Any advice for potty training??

On Jan 2, 1:02*pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
mommak wrote:
On Dec 31 2007, 5:48 pm, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
mommak wrote:
I know what you mean. *Well Ariel just got her potty chair for
Christmas... and the first time I caught her pooping and grunting... I
got the potty and tried to see if she would sit on it. And that was a
NO. She would not sit on that potty at all while using the bathroom.
So I'm not gonig to force her... but I will remind her when I catch
her grunting... I will bring the potty to her and tell her... This is
where you go potty. I have let her see me sit on it... and I faked
grunting... she laughed. I don't think she is ready... but I will
continue to try..... but NOT push her.
* * * * If your mother reminded you to do something every
time the opportunity arose when you were not yet ready to
do it, would that not seem pushy to you even if you weren't
scolded for not doing it? *If you were too little to hang
your coat up on a high hook, and every time you came in the
door you mother told you to hang up your coat, would you not
start to get resentful at having your mother continually raise
the issue? *That's the path you're heading down, even if you
never once get testy or scold her or punish her. *By the 100th
time she hears you tell her where big girls poop and pee,
she may be so cranky over it you'll either delay potty training
or, worse yet, start a pattern of withholding or other undesirable
behaviors.

I don't remind her every time. I have the potty in the bathroom and
when I am sitting on the BIG potty .... I let her sit on hers if that
is what she wants to do. I don't force her to do anything.

* * * * My point is that force is not required to make this
situation go awry, despite your good intentions. *You can get
negative behaviors on her part without your ever uttering a cross
word to her. *She might be fine, or she might rebel. *The point
is that you're taking a gamble when you keep the issue in front
of her for what is likely to be a substantial amount of time.
I think you're seeing this through your adult eyes and your
personal bias, and not necessarily from the point of view of
a child.

I'm not
asking her for the impossible... not asking her for anything.

* * * * Sure you are. *You're frequently reminding her that
big girls use the potty. *Any child worth her salt is going
to pick up very quickly on the fact that you would like her
to use the potty. *The most important thing in a young child's
life is the approval of his or her parents. *You don't have to
be what *YOU* would consider pushy for her to feel pressure.
You have to look at this from *her* perspective, not an adult's
perspective.

I'm
trying to teach her something. Hanging up a coat on a high coat
hanger... that is something completely different. That is a chore...
potty is not.

* * * * To *YOU*, perhaps. *She may see it very differently.
While some kids just don't like diapers, for most using the
potty *is* a chore. *They may have fun with the novelty and
praise in the beginning, but many get quite resistant when
they get the picture that this is what they're going to be
expected to do day in and day out for the rest of their lives.
That's why it's very common to have an early period of relative
success followed by a period where the child is highly resistant.

Potty ing is something you learn.... being tooo short
for something... is different. I wouldn't ask her to hang her coat up
if she couldn't reach it. But she can reach her potty.

* * * * But it is the same in that she is not yet developmentally
ready for the basic building blocks of potty training, which include
recognizing the sensation that you need to go, having the ability
to hold it until you get to the bathroom, and having the ability
to go at will when you *do* get to the bathroom. *Yes, some people
do use elimination timing successfully, but that is not what you're
talking about when you describe what you're doing with your daughter.
Elimination timing is not about teaching the child. *It's about
teaching the parent to recognize the child's involuntary signals
(and then can grow over time into more of a two-way communication).
You're past that point with your daughter, and you've been talking
about *teaching* her how to use the potty--something that she is
almost certainly not developmentally ready for. *So, in fact, you
*are* planning to fairly consistently remind her to something she
likely cannot do anymore than she could hang her coat up on a hook
too high for her to reach.

And edventually
she will learn what I am doing on the potty and she'll want to be like
momma... and then she will start to try.

* * * * Maybe. *Or maybe she will be so fed up with it by that
time that she will dig in her heels and refuse. *This is the
gamble you're taking. *It pans out for some, and others get
bitten big time.

But for now... I let her do
want she wants. I always talk to her ... About everything... even if
she can't understand. I still talk to her cause I know one dya she
will understand. I not constantly waiting for her to potty... I just
take her with me when I go and let her watch.

* * * * I can see how *you* perceive it that way, but I think there's
a substantial risk that *she* will perceive it differently--if not
right now, then a little further down the line when she has more
understanding of what you're saying. *Even *I* don't believe that
you don't really care when she starts using the potty. *It seems
fairly clear to me that you *do* care that she potty train on what
most would consider to be the early side, even if you don't expect
it to happen today or tomorrow. *I don't believe for a minute that
you will be happy as a clam if it's two years from now and your
daughter still hasn't chosen to potty train. *Your daughter will be
much more in tune with your feelings on this--*regardless* of what
you say--and if she catches the slightest whiff that you have
anything invested in her potty training, that could easily cause her
to dig in her heels. *It might not. *There are some kids who are
much more compliant about these things. *Many kids, however, are
very sensitive to being pushed in this area and paybacks are not
much fun. *They don't have control over many things as toddlers,
but one thing they do control is when and where they poop and pee.
If they feel pushed (regardless of whether you think you're pushing
or not), many will assert their control over this issue and make
it very clear they they are in charge of this function.

Best wishes,
Ericka- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Trying to get her to poop in the potty. Not potty train all at once at
13 months old. I can only recongize when she is about to poop or when
she is pooping... so we are working on that right now. The pee ing
part... I can't tell when she is fixing to pee, so I can't eliminate
that. But I'm working on things I can. I don't spend hours a day
trying to get her to learn to use the potty. But I do let her know
what she is doing when she starts grunting. I tell her... You are
stinkying... here is your potty... this is where you poop. She knows
when she is done... to run to mom or dad. And that is what she does...
when she is done pooping... she will come to one of us cause she don't
like walking around with poop in her diaper. So that is why I've
introduced the potty and pooping in it.

In article ,
"Sue" wrote:

"enigma" wrote in message
in my case it means i think the child should realize that he
is part of a household & households require upkeep. therefore
everyone has to help with the upkeep.

LOL, that's not a montessori parent, that should be just be how a parent is.
I'm with Stephanie. I am not into labeling of my parenting skills. I am just
a parent doing the best I can and using my instincts as a guide and throwing
other ideas into the mix and mostly flying by the seat of my pants.

Indeed. I'm the same: I think a child who isn't helping in the house (in a
way appropriate for their age) is already crippled. And I prefer to think of
myself as a reflective parent. I pick up child-rearing ideas from everywhere,
consider them, apply them and evaluate them.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

In article
,
mommak wrote:

I can't tell when she is ABOUT to poop. She don't give any signs...
the first sign is when she grunts and by that time she has already
started to use the bathroom

Uhhhh, I doubt she is using the bathroom if she isn't potty-trained! You mean
she's doing a poo(p)/No 2/defecating. The use of euphemisms makes the process
more confusing than it ought to be. Pick a term to use and stick to it -- it
will be the term she uses to you later on. Make sure it's something
intelligible to other people (ie, not a private code); your babysitters and
friends will thank you. Also remember that this is something that will be
used in public. I remember smiling to myself as I overheard a woman asking
her little girl earnestly, "Did you do a BM?" But it's a lot better than a
little kid yelling, "Hey, Mummy, I just did a $#!%!"

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

On Jan 4, 2:20*pm, NL wrote:
schrieb:
snip

Naomi

Hi Naomi!
I remember you! From way back when I had Sam (7 years ago).
I'm just always happy to see familiar names :-) So I'm just waving to
say HI :-)

cu
nicole

Hi. I've been around here again for the past year or so. I don't
check so often anymore because there just isn't much going on, but I
read and post from time to time.

Naomi

On Jan 6, 10:09*pm, mommak wrote:

Trying to get her to poop in the potty. Not potty train all at once at
13 months old. I can only recongize when she is about to poop or when
she is pooping... so we are working on that right now. The pee ing
part... I can't tell when she is fixing to pee, so I can't eliminate
that. But I'm working on things I can. I don't spend hours a day
trying to get her to learn to use the potty. But I do let her know
what she is doing when she starts grunting. I tell her... You are
stinkying... here is your potty... this is where you poop. She knows
when she is done... to run to mom or dad. And that is what she does...
when she is done pooping... she will come to one of us cause she don't
like walking around with poop in her diaper. So that is why I've
introduced the potty and pooping in it.


Again. Why???? What are you hoping to gain by getting her to poop in
the potty? Since she already comes to you when she has a dirty diaper
to be changed, she ISN'T walking around in a dirty diaper. So she's
happy. What will be improved by 'getting her to poop in the potty?'
All you will end up doing is trying to pressure her into doing
something she is almost certainly NOT physically/developmentally ready
to do, which will result in frustration for both of you. At which
point she may decide to stop coming to you with the dirty diaper,
since she knows that you will just drag her to the potty and tell
her... for the 100th time.... that 'poop goes in the potty' ...
something she is not physically able to do for you.

Really, just forget about it. There is PLENTY of time for potty
training in a year or two years, a time when she is MUCH more likely
to be able to succeed.

Naomi

- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

mommak wrote:

[...]
A child has to be taught everything pretty
much. So the same thing with potty training for me... she has to be
taught. She was taught to walk she was taught to drink from a sippy
cup and or from a straw. They have to be taught how to put their
clothes and shoes on right. Those things are taught... but some you
just don't realize you are teaching.
[...]

Why would you teach a child to walk? Given enough chances to move
around on the floor within reach of sturdy furniture by which they can
pull themselves up, they'll learn themselves. Trying to teach them is a
waste of time and energy, not to mention being potentially frustrating
for both parent and child.

That's the trouble with thinking you have to teach children pretty much
everything. You end up trying to teach them stuff that you'd actually
be better just letting them learn.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

On Jan 4, 1:15*pm, wrote:
On Jan 2, 12:09*pm, mommak wrote:





On Jan 1, 3:29*pm, wrote:

You asked for advice about potty training a 1 year old. I'm mom of
three. I guess the whole issue boils down to what you define as potty
trained. I know there are moms who claim to have potty trained infants
and young toddlers the same age as your child, but when you hear the
details of what is actually going on, it is MOM that is trained. It's
mom who has learned to recognize the signs and signals, the physical
patterns or rhythms involved, so that she knows to take the child to
the bathroom. If she's really lucky, the kid may be able to tell her
in some fashion that they need to go.

However, MY definition of being toilet trained is that the KID
realizes they need to go, stops what they are doing, goes into the
bathroom without prompting, takes down their own pants, sits on the
potty or toilet, and does their business, all with limited adult help,
urging, nagging, prompting (help with wiping is okay and expected in
preschool kids, particularly for bowel movements).

Given my definition of a trained child, I would personally say that
trying to train a 1 year old is a waste of time. Most kids train by my
definition somewhere in the 2 1/2- 3 1/2 range.

If you have to watch the kid like a hawk, take them to the bathroom,
take down the pants, sit with them the whole time etc. it seems to me
like a huge time waster for everyone involved.

Mary G.

I understand what yall are saying as well. But I'm *not hawking her
and I don't do it every time I catch he pottying. I have taken the
potty into our bathroom and I let her sit on it when she wants. I see
the difference in mom and child being potty trained.... I'm trying to
potty train me first... then her. *I know it will be a while before
she can pull her own pants down and back up by herself.... but at
least I can start helping her and showing her. Helping her is better
than nothing to me. I have no intention of having her potty trained by
a certain age... I'm just going to go with her flow. I will show her
things and talk to her about them... even if she still doesn't
understand all the way. A child has to be taught everything pretty
much. So the same thing with potty training for me... she has to be
taught. She was taught to walk *she was taught to drink from a sippy
cup and or from a straw. They have to be taught how to put their
clothes and shoes on right. Those things are taught... but some you
just don't realize you are teaching. Like putting their clothes on. My
1 yr old will put her hands through arm holes and she lifts her legs
to take off and put on her pants. These are things she is already
learning.... Just by being dressed every day. She starts to notice
things. She tries to put her shoes on... but she ain't quite there.
She TRIES though,.... and I think that is better than nothing. She
watches us use the bathroom... so she is learning whether she knows it
or not.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

[Coming into the discussion somewhat late].
But WHY? *What do you hope to gain by 'helping *her and showing her'
at this stage. There's an old joke that if you start potty training at
12 months you'll be done in a year and a half. *If you start potty
training at 2 1/2 you'll be done in a week. This really isn't
something you have to labor at for months and years in order to
succceed. *When kids are ready to train they usually train pretty
quickly (a few days to a few weeks). When they are NOT ready to train,
you will be at it for months or years ... and the end result WILL be,
at best, the same, and at worst even worse, since the child will be
frustrated and resisistant, and you'll end *up in a power struggle.

Now, I'm not saying you should never mention the potty, or must wait
until she demands to be out of diapers. *But don't make a big deal
about it. *If she follows you *into the bathroom, an OCCASSIONAL
mention that 'big girls and mommies pee on the potty and when YOU are
a big girl you won't pee in your diapers' is fine. But buying her a
potty for her Christmas at 13 months? *Why buy her a gift she won't be
able to use for, probably, at LEAST a year, and possibly 2 years or
more?

You don't have to 'teach' kids to control their bodily functions any
more than you teach them to walk or talk. (How exactly did you teach
your child to walk? *Didn't she make the usual progression from
sitting to pulling up to standing to walking on her own?) *When they
reach the point of developmental readiness, and are interested, they
do it on their own. *Then you give them a little extra help and
encouragement, and provide them with an appropriate receptable (potty,
toilet seat adapter), and they are trained. *With minimal effort from
you.

Now... if you really want to spend the next 18 months working on this,
and Ariel is good with it ... more power to you. *But I prefered to
spend my time with my toddler in more enjoyable pursuits -- reading a
story, playing games. But if Ariel DOES get frustrated or resistant,
please put the potty away and forget about it until she is more likely
to be ready -- which, as noted, will probably be around 2 1/2-3 1/2.

Naomi- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Just for everyones information.... Ariel will be 14 months on Feb.
1st... and since I've introduced the potty and let her watch me... she
has gotten on the potty her self... without any help... and started
pooping and grunting. She still had her clothes on, but she does have
the idea. So... so far I see no problem in what I'm doing. I'm not
forcing her to do any thing. It was her that got on the potty all by
her self and started pooping. She is LEARNING. She learns by watching
and me talking to her occasionnally. I don't talk about the potty all
day long. So I see how she learns. At least she knows where to go when
she needs to poop. She don't go to the potty EVERY TIME she poops, but
I've caught her going to it and then pooping about 3 times now since
she has had her potty. So I see no harm right now.

On Jan 7, 4:03*pm, Sarah Vaughan wrote:
mommak wrote:

[...] A child has to be taught everything pretty
much. So the same thing with potty training for me... she has to be
taught. She was taught to walk *she was taught to drink from a sippy
cup and or from a straw. They have to be taught how to put their
clothes and shoes on right. Those things are taught... but some you
just don't realize you are teaching.

[...]

Why would you teach a child to walk? *Given enough chances to move
around on the floor within reach of sturdy furniture by which they can
pull themselves up, they'll learn themselves. *Trying to teach them is a
waste of time and energy, not to mention being potentially frustrating
for both parent and child.

That's the trouble with thinking you have to teach children pretty much
everything. *You end up trying to teach them stuff that you'd actually
be better just letting them learn.

All the best,

Sarah
--http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

They are being taught without knowing it. Babies watch and learn. Same
thing as teaching and learning. Babies watch and they want to be like
momma and daddy, so they start to try to crawl and walk.... and Ariel
is learning how to use the potty by watching me. When I go, I'll say
'come on ariel... mommas got to potty... do you??' normally she
follows even if she don't sit on the potty when we get back there...
but at least she realizes every time I say potty I go and sit down on
the toilet. And that will soon teach her the same thing - just by her
watching me and listening to me. Like I said to some one else. She has
already gotten on the potty all by her self and started grunting and
pooping. She had her clothes on, but at least she is learning.... she
knows where to go, even though she can't take her clothes off.

On Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:25:01 -0800 (PST), mommak
wrote:

Just for everyones information.... Ariel will be 14 months on Feb.
1st... and since I've introduced the potty and let her watch me... she
has gotten on the potty her self... without any help... and started
pooping and grunting. She still had her clothes on, but she does have
the idea. So... so far I see no problem in what I'm doing. I'm not
forcing her to do any thing. It was her that got on the potty all by
her self and started pooping. She is LEARNING. She learns by watching
and me talking to her occasionnally. I don't talk about the potty all
day long. So I see how she learns. At least she knows where to go when
she needs to poop. She don't go to the potty EVERY TIME she poops, but
I've caught her going to it and then pooping about 3 times now since
she has had her potty. So I see no harm right now.

It seems to me that what you are doing is fine. Note that while she
may learn early, she also may not. It's up to her and when she has
the control, she will naturally take to the potty.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Jan 14, 8:36*pm, toto wrote:
On Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:25:01 -0800 (PST), mommak

wrote:
Just for everyones information.... Ariel will be 14 months on Feb.
1st... and since I've introduced the potty and let her watch me... she
has gotten on the potty her self... without any help... and started
pooping and grunting. She still had her clothes on, but she does have
the idea. So... so far I see no problem in what I'm doing. I'm not
forcing her to do any thing. It was her that got on the potty all by
her self and started pooping. She is LEARNING. She learns by watching
and me talking to her occasionnally. I don't talk about the potty all
day long. So I see how she learns. At least she knows where to go when
she needs to poop. She don't go to the potty EVERY TIME she poops, but
I've caught her going to it and then pooping about 3 times now since
she has had her potty. So I see no harm right now.

It seems to me that what you are doing is fine. *Note that while she
may learn early, she also may not. *It's up to her and when she has
the control, she will naturally take to the potty.

--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Every one is automatically thinking I'm forcing the potty on her and
that she isn't ready to learn... but I'm not doing that. And like I
said, she is already making some progress. Not much... but better
than nothing. I am fully aware that she may not be completely trained
till maybe 2 or 2.5 years... but I've seen others potty train earlier
than that, and she may just be one of them. Any ways... I'm not
forcing nothing on her... she has done that all on her own. I don't
spend every minute of the day talking about the potty or trying to get
her to potty. But I think we're doing a great good with this so far.
Thanks