned tolerance.

Funny thing, he was really good at packing the dishwasher and getting
everything in the car when we went on trips. We brought everything I
owned, plus my roommate, from Berkeley to Los Angeles in a VW Beetle
just before our wedding. But packing a suitcase defeated him. I
usually had to do that for him.

And alas, since he died my dishwasher has never been loaded properly.

Katie in San Diego
Mom to Barbara (Circe), Grandma to Julian, Aurora and Vernon

Hillary Israeli ) writes:
Because it's one of those things like fraction mathematics that apparently
I'm supposed to "just know," and it's not something he can teach. This is
what he says, anyway.

I wonder if there's some way to inject humour into the situation.

Like responding to his complaint by handing him a paper
star saying "Congratulations! ___3___ dishwasher complaints
tonight -- beating your record for this week! :-)"
and smiling a big smile while handing it to him.
Only worth doing if it can get you both laughing or
at least smiling.

Or a paper star saying "Congratulations! World's best
dishwasher teacher." or something.


--
Cathy

Hillary Israeli ) writes:
Well, I suppose I'd learn a better way to do it if someone took the time
to teach me the way. One would hope I could learn it, in any case
However, I've been informed that my inability is on a par with not being
able to "just know" that 2+2=4, and that it isn't something one can teach
to someone who doesn't "just get it."

You have been insulted.

Is it possible to teach the guy some social skills -- or is
he hopeless and should "just know" not to say stuff like that? :-)
--
Cathy

"Nikki" ) writes:
Also, it is
only the things he can see that he cares about.

Maybe he has poor eyesight, and can't see dirt.
--
Cathy

Catherine Woodgold wrote:
"Nikki" ) writes:
Also, it is
only the things he can see that he cares about.

Maybe he has poor eyesight, and can't see dirt.

Well you snipped the next sentence about the closets and cupboards. He'd
need x-ray vision to see through the doors. ;-) My point was that if it is
behind a closed door, it doesn't bother him.

--
Nikki

In ,
Catherine Woodgold wrote:

*
*Hillary Israeli ) writes:
* Well, I suppose I'd learn a better way to do it if someone took the time
* to teach me the way. One would hope I could learn it, in any case
* However, I've been informed that my inability is on a par with not being
* able to "just know" that 2+2=4, and that it isn't something one can teach
* to someone who doesn't "just get it."
*
*You have been insulted.

Does it count if I didn't notice?

The fact of the matter is that I freely admit to having visual-spatial
relationship skills which are nowhere near my other skill sets. In other
words, it's totally not my thing - and this is one reason why I didn't
want to become a surgeon, to my mother's great dismay (not that I'm an
incompetent surgeon - I'm very good at the routine procedures I do all the
time - but the non-routine stuff, forget it, too confusing to put part A
into slot B and yada yada!). In fact, I *agree* with my husband that I
will never be as skilled as he is in this area, that his
mathematical/visual-spatial processing skills surpass mine, and I have no
problem with that (or with his saying so). What I have a problem with is
his basically saying that that's the case, but that I should work extra
hard to squish everything into the dishwasher to please his sense of
propriety or whatever, when I would rather go ahead and run an extra load
if I have to because the extra work of figuring out where to move
everything around is too much hassle!

*Is it possible to teach the guy some social skills -- or is
*he hopeless and should "just know" not to say stuff like that? :-)

Heh. He's really quite an innately sweet, gentle, kind man. Every once in
a while, his lack of interpersonal relationship experience gets the best
of him, is all. That, and another issue he has with word usage. The other
day he told me he would "never forgive" me if he had tripped over the
hanger I left on the floor and hurt himself (he didn't, btw - he just
noticed it there and was trying to point out that he COULD HAVE injured
himself). He didn't mean that. The word he was looking for was "blame." He
would have blamed me. Big difference.

Of course, I replied that he could just as well blame himself for not
noticing it, if he had tripped on it, but that since he didn't he could
please shut up and put it back in the closet and get in bed.

--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx